Spinoff of the Special Snowflake Thread - Your Biggest Parenting Regret (Babies)

[NHdisneylover]

You're comparing a "child" who is old enough to cook dinner to a young child. Comparing apples to oranges is a common trend here.

It doesn't matter what is said or what isn't said because people here are looking for something to debate. I suggest taking a class.

She was probably 8. She has been able to cook a simple dinner since 5 years old. And, again, she might well have stayed at other houses with just the dad there but it did not register to her--since neither of us thought to notice.

 

[luvsJack]

Sorry Luv's Jack. I have to disagree. A man who begs his young child to sleep in his bed, even when the child doesn't want to, because the father wants to "hold" him, is going to raise red flags to me. He wants to spend time with him, as the OP states, then how about reading him a story, or playing a game with him before bed.

What I am saying is that what can cause a red flag to go to some reading a few sentence explanation of what goes on in her house, may be nothing at all.

If I had posted the situation with ds and his daughters without enough explanation, I would bet that at least one poster would have had red flags popping up all over; but with the right amount of description, it is seen differently.

When she says "begs" it may not be the same thing as when you (or I) think "begs". Her description and our understanding may be very different than what is really happening.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Can we do a spinoff of a spinoff and get this back to its original intent?

 

[Janepod]

Can we do a spinoff of a spinoff and get this back to its original intent?

A spinoff of a spinoff! Like Models Inc.!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Sad that this thread went so off track.

DisneyATlast, I think you do have to be careful about what you write. There are so many people here from so many different walks of life. Not everyone sees things the same way.

I'll admit that what you originally wrote slightly raised my eyebrow as well. But I think that's pretty normal given the things we read about every day on the news (and some of us apparently work with or have lived in real life). OTOH, you know your family best.

I think the thing I'm sure most of us can agree on, is that we as parents have to keep both eyes open when it comes to the health and well-being of our children. That's all, and I think that's what people were trying to say. We all know stories (and maybe some of us have lived it) of parents that didn't do that, and innocent kids were harmed because of it.

Now you are just fanning the flames. Let it go. Walk away or get back to the original subject matter. Maybe then others can drop it, too. I have no doubt, despite your defensiveness, that you'll be thinking long and hard about this.

 

[crashbb]

Wow, you sure do know a lot about how this board works considering you just join last month.

Really? I was wondering what board she was reading, because none of those things seemed to be thought as common or standard. Heck, there was a whole thread about it being weird that some spouses slept in separate beds (not sure of the exact split, but at least 50% of people thought it odd).

Never read threads that included about 60% of the stuff the PP was posting.

 

[tigercat]

Wow what happened???? What was the original post about? It really got lost. Can we get it back on track?
tigercat

 

[lizabu]

Really? I was wondering what board she was reading, because none of those things seemed to be thought as common or standard. Heck, there was a whole thread about it being weird that some spouses slept in separate beds (not sure of the exact split, but at least 50% of people thought it odd).

Never read threads that included about 60% of the stuff the PP was posting.

I think it was sarcasm.

I was enjoying this thread until it took such a bizarre turn. I think if things were said that sounded a lot worse than they actually may be to people who don't know the poster it's better to just drop it. Returning to this thread over and over to defend or explain previous post just keeps the whole thing going and it's been beaten to death by now.

 

[Baliezer]

I'll start. With my younger two, I don't think that I am strict enough. Especially with my youngest. (Remember in my previous post I stated I was too strict with my older two) I think I just don't know where to draw the line? I want everyone to be happy and have a lot of confidence, yet at the same time be respectful and curtious to others.

 

[jrmasm]

Wow what happened???? What was the original post about? It really got lost. Can we get it back on track?
tigercat

I think it was sarcasm.

I was enjoying this thread until it took such a bizarre turn. I think if things were said that sounded a lot worse than they actually may be to people who don't know the poster it's better to just drop it. Returning to this thread over and over to defend or explain previous post just keeps the whole thing going and it's been beaten to death by now.

I found it weird that the poster repeatedly stated what people on the Dis are like when her join date is Jan 2013. I wasn't at all agreeing with her characterizations.

 

[wvjules]

I think maybe someone has fallen off their rocker, and I'm not taking about Betty White.

