Hucifer does the solo thing sort of. Alone and going home, 9/21

[glennbo123]

But the monorail was packed that day, my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.

And I'll bet the sea was angry too.

After Haunted Mansion (which still rocks my world), Jakie’s says, “That was cute.” Cute? CUTE???

.....maybe she's more of a 'coaster person.

 

[hucifer]

I love it that you have to go on IASW first. Me, too! (Unless, of course, it's rope drop and there are important headliners to get to.)

I'm sure Jakie is a lovely person, and all, but I have to say, I feel so bad for you that you had to worry about her! How dare these Disney newbies trod on our Disney joy?

Actually, IASW is only first for newbies. Sometimes I...dare I say it...don't even go on it. gasp!

Ah no, it was fun taking Jakie around. Although she was eerily quiet through most of it...like she was processing it all. She was actually more vocal about that class than about the parks. But I have to say, we had a lot of laughs that week.

Dear Santa,

All I really want for Christmas this year is a shiny new Hucifer trip report....and maybe some world peace....oh, and if you could possibly throw in the old metabolism that I used to have back in college that would be awesome.....because I'm trying hard to control the size of my portions but.....well, it doesn't seem to be working.

Do you remember specifically what he was saying? My son is getting to be that age and I'd like to pass on a few choice nuggets....you know, kind of show him the ropes. Problem is.....all of my old pick-up lines seem to involve "taking a trolley down to the drugstore soda fountain to grab a cold sarsaparilla"....which I fear is no longer relevant.

That's where we just stayed too. Is this a small world or what?

You traveled with the bubble girl? That had to be a nightmare getting through airport security. Ask her if she knows who invaded Spain in the 8th century. (answer: the moops)

Ok...I'm done for now....but I'll be back. Love your TR so far by the way. You're still my favorite....but don't tell the others.

Peter Panic Attack, always a pleasure. Always. So happy you stopped by. And ANXIOUSLY awaiting your next TR.

Anyway, I am so happy that you got your Christmas wish! It's a Christmas miracle. It really is.

I believe if you have your son use that pickup line, he may actually stand out a bit from the others. I know he'd win the girl's mother over, if nothing else, and that certainly wouldn't hurt.

Yes, I stayed at POFQ too. I wondered what that smell was. I guess now I know.

Ah, the Moops. Yes, I remember them well. They were just like the Moors, only they prefer P. Good times.

I'm your favorite? Shh...it's our secret.

Hucifer! You're back with a new TR?!

Congrats again (I'm pretty sure I congratulated you sometime within the past 2 years... if not, well... Congrats anyway!)

Please, allow me to put you at ease - this Floridian drives a silver sedan. I've used that panic button to find my car in parking lots more times than I can count, lol!

Okay, that's as far as I got - I'll be back for more reading, though; thanks for reporting again!

PrincessV! Hello again! Glad to see you here.

Thanks so much on the congrats...you can say it as many times as you like. Every day I am so grateful for our gift. He is absolutely wonderful, our boy. And well worth the wait, the agony, the pain.

Glad to know it isn't just me with hitting the Panic button in Florida.

And I'll bet the sea was angry too.

.....maybe she's more of a 'coaster person.

As a matter of fact, yes...the sea WAS angry that day. How did you know?

Jakie is most definitely not a coaster person. She's prone to motion sickness, poor girl.

 

[hucifer]

At this time it’s just about time for our dinner reservations, so we head over to Crystal Palace, my favorite Disney breakfast destination. We approached the podium and told them we were ready for our reservation. The woman smiled and asked if we were celebrating anything today. I nodded, thumbed behind me, and said, “Newbie.”

Not sure why they even asked. It’s not like they did anything to celebrate her newbie-ness. But in the meanwhile, we took a seat on the porch. This was my first real chance to pick up my cell and see what was for dinner back home.

I got my answer. “Hi Mama! Mwanu wuloo jawnee chicken ner ma choonee dinner.” Patrick is still at the age when he knows that there are filler words between the important ones, he just doesn’t know what they are, so he fills them with random phonemes. Just recently he replaced buck buck with chicken. Ahh…I miss the buck buck days. Tear.

“Oh, you’re having chicken for dinner? That’s sounds good. What did you do today?”

““Rumon chaum blahnum stoonya poop book.”

I may need to explain. His current favorite book is Everyone Poops. We have to include it with story time. Every. Single. Night. And he loves to talk about it. In fact, he loves to talk about this little gem of a book at every opportunity he can. Which reminds me of the time…

…I took Patrick to a convenience store back in May. He was sitting in the shopping cart. When I brought our items to the counter, Patrick noticed the very young and very pretty cashier. The boy, who was born with some natural flirting ability which no doubt came from Dan’s genes, suddenly perks up and starts to put the moves on this young lady. Poor lady, she never had a chance once Patrick eyed her. Since he’s strapped down in a cart, his only means to impress her with his male wiles had to be via speech. So he leans toward her and says, “Yub onaum eeblah num rammy too ree poop book.”

