Lending money to family

[tlbwriter]

I understand that you should take care of your family first but if the only reason you aren't loaning her the money is because you don't know what the future holds and you might need the money in the future, then I think you are wrong.

No, it is never wrong to decide not to loan money.

 

[missj1975]

No, it is never wrong to decide not to loan money.

Your opinion just as my post was my opinion.

Most of this thread is about bad experiences with loaning money to family. What about the good experiences about loaning money to family?

I am thankful everyday that I have family that would loan me money if my life took a turn for the worst and I needed money to get by. I am sticking with the opinion that every "loan" situation is different and should be evaluated differently. Thank god I have family that would help me out in time of need without a second thought to how it would effect their future bottomline.

 

[Newfie2000]

Your opinion just as my post was my opinion.

Most of this thread is about bad experiences with loaning money to family. What about the good experiences about loaning money to family?

I am thankful everyday that I have family that would loan me money if my life took a turn for the worst and I needed money to get by. I am sticking with the opinion that every "loan" situation is different and should be evaluated differently. Thank god I have family that would help me out in time of need without a second thought to how it would effect their future bottomline.

Well said! And I am in full agreement - you clearly stated that as your opinion and there was no reason that you should of been jumped on for posting your opinion! I am one of a few who did the take the time to write a lengthy and positive post about family lending. But I also do realize that every family situation is different! Guess we are both blessed to have wonderful family units!!

 

[Kellydelly]

Your opinion just as my post was my opinion.

Most of this thread is about bad experiences with loaning money to family. What about the good experiences about loaning money to family?

I am thankful everyday that I have family that would loan me money if my life took a turn for the worst and I needed money to get by. I am sticking with the opinion that every "loan" situation is different and should be evaluated differently. Thank god I have family that would help me out in time of need without a second thought to how it would effect their future bottomline.

Thank you! Nobody knows when the floor may drop from beneath them, stuff happens and I am thankful that I have family or friends that are willing to help in times of need. Just never say never.

 

[Darcy03231]

My SIL's DH got layed off from his job and they are having money problems. She called DH tonight and asked him if they could borrow a bouple thousand dollars to cover the house payment for January anad February. She said they could pay us back in the middle of February. He told her he would have to talk to me about it. I said no way. He is an independent contractor and his business is not secure right now at all. I am clinging to my money. He feels really bad that he can't help her. Am I being selfish? I am just afraid that if they can't pay us back and his business slows down, where are we?:confused3

While there are positive family lending experiences (just as there are negatives) in the OP's situation there is no way I would loan money from my savings. Sorry, my immediate family comes first and there is no way I would jeopardize my financial security, even for another family member. I would give them an amount I could afford to give but not make a loan. If its for their house payment and they'll have the money in February, they can make both January and February's payment themselves at that time. The banks don't do anything until you're at least 90 days in arrears. SIL should call the bank, tell them what's happening, make whatever payment she can now and pay the balance in February, when she planned to pay the OP back.

 

[bookgirl]

My brother, my mom, my dad, my BFF, I would loan/give money to them in a heartbeat, heck I'd take another job and give them the money from it if they needed it. I'd give it to them before they asked. I'd drain my savings for them. Those people are more important than money.

Anyone else, I wouldn't "have" the money to give them. In that case the money is more important.

It's all about what relationships are important and what your heart tells you. Only you know if they "deserve" help, or if it would just be a mistake. If it's just your fears holding you back, then maybe you could cover one month and tell them you'll just have to see about next month.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

While there are positive family lending experiences (just as there are negatives) in the OP's situation there is no way I would loan money from my savings. Sorry, my immediate family comes first and there is no way I would jeopardize my financial security, even for another family member. I would give them an amount I could afford to give but not make a loan. If its for their house payment and they'll have the money in February, they can make both January and February's payment themselves at that time. The banks don't do anything until you're at least 90 days in arrears. SIL should call the bank, tell them what's happening, make whatever payment she can now and pay the balance in February, when she planned to pay the OP back.

Interesting point.

But unless the SIL and family are completly dumb and have no clue how to handle their own lives.

Maybe they are already behind on their payments??

 

[cheshireqt]

As others have stated, give them the amount that you can be comfortable to never see again. Either tell them it is a loan and hope for the best or just plain out give them what you can.

Our experience: We gave BIL a loan back in 2004. DH and I agreed to the amount that it would not grieve us to lose. Thank goodnes. The check was cashed and we have never heard another word about it. Because DH and I had that agreement between us, it did not become an issue between DH and myself, or between us and them.

 

[jlima]

What about the good experiences about loaning money to family?

My dad co-signed a loan for his sister, back in the early 80s. She still lives in the same house and never screwed up her situation. Good for her.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I didn't read all of this, but what I did I have to say how sad. Our roof caved in last September. We had payed off our trip to Disney for November and were going to get the money back to pay towards the roof. My grandparents said they would rather loan us the money so we could still go on our trip (they went with us.) We did not want to borrow it, but the new roof was $7000 (we had $4000) and the Disney money would have helped pay for it. We went ahead and borrowed the remainder of the money and have started paying it back. Right now we are sending $200 a month but will send our tax refund and will have it paid back by summer. I can't imagine not paying it back. They were kind enough to offer it, interest free, what kind of people would we be to not pay it back???? I just can't imagine, someone is generous enough to help you out and you don't repay it?

