Spinoff of the Special Snowflake Thread - Your Biggest Parenting Regret (Babies)

[JennaDeeDooDah]

UHHHH.....

Is that a joke?

Have you read this thread?

Wow, you people are nuts.

Yeah, who in their right mind would ever make accusations of a man who sleeps with his child, bathes his child, etc. Duh.

So, to review: You can see how someone would think a husband was odd for bathing his daughter when she was a baby, but not think a husband begging his son to sleep in bed with him (not to mention physically moving him there) is odd?

 

[phorsenuf]

So, to review: You can see how someone would think a husband was odd for bathing his daughter when she was a baby, but not think a husband begging his son to sleep in bed with him (not to mention physically moving him there) is odd?

And don't forget he wants to hold him. Um, really? Why can't he be holding his wife in bed?

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I didn't say he thought it was inappropriate. Why does everyone keep making up words?

I said he shied away from doing those things. That doesn't mean he didn't do them, but he'd be more comfortable letting our 2 year old son into the shower with him than he would our daughter. Edit: Oh god. Let me be clear. He didn't take any showers with our daughter. Ever. Jesus.

Any idiot knows that men can abuse/molest boys, but if you want to pretend like people aren't automatically more suspicious when it comes to the opposite sex then you are doing just that - pretending. If your daughter had a friend who wanted her to sleep over and it was going to be the friend, your daughter, and the friend's mother then you probably would think, "cool, sounds like a fun girl's night."

Keep everything in that scenario the same except instead of the friend's parent being a mother, let's make the parent a single dad. Still think it sounds fun? You're lying if you say you wouldn't have reservations about letting your child stay all night with a man even if you'd be okay letting her stay with a woman.

This is universally true and part of the reason there are so few male daycare providers. I worked with a male provider and he took heat CONSTANTLY.

Anyway, this is like talking to a wall. Really bored, weird walls. If you would pay attention to things that were actually said such as "practically begs" which is a figure of speech and "perfectly fine sleeping on his own" which got turned into "repeatedly says he doesn't want to sleep in the bed."

He's six. He can walk. He goes and gets into OUR bed (which I am present in) on his own. Does his dad prefer it? Yes. Is he forced to do it? No. Obviously, if he were being forced against his will to co-sleep then there would never be a night where my husband would have to bring him into our bed after he falls asleep because he wouldn't be allowed to get into his bed in the first place. These accusations are so wild that they are contradicting themselves. He's a six year old boy. He falls asleep on the couch, in the floor, you name it. I never said after a long, heated BATTLE that he wins and gets to sleep in his BED and then is taken out of his bed and taken to ours against his wishes. I said he brings him to our bed after he falls asleep...as in....puts him in our bed instead of his own bed.

Whatever. That was too ridiculous not to respond to.

ok

 

[msjprincess]

I didn't say he thought it was inappropriate. Why does everyone keep making up words?

I said he shied away from doing those things. That doesn't mean he didn't do them, but he'd be more comfortable letting our 2 year old son into the shower with him than he would our daughter. Edit: Oh god. Let me be clear. He didn't take any showers with our daughter. Ever. Jesus.

Any idiot knows that men can abuse/molest boys, but if you want to pretend like people aren't automatically more suspicious when it comes to the opposite sex then you are doing just that - pretending. If your daughter had a friend who wanted her to sleep over and it was going to be the friend, your daughter, and the friend's mother then you probably would think, "cool, sounds like a fun girl's night."

Keep everything in that scenario the same except instead of the friend's parent being a mother, let's make the parent a single dad. Still think it sounds fun? You're lying if you say you wouldn't have reservations about letting your child stay all night with a man even if you'd be okay letting her stay with a woman.

This is universally true and part of the reason there are so few male daycare providers. I worked with a male provider and he took heat CONSTANTLY.

Anyway, this is like talking to a wall. Really bored, weird walls. If you would pay attention to things that were actually said such as "practically begs" which is a figure of speech and "perfectly fine sleeping on his own" which got turned into "repeatedly says he doesn't want to sleep in the bed."