 

[crashbb]

I'll start. With my younger two, I don't think that I am strict enough. Especially with my youngest. (Remember in my previous post I stated I was too strict with my older two) I think I just don't know where to draw the line? I want everyone to be happy and have a lot of confidence, yet at the same time be respectful and curtious to others.

Isn't that what we all want? The trouble is figuring out how to do get there (and, I think, it can be different for each child).

 

[lizabu]

Wow what happened???? What was the original post about? It really got lost. Can we get it back on track?
tigercat

We're discussing mistakes made as first time parents. Regrets about how we may have handled things. I know personally I read a lot of parenting magazines before my oldest son was born. I stressed about SIDs, organic baby food, breast feeding and cloth vs disposable diapers.

I don't regret too many of those things. I was just trying to do the best for my baby. I realized after not too long that using disposable diapers wasn't going to damage my child for example.

I love when mothers can share these kinds of feelings as everyone worries and wants to be the best parent they can be. It's nice to see woman supporting each other. Too often people choose to tear each other down and criticize one another (in general, I'm not referencing any previous posts.)

 

[Scurvy]

I wish I hadn't listened to all the endless hype about breastfeeding.

One of the happiest days of my life is the day I stopped. My son was happier, too.

Me too! I really regret the time I spent stressing about breast feeding exclusively. The day we decided to start supplementing with formula - and then when we switched over entirely - we were all much happier.

I bought a lot of things I never used like change table, a rocking chair and lots of toys. Babies don't really get as fascinated by toys in real life as they do in the commercials.

And this too. We bought way too many toys and clothes over the years. Some of them never really got used. If I had it to do over again I would have taken a much more minimal approach.

Also, I would have made sure my child studied more when he was in elementary school, even if it meant coming up with supplemental assignments for him. For most of elementary and middle school, things came easy to him and he didn't really have to study. He went through a rough patch in high school before he finally learned he couldn't skate through all his classes without studying. Even now he tends to procrastinate and not study as much as he should, and then he gets frustrated when his grades aren't what he thought they would be.

And as for the weird tangent this thread took, I agree with this:

I agree. Gender has NOTHING to do with this as far as I am concerned. A child, of either gender, wanting to sleep with one or both parents (of either gender) and being allowed to would not raise any red flags for me . A child (of either gender) who is heading to his or her own bed happily, being asked/convinced to instead go to a parent's bed (by a parent of either gender) and being carried there after falling asleep if they DO go to their own bed, so that the parent (of either gender) can enjoy "cuddling" them through the night--even though the child has expressed no desire to do so. THAT is the issue.

As I said before, it is like your son is a comfort item for your husband. Your son should not be that--it is a burden (at a minimum) for a child to be "needed" so strongly by a parent--this is the reverse of how things should be, and wholly unfair to the child.

I would find the situation very troublesome if it was my family. Actually it's so far from normal that I would be quite alarmed. I would wonder why my husband was having to find comfort this way. It would bother me that he wasn't finding comfort with me instead of with the child. I would probably be dragging him to some sort of family counseling to get to the bottom of what was going on. As other posters mentioned, the situation could lead to the child not having healthy boundaries as he gets older and it is really very unfair to the child for him to be put in this position.

 

[cabanafrau]

Folks, back off. You don't "know" that something is going on. No matter what the pp says you are going to twist and turn it because you are already positive that something weird is going on.

DS has two small daughters. He is now separated from his wife. He works away from home and stays with me on the weekends so that he can easily see his daughters.

He bathes them, he changes them, and at least one of them will sleep with him. Only one though. (so go ahead and jump on it) But, wait. . . maybe your first thought is wrong. And. . . IT IS!!!

He sleeps with one because the other one has a crib but we have not yet bought a toddler bed (her mom took her bed with her but left the crib) Sometimes the older one will ask to sleep with me instead and she does if dh is not home. If dh is home, ds will talk her into sleeping with him instead (OH NO!! ).

Not one thing is going on and I know that as well as I know my name. Its just the situation.

And it is very possible that even though none of you want to see it, the pp knows her situation just as well as I know ours and that she knows nothing is going on.

There are a lot of men that tend to shy away from doing the same things with their dd's as they do with their sons because of the mindset of so many people (just read this thread!). Doesn't mean they are more likely to be molesting their child, just means they are placing too much importance on what others think.

