It's okay. He's a friend. A friend with a personality complex.
[whispers] He thinks he's a pirate. Shhhh....
Hucifer does the solo thing sort of. Alone and going home, 9/21
- Thread starter hucifer
- Start date
It's okay. He's a friend. A friend with a personality complex.
[whispers] He thinks he's a pirate. Shhhh....
Well, we were heading toward it for most of our journey from the airport. But for some reason Jakie The Navigator told me to turn before I was supposed to and we ended up driving parallel to it. Now, I know that Jakie has superior navigational skills, so Im super confused how we ended up at Sea Worlds Aquatica. Jakie, how do you miss the exit for the biggest and most popular tourist destination on the planet? No, seriously. How did this happen?
Get out of our way, were tourists. Beep! Beep!
Well, we eventually do land on property, otherwise I wouldnt have a trip report to write about. But it took several games of musical map and eleven turnarounds to find the largest tourist destination on the planet. So if it took that much effort to find Disney World, anyone care to guess how long it took to find our resort?
Ding ding ding! Thats right, folks. It took double the time that it took to find Disney.
So now its become Destination: Port Orleans French Quarter. I swore we drove over every inch of property, occasionally finding Port Orleans signs that led us into the abyss of WDW. Like, Port Orleans Next Exit seems simple enough until you actually took the exit. From there it was a crapshoot because I guess they assumed that you would figure it out from there. The exit would dump you off on a road without further instructions. So do we turn left or right? Eenie meenie miney moe left it is. Ah, here we are at Animal Kingdom. Wait. Thats totally not right. Okay, I guess we were supposed to turn right, then.
Yes, we had a map of property, smart alec. Did I mention it was woefully inadequate? Between the confusing street signs and the stupid map with the teeny tiny street names, we were two lost women in a silver rental car.
Look away, were hideous.
Like Ive said before, eventually the mouse does find the cheese if hes hungry enough, no matter how complicated that maze is or how dumb the mouse is. And eventually we did find ourselves at French Quarter by some miracle and a few hundred extra miles clocked on the rental car odometer. Well, at least we got to know our way around, aye Jakie? Heh heh. Nudge, nudge. So we check in and begin the complicated No, use this work credit card for the first four nights, and this credit card for the next four nights, and take the deposit I paid two months ago off of this credit card, and dont forget to show taxes when you add it all up and did you guys honor my room request?
Murphy was busy tapping Jakies shoulder during check-in because my room was ready and hers wasnt. On any normal day of the year this wouldnt be an issue. But this is Florida in July and our silver rental car is like a thousand and four degrees, and we dont want to keep anything in there in fear of finding it in a puddle on the floor mat. We decided to dump her luggage and food into my room right after we had lunch at the food court. So we dragged our huge suitcases over to the food court and walked over to the only counter that was serving lunch.
Behind one counter I see the bag-nets everyone is talking about, but I decide to stand in line with fourteen other yahoos and wait to order a veggie burger. Jakie orders after me, and we both stand around for a few minutes until my order is finally called. After about an hour and a half (or what it feels like when youre anxious to hit the parks), Jakies order is up and we sit down and eat our lunches.
After lunch, key in hand, we drag our suitcases and groceries back to the car and drive down to our rooms.
When I made the reservations, I gave them Sally request (as in When Harry Met Sally): I want the top floor, but I want a remote building, not those middle buildings that are in the middle of all the hullaballoo. And if the only room available on the top floor is in the middle buildings, then I want a second floor on the end. And I can face the parking lot but only if you honor my first two requests. Oh, and I want Jakie to have the room next to me. But if you cant get her a room next to me, then honor my original room request in full and have her sleep in the basement.
Funny enough, those amazing room assignment people not only gave me my entire request, they also upgraded me to a river view when I paid for a parking lot view AND I got a code that knocked off almost seventy dollars per day. And Jakie didnt have to sleep with the crickets in the cellar after all. So it all worked out. Win-win.
Jakie and I threw our stuff in my room, took a moment to see the pretty river view, and jumped in the car to the parks? No. It was time to drive to Shades of Green to buy tickets. The question is: will we end up in Tampa on the way to Shades? Or will Jakie with her superior navigational skills be able to get us there armed only with sporadic resort signs and a woefully inadequate map to guide us? Murphy, is that you? No? You mean, were actually going to find Shades? Really? Have we turned a new leaf? Have we truly left ol Murph behind for good? Has our previous World driving prepared us for all the driving here?
Well, we may have been able to get to the resort, but the line for tickets at the Shades was so long (how long was it?) that it snaked past the turnstiles and down the hall. I know, I know, get used to lines in WDW in the middle of summer. I have been SO spoiled going in September. And yes, it was a Monday. What was I thinking, that lines would be short? I guess I can handle long lines as long as theyre moving somewhat. But we stood in one spot for so long and the line moved sooooooo sloooooooooooowly that I honestly thought that by the time we got to the counter we wouldnt need a ticket for Monday any longer.
Yay! We finally have park tickets in hand. And I got a newbie here folks, so get out of our way. I have to get our friend here to Magic Kingdom STAT!
Here is the good news of our journey: I am pretty familiar with this area of the World and I dont need road signs or a woefully inadequate map or a navigator with superior navigational skills or anything like dat. No folks, Im going at it purely based on my smarts. Thats right, Im taunting the God of Irony. Im putting my fingers up to the sides of my head and giving him a big ol raspberry. I need to get to the Contemporary and I know just how to get there. Murphy, you can STICK IT.
And STICK IT he did. To me, that is.