 

[arminnie]

I'd give it to them before they asked.

My sister who is self employed had 4 surgeries in a year's time. I made some very large gifts to her BEFORE she asked. I did not want her to have to grovel and beg. It was unconditionally a gift. No mention of a loan.

But what I do know family is important and we should be there for them. Put yourself in her shoes. Do you have family that would help you through tough times?

I have been in those shoes. I got hit very hard in the houston bust in the 80s- lost my job, home, savings, retirement, etc - everything. I have a brother who is practically a billionaire. No my problems had NOTHING to do with him and he had no responsibility to bail me out.

No, it sure wouldn't be a slap in the face! As someone who's husband lost his job 5 wks ago, someone who is quite freaked out about whether he'll ever get another and how we are going to make ends meet, it would be a BLESSING to know that even if my family can't help me with as much as I asked for, they care enough to help me buy SOMETHING to sustain my family during a crisis.

I still remember a $7 meal that a friend brought me about 25 years ago. It meant so much to me as $7 was a lot of money back then.

 

[tlbwriter]

Your opinion just as my post was my opinion.

Most of this thread is about bad experiences with loaning money to family. What about the good experiences about loaning money to family?

No one said there were no good outcomes when loaning money. But you told the OP that her reason for not loaning the money was wrong. And I disagree. Surely I'm allowed to disagree with you, just as you are allowed to disagree with the OP and tell her she is wrong? She has particular reasons for not being comfortable loaning money. I think she's using a lot of common sense. Her SIL is not going to be left homeless, unless she's lying about her ability to pay the money back in February.

 

[hinodis]

OP here. To those that think family should come first and I should give them the money unconditionally.... I do think family is important. MY family is very important and they come first. I know that our business will be slowing down and i HAVE to protect us first. If I loan them the money and I don't get it back and our business goes under who will be making my house payment?? DH told her NO. Just FYI, DH has 10 sisters and 4 bothers. A couple of them are very wealthy. SIL did not want to go to them because she "didn't want to hear it" I am assuming she is worried about a lecture on why she did not have any savings, idk. I do know one of my BIL's that is well off told us a few months ago that he is out over $20,000 in money he has loaned to family members and thye have not paid him back.

 

[Kellydelly]

I just want to say that today in the mail I received a sizeable gift card for Sams/Walmart from my sister (larger than the amount I suggested you give your inlaws). I cried . No judgement from her and her spouse over why we are short on savings to cover my husband's unemployment (I am a fulltime nursing student and our extra funds were paying for tuition and childcare); just a huge pick me up, and a way for us to buy food or toilet paper so that what money we do currently have can be allocated to mortgage, utilites, and insurance. I have to admit that before we found ourselves in this position I was clueless about how it feels. I didn't know how to empathize with others who were in this position. Now I will never be the same person again. I will give when I have it to give, and I will pay this kindness forward to anyone I am able to. It means more than anything when my friends and neighbors tell me to let them know if there is anything they can do to help us. I just had a classmate offer to make a meal for my family . I am grateful that I have people like that in my life . I hope we get through this sooner than later, but if unemployment drags on I know we will manage. I am taking advantage of programs that we qualify for, but MI (at least my county) has a 6 month backlog on applications for assistance . Thanks to my sis I don't have to stress over that this week. Anyway, it sounds like your family is much larger than mine. If you love your SIL, help them out in some way, if you don't even like them or feel they are not worthy, then let them fend for themselves (only you know what kind of people they are). You seem like a caring person from your posts, so I imagine you want to help them in some way.

 

[hinodis]

I just want to say that today in the mail I received a sizeable gift card for Sams/Walmart from my sister (larger than the amount I suggested you give your inlaws). I cried . No judgement from her and her spouse over why we are short on savings to cover my husband's unemployment (I am a fulltime nursing student and our extra funds were paying for tuition and childcare); just a huge pick me up, and a way for us to buy food or toilet paper so that what money we do currently have can be allocated to mortgage, utilites, and insurance. I have to admit that before we found ourselves in this position I was clueless about how it feels. I didn't know how to empathize with others who were in this position. Now I will never be the same person again. I will give when I have it to give, and I will pay this kindness forward to anyone I am able to. It means more than anything when my friends and neighbors tell me to let them know if there is anything they can do to help us. I just had a classmate offer to make a meal for my family . I am grateful that I have people like that in my life . I hope we get through this sooner than later, but if unemployment drags on I know we will manage. I am taking advantage of programs that we qualify for, but MI (at least my county) has a 6 month backlog on applications for assistance . Thanks to my sis I don't have to stress over that this week. Anyway, it sounds like your family is much larger than mine. If you love your SIL, help them out in some way, if you don't even like them or feel they are not worthy, then let them fend for themselves (only you know what kind of people they are). You seem like a caring person from your posts, so I imagine you want to help them in some way.

I never said I did not love them or thought them unworthy. I am taking care of my family first. I have been there by