He's six. He can walk. He goes and gets into OUR bed (which I am present in) on his own. Does his dad prefer it? Yes. Is he forced to do it? No. Obviously, if he were being forced against his will to co-sleep then there would never be a night where my husband would have to bring him into our bed after he falls asleep because he wouldn't be allowed to get into his bed in the first place. These accusations are so wild that they are contradicting themselves. He's a six year old boy. He falls asleep on the couch, in the floor, you name it. I never said after a long, heated BATTLE that he wins and gets to sleep in his BED and then is taken out of his bed and taken to ours against his wishes. I said he brings him to our bed after he falls asleep...as in....puts him in our bed instead of his own bed.

Whatever. That was too ridiculous not to respond to.

That's weird

 

[phorsenuf]

I think it's way more creepy and weird when men go to work all day, never see their kids, and everyone thinks it's "normal" because mom's there.

Are you mental?

I know many people on this forum have expressed that they have separate bedrooms and don't even sleep with their spouse. So, maybe I should clarify that it's ME, our SIX year old son (not 13 year old), and my husband sleeping in the SAME queen sized bed.

Danger? Get real. I have a degree in early childhood development and a bachelor's in nursing. If I can sleep in a queen sized bed with my son in the middle and not know there's "danger" then I would need to be shot.

Of course, I'm being judged by people who don't sleep in the same beds or even rooms as their spouses, don't let their children cry, and think that men serving as banks while they play parent is "normal."

I'll pass on Dr. Laura. I'll just wait for the DIS'ers to find their new target which is probably happening already or will be in about....3....2....1...

Wow, a shimmer of logic.

He thinks it's too cold in his room for one thing. It is cold in his room, but I'm sure that's not the only reason. It's probably a mixture of wanting to hold him because he doesn't see him all day when he's working. Some men miss their kids. There might be a little "fear of something happening" to him too. I'm only making assumptions.

I know for sure that I'm not an itty bitty thing and with 3 people in a queen sized bed + a dog...you'd have to be paralyzed not to feel someone pull the blanket, much less miss someone being abused. Once again, if he were older than I might lean towards creepy, but at 6...I don't see it as creepy at all. "Co-sleeping" which is exactly what it is actually is very common. It's also very controversial and people get heated over it. I didn't realize what I thought was a simple comment amongst other comments was going to start a battle. I'm seeing a trend though.

My daughter's room is warm. My son's room is colder than any room in the house. I don't know why. It just is. Does he complain about the temperature? No. He wouldn't complain if we let him wear shorts when it's snowing either. He refuses to cover up with blankets. If you cover him when he's asleep, he kicks the blankets off immediately. I personally think if he was cold enough then he'd cover up. My husband worries about him being cold though. Either way, I don't see it as a big deal really. Plus, I think it's a factor in why he doesn't want him to sleep in his room, but not the only factor. He misses him.

My daughter did sleep in the bed with us for a long time. She was trained to sleep in her own bed as an infant, started sleeping with us when she was a baby/toddler, and went back to her own room around 5 years old because I got tired of being kicked. She'll sleep with us every blue moon (if I tell her to crawl in bed so we can talk/cuddle and we just fall asleep) but she's older/bigger, is fine sleeping on her own, and our queen bed is just too crowded for my liking with 4 people and a dog. The bed was a lot bigger when they were 2 and 4. I'm probably about to kick my son out too because he kicks more/harder as he gets bigger. He can sleep on the couch for all I care.

OR..my husband could go sleep in our son's room and my son could stay in the bed with me. There would be enough room that way, and nobody thinks there's anything weird about mothers sleeping with their children or even spouses having separate bedrooms. Go figure.

"repeatedly" said he does not want to?

Before you know it, this will morph into a story about a child who kicks and screams every night as he is forced to sleep somewhere he doesn't want to.

I said he is "perfectly fine sleeping in his own bed" which is way different than "repeatedly" saying you don't want to do something. I'm perfectly fine sitting at home watching TV, but that doesn't mean I'm FORCED to go out to eat and watch a movie. Wow.

Some people have waaaay too much time on their hands. No wonder some of you can't fathom using bedtime as bonding time.

On the other hand, we both have jobs and a life outside of looking on the DIS for posts where we can bash every parenting choice we can come across. What is the deal with that on this forum? It's everywhere.