I guess I was used to getting around this area via monorail and not so much by car. Anyone thats driven around the World knows that the monorail runs south of MK, but the road itself goes completely around the north end of it. After a few minutes of Say, where the heck are we? and realizing that Space Mountain is over to our right, I finally realize my error. We went all the way around MK and didnt even know it. Well, at least I know where the Contemporary is. And Murphy, I no longer taunt you. I retract my tongue and hands. I have learned my lesson, you vindictive deity, you.
Well, the good news was that once we found ourselves next to Space Mountain, I knew exactly where we were (for real this time), and I pulled into the Contemporary parking lot. Were here to check out the resort, I told the guard with fingers crossed behind my back. I promise. And then parked our silver rental car among the sea of other silver cars.
Up next: Part 3. Jakie and The Best Tour Guide Ever
Get out of our way, were tourists. Beep! Beep!
Well, we eventually do land on property, otherwise I wouldnt have a trip report to write about. But it took several games of musical map and eleven turnarounds to find the largest tourist destination on the planet. So if it took that much effort to find Disney World, anyone care to guess how long it took to find our resort?
Ding ding ding! Thats right, folks. It took double the time that it took to find Disney.
So now its become Destination: Port Orleans French Quarter. I swore we drove over every inch of property, occasionally finding Port Orleans signs that led us into the abyss of WDW. Like, Port Orleans Next Exit seems simple enough until you actually took the exit. From there it was a crapshoot because I guess they assumed that you would figure it out from there. The exit would dump you off on a road without further instructions. So do we turn left or right? Eenie meenie miney moe left it is. Ah, here we are at Animal Kingdom. Wait. Thats totally not right. Okay, I guess we were supposed to turn right, then.
Yes, we had a map of property, smart alec. Did I mention it was woefully inadequate? Between the confusing street signs and the stupid map with the teeny tiny street names, we were two lost women in a silver rental car.
Look away, were hideous.
Like Ive said before, eventually the mouse does find the cheese if hes hungry enough, no matter how complicated that maze is or how dumb the mouse is. And eventually we did find ourselves at French Quarter by some miracle and a few hundred extra miles clocked on the rental car odometer. Well, at least we got to know our way around, aye Jakie? Heh heh. Nudge, nudge. So we check in and begin the complicated No, use this work credit card for the first four nights, and this credit card for the next four nights, and take the deposit I paid two months ago off of this credit card, and dont forget to show taxes when you add it all up and did you guys honor my room request?
Murphy was busy tapping Jakies shoulder during check-in because my room was ready and hers wasnt. On any normal day of the year this wouldnt be an issue. But this is Florida in July and our silver rental car is like a thousand and four degrees, and we dont want to keep anything in there in fear of finding it in a puddle on the floor mat. We decided to dump her luggage and food into my room right after we had lunch at the food court. So we dragged our huge suitcases over to the food court and walked over to the only counter that was serving lunch.
Behind one counter I see the bag-nets everyone is talking about, but I decide to stand in line with fourteen other yahoos and wait to order a veggie burger. Jakie orders after me, and we both stand around for a few minutes until my order is finally called. After about an hour and a half (or what it feels like when youre anxious to hit the parks), Jakies order is up and we sit down and eat our lunches.
The obligatory first-meal shot. With my giant thumb in the way.
After lunch, key in hand, we drag our suitcases and groceries back to the car and drive down to our rooms.
When I made the reservations, I gave them Sally request (as in When Harry Met Sally): I want the top floor, but I want a remote building, not those middle buildings that are in the middle of all the hullaballoo. And if the only room available on the top floor is in the middle buildings, then I want a second floor on the end. And I can face the parking lot but only if you honor my first two requests. Oh, and I want Jakie to have the room next to me. But if you cant get her a room next to me, then honor my original room request in full and have her sleep in the basement.
Funny enough, those amazing room assignment people not only gave me my entire request, they also upgraded me to a river view when I paid for a parking lot view AND I got a code that knocked off almost seventy dollars per day. And Jakie didnt have to sleep with the crickets in the cellar after all. So it all worked out. Win-win.
Jakie and I threw our stuff in my room, took a moment to see the pretty river view, and jumped in the car to the parks? No. It was time to drive to Shades of Green to buy tickets. The question is: will we end up in Tampa on the way to Shades? Or will Jakie with her superior navigational skills be able to get us there armed only with sporadic resort signs and a woefully inadequate map to guide us? Murphy, is that you? No? You mean, were actually going to find Shades? Really? Have we turned a new leaf? Have we truly left ol Murph behind for good? Has our previous World driving prepared us for all the driving here?
Well, we may have been able to get to the resort, but the line for tickets at the Shades was so long (how long was it?) that it snaked past the turnstiles and down the hall. I know, I know, get used to lines in WDW in the middle of summer. I have been SO spoiled going in September. And yes, it was a Monday. What was I thinking, that lines would be short? I guess I can handle long lines as long as theyre moving somewhat. But we stood in one spot for so long and the line moved sooooooo sloooooooooooowly that I honestly thought that by the time we got to the counter we wouldnt need a ticket for Monday any longer.
Yay! We finally have park tickets in hand. And I got a newbie here folks, so get out of our way. I have to get our friend here to Magic Kingdom STAT!
Here is the good news of our journey: I am pretty familiar with this area of the World and I dont need road signs or a woefully inadequate map or a navigator with superior navigational skills or anything like dat. No folks, Im going at it purely based on my smarts. Thats right, Im taunting the God of Irony. Im putting my fingers up to the sides of my head and giving him a big ol raspberry. I need to get to the Contemporary and I know just how to get there. Murphy, you can STICK IT.
