Aspie teen HELP!

[tinkerbell423]

My Aspie DS 14 is doing miserably in school. After 5 years of evals and meetings I finally got him a 504 plan.
He is really struggeling to get his homework and assignments completed and handed in. So now (after much debate between the two of us) he has an agenda sheet that is in the front of his binder. He writes his assignments down and has his teachers sign it to make sure he wrote everything correctly. The problem is he still is not handing all his work in. His science teacher just called me (he is in real danger of failing) and he did not hand in last night's homework. She also said he was totally "out of it" in class today. I try to talk to him at home and he growls at me and gets angry. I would love any suggestions from people who have done ths before. How hard do you push? I've taken away almost everything he cares about before and the work didn't change. How do know what is regular teen stuff and what is not?

 

[kirstenb1]

Our neurotypical 13 yr old dd forgets to hand in homework all the time. Until today, she was carrying an F in English, and one in Math. She's finally up to a D in both classes.

She hasn't had any priveleges or electronics since November. Well she did get them back for 1 day at the start of a new 9 weeks!!

I know some of her friends have the same issue. SO it may be typical teen. This terrifies me, because my 6 yr old has high fx ASD. So if my typical kid can't handle this, agghh!!!

One thing that I finally did after tons of yelling and punishing. I told her that I believed she was trying, and asked how I could help? She now has a clipboard that is only for homework in all subjects. I suggested when she took her seat to take out the clipboard, and if she needs to turn in homework, then have the homework sitting across it. This has been somewhat, but not perfectly helpful.

 

[tinkerbell423]

Thanks kristenb1 it helps to know I'm not alone. I beleive he is trying my frustration is he doesn't think there is a problem. I ask him to brainstorm what will help and he tells me there is not a problem!

 

[herdtoDisney]

Oh my goodness, you have my 15 yo ds' twin LOL

I wish I had some actual helpful advice, but I'm in the middle of it myself. Except, my ds is ADHD. Which he, AND my dh who is an adult with untreated ADHD, doesn't think is a problem, either!

It's defenitely not typical teen behavior, I have two other teen sons who are NOT like this

Is your ds on any meds? Mine is not, but not for lack of trying. He has bad side effects with everything we've tried to date.

 

[tinkerbell423]

Oh my goodness, you have my 15 yo ds' twin LOL

I wish I had some actual helpful advice, but I'm in the middle of it myself. Except, my ds is ADHD. Which he, AND my dh who is an adult with untreated ADHD, doesn't think is a problem, either!

It's defenitely not typical teen behavior, I have two other teen sons who are NOT like this

Is your ds on any meds? Mine is not, but not for lack of trying. He has bad side effects with everything we've tried to date.

No he is not on meds but my DD has ADHD and is on focalin. We tried other medications but this one works well for her. She is a different kid when she's on them. My DH has undiagnosed untreated ADHD too! It's frustrating at times I feel your pain. On the bright side I find he can relate to her better than I do. It comes in handy at times.


I had a talk with my DS tonight and I think I got to the root of his reluctance. It seems his ELA teacher announces that he needs to see his sheet to sign it. One of his "friends" is in this class and now the "friend" is calling him a retard!! I am so mad I want to scream. This is one of his few friends that he does things with outside of school

 

[herdtoDisney]

I had a talk with my DS tonight and I think I got to the root of his reluctance. It seems his ELA teacher announces that he needs to see his sheet to sign it. One of his "friends" is in this class and now the "friend" is calling him a retard!! I am so mad I want to scream. This is one of his few friends that he does things with outside of school

Oh my-if one of my ds's teacher's did this, he would probably never ever have the sheet or even speak in her class again...he'd be mortified. I see why your ds is upset!

It seems to me that when the kids get to this teenage stage, they don't want to have to do anything that makes them appear 'different' in front of the others. I'm not sure what to suggest, other than maybe asking the teacher if she can just quietly call him up by name without announcing that she is signing a sheet? Good luck, I know how frustrating it is!