The cashier blinks, looks at me, and asks, “What did he say?”

“He’s telling you about his poop book.”

“Oh.” She blinks again and rings up our order.

Certainly he needs to hone his skills a bit. But I’ll give that responsibility to Dan.

After I hang up the phone with my family, the Crystal Palace folks call us in for dinner. Which is good because I’m getting pretty hungry talking about poop.

My dinner plate, round one​

So we’re merrily eating away at all the delicious offerings from the Crystal Palace gods when The Gang shows up. Now, I really like interacting (read: messing) with the characters. And normally, they seem to enjoy my attention, or at least tolerate it. Today, I may have pushed it.

Tigger, you’re really bouncy today, could he please put some of that into my food?
Piglet, cut the shy act. You’ve done this rotation thousands of times.
Eeyore, things wouldn’t be so bad if you would drop the ‘tude.

And all was well in the palace made of crystal.

Piglet, don't look down. There's pork on her plate.​

But Pooh was different. At first he is all sweetness and honey (no pun intended). But don’t let that fool you; this guy is WAY sensitive about his weight, and if you even hint at it ever so casually, he can be one mean dude. So Pooh stops by and points to my plate and rubs his tummy. I said yes, that’s a whole lotta food and doesn’t it look delicious? Pooh nods and puts a hand (paw?) to his mouth as if giggling. So I say, “I mean, it’s no honey.” He gives me the thumbs-up at the mention of honey. And then: “Looks like you like honey a LOT, Pooh. Maybe a little too much. You may want to cut back a little – ya got some junk in the trunk.”

No sooner do I say “trunk,” and Pooh is turning around to greet the next family. We are abruptly cut off from any further communication with the overweight bear.

Whoops. Looks like I went a little too far.

I laugh nervously at Jakie and then go back to eating. I probably won’t get invited back now. Show me, crystal ball…show me in three years, making reservations for my first magical family vacation to Disney World…Ah yes, I see myself online, merrily clicking away…what’s this?...A reservation refusal? “Hereby rejected from Crystal Palace for offending the host on said date in 2009.” Lifetime ban? Can they do that?

After we eat (THIRTY-THREE DOLLARS FOR ONE DINNER??!!), we step outside into the bright sunlight and hot hot heat. We walk toward Main Street and I see a cast member with a bundle of like a hundred balloons in her hand. (Do these people know the number of balloons it takes to keep their feet on the ground? I mean, are they sure that a hundred and four balloons isn’t the amount it takes to make them float? Are you as tempted as I am to hand them ten balloons, just to see what happens? Maybe reenact a scene from Up? No? Just me, then?)

There is a reason for mentioning this balloon woman, trust me. Let’s rewind the film to earlier today when we first walked into the park…

[insert harp music and clouds and the sound of a tape getting rewound]

…So long ago, nearly four hours from this time, Jakie and I were walking down Main Street, hand-in-hand, looking longingly at the castle and whispering to each other how magical the day was and that it just couldn’t get any better. And then I saw it. Time stopped. My eyes were on one thing only and instantly I knew I was in love. It was the balloon I always wanted…one of those Mickey-head-balloon-inside-another-balloon balloon. The kind you tell your grandkids about when they’re sitting on your wrinkly old knee and asking about the old days. The kind of balloon that brings joy to a child’s young face. The kind of balloon you dream about, if you ever dream about balloons. I suddenly envisioned skipping toward the castle in slow motion, silly dreamy grin on my face, waving and winking to all the people I passed, holding the string to one of these Mickey-head-balloon-inside-another-balloon balloons as I gloated along Main Street.

In my dream state, I mused: “That balloon would complete my life. How much do you think it is to have everything you’ve always wanted?”

“Probably like eight dollars or something,” Jakie said.

I snapped out of my dream state and laughed at her. “Oh don’t be ridiculous.”

[music stops, clouds part, and sound of fast-forwarding tape]

So we’re standing next to balloon lady. She’s holding like a thousand Mickey-head-balloon-in-another-balloon balloons. So I pointed up and asked, “How much for one of those Mickey-head balloons? My friend wants to know.”

“Ten dollars.”

“No, seriously. How much for one of those Mickey-head balloons?”

Ppppppfffffffffffffffttttttt. That’s the sound of me, emotionally deflating. I felt like a latex balloon the morning after a birthday party. She didn’t even let me down easy. She just blurted out her ridiculous price tag like I was packing ten-spots and was anxious to get rid of them. Like she didn’t even want me to have a balloon. Like these balloons are for the elite and clearly if I have to ask than I can’t afford one. She mocked my frugality and shamed me with her eyes. So much for telling the grandchildren about all my adventures with the Mickey-head balloon. And leave it to Newbie to call that one….I had laughed at Jakie…me, the self-entitled Disney guru, the goddess of Disney knowledge. The knower of all things Disney.