Anyway. Done. Y'all have a blast. (Blast isn't literal. Don't put on your space suit).

UHHHH.....

Is that a joke?

Have you read this thread?

Wow, you people are nuts.

Yeah, who in their right mind would ever make accusations of a man who sleeps with his child, bathes his child, etc. Duh.

I thought you were being a little crazy with your obsessive post by post analyzation, but this statement right here confirms that.

Cuh-razy.

I didn't say he thought it was inappropriate. Why does everyone keep making up words?

I said he shied away from doing those things. That doesn't mean he didn't do them, but he'd be more comfortable letting our 2 year old son into the shower with him than he would our daughter. Edit: Oh god. Let me be clear. He didn't take any showers with our daughter. Ever. Jesus.

Any idiot knows that men can abuse/molest boys, but if you want to pretend like people aren't automatically more suspicious when it comes to the opposite sex then you are doing just that - pretending. If your daughter had a friend who wanted her to sleep over and it was going to be the friend, your daughter, and the friend's mother then you probably would think, "cool, sounds like a fun girl's night."

Keep everything in that scenario the same except instead of the friend's parent being a mother, let's make the parent a single dad. Still think it sounds fun? You're lying if you say you wouldn't have reservations about letting your child stay all night with a man even if you'd be okay letting her stay with a woman.

This is universally true and part of the reason there are so few male daycare providers. I worked with a male provider and he took heat CONSTANTLY.

Anyway, this is like talking to a wall. Really bored, weird walls. If you would pay attention to things that were actually said such as "practically begs" which is a figure of speech and "perfectly fine sleeping on his own" which got turned into "repeatedly says he doesn't want to sleep in the bed."

He's six. He can walk. He goes and gets into OUR bed (which I am present in) on his own. Does his dad prefer it? Yes. Is he forced to do it? No. Obviously, if he were being forced against his will to co-sleep then there would never be a night where my husband would have to bring him into our bed after he falls asleep because he wouldn't be allowed to get into his bed in the first place. These accusations are so wild that they are contradicting themselves. He's a six year old boy. He falls asleep on the couch, in the floor, you name it. I never said after a long, heated BATTLE that he wins and gets to sleep in his BED and then is taken out of his bed and taken to ours against his wishes. I said he brings him to our bed after he falls asleep...as in....puts him in our bed instead of his own bed.

Whatever. That was too ridiculous not to respond to.

Yikes! Sorry OP, but I really think you have your head in the sand. And as far as letting my daughter sleep at a single dads house, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. I don't have a daughter mind you, just 4 boys, who I guess better not ever have daughters and become a single dad or their kids are doomed.

 

[crashbb]

Yikes! Sorry OP, but I really think you have your head in the sand. And as far as letting my daughter sleep at a single dads house, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. I don't have a daughter mind you, just 4 boys, who I guess better not ever have daughters and become a single dad or their kids are doomed.

My dad turned into a single parent when my mum died - I was still able to have friends over (and they even spent the night!) without a peep from any of their parents about my dad being the only adult in the house.

 

[jennyjinx3]

Are you mental?
Of course, I'm being judged by people who don't sleep in the same beds or even rooms as their spouses, don't let their children cry, and think that men serving as banks while they play parent is "normal."

What the heck does this mean???

 

[phorsenuf]

My dad turned into a single parent when my mum died - I was still able to have friends over (and they even spent the night!) without a peep from any of their parents about my dad being the only adult in the house.

I lost my mom when I was 10. I still had friends over to sleep, as did my other 2 sisters. I really don't get that mentality at all!

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

I didn't say he thought it was inappropriate. Why does everyone keep making up words?

I said he shied away from doing those things. That doesn't mean he didn't do them, but he'd be more comfortable letting our 2 year old son into the shower with him than he would our daughter. Edit: Oh god. Let me be clear. He didn't take any showers with our daughter. Ever. Jesus.

Any idiot knows that men can abuse/molest boys, but if you want to pretend like people aren't automatically more suspicious when it comes to the opposite sex then you are doing just that - pretending. If your daughter had a friend who wanted her to sleep over and it was going to be the friend, your daughter, and the friend's mother then you probably would think, "cool, sounds like a fun girl's night."