 

[bookwormde]

Ideally he would have an IEP but you can put in his 504 that the teacher will "collect" homework from him instead of requiring him to hand it in.

It is funny that growling is quite typical for our guys at this age when they are frustrated.

He is not getting the functional curriculum and supports that he needs and is entitled to at school so he has every justifiable reason to be frustrated.

 

[momtwoboys]

just want to add that we also have a "growler" He actually got in trouble on Friday in Math tutoring in school because he was handed a difficult problem and growled. The tutor yelled at him to stop complaining! He does this when frustrated, instead of just saying whats wrong. Our son is Asperger's and ADHD too so this thread caught my attention. Hang in there!

 

[tinkerbell423]

Thanks for all the support guys. I often feel alone here. Its nice to know other kids do these things too.

It's hard because I fought so hard for accomidations and now he doesn't want them even though he needs them.

 

[BusyMom2Three]

I hope it's okay to respond since Asperger's isn't one of our issues, but I do know someone w/ Asperer's, and he is an absolute genius, and from what I've learned, it is not uncommon (though obviously not always the case) for people w/ Asperger's to be very bright. Could your DS be bored at school? Have you asked him if it is too easy? Last year, my neurotypical DD started not turning in assignments, didn't want to go to school, and even begged me to homeschool her. Her teacher even complained that she was distracted in class. It ended up that she was incredibly bored (she typically makes high grades). This year, she is doing very well w/ a better teacher who is more flexible b/c she's not bored out of her mind.

 

[clm10308]

That sounds a lot like my DD who has ADHD. Last year she took turns failing classes. Thankfully, this year is better. (we did change her medication dosage).

Also, I think it is very common for teens with disabilities not to want/use accommodations because they want to be the same as peers. I used to work with visually impaired kids that would rather walk into walls than admit that they needed help.

 

[tinkerbell423]

BusyMom2Three thanks for the insight. I never really considered he might be bored. I think he gets upset when he doesn't live up to a teacher's expectation so I think he would do the work f he could even if he find it boring

clm10308 Thanks you made me laugh!

 

[mdsouth]

I feel your frustration. I, too, have a teenager with Asperger's and ADD. I am also a middle school teacher, so I guess you can say I have lived and experienced both sides of this issue.


First of all, do you know if your son's teachers have a website where they post the daily homework assignment? If they do, they are probably linked to the school's website. This would be a great resource for you and your son to use instead of him having to get a paper signed each day at school. I know that kids at this age, will avoid looking different from their peers. And, even if the teacher is subtle about checking it, the student may still think others are aware of the activity.

I would also suggest some sort of system where your child always puts completed homework in the same place each day for each subject. I suggest using a dfferent colored two pocket folder for each subject. You might want to use the plastic two pocket folders instead of paper ones because they will hold up longer. You could also use a binder with the clear plastic sleeves for papers. Make sure you label the clear sleeves for each subject and if it is completed work or work to be done.

Of course, having a great organizational system is just a small part of the problem. The biggest hurdle to accomplish is that your child actually USES the organization system. You will need to review the system on a nightly basis. I would also suggest that you have his teachers match him up with a student at school that is really good with organization. Often time can be found at the very last few minutes of each class fora peer or two to help with the organization. I know I have some kids help each other out with this and most of the kids do not have any special needs labeled that require them to have help -- they are just disfuntional with organization.

If I think of other ideas, I will check back in later.

 

[tinkerbell423]

mdsouth thanks you have some good ideas. We have been using some of them already. My biggest problem is getting hs cooperation. Some days he is just soooo grumpy. I wish there was a message board for homework. They had one in the middle school but not in the High School. I mentioned at his CSE meeting that it would be a great thing for all the students to have.
Definately let m know if oyu have any more thoughts.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

These kids have such a hard time with seemingly simple tasks, and it's hard for us to understand why they can't just get things done. With my son (16 w/Asperger's), I have found that any kind of punishment relating to school work just makes him grumpier. Then he starts being really hard on himself ("I'm stupid. I can't do anything right."). Then he'll start shutting down and not even trying. I've found that rewards and more positive reinforcement work a lot better with him. "You can earn your computer time tonight by getting your homework done." I also help him break it down into steps. "Do your current event worksheet, then come and show it to me." After that, I give him another thing to work on. Even if he has three small assignments, he gets overwhelmed unless I help him focus on one at a time.