And STICK IT he did. To me, that is.
I guess I was used to getting around this area via monorail and not so much by car. Anyone thats driven around the World knows that the monorail runs south of MK, but the road itself goes completely around the north end of it. After a few minutes of Say, where the heck are we? and realizing that Space Mountain is over to our right, I finally realize my error. We went all the way around MK and didnt even know it. Well, at least I know where the Contemporary is. And Murphy, I no longer taunt you. I retract my tongue and hands. I have learned my lesson, you vindictive deity, you.
Well, the good news was that once we found ourselves next to Space Mountain, I knew exactly where we were (for real this time), and I pulled into the Contemporary parking lot. Were here to check out the resort, I told the guard with fingers crossed behind my back. I promise. And then parked our silver rental car among the sea of other silver cars.
Up next: Part 3. Jakie and The Best Tour Guide Ever
Jiminy'sGirl
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2007
I'm totally along for this ride. I can't wait to hear the misadventures of a fellow underprepared overpacker.
Love your comments on Publix... I moved from South Caroline to Texas recent;y and man do I miss me some Pub. Those bag boys will practically wrestle you to the ground to push your cart to your car for you. It is the Publix way. It really insults my hubs when they do it to him. Here we have a God-forsaken creation called H.E.B. to shop at. You're lucky to find some pimply teenager to BAG groceries and NO ONE is offering to take them anywhere for you. Sigh.
Can't wait to hear more!!! I"m sitting here chillin' at the crib with a glass of wine, so maybe I'll head over to your older trippies...
Love your comments on Publix... I moved from South Caroline to Texas recent;y and man do I miss me some Pub. Those bag boys will practically wrestle you to the ground to push your cart to your car for you. It is the Publix way. It really insults my hubs when they do it to him. Here we have a God-forsaken creation called H.E.B. to shop at. You're lucky to find some pimply teenager to BAG groceries and NO ONE is offering to take them anywhere for you. Sigh.
Can't wait to hear more!!! I"m sitting here chillin' at the crib with a glass of wine, so maybe I'll head over to your older trippies...
NMAmy
Can speak food in German
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2000
Woo hoo, found you, pal!
Genius! I wish I'd known about this class because I also know squat about transportation and logistics.
GASP! That's just so wrong. I'm so glad you were able to correct this for Jakie.
Genius! I wish I'd known about this class because I also know squat about transportation and logistics.GASP! That's just so wrong. I'm so glad you were able to correct this for Jakie.
NMAmy
Can speak food in German
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2000
Okay, excuse me, everyone, while I catch up. 
I have to pause here for a big ol' AWWWW. I
him.
I can't believe you thought you were going to get out of there scot free.
DH has this skill, as well. I will never let him pick me up or he'd know exactly what I weigh.
Hold the phone there, missy. How did I not know we were neighbors?
This whole scenario illustrates why I refuse to drive at WDW. Way too confusing.
That does not look very appetizing. (The burger, I'm sure your thumb is fine.) Is that a big piece of CORN in the veggie burger or is it (as I'm praying) mustard?
Hilarious!
So glad you're posting your trip report, Wendy! I was so bummed that we'd all have to wait until Patrick was five for another hucifer trip report--glad you got to make a solo trip so we can enjoy it along with you!
Patrick the Peanut
I have to pause here for a big ol' AWWWW. I
him. I can't believe you thought you were going to get out of there scot free. DH has this skill, as well. I will never let him pick me up or he'd know exactly what I weigh.
Hold the phone there, missy. How did I not know we were neighbors?
This whole scenario illustrates why I refuse to drive at WDW. Way too confusing.
The obligatory first-meal shot. With my giant thumb in the way.
That does not look very appetizing. (The burger, I'm sure your thumb is fine.) Is that a big piece of CORN in the veggie burger or is it (as I'm praying) mustard?
Hilarious! So glad you're posting your trip report, Wendy! I was so bummed that we'd all have to wait until Patrick was five for another hucifer trip report--glad you got to make a solo trip so we can enjoy it along with you!
Actually, WDW driving is NOT stressful. They have so many signs, it's virtually impossible to get lost. Unless you're Jakie and Wendy.
That is truly bizarre to me that you haven't driven but two times in so many years. I am such a suburb girl. Can't wrap my head around that one.
Hey Heather! I'm happy to see you here. Your trip report and Nory's trip report have been giving me reading material. I LOVE both of your reports...so far.
Wait a minute...are YOU an underprepared overpacker too?
Woo hoo, found you, pal!
GASP! That's just so wrong. I'm so glad you were able to correct this for Jakie.
Amy!!!! Hey girl! Thanks for stopping by. You found my trip report right at the beginning. This puppy will be long too...my last report? The one with Dan? It was 84 pages in Word. My current solo report? 80 pages...and counting. Gulp. I guess I'm getting longer- and longer-winded as I age. (My first TR was a mere 34 pages...ha! I was such an amature back then.)
Anyway, yes. Jakie really should be thanking the stars above for my Disneyphile ways. Why, if it wasn't for me, who knows what kind of crappy time she would have had.
Thanks! Me too!I have to pause here for a big ol' AWWWW. I
Yeah, what was I thinking?
Because you don't pay attention. I went to Michigan State, BTW, so I'm pretty familiar with your little area.