Keep everything in that scenario the same except instead of the friend's parent being a mother, let's make the parent a single dad. Still think it sounds fun? You're lying if you say you wouldn't have reservations about letting your child stay all night with a man even if you'd be okay letting her stay with a woman.

This is universally true and part of the reason there are so few male daycare providers. I worked with a male provider and he took heat CONSTANTLY.

Anyway, this is like talking to a wall. Really bored, weird walls. If you would pay attention to things that were actually said such as "practically begs" which is a figure of speech and "perfectly fine sleeping on his own" which got turned into "repeatedly says he doesn't want to sleep in the bed."

He's six. He can walk. He goes and gets into OUR bed (which I am present in) on his own. Does his dad prefer it? Yes. Is he forced to do it? No. Obviously, if he were being forced against his will to co-sleep then there would never be a night where my husband would have to bring him into our bed after he falls asleep because he wouldn't be allowed to get into his bed in the first place. These accusations are so wild that they are contradicting themselves. He's a six year old boy. He falls asleep on the couch, in the floor, you name it. I never said after a long, heated BATTLE that he wins and gets to sleep in his BED and then is taken out of his bed and taken to ours against his wishes. I said he brings him to our bed after he falls asleep...as in....puts him in our bed instead of his own bed.

Whatever. That was too ridiculous not to respond to.

You won't admit that the way you originally posted the situation was written in a way the raised red flags. Instead of saying you messed up, you attacked everyone who is concerned with the welfare of a child. You don't have to justify your lifestyle, but if you don't want it judged, then either choose your wording more carefully or don't post it on the Internet for the world to see.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

My dad turned into a single parent when my mum died - I was still able to have friends over (and they even spent the night!) without a peep from any of their parents about my dad being the only adult in the house.

Yeah...My dad was a single parent for a long time I still had friends over and *GASP! EVEN GO ON VACATION WITH US!!!

Also...While my DH was deployed, the twins' sitter was a man! His DW was in my DH's unit so she was deployed too. What I was THINKING????

 

[luvsJack]

Folks, back off. You don't "know" that something is going on. No matter what the pp says you are going to twist and turn it because you are already positive that something weird is going on.

DS has two small daughters. He is now separated from his wife. He works away from home and stays with me on the weekends so that he can easily see his daughters.

He bathes them, he changes them, and at least one of them will sleep with him. Only one though. (so go ahead and jump on it) But, wait. . . maybe your first thought is wrong. And. . . IT IS!!!

He sleeps with one because the other one has a crib but we have not yet bought a toddler bed (her mom took her bed with her but left the crib) Sometimes the older one will ask to sleep with me instead and she does if dh is not home. If dh is home, ds will talk her into sleeping with him instead (OH NO!! ).

Not one thing is going on and I know that as well as I know my name. Its just the situation.

And it is very possible that even though none of you want to see it, the pp knows her situation just as well as I know ours and that she knows nothing is going on.

There are a lot of men that tend to shy away from doing the same things with their dd's as they do with their sons because of the mindset of so many people (just read this thread!). Doesn't mean they are more likely to be molesting their child, just means they are placing too much importance on what others think.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

You won't admit that the way you originally posted the situation was written in a way the raised red flags. Instead of saying you messed up, you attacked everyone who is concerned with the welfare of a child. You don't have to justify your lifestyle, but if you don't want it judged, then either choose your wording more carefully or don't post it on the Internet for the world to see.

THANK YOU!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I honestly NEVER thought to question if moms or dads would be home for sleepovers on a regular basis (my DD did have one friend whose father had serious anger issues and once we learned this she was NEVER in that home when he was, but that was a case of one individual with specific issues). As it happens, none of her friends have been raised by single dads, but I just asked if she thinks she ever slept over somewhere when the mom wasn't home.

She does recall that her best friend in NH's mom was gone a few times when she stayed there---she remembers because her friend's dad was happy that they wanted to cook dinner and he was off the hook

And I KNOW DS was at his best friend's house, while the mom was in another state visiting her dad in the hospital, and the dad had all the kids. I recall because his best friends' grandfather died that night.