My son is now in a specialized school and all homework is due at the end of the week. There's a special envelope we send back with all the completed work. It's a lot easier that way. When he was mainstreamed, we devised an assignment sheet that he was supposed to fill out each day and show the teacher (much like the OP). We also got a multi-pocket folder and labeled each pocket for each subject. This was used only for completed assignments to be turned in. If the folder was not empty by the end of the day, he needed to go back to the classrooms and put his work in the bins. I would meet him outside of the school each day and have him show me the folder to make sure it was empty.

This might sound like a lot of hand-holding, but he has gotten better about doing a lot of things by himself. I have had to run him through the process over and over and back off little-by-little.

I will also add that my typical DS13 sometimes isn't much better. Today, he had two final drafts due - a persuasive essay and the research paper for his science project. He printed them out last night, and I proofread them for him. He made a few changes, printed them again, stapled one and put the other in a nice report cover. This morning, I noticed the science paper still sitting on the dining room table, so I reminded him to pack it in his backpack. Around 10:00 a.m. this morning, I got a pathetic little phone call..."Mom, I forgot to bring my essay. I guess I left it on the table. My teacher said I could get full credit if you email it to her before the end of the day. Would you be able to do that....please?" Yes, I can email it. But he's going to have to pay more attention to these things in the future. He's lucky it was my day off. Otherwise I wouldn't have been home to get his call and save his little behind!

 

[2luvmickey]

My DS 20 was diagnosed with Asperger's going into his senior year of high school (don't get me started on why the diagnosis took so long!). I too had the same issues with my son when he hit puberty, in fact, the middle school years were downright hellacious. It's tough, but you are taking the right steps.

We tried the same things - removing his beloved computer games, etc., just made him very angry and frustrated. Looking back, his poor work performance was due to his executive function, just had a very hard time organizing anything. Teachers need to realize that Aspie students in particular are "oblivious to the obvious." They won't turn in homework unless asked, and many do need specific instructions to organize their work.

Keep this in mind - my DS is now a sophomore in college 5 hours from home. He has a wonderful Disabilities coordinator that will assist him if needed, a caring advisor, and he has a letter to show to each professor outlining his "unique learning style." (as I like to call it). He has his ups and downs, but I admire him for his never quit attitude. We're not sure if he will graduate in 4 years (maybe 4 1/2?), but we try to give him guidance as he chooses his own path.

I found if I was kind and appreciative to the teachers, they would be more understanding to my son. He had some great teachers that nurtured him along his way, and it continues in college. Interestingly, the WORST professor was his Psychology teacher - my kid is a walking Psych textbook with his issues, yet the prof was NOT accommodating at all. Go figure.

 

[herdtoDisney]

.

We tried the same things - removing his beloved computer games, etc., just made him very angry and frustrated. Looking back, his poor work performance was due to his executive function, just had a very hard time organizing anything. Teachers need to realize that Aspie students in particular are "oblivious to the obvious." They won't turn in homework unless asked, and many do need specific instructions to organize their work.