You talk about problems with mindset? Sexual abuse of children has no respect of gender lines. The cold hard facts are that women are most likely to get away with it because most people believe it would be the extreme case where a woman would do something like that. Boys are less likely to be believed when they admit they have been abused and they are easier prey because the generally accepted attitude is that girls are the ones who need protection so there is less vigilence with the boys.

It is 100-percent factual that I spent several hours yesterday dealing with the case of a now-grown mother coming forward to speak at her father's sentencing for his systematic rape of her for several years in her adolescence. She described her idyllic childhood, full of family time, vacations, loving parents -- until she was 12. She told no one until her now adolescent younger sister made some comments about dad acting weird. One look at their mother about killed me. She sat in the courtroom a horrible shell, with a face that told you she is in agony because this went on in her home, under her nose for years and she missed every sign.

Do I know the facts of what's happening in this poster's life? No. I read what she wrote, before she erased it. Do I even know the poster is a woman, a wife or a mother? No. Do I see a bunch of vociferous responses to anyone who has questioned her? I'll let you answer that one for yourself. Do I necessarily believe this is a real poster, not in fact someone knowing full well the way they craft their responses will inflame the discussion for their own entertainment? No. Do I have lots of experience with how parents who love their children react when they get information their child may be being abused or being groomed? Unfortunately, way too much. Am I going to step back because you say so or because I might be making too much out of nothing and risk being thought a fool on the internet by strangers when there's even a whisper of possibility there is a real child being abused or groomed? Not a chance.

 

[badblackpug]

I am truly hoping Disneyatlast is a troll, sincerely hoping.....

Now you can call me crazy, delusional. demented, unhappy, perfect whatever you want, but the issue here is not the gender of the parent/child or the age of the child, the issue here is an adult that refuses to acknowledge the clearly defined personal physical boundaries of a child. The "unsettling" factor is just added to by the fact that it is just one of his children he singles out, particularly when the children are different genders. This is not typical or normal behavior from an adult.

I know that you think everyone here is picking on you, but just imagine that your son goes to school, or the pediatrician, or some other mandated reporter and says, "I like to sleep in my own room, but my dad makes me sleep in his bed with him, and sometimes he comes in my room after I'm asleep and takes me out of my bed and brings me into bed with him."

This would be reported to DCS in a minute. Probably less than a minute.

Even if there is nothing nefarious going on here, what you and your husband are teaching your son is that adults do not need to honor his personal, physical boundaries. As someone who has a degree in early childhood development you see how devastating that could be.

BTW, I'm a nurse, if your son came into the office and made the statement above I would be required to report it to DCS. As a nurse, you know that, too.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I think maybe someone has fallen off their rocker, and I'm not taking about Betty White.

This made me lol

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I am truly hoping Disneyatlast is a troll, sincerely hoping.....

Now you can call me crazy, delusional. demented, unhappy, perfect whatever you want, but the issue here is not the gender of the parent/child or the age of the child, the issue here is an adult that refuses to acknowledge the clearly defined personal physical boundaries of a child. The "unsettling" factor is just added to by the fact that it is just one of his children he singles out, particularly when the children are different genders. This is not typical or normal behavior from an adult.

I know that you think everyone here is picking on you, but just imagine that your son goes to school, or the pediatrician, or some other mandated reporter and says, "I like to sleep in my own room, but my dad makes me sleep in his bed with him, and sometimes he comes in my room after I'm asleep and takes me out of my bed and brings me into bed with him."

This would be reported to DCS in a minute. Probably less than a minute.

Even if there is nothing nefarious going on here, what you and your husband are teaching your son is that adults do not need to honor his personal, physical boundaries. As someone who has a degree in early childhood development you see how devastating that could be.

BTW, I'm a nurse, if your son came into the office and made the statement above I would be required to report it to DCS. As a nurse, you know that, too.

Well said. Especially the boundaries explanation and how, as the boy gets older, others may see it.

 

[wvjules]

You don't need to have the account cancelled to not come back. You just don't come back. Simple.

 

[msjprincess]

The ignoring method obviously doesn't work here.

I just keep getting "infractions" for MY rude comments. I went ahead and cussed the moderator to make sure I go ahead and have my account cancelled.

There are some real fruit loops here. Then again, what can you expect from people who wear Mickey Mouse ears for fun?

You can say that again