Balloon lady, detroyer of dreams.​

I almost choked. “Okay, thanks. She was just wondering. Cuz, you know. She thought she knew someone that might want to buy one. And they like to buy with exact change. And stuff.”

Back away from the balloon lady, Jakie. She’s armed with like a billion dollars in balloons and might make us buy one. See how her eyes judge us?

So, head down and fresh tears in eyes, I walked away from the lady who flaunted her hundreds of billion-dollar Mickey-head balloons.


Coming up: Part 5. Masters of our domain. Not.

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

Crazy hubby, the early years[/CENTER]

I must say that I am quite impressed by the nonchalant, yet extremely natural pose he's striking. Sadly.....this picture is eerily similar to my senior highschool yearbook picture. In hindsight, I probably should have went with the shot where I was casually leaning against a wooden ladder with my blazer slung over my shoulder in a relaxed, devil-may-care fashion.

I just had to touch and smell his head one last time.

My wife smells babies heads too.....and it's a little creepy. I am a staunch advocate of a babys right to its own personal space.....up to and including the freedom from unsolicated head sniffing.

and maybe two Pal Mickeys in case one dies or gets kidnapped in the parks…

yeah right.....like that could ever happen.

So we’re waiting at the gate and a flight attendant gets on the speaker and announces that Jakie needs to come to the desk.

Probably due to some confusion over the spelling of her name....

because unlike men, we’re not too proud to ask for directions

We don't ask for directions because we don't need to ask for directions. It's a little known fact that the Y chromosome responsible for making us a boy also provides us with an innate sense of direction. So you see......it's just a matter of simple science Hucifer.

So Jakie and I split up, her running toward the medicine aisle, and me toward the cereal aisle.

So......your friend is having a potentially life-threating allergic reaction to a bug bite and you're off in search of a box of Frankenberry? Hopefully, she was able to maintain consciousness long enough for you to pick up a carton of 2%.

Hmm…is he blind or perverted?

Men are like onions....or parfaits.

 

[Stefy]

Lol, oh gosh I can't believe you said that to poor Pooh Bear.

$10 is alot for those balloons, but I can see the draw of wanting one they are pretty awesome.

 

[PrincessV]

Jakie, how do you miss the exit for the biggest and most popular tourist destination on the planet? No, seriously. How did this happen?

Because, while Disney can make dreams reality, they can't produce road signage of which anyone short of advanced cartography certification can make sense.

Like, Port Orleans Next Exit seems simple enough…

Doesn't it? But in Disney's World, "Next Exit" sometimes means "THIS" exit. It also sometimes means "Not THIS exit, and not the NEXT exit, but the one BEHIND you."

Okay, I'll let it go now and read on...

I don’t know, I think once you have kids and your entire outlook in life changes so radically, and yet so subtle, that you just appreciate things differently.

Are you liking it now? Are you enjoying this Congo line of boats and getting thrust forward every fifty-eight seconds? Have you memorized this incredibly repetitive song by now? How about that doll that keeps nodding its head over and over, isn’t that cool?

“Looks like you like honey a LOT, Pooh. Maybe a little too much. You may want to cut back a little – ya got some junk in the trunk.”

Oh no you di'int?!

 

[hucifer]

I must say that I am quite impressed by the nonchalant, yet extremely natural pose he's striking. Sadly.....this picture is eerily similar to my senior highschool yearbook picture. In hindsight, I probably should have went with the shot where I was casually leaning against a wooden ladder with my blazer slung over my shoulder in a relaxed, devil-may-care fashion.

I miss that pose. It was classic.

My wife smells babies heads too.....and it's a little creepy. I am a staunch advocate of a babys right to its own personal space.....up to and including the freedom from unsolicated head sniffing.

Baby head smelling is practically mandatory when you're a mom. So back off.

yeah right.....like that could ever happen.

I know. It was a random, crazy thing I typed.

We don't ask for directions because we don't need to ask for directions. It's a little known fact that the Y chromosome responsible for making us a boy also provides us with an innate sense of direction. So you see......it's just a matter of simple science Hucifer.

Well, where the hell were you when we were aimlessly driving around Aquatica?

So......your friend is having a potentially life-threating allergic reaction to a bug bite and you're off in search of a box of Frankenberry? Hopefully, she was able to maintain consciousness long enough for you to pick up a carton of 2%.

Hey, I got my priorities.

Men are like onions....or parfaits.

No way, mister. You keep that Universal quote out of my Disney thread.

Lol, oh gosh I can't believe you said that to poor Pooh Bear.