GENDER HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ODDNESS OF THIS SITUATION. THE AGES OF THE PEOPLE SEEKING COMFORT AND WHOM THEY ARE SEEKING IT FROM IS WHAT SEEMS OFF.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Folks, back off. You don't "know" that something is going on. No matter what the pp says you are going to twist and turn it because you are already positive that something weird is going on.

DS has two small daughters. He is now separated from his wife. He works away from home and stays with me on the weekends so that he can easily see his daughters.

He bathes them, he changes them, and at least one of them will sleep with him. Only one though. (so go ahead and jump on it) But, wait. . . maybe your first thought is wrong. And. . . IT IS!!!

He sleeps with one because the other one has a crib but we have not yet bought a toddler bed (her mom took her bed with her but left the crib) Sometimes the older one will ask to sleep with me instead and she does if dh is not home. If dh is home, ds will talk her into sleeping with him instead (OH NO!! ).

Not one thing is going on and I know that as well as I know my name. Its just the situation.

And it is very possible that even though none of you want to see it, the pp knows her situation just as well as I know ours and that she knows nothing is going on.

There are a lot of men that tend to shy away from doing the same things with their dd's as they do with their sons because of the mindset of so many people (just read this thread!). Doesn't mean they are more likely to be molesting their child, just means they are placing too much importance on what others think.

I can see your point and agree with this.

That's not the main problem I, personally(can't speak for everyone here), have with what was said.

 

[Christine]

Well, this thread certainly went downhill.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Yeah...My dad was a single parent for a long time I still had friends over and *GASP! EVEN GO ON VACATION WITH US!!!

Also...While my DH was deployed, the twins' sitter was a man! His DW was in my DH's unit so she was deployed too. What I was THINKING????

I didn't even think about babysitters

For a long time when my kids were young their favourite babysitter was a young man named David. It never occurred to me to think anything about his gender either.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I have yet to see anyone say that because the 6-year-old is sleeping in the same bed with his parents, that something is wrong. People are saying different things.

1. It is weird that the son has expressed a desire to be in his own bed and the dad doesn't let it be. Instead, as the mother has said, the dad "practically begs" the son to stay in his bed. The dad carries the son to their bed after he is asleep. To many, co-sleeping is not the problem. The problem is the son saying he wants to sleep in his own bed and the dad arguing with him to get to to sleep in his parents' bed.

2. It is inappropriate that the dad showers this much affection and attention on his son stating how much he misses his son as his reason, but doesn't act this way with his daughter. The daughter has to see what is going on. Is she bothered that daddy misses Junior so much that he has to have Junior in his bed so much that he will argue with the son or work to convince him to sleep in his bed? Does she feel like she is the second favorite of the family (and by all accounts, it looks like she is)? Does she care? Either answer would raise more questions.



Few people think that anything dirty is going on. They just want to know why the dad is acting the way he is. As a PP pointed out, part of child development is creating boundaries. The son appears to do this when he says he will be sleeping in his bed. The father undermines this when he argues with the son and convinces him to sleep in his bed, instead.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Yeah...My dad was a single parent for a long time I still had friends over and *GASP! EVEN GO ON VACATION WITH US!!!

Also...While my DH was deployed, the twins' sitter was a man! His DW was in my DH's unit so she was deployed too. What I was THINKING????

SAKES ALIVE! Vacation? With a.... a man?

Seriously, I can't imagine taking issue with my daughter playing at a house where there was only a father. Naturally, I'd want to meet the father, but I want to meet the mother before I send my daughter off to someone's house to play.

 

[Janepod]

Quote:
Originally Posted by DisneyATlast
Are you mental?
Of course, I'm being judged by people who don't sleep in the same beds or even rooms as their spouses, don't let their children cry, and think that men serving as banks while they play parent is "normal."
What the heck does this mean???

What the heck does this mean???

It means something like this:
http://www.disboards.com/showpost.php?p=47230376&postcount=382

"I like when people have such strong opinions about people not paying "their own way," but when talking numbers, they only mention "DH's check." Ironic."

 

[phorsenuf]

Sorry Luv's Jack. I have to disagree. A man who begs his young child to sleep in his bed, even when the child doesn't want to, because the father wants to "hold" him, is going to raise red flags to me. He wants to spend time with him, as the OP states, then how about reading him a story, or playing a game with him before bed.