Like I said to Norybell, it really ISN'T confusing. That's what so funny about Jakie and I getting lost so much. We had a map, we had plenty of road signs. Disney World is basically one big square. I blame my navigator.This whole scenario illustrates why I refuse to drive at WDW. Way too confusing.
I know it doesn't look appetizing, but it was very tasty. I guess you have to love veggie burgers as much as I do to appreciate it. And yes, that is a big kernel of corn. Should my food shots come with a hurl warning?
Thank you so much! I'm happy to have this thing written so quickly. (Compared to the last one, that is. Everything is relative.)
DisneysRedhead
Mouseketeer
- Joined
- May 24, 2009
Great trip report so far! Very funny! Someday I want to do a solo trip to Disney...maybe Disneyland since I've only been once and I was 14. Can't wait to read more!
DISUNC
<font color=peach>I cried like a baby watching the
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2004
HEYYYYYYYYYYY
That coulda been me????
OH! I see this TR is gonna be a work of Fiction!The Logistics Class Company is Good. They KNOW that IF they have a Logitics class in July say in Des Moine...NO ONE will even show up for it!
Awwwwe and this is how your last TR ended!
I like how you connected the 2 TR's
BrilliantI dunno about you, but in my work it will involve Tawdry tawdry things that we cant mention here on the Dis!
I had a lady Manager once who that woulda worked on. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But for years I tried loosening my tie and opening my top 2 buttons on my blouse...and Nuttin! NOT EVEN A 10 MINUTE EXTENTION ON MY LUNCH HOUR!
Ummmmmmmmm Trust me, WE ALL SEEN THAT MOVIE!
I believe this is who you are reffering too...
. WTH kinda people do you work with?
First she drops the "C"...then this little BOMSHELL 
I am surprised you are alive to write this little ditty!
WOW! You're Good. But in the Middle of JULY I woulda told JakienoC.."you're on your own toots its too hot for newbies"!
On My block we calll "Half Free/Half Solo stuff "Half@#$&"...just sayin!!!!!
HELLO HUCIFER
Well Hello Hucifer!
Its so nice to have you back where you belong.
Your looking great Hucie
Loose some weight Hucie?
And you still get read from us handsome Men!!!!!
Well Hello Hucifer!
Its so nice to have you back where you belong.
Your looking great Hucie
Loose some weight Hucie?
And you still get read from us handsome Men!!!!!
NMAmy
Can speak food in German
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2000
Hooray for 80 pages! This makes me very happy.
Well, you've got me there. It says "MI" right there under your name. If it makes you feel any better, it takes me about a month to realize I've gotten a new tag myself.
I'm so riveted by your trip reports that I'm focused on your posts not your profile info. That's my story.But because you're so witty and fun, I should have known without even looking that you were a Spartan!
A hurl warning on veggie burgers would be nice.
I've never seen one that had big old chunks of vegetables like that. I lead a sheltered life.DISUNC! It's just not a hucifer TR without you. Glad to see you here, buddy.Private DU reporting for TR Duty here, Ma'am!
Does Peanut know that Mama is cheating on him??????
If you can find a way to do it, do it. Solo trips are SO much fun. And thanks! Welcome to the frightfully long solo TR.
That's pretty funny that you don't notice a new tag on your own avatar. Okay, I buy your story. I live in a suburb of Detroit, so I'm not too far from you. And I only have one more veggie burger picture, I think. No corn.Hooray for 80 pages! This makes me very happy.
Well, you've got me there. It says "MI" right there under your name. If it makes you feel any better, it takes me about a month to realize I've gotten a new tag myself.
But because you're so witty and fun, I should have known without even looking that you were a Spartan!
A hurl warning on veggie burgers would be nice.
Thank you! Welcome, A-J. May I call you A-J for short?Hilarious
Is your name Flavio?HEYYYYYYYYYYY
Heyyyyy...
No kidding. Funny you mention it...The Logistics Class Company is Good. They KNOW that IF they have a Logitics class in July say in Des Moine...NO ONE will even show up for it!
Dude, THAT was funny.Awwwwe and this is how your last TR ended!
She's from Macedonia, actually. Her name is actually Jaklina, but goes with Jakie. And since Jakie is easier to say and type, I went with that.Jackie...without a "C"
Believe me, she had NO idea what WDW was all about. At all. She is one sheltered puppy.of info?
I am surprised you are alive to write this little ditty!
Oh, and ask me how she handled that Florida heat and humidity...by week's end, she wasn't pretty.WOW! You're Good. But in the Middle of JULY I woulda told JakienoC.."you're on your own toots its too hot for newbies"!
Since this is Jakies first time and all, I thought she should arrive at MK the way Walt intended. Via monorail. Wait, he did intend that, right? I realize its like a five-minute walk to the park, but surely Jakie shouldnt have to walk for her first time. So we went inside the resort and up to the monorail floor.
The couple in front of us asked the monorail coordinator lady mere moments before I had a chance: Can we sit in the front of the monorail? The cast member practically laughed in their faces and made examples out of them. Hey Jerry, check this out these people hee hee!...get this these people want to sit UP FRONT! BWA HA HA HA! Ooh, look at me, Im so special, I get to ride up front with the driver like Im the King and Queen of Disney World Now get back in line with the other third-class passengers, sir, and dont ask stupid questions again.
So the couple take the walk of shame onto the monorail with the rest of steerage and I quietly thank them for taking the hit for me. I realize this was a mere week since the fatal monorail crash, but we honestly didnt know that they stopped guests from riding up front.