I kind of thought he would laugh along with me. My bad.

$10 is alot for those balloons, but I can see the draw of wanting one they are pretty awesome.

I thought $10 went well beyond the teetering "should I or shouldn't I?" price. And yes, they are suh-weet balloons.

Because, while Disney can make dreams reality, they can't produce road signage of which anyone short of advanced cartography certification can make sense.

Well, according to Mr. Peter Panic Attack, it's a chick thing. Even my male supervisor said that it's impossible to get lost...and laughed at me when he found out that we did.

Doesn't it? But in Disney's World, "Next Exit" sometimes means "THIS" exit. It also sometimes means "Not THIS exit, and not the NEXT exit, but the one BEHIND you."

It would say "Next Exit" and we would take the NEXT EXIT, but once you got off the freeway, there wouldn't be any more signs. Like...a little help, please?

Oh no you di'int?!

Yes. I did. Whoops.

 

[hucifer]

Well, Jakie. With all that balloon action I bet you’re ready for some real excitement. How about the Hall of Presidents? So forward we trek to Liberty Square. When we got there, a show must have just started because there were hardly any people in the waiting area. So we waited for several minutes in the sweet air conditioning. Before the doors opened, we gathered in front of the doors that led into the theatre. Standing directly in front of the doors was this man who thought that this was the perfect time to clean out his nose. So he’s digging away while we stand behind him. You know, it must be nice to feel so free about your hygiene habits, where you can merrily pull out your nose contents without worrying about such pesky things like privacy or modesty or sanitation. What a peaceful, carefree way to live. And no, he didn’t use a tissue. Hopefully he touched every seat in the row he went into. Hopefully no one will drag their tongue over any surface he touched.

So we follow Gold Digger’s lead into the theatre. I wish we hadn’t chosen seats in the back of the room because my favorite part about this show is to watch the Presidents as they squirm and fidget onstage. And from the back, all those wonderful details are difficult to see. Obama looked amazingly life-like up there…at least from row 87 he did. But what made me giggle was roll call. Is it me, or does the name Van Buren sort of make you chuckle? (Yes, it’s another Seinfeld reference.) I couldn’t help but think of the Van Buren Gang and their number seven signal. The other thing that made me giggle was that after Obama’s speech (the fake one), several audience members clapped. Like he could hear them or something. I don’t know, I found it a bit silly. Like…that was the best speech from a machine, ever!

A lot of park time was searching for attractions with short wait times. Which meant a lot of park time was spent wandering around the park. I really wanted her to try Buzz Lightyear, but balked when I saw how long it would be. Space Mountain is closed, not that it mattered since my coworker has motion sickness issues. And Splash Mountain was like a four-hour wait or something. So we saw the sights but not so much the rides. Until we saw that the Monsters Inc Laugh Floor’s next show was in 20 minutes. Since this was new even to me, I grabbed Jakie by the arm and shoved her inside the building.

I loved the Monsters Inc. movie. Like, a lot. So I’m a bit biased when it comes to rating this attraction. I loved the preshow and I love-loved the attraction. Call me a sentimental slob, but it’s awesome when they taunt and make fun of certain people in the audience. And if Dan was there, you can bet he would have done anything to be a target. Well, this little show did not disappoint. I even think Jakie liked it. Not as much as me, of course, but I think she did. And what I love about this sort of attraction is that, no matter how many times you go, it will never be exactly the same. I adore Turtle Talk for that reason, and I loved Monster’s Inc Laugh Floor just as much. Maybe more. Laughing at others’ expense is the best.

We wasted enough daylight looking for short wait times that it was almost time for Spectromagic. I told Jakie that Spectromagic was mandatory for any newbie. We parked ourselves on the sidewalk midway down Main Street and waited like any well-behaved Disney guest would.

That's twenty dollars staring at us from just one family. Meet the Richies.​

So we’re sitting on the ground and people watching. I’m daydreaming about our Truck class the next day. Then something catches our eye: high in the air, bobbing and steadily rising above Main Street, was a Mickey-head balloon, free from the confines of a child with sticky Mickey-bar-covered fingers. Jakie and I watch the balloon soar into the air, getting smaller and smaller the higher it went.

Jakie said, “Look, some child is crying right about now.”

“Oh god no, Jakie. Some parent is crying right about now.”

Picture it: the second after that balloon is released…Dad, realizing the horror of the situation, looks up, mouth agape, and slaps his hands against his cheeks. His silent screams echo in every parent’s ears: “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

And later, in the car on the way to the hotel…

Jimmie, do you realize that’s ten dollars of my hard-earned money floating away? That’s it, kids. No more luxuries like eating for the rest of our vacation. Stop crying, all of you! You can thank Jimmie for being so careless with his ten-dollar balloon. Beef jerky dinners from here on in.