This is so interesting. My ds, whom is diagnosed with ADHD, is exactly like this. He is highly smart (IQ 140) but often he's like on another planet not to be mean to the kids but he's another one who will have the homework and not turn it in! He'll tell me, teacher didn't ask for it. I asked him what do you think all the other kids did with theirs? Blank stare

The therapist specified executive function as a huge issue for him. And organization-ugh. I just asked him a couple minutes ago if he had his shorts together for our Disney trip next week. He tells me, I don't have any. I said YOU'RE WEARING A PAIR and where are the ones you wore on Wed? (we had a warmish spell) he says I don't know. I told him, unless we were hit by masked shorts robbers, they are where you left them Just because you don't remember where you put them doesn't mean you don't have any

 

[NotUrsula]

BTDT, DS is also 14. We devised a solution, but it took cooperation from the teachers, some technology investment, and a school that had the infrastructure already there.

The foolproof solution is a scanner and teacher email. We have DS scan all homework assignments and email them to his teachers after he has finished them, the night before they are due. He also is supposed to turn in the hardcopy as originally specified. This way if he forgets them in his locker or on the dining room table, etc., the teacher already has it in hand, and getting credit for something turned in late isn't an issue.

DS has a full duplicate set of textbooks so that he no longer has the excuse that he doesn't have the book or workbook that he needs to do the work.

If the assignment is a major one that uses a rubric, we ask teachers to email a copy of the rubric directly to me. That way I can help him go through it and make sure that he understands the directions properly (DS has issues with following complex written directions because of a Visual processing LD.)

Lastly, our current school uses Skyward, and they are serious about the implementation, so all assignments are posted on the system by the time they are given in class. DS doesn't have to write them down or get anything signed; he can look up the details any time.

DS' grade school did use the system of insisting that kids write down the assignment, but after awhile the teachers started just writing it out and letting him pick up the slip on the way out of class. They did this because when he would bring it up to be signed off on, it was invaribly written down incorrectly, and he also has very difficult handwriting -- they just decided it was easier to hand it to him.

 

[tinkerbell423]

This is so interesting. My ds, whom is diagnosed with ADHD, is exactly like this. He is highly smart (IQ 140) but often he's like on another planet not to be mean to the kids but he's another one who will have the homework and not turn it in! He'll tell me, teacher didn't ask for it. I asked him what do you think all the other kids did with theirs? Blank stares

The therapist specified executive function as a huge issue for him. And organization-ugh. I just asked him a couple minutes ago if he had his shorts together for our Disney trip next week. He tells me, I don't have any. I said YOU'RE WEARING A PAIR and where are the ones you wore on Wed? (we had a warmish spell) he says I don't know. I told him, unless we were hit by masked shorts robbers, they are where you left them Just because you don't remember where you put them doesn't mean you don't have any

Too funny. We just had a similar experience with jeans. He was packing for a NYC trip with his Grandmother and claimed he didn't have enough jeans. They were in the laundry room of all places!!

BTDT, DS is also 14. We devised a solution, but it took cooperation from the teachers, some technology investment, and a school that had the infrastructure already there.

The foolproof solution is a scanner and teacher email. We have DS scan all homework assignments and email them to his teachers after he has finished them, the night before they are due. He also is supposed to turn in the hardcopy as originally specified. This way if he forgets them in his locker or on the dining room table, etc., the teacher already has it in hand, and getting credit for something turned in late isn't an issue.

DS has a full duplicate set of textbooks so that he no longer has the excuse that he doesn't have the book or workbook that he needs to do the work.

If the assignment is a major one that uses a rubric, we ask teachers to email a copy of the rubric directly to me. That way I can help him go through it and make sure that he understands the directions properly (DS has issues with following complex written directions because of a Visual processing LD.)

Lastly, our current school uses Skyward, and they are serious about the implementation, so all assignments are posted on the system by the time they are given in class. DS doesn't have to write them down or get anything signed; he can look up the details any time.

DS' grade school did use the system of insisting that kids write down the assignment, but after awhile the teachers started just writing it out and letting him pick up the slip on the way out of class. They did this because when he would bring it up to be signed off on, it was invaribly written down incorrectly, and he also has very difficult handwriting -- they just decided it was easier to hand it to him.

I love the idea of scanning and sending the homework along with handing it in. I am going to email his teachers now and see if we can put that system in place too. Thank you