I really wanted Jakie to get immersed in the Disney feel during the ride over. Okay, I really just wanted her to hear the monorail spiel. But the monorail was packed that day, my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. And that meant that the only thing we could hear was some sexy monorail dude mumbling something about celebrating something. Yes, hes sexy to me. Because when I hear that voice, it means Im in the happiest place in the world. And I mean world-world, not just Disney world. So anyway, we couldnt hear the spiel and Im bummed that she couldnt really experience the monorail the way it was meant to be experienced. We pull into the MK station and disembark.
This isnt my first time taking a newbie. I took my husband back in 2003 for his first time. And I made sure that his first park was MK, too. And his first ride had to be Its A Small World. It just had to be. Like it was all mandatory and stuff.
So Jakie was no different. Heck, she had an even greater disadvantage than Dan she had no clue what to expect, while Dan did. I guess she expected Disney World to be like a big amusement park, full of Tilt-O-Whirls, corn dog stands, and Guess Your Weight games. Before the trip I told her that WDW is about story, details, and theme, but I guess she really didnt understand what it was about. So in we went
yikes. The people. The lines. Holy crap. Okay, just keep telling yourself that youre here on works dime and that being here is like a great big gift from them. I usually come in September when the lines are nonexistent. Usually. Ive also been here in October and have seen some pretty horrific lines, too. But dang. Now lets throw some 90-degree heat and a little 99% humidity ah yeah feels good. All I need now is a gnat-sized Florida superbug to eat my flesh.
And then happiness. It came from nowhere. I was just so happy to be here, despite all of our mishaps. I was happy to be here for free (well, sort of), I was happy to be here alone (well, sort of), and I was just happy to be. Here. I love stepping into the park, smelling the food, hearing the music, seeing the afternoon parade blocking our way into the park. It was just so magical. And I think I appreciated it more than I ever have before I dont know, I think once you have kids and your entire outlook in life changes so radically, and yet so subtle, that you just appreciate things differently. Deeper, perhaps. But it definitely is different. And I was so wrapped up in an emotional tide of joy that these outside things stopped bothering me all at once. I watched the parade, heard the children, and began to cry, thinking about bringing our Patrick here for the first time. The parade finally ends and we move along to the back of the park.
Jakie, sooooo excited to be in WDW with the Best Tour Guide Ever
Okay, Im tripping in a state of delight right now but a thirty-minute wait for IASW??? Like some sick joke, there it was. Our own Welcome To Disney World sign in a black and white number 30. And then I turn around. Peter Pans Flight was holy crap! a whopping 70. I order myself to go back to my happy place and suck it up.
I turn back to Jakie and shrug. Looks like I have to get used to those waiting time numbers. So we get in the back of the IASW line.
Okay, I always hate to be bothered when experiencing something for the first time, so I did not bombard her with what do you think? Do you like this? kind of questions at all. I figured that when she was moved enough to share something that she would. Standing in line I was itching to peg questions at her: What do you think of Magic Kingdom? How do you like the themes around here? Is this what you expected? How are you handling this ungodly heat? Am I the best tour guide ever or what?
But I wait in line, silent.
Can you feel the anticipation building?
Some thirty stupid minutes later and we board our boat. Now Im actually happy that this attraction is several minutes long because its several minutes of relaxation and air conditioning and certainly beats standing outside with the hoards of other guests in the heat and humidity. Once the boat is off and the music begins, I exhale and sit back and wait for the magic to hit my newbie coworker.
Wait for it wait for it
Several doll rooms later and were at the end. And yet, despite the freakishly long IASW line, all our boats are rear-ending each other to a violent stop in the last doll room. So while were all getting whiplash from the series of boats that are smashing behind us, while were all enjoying the neverending song from Hades, all the time Im biting my lip to keep from spewing any questions that are bubbling up in my head. No, I must remain cool. Cant keep asking her how shes enjoying her Disney World experience. How about now, Jakie? Are you liking it now? Are you enjoying this Congo line of boats and getting thrust forward every fifty-eight seconds? Have you memorized this incredibly repetitive song by now? How about that doll that keeps nodding its head over and over, isnt that cool?
Well the thought bubble above my head must have been invisible because she didnt answer any of my questions. So we waited and waited and waited for the boat to bump and inch its way back to the beginning.
Well, she didnt comment on the ride, but she did ask me if it was one of my favorites. I laughed.
So on to Haunted Mansion because, lets face it a newbie needs to see an awesome attraction after seeing IASW. Lets just jog to the right and here we are at one of the best attractions that Disney has to offer
Now those of you who go to Disney in the summer know that the heat and humidity can be rather oppressive. This I had no experience with or any clue about. But something else I didnt know is that my friend Jakie here cannot deal with heat and humidity at all, so add the two together and you have one miserable Jakie. So instead of jumping into the Mansion line, we head into the park for something that will refresh her overheated body. Meanwhile, the line for Mansion gets further and further away, and the back of the line slowly gains more and more people. I bite my lip, choke back the tears, and hike deeper into the park for Jakies refreshment.
Jakie finds just what she needs in a little ice cream stand down the way a bit. Now the line is maybe three people long, but Disney Dining Plans make a typically simple transaction (like buying an ice cream bar) into a complicated and bureaucratic ordeal (like buying a mortgage). So, while were mere inches from the counter, were hours from buying anything. Standing in line, I can see the Mansion line steadily growing and growing while the dolts in front of us are arguing with the cashier about snack credits and filling out mounds of paperwork. Jakie turned to me at one point and asked, How long does it take to buy ice cream?