After the parade, instead of sticking around for Wishes, we walk back to the Contemporary to try to find our silver car and explain to the guard why it took us so long to visit the resort. Walking into the parking lot, some dude in an SUV who had to use the potty or something, sped by us like he didn’t see us, and almost hit Jakie as a result. Seriously, between the demonic gnats and the drivers trying to kill her, could this girl feel anymore unwelcomed here?

And who knew that you can’t make a left out of the Contemporary Resort? Alright, you can all put your hands down. Obviously I didn’t. This was going to put a big hamper in our plans to get back to the resort. So I turned right (which was the complete opposite direction we needed to go) and asked the Supreme Navigator to get us back to Port Orleans as quickly as possible.

Yes, you know where this is headed. Murphy wanted revenge on us for parking at the Contemporary.

So we drove all the way around Magic Kingdom and back again and around this other area and were actually headed toward the resort when a wrong turn decision ended us back at the Epcot resort area. “At least we know where we need to go tomorrow,” Jakie laughed weakly.

We were exhausted. Did I mention we were exhausted? Well we were. Travel day can really drag you down, getting lost over and over will drain you, and sprinkle in a little 90-degree heat and a busted dream that involves a Mickey-head balloon…well, you’ve got yourselves two beaten women. We just wanted to get to our rooms…if we could only find them. I was really getting upset how easily we got lost on property. It was unbelievably frustrating on an already hectic and draining day.

So when I did finally pull up to the Port Orleans French Quarter guard shack, I rolled down my window and asked this gem:

“Where should I park?”

A snicker in the seat next to me and the blank look on the guard’s face clued me in just how exhausted my brain was. As soon as I realized how idiotic I just sounded, I mumbled an apology and slammed the accelerator, thinking the more distance I put between us, the quicker he’ll forget my embarrassingly stupid question. But apparently I wasn’t the only one with a malfunctioning brain, come to find out. Ol’ Snickers Herself went inside the lobby to get her key and when asked how to spell her last name, she totally freezes and suddenly can’t remember.

Yep. You could say it was one loooooooooooooong day.



Coming up: Day 2: That really important class on trucks or something (AKA: the reason I’m here)

 

[Jiminy'sGirl]

OK, any TR that can work in the Van Buren boys is tops with me.

"I want to be a city planner!"

"Architect!"

"City planner!"

Good times. I am dying to know if Jakie ever becomes a true Disney convert. I am also dying to know how to pronounce her name...

 

[norybell]

You have now made me terrified to ever drive at WDW!

 

[DisneysRedhead]

All I have to say is $10 for a freaking balloon?!? No thanks!!

 

[NMAmy]

This tale of long lines and ridiculous heat has confirmed my resolve to never go near WDW in the summertime.

Just recently he replaced buck buck with chicken. Ahh…I miss the buck buck days. Tear.

A friend's daughter used to call the sandwiches at Chik-Fil-A "bawk bawk burgers." She's now a young adult with an expansive vocabulary. I, on the other hand, still call them bawk bawk burgers.

“He’s telling you about his poop book.”

“Oh.” She blinks again and rings up our order.

Certainly he needs to hone his skills a bit. But I’ll give that responsibility to Dan.

So I say, “I mean, it’s no honey.” He gives me the thumbs-up at the mention of honey. And then: “Looks like you like honey a LOT, Pooh. Maybe a little too much. You may want to cut back a little – ya got some junk in the trunk.”

No sooner do I say “trunk,” and Pooh is turning around to greet the next family. We are abruptly cut off from any further communication with the overweight bear.

Whoops. Looks like I went a little too far.

Oh, Pooh. Did he learn nothing when he got stuck in Rabbit's hole? There's a reason why Rabbit is so slim. Carrots.

So I pointed up and asked, “How much for one of those Mickey-head balloons? My friend wants to know.”

“Ten dollars.”

“No, seriously. How much for one of those Mickey-head balloons?”

Now, granted, I have not personally been in the market for a Mickey balloon for 15 years or so but has the price really gone up that much??? I love dd but I can't imagine that I spent anywhere close to $10 for a balloon when she was 5. Maybe I had that WDW disease where $33 for one dinner and $10 for a balloon seems reasonable when I'd already spent a zillion dollars for a hotel room.

$10 for some plastic and helium? And reading back over my comment, I can't help but think, "When did I become my mother??" She's the lady who grew up during the Depression and paid a nickel for a week's worth of groceries.

I love the older couple in this picture. You know they're saying, "WTH??? Did you see that, Alvin? TEN DOLLARS for a BALLOON???"​

 

[NMAmy]

Standing directly in front of the doors was this man who thought that this was the perfect time to clean out his nose.

There is such an interesting cross-section of people at WDW. I've found it helps to think of this as sociological research. After my first thought of, "EWWWW!!!"

The other thing that made me giggle was that after Obama’s speech (the fake one), several audience members clapped. Like he could hear them or something. I don’t know, I found it a bit silly. Like…that was the best speech from a machine, ever!

I've noticed people doing that over the years. Maybe it's a testament to the lifelike-ness of the audioanimatronic figures. Maybe these folks think that afterward, they'll finally be able to chat with George Washington or FDR about philosophical topics.

I adore Turtle Talk for that reason, and I loved Monster’s Inc Laugh Floor just as much. Maybe more. Laughing at others’ expense is the best.

AMEN!

I told Jakie that Spectromagic was mandatory for any newbie.

I have a confession to make. I've never seen Spectro. DD saw part of it once and told me that it would freak me out. Something about men with creepy masks. I didn't delve too deeply into her reasoning but she seemed very certain that neither of us liked it.

That's twenty dollars staring at us from just one family. Meet the Richies.

They have disney-itis.

Ol’ Snickers Herself went inside the lobby to get her key and when asked how to spell her last name, she totally freezes and suddenly can’t remember.

I hate it when someone puts you on the spot like that.

Coming up: Day 2: That really important class on trucks or something (AKA: the reason I’m here)

And now it's time to pay the piper. Or the trucker. Or the logistics guy.

Great updates, Wendy! Looking forward to more!

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

I swore we drove over every inch of property, occasionally finding “Port Orleans” signs that led us into the abyss of WDW.

The abyss of WDW. How coud "Port Orleans" signs led you to IASW? It just doesn't seem possible.

When I made the reservations, I gave them Sally request (as in When Harry Met Sally): “I want the top floor, but I want a remote building, not those middle buildings that are in the middle of all the hullaballoo. And if the only room available on the top floor is in the middle buildings, then I want a second floor on the end. And I can face the parking lot but only if you honor my first two requests. Oh, and I want Jakie to have the room next to me. But if you can’t get her a room next to me, then honor my original room request in full and have her sleep in the basement.”

Careful hucifer.....they are going to label you as "difficult" in your WDW file.

Since this is Jakie’s first time and all, I thought she should arrive at MK the way Walt intended.

with an insatiable desire for disney merchandise and two fists full of cash?

Yes, he’s sexy to me. Because when I hear that voice, it means I’m in the happiest place in the world.

then Goofy's voice must drive you bananas......hyuck...gawrsh!

Okay, I’m tripping in a state of delight right now…but a thirty-minute wait for IASW??? Like some sick joke, there it was.

let me tell ya.....there ain't nothing funny about a 30 minute wait to ride the abyss.

Now that’s love, folks. I believe it was the late great Ella Fitzgerald who coined the phrase (or at least sang it) “What is this thing called love?” Or was that Benny Hill, the late British comedian? I always get those two confused.*
*my tribute to Peter Panic Attack

I am humbled and honored.

After Haunted Mansion (which still rocks my world), Jakie’s says, “That was cute.” Cute? CUTE???

Ok.....I just went from humbled and honored to outraged and aghast. You may need to implement some type of newbie interviewing process in the future....cuz I'm starting to worry about this Jakie.....if that's even her real name.

Pretty soon you’ve got a whole sheepload of people baaing and frolicking in one lane, while the other lane is pretty much barren, despite the cast member standing there, reminding us sheeps that both lanes are open. “Always take the road less taken, young grasshopper.”

Since I've already been forbidden from using any Universal Studios qoutes, is Kung Fu Panda off limits too...or is Dreamworks ok? Your restrictive parameters have left me feeling lost and confused......

Only the wisest and most mature leaders would let the visuals speak for themselves, but I’m neither. I was only too eager to point out the errors of her suggestion.

I think you did the right thing. The wise and mature route leaves too much chance that an error could go undetected.....thereby robbing you of a well-earned moment of glory.

 

[hucifer]

OK, any TR that can work in the Van Buren boys is tops with me.

"I want to be a city planner!"

"Architect!"

"City planner!"

Good times. I am dying to know if Jakie ever becomes a true Disney convert. I am also dying to know how to pronounce her name...

You pronounce it "Jackie."
Gotta love all things Seinfeld.

You have now made me terrified to ever drive at WDW!

Seriously, it isn't that bad. It's me. It really is.

All I have to say is $10 for a freaking balloon?!? No thanks!!

I hear ya sista.

A friend's daughter used to call the sandwiches at Chik-Fil-A "bawk bawk burgers." She's now a young adult with an expansive vocabulary. I, on the other hand, still call them bawk bawk burgers.

Funny how we hang on to the sweet things that kids say. I love how Patrick pronounces "yellow" and "blue" and "excuse me" ("Lellow" and "boo" and "skoo me") I figure I'll be saying those until he's 30.