About five hours later Jakie has a Mickey Bar in hand and shes gingerly nibbling away on an ear. We head back to Mansion and stand in the forty-minute line. The line moves well enough, but its a long weaving row of miserable people in ninety-degree heat. Did I mention it was hot? Well, it was hot and muggy. Of course, thats just par for the course in Florida. Jakie and I dont do much chatting in line, and after a few moments I turn to her and I find out why shes so quiet. The Mickey bar is nothing but a nub on a stick. This sweet, delicate creature has devoured that Mickey head like it a Florida gnat to a Jakie leg. I must have had a look on my face because she said between chomps, What? Its melting so I have to eat it quickly. And eat it she did.
So were marching our way up and down the railings, fanning ourselves and complaining about the weather. I especially liked to watch the children in line, who seem completely oblivious to the heat and just look so giddy to be here. One family I kept seeing during our line weaving had a little boy and girl both around the age of four or five. In the beginning of the forty minutes they were playful and happily cruising through the turnstiles. But some twenty minutes later, I see the dad holding both of them, one on each arm. They are both crashed against his shoulder, dozing off in the hot summer day. The dad looks absolutely beat, carrying all that weight and still dealing with the heat.
Now thats love, folks. I believe it was the late great Ella Fitzgerald who coined the phrase (or at least sang it) What is this thing called love? Or was that Benny Hill, the late British comedian? I always get those two confused.*
After Haunted Mansion (which still rocks my world), Jakies says, That was cute. Cute? CUTE??? That is a classic, Jaklina. You dont call classics cute. Okay, maybe its no longer the technological wonder it was forty years ago, but it still kicks major butt in todays society. So you better think about that adjective a little harder, chickie, and get back to me when you found a better word to describe one of my favorites.
[Thumbs at Jakie] Do you believe her?
We walk around the park, and Im disappointed to see such long wait times. But hooray! Pirates is a only ten-minute wait, so I lead her inside. Now, you know it and I know it that line has two entrances. And there will always be a dominant side where people gravitate to. And as folks see other people go to one side, they follow the herd and go that way too. Pretty soon youve got a whole sheepload of people baaing and frolicking in one lane, while the other lane is pretty much barren, despite the cast member standing there, reminding us sheeps that both lanes are open. At this time, most of them were headed to the left and almost no one was in the right lane. Jakie asks if we shouldnt go to the left too, but I shake my head knowingly and calmly speak with all the wisdom and confidence that years of Disney vacationing has bestowed upon me: Always take the road less taken, young grasshopper.
Oh she definitely reached enlightenment when we walked right up to the boats and saw that the other line was chock-full of bleating mammals. Only the wisest and most mature leaders would let the visuals speak for themselves, but Im neither. I was only too eager to point out the errors of her suggestion.
You see that horrendous line over there? Had we taken your suggestion, wed be knee-deep in sheep crap right about now. Was I right or was I right? No, seriously. Wasnt I spot-on about that one? Get used to that. Just remember that Im the brains of this operation, sweetie.
Famous last words.
Coming up: Part 4. Well, thats one way to revoke a dinner invitation.
*my tribute to Peter Panic Attack
The couple in front of us asked the monorail coordinator lady mere moments before I had a chance: Can we sit in the front of the monorail? The cast member practically laughed in their faces and made examples out of them. Hey Jerry, check this out these people hee hee!...get this these people want to sit UP FRONT! BWA HA HA HA! Ooh, look at me, Im so special, I get to ride up front with the driver like Im the King and Queen of Disney World Now get back in line with the other third-class passengers, sir, and dont ask stupid questions again.
So the couple take the walk of shame onto the monorail with the rest of steerage and I quietly thank them for taking the hit for me. I realize this was a mere week since the fatal monorail crash, but we honestly didnt know that they stopped guests from riding up front.
I really wanted Jakie to get immersed in the Disney feel during the ride over. Okay, I really just wanted her to hear the monorail spiel. But the monorail was packed that day, my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. And that meant that the only thing we could hear was some sexy monorail dude mumbling something about celebrating something. Yes, hes sexy to me. Because when I hear that voice, it means Im in the happiest place in the world. And I mean world-world, not just Disney world. So anyway, we couldnt hear the spiel and Im bummed that she couldnt really experience the monorail the way it was meant to be experienced. We pull into the MK station and disembark.
This isnt my first time taking a newbie. I took my husband back in 2003 for his first time. And I made sure that his first park was MK, too. And his first ride had to be Its A Small World. It just had to be. Like it was all mandatory and stuff.
So Jakie was no different. Heck, she had an even greater disadvantage than Dan she had no clue what to expect, while Dan did. I guess she expected Disney World to be like a big amusement park, full of Tilt-O-Whirls, corn dog stands, and Guess Your Weight games. Before the trip I told her that WDW is about story, details, and theme, but I guess she really didnt understand what it was about. So in we went
yikes. The people. The lines. Holy crap. Okay, just keep telling yourself that youre here on works dime and that being here is like a great big gift from them. I usually come in September when the lines are nonexistent. Usually. Ive also been here in October and have seen some pretty horrific lines, too. But dang. Now lets throw some 90-degree heat and a little 99% humidity ah yeah feels good. All I need now is a gnat-sized Florida superbug to eat my flesh.
And then happiness. It came from nowhere. I was just so happy to be here, despite all of our mishaps. I was happy to be here for free (well, sort of), I was happy to be here alone (well, sort of), and I was just happy to be. Here. I love stepping into the park, smelling the food, hearing the music, seeing the afternoon parade blocking our way into the park. It was just so magical. And I think I appreciated it more than I ever have before I dont know, I think once you have kids and your entire outlook in life changes so radically, and yet so subtle, that you just appreciate things differently. Deeper, perhaps. But it definitely is different. And I was so wrapped up in an emotional tide of joy that these outside things stopped bothering me all at once. I watched the parade, heard the children, and began to cry, thinking about bringing our Patrick here for the first time. The parade finally ends and we move along to the back of the park.
Jakie, sooooo excited to be in WDW with the Best Tour Guide Ever
Okay, Im tripping in a state of delight right now but a thirty-minute wait for IASW??? Like some sick joke, there it was. Our own Welcome To Disney World sign in a black and white number 30. And then I turn around. Peter Pans Flight was holy crap! a whopping 70. I order myself to go back to my happy place and suck it up.
I turn back to Jakie and shrug. Looks like I have to get used to those waiting time numbers. So we get in the back of the IASW line.
Okay, I always hate to be bothered when experiencing something for the first time, so I did not bombard her with what do you think? Do you like this? kind of questions at all. I figured that when she was moved enough to share something that she would. Standing in line I was itching to peg questions at her: What do you think of Magic Kingdom? How do you like the themes around here? Is this what you expected? How are you handling this ungodly heat? Am I the best tour guide ever or what?
But I wait in line, silent.
Can you feel the anticipation building?
Some thirty stupid minutes later and we board our boat. Now Im actually happy that this attraction is several minutes long because its several minutes of relaxation and air conditioning and certainly beats standing outside with the hoards of other guests in the heat and humidity. Once the boat is off and the music begins, I exhale and sit back and wait for the magic to hit my newbie coworker.
Wait for it wait for it
Several doll rooms later and were at the end. And yet, despite the freakishly long IASW line, all our boats are rear-ending each other to a violent stop in the last doll room. So while were all getting whiplash from the series of boats that are smashing behind us, while were all enjoying the neverending song from Hades, all the time Im biting my lip to keep from spewing any questions that are bubbling up in my head. No, I must remain cool. Cant keep asking her how shes enjoying her Disney World experience. How about now, Jakie? Are you liking it now? Are you enjoying this Congo line of boats and getting thrust forward every fifty-eight seconds? Have you memorized this incredibly repetitive song by now? How about that doll that keeps nodding its head over and over, isnt that cool?
Well the thought bubble above my head must have been invisible because she didnt answer any of my questions. So we waited and waited and waited for the boat to bump and inch its way back to the beginning.
Well, she didnt comment on the ride, but she did ask me if it was one of my favorites. I laughed.
So on to Haunted Mansion because, lets face it a newbie needs to see an awesome attraction after seeing IASW. Lets just jog to the right and here we are at one of the best attractions that Disney has to offer
Now those of you who go to Disney in the summer know that the heat and humidity can be rather oppressive. This I had no experience with or any clue about. But something else I didnt know is that my friend Jakie here cannot deal with heat and humidity at all, so add the two together and you have one miserable Jakie. So instead of jumping into the Mansion line, we head into the park for something that will refresh her overheated body. Meanwhile, the line for Mansion gets further and further away, and the back of the line slowly gains more and more people. I bite my lip, choke back the tears, and hike deeper into the park for Jakies refreshment.
Jakie finds just what she needs in a little ice cream stand down the way a bit. Now the line is maybe three people long, but Disney Dining Plans make a typically simple transaction (like buying an ice cream bar) into a complicated and bureaucratic ordeal (like buying a mortgage). So, while were mere inches from the counter, were hours from buying anything. Standing in line, I can see the Mansion line steadily growing and growing while the dolts in front of us are arguing with the cashier about snack credits and filling out mounds of paperwork. Jakie turned to me at one point and asked, How long does it take to buy ice cream?
About five hours later Jakie has a Mickey Bar in hand and shes gingerly nibbling away on an ear. We head back to Mansion and stand in the forty-minute line. The line moves well enough, but its a long weaving row of miserable people in ninety-degree heat. Did I mention it was hot? Well, it was hot and muggy. Of course, thats just par for the course in Florida. Jakie and I dont do much chatting in line, and after a few moments I turn to her and I find out why shes so quiet. The Mickey bar is nothing but a nub on a stick. This sweet, delicate creature has devoured that Mickey head like it a Florida gnat to a Jakie leg. I must have had a look on my face because she said between chomps, What? Its melting so I have to eat it quickly. And eat it she did.
So were marching our way up and down the railings, fanning ourselves and complaining about the weather. I especially liked to watch the children in line, who seem completely oblivious to the heat and just look so giddy to be here. One family I kept seeing during our line weaving had a little boy and girl both around the age of four or five. In the beginning of the forty minutes they were playful and happily cruising through the turnstiles. But some twenty minutes later, I see the dad holding both of them, one on each arm. They are both crashed against his shoulder, dozing off in the hot summer day. The dad looks absolutely beat, carrying all that weight and still dealing with the heat.
Now thats love, folks. I believe it was the late great Ella Fitzgerald who coined the phrase (or at least sang it) What is this thing called love? Or was that Benny Hill, the late British comedian? I always get those two confused.*
After Haunted Mansion (which still rocks my world), Jakies says, That was cute. Cute? CUTE??? That is a classic, Jaklina. You dont call classics cute. Okay, maybe its no longer the technological wonder it was forty years ago, but it still kicks major butt in todays society. So you better think about that adjective a little harder, chickie, and get back to me when you found a better word to describe one of my favorites.
[Thumbs at Jakie] Do you believe her?
We walk around the park, and Im disappointed to see such long wait times. But hooray! Pirates is a only ten-minute wait, so I lead her inside. Now, you know it and I know it that line has two entrances. And there will always be a dominant side where people gravitate to. And as folks see other people go to one side, they follow the herd and go that way too. Pretty soon youve got a whole sheepload of people baaing and frolicking in one lane, while the other lane is pretty much barren, despite the cast member standing there, reminding us sheeps that both lanes are open. At this time, most of them were headed to the left and almost no one was in the right lane. Jakie asks if we shouldnt go to the left too, but I shake my head knowingly and calmly speak with all the wisdom and confidence that years of Disney vacationing has bestowed upon me: Always take the road less taken, young grasshopper.
Oh she definitely reached enlightenment when we walked right up to the boats and saw that the other line was chock-full of bleating mammals. Only the wisest and most mature leaders would let the visuals speak for themselves, but Im neither. I was only too eager to point out the errors of her suggestion.
You see that horrendous line over there? Had we taken your suggestion, wed be knee-deep in sheep crap right about now. Was I right or was I right? No, seriously. Wasnt I spot-on about that one? Get used to that. Just remember that Im the brains of this operation, sweetie.
Famous last words.
Coming up: Part 4. Well, thats one way to revoke a dinner invitation.
*my tribute to Peter Panic Attack
norybell
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2009
I love it that you have to go on IASW first. Me, too! (Unless, of course, it's rope drop and there are important headliners to get to.)
I'm sure Jakie is a lovely person, and all, but I have to say, I feel so bad for you that you had to worry about her! How dare these Disney newbies trod on our Disney joy?
Uh-oh...
Peter Panic Attack
periods of anxiety combined w/ refusal to grow up
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2008
Dear Santa,
All I really want for Christmas this year is a shiny new Hucifer trip report....and maybe some world peace....oh, and if you could possibly throw in the old metabolism that I used to have back in college that would be awesome.....because I'm trying hard to control the size of my portions but.....well, it doesn't seem to be working.
Oh well, at least I got the TR.....which is what I really wanted anyway. Now I'm going to read your first part and pick out some choice items for comment....because that's what you did to me....and fair is fair.
Like for instance:
Do you remember specifically what he was saying? My son is getting to be that age and I'd like to pass on a few choice nuggets....you know, kind of show him the ropes. Problem is.....all of my old pick-up lines seem to involve "taking a trolley down to the drugstore soda fountain to grab a cold sarsaparilla"....which I fear is no longer relevant.
and
hmmm...."isolated in the biggest tourist destination" seems a little bit like an oxymoron......and I ought to know.
and
Hey....that's the answer I gave on my Horticulture 101 final exam for "how do seeds sprout" and they marked it wrong!......essentially crushing any dreams I held of ever earning my living by tilling the soil.
and also
That's where we just stayed too. Is this a small world or what?
plus
You traveled with the bubble girl? That had to be a nightmare getting through airport security. Ask her if she knows who invaded Spain in the 8th century. (answer: the moops)
and let's not forget
I hope it's not a bunch of grainy photos and some plaster footprints......because the whole sasquatch hoax of the mid-70's has left me cynical and jaded.
Ok...I'm done for now....but I'll be back. Love your TR so far by the way. You're still my favorite....but don't tell the others.
All I really want for Christmas this year is a shiny new Hucifer trip report....and maybe some world peace....oh, and if you could possibly throw in the old metabolism that I used to have back in college that would be awesome.....because I'm trying hard to control the size of my portions but.....well, it doesn't seem to be working.
Oh well, at least I got the TR.....which is what I really wanted anyway. Now I'm going to read your first part and pick out some choice items for comment....because that's what you did to me....and fair is fair.
Like for instance:
Do you remember specifically what he was saying? My son is getting to be that age and I'd like to pass on a few choice nuggets....you know, kind of show him the ropes. Problem is.....all of my old pick-up lines seem to involve "taking a trolley down to the drugstore soda fountain to grab a cold sarsaparilla"....which I fear is no longer relevant.
and
hmmm...."isolated in the biggest tourist destination" seems a little bit like an oxymoron......and I ought to know.
and
Hey....that's the answer I gave on my Horticulture 101 final exam for "how do seeds sprout" and they marked it wrong!......essentially crushing any dreams I held of ever earning my living by tilling the soil.
and also
That's where we just stayed too. Is this a small world or what?
plus
You traveled with the bubble girl? That had to be a nightmare getting through airport security. Ask her if she knows who invaded Spain in the 8th century. (answer: the moops)
and let's not forget
I hope it's not a bunch of grainy photos and some plaster footprints......because the whole sasquatch hoax of the mid-70's has left me cynical and jaded.
Ok...I'm done for now....but I'll be back. Love your TR so far by the way. You're still my favorite....but don't tell the others.
PrincessV
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2006
Hucifer! You're back with a new TR?! 
Nicely done.
Congrats again (I'm pretty sure I congratulated you sometime within the past 2 years... if not, well... Congrats anyway!)
Okay, that's as far as I got - I'll be back for more reading, though; thanks for reporting again!
Nicely done.
My boys. They are going to miss the crap out of me.
Congrats again (I'm pretty sure I congratulated you sometime within the past 2 years... if not, well... Congrats anyway!)Oh shoot. I swear, they know just when to turn it on.
Please, allow me to put you at ease - this Floridian drives a silver sedan. I've used that panic button to find my car in parking lots more times than I can count, lol!
Okay, that's as far as I got - I'll be back for more reading, though; thanks for reporting again!
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