Oh, Pooh. Did he learn nothing when he got stuck in Rabbit's hole? There's a reason why Rabbit is so slim. Carrots.

Good point. Honey=sugar=fat. Carrots=beta carotene=weight loss.

Now, granted, I have not personally been in the market for a Mickey balloon for 15 years or so but has the price really gone up that much??? I love dd but I can't imagine that I spent anywhere close to $10 for a balloon when she was 5. Maybe I had that WDW disease where $33 for one dinner and $10 for a balloon seems reasonable when I'd already spent a zillion dollars for a hotel room. $10 for some plastic and helium? And reading back over my comment, I can't help but think, "When did I become my mother??" She's the lady who grew up during the Depression and paid a nickel for a week's worth of groceries.

It's crazy how expensive those puppies are. I can't fathom spending that kind of cash for a balloon. (Watch -- in three years Patrick will have two of them)

I love the older couple in this picture. You know they're saying, "WTH??? Did you see that, Alvin? TEN DOLLARS for a BALLOON???"

That's a great caption.

 

[hucifer]

I've noticed people doing that over the years. Maybe it's a testament to the lifelike-ness of the audioanimatronic figures. Maybe these folks think that afterward, they'll finally be able to chat with George Washington or FDR about philosophical topics.

Or maybe they swallowed a little Gold Digger's treasures and got loopy. Like when you lick a frog.

I have a confession to make. I've never seen Spectro. DD saw part of it once and told me that it would freak me out. Something about men with creepy masks. I didn't delve too deeply into her reasoning but she seemed very certain that neither of us liked it.

Wha- wha- WHAT????? Okay, those freaky mask people are only in the front of the parade, then they are gone. You, missy, have got to see this parade. It's mandatory for any Disney vacation and quite frankly, I'm surprised that no one has fined you or held you down and forced your eyelids open in front of it, a la Clockwork Orange. I have a mission for you...you WILL see Spectromagic on your next trip to the World. And you will report (in great detail, with lots of photographic evidence) exactly what you saw and how right I was for making you see it.

They have disney-itis.

And lots of extra cash.

I hate it when someone puts you on the spot like that.

To be fair, she's only had the name for a couple of years.

And now it's time to pay the piper. Or the trucker. Or the logistics guy.

I know. On one hand, it's the reason I got back to the World. On the other hand...it's a class. In Disney World.

 

[hucifer]

The abyss of WDW. How could "Port Orleans" signs led you to IASW? It just doesn't seem possible.

You know, there are some devout IASW supporters on this thread who may take offense to your implication.

Careful hucifer.....they are going to label you as "difficult" in your WDW file.

Then I'll just go visit some back-woods country Disney World where they don't have access to my file.

with an insatiable desire for disney merchandise and two fists full of cash?

Something like that.

then Goofy's voice must drive you bananas......hyuck...gawrsh!

Oooh...that is one sexy dog.

let me tell ya.....there ain't nothing funny about a 30 minute wait to ride the abyss.

I hope Norybell doesn't take you out for writing slanderous stuff about her favorite attraction.

I am humbled and honored.

Ok.....I just went from humbled and honored to outraged and aghast. You may need to implement some type of newbie interviewing process in the future....cuz I'm starting to worry about this Jakie.....if that's even her real name.

I know this is hard to swallow but...some people out there just don't love Disney like we do. Crazy, I know.

Since I've already been forbidden from using any Universal Studios qoutes, is Kung Fu Panda off limits too...or is Dreamworks ok? Your restrictive parameters have left me feeling lost and confused......

Actually, I'm a little confused right now too. And curious. I would love to know what Kung Fu Panda quote you were about to throw at me...was it "The sign of a true hero is humility" or "There is no secret ingredient" or "Careful, that soup is sharp"?

I think you did the right thing. The wise and mature route leaves too much chance that an error could go undetected.....thereby robbing you of a well-earned moment of glory.

Good point.

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

Just recently he replaced buck buck with chicken. Ahh…I miss the buck buck days. Tear.

Be reasonable hucifer…..eventually he was going to catch some serious flack in high school if he still called chicken “buck buck”

I may need to explain. His current favorite book is Everyone Poops

How does one end up owning a book called “Everyone Poops?”? Maybe Barnes & Nobles has a special section dedicated to unsavory coffee table books.

Now, I really like interacting (read: messing) with the characters. And normally, they seem to enjoy my attention, or at least tolerate it. Today, I may have pushed it.

I’m always paranoid that they’re making faces as me under the fake heads…..you know, crossing their eyes…..sticking out their tongues.

Like these balloons are for the elite and clearly if I have to ask than I can’t afford one. She mocked my frugality and shamed me with her eyes.

I’ve got two words for you….expense…report. You’ve just got to list your balloon purchase as something clever like …oh I don’t know…..an adult movie or hard liquor from the mini bar.

I almost choked. “Okay, thanks. She was just wondering. Cuz, you know. She thought she knew someone that might want to buy one. And they like to buy with exact change. And stuff.”

Nice recovery though

Standing directly in front of the doors was this man who thought that this was the perfect time to clean out his nose.

In his defense, sometimes all that air conditioning can really dry out the air…..besides, somebody who owns a book called “everybody poops” really shouldn’t throw stones.

So we drove all the way around Magic Kingdom and back again and around this other area and were actually headed toward the resort when a wrong turn decision ended us back at the Epcot resort area.

How do I put this gently? Have you ever considered parking your rental car and just using Disney Transportation? In fact, I think you have a real shot at being the Disney Transportation poster child…..because you seem to be a little navigationally challenged. I’m not saying…I’m just saying.


Very entertaining trip so far though. I just hope you're not overdoing it.

 

[Disneyland_Mama]

Well bust my buttons, you're back!!! Well, truthfully the Christmas goodies are doing that faster, but YIPPEEE, you're back!

Aww... the Peanut is adorable!

YES! I'm happy to report we are also the proud owners of "Everyone Poops". Just wait until Peanut starts singing about booooobies!

I can't wait to read more!

 

[Cap'n Keel]

Well I finally got some free time to comment on your trip report. Sheesh!
What a week this has been so far! Tell ya later.
Scuze me - out of character - back to yer scurvy report.

Well blow me down I found da Hucifer trip report agin. Evenin my dear.
First I must say young lady, from what I've read you've scared off half of WDWs customers that drive automobiles or come in the summer. You should wear sunglasses from now on in the park ta avoid detection. Your name - top of da list - top.

If you be hot - go swimmin! It ain't rocket science - ask any kid and they'll tell ya. As to gettin lost, even with one of dem new fangled GPS thing-a-ma-gigs, uh ... read the signs. Lets see <swig> ya hung a right out of the Contemp - right? As I recall ain't there a sign there stating employees only? You know I know this as I know them waters like the back o me hand. So you got back to the secret area leading to the underground tunnel, the monorail roundhouse, and the extra secret rich peoples north secret private entrance into WDW. Shuuuusshhhhh. Don't let dem know you know. This, the loss of biz, talking dirt ta pigs later, you are high on the WDW list thar lass. Yup, couple blocks north of castle on the right there is where the WDW execs live. Us pirates know dis stuff - its in the handbook. <swig> Back ta yer scury, scurvy report.

So for openers ya took a body to Small World. That be evil. Cain't imagine haven that tune in my head all day. Even more cain't imagine standing in line 30 minutes to see it either. ARE YOU CRAZY! Screams tourist or newbie! Not to mention torture. As to Haunted Mansion it is just cute. Ever see the movie? - sucked. (I do like the new additions though). I don't even need to say which ride is best in the WHOLE park as ye know the answer. Yep - thars that little know bar on the back street near the corner...ohh...thats Universal. My bad. Uh Magic Kingdom ... no bars ... Pyrates of course!

I see ya got in the required food picture. Ho-hum. It ain't about the food. More Jacy, jackie, or what-ever her name is pictures please - without the pink pig.
A pink pig - don't that beat all. Last time I saw a pink elephant it was not a good day.

So you insulted a pig? I like it. BTW - he was wearing horizontal stripes which is likely the reason for the wide look. Maybe you should have mentioned that instead of his girth. Might of been a she under the hood. Reminds me of coffee somehow.

As to balloon prices - $10, that's cheap. Not for a balloon, but ta see the light in yer young ones eyes. You'll buy two some day you watch, but it'll cost $20 then. The man, or mouse, knows just how much yer willing ta pay. Ba-wa-ha-ha.

Last time I sailed Fantasmic me nieces were with us. Show was fixin ta start and all ya could see was a wall of spinning lasers & light sticks. Me brother was to tight ta take out the additional mortgage for his kids ta have a light doo-hickie. Left this ole softie ta buy them. Course they got down there ta pick something out and those little darlings decided they wanted one of everything. Da Wicked Wench would've had ta sail an extra raid or two this year. How could I say no? <swig> Easy if'n I had to. I hear they fished that sales thief out of the moat before they lit it afire. Try ta charge a pyrate $15 for a plastic flashlight will ya. He be lucky I had ta check the cutlass at the entrance. <swig>

Where were we? Ya took her to the Presidents? <snicker> Thats for foreigners love. No red blooded merican wants ta hear that dribble. Yeah they clap, but they clapped louder at Independence Day when they blew up the white house. Tis a nice place ta visit on a hot day to catch half hour nap in the AC.

Enjoying yer report. More action! More Characters (not in pink horizontal stripes)! More photos!

Yer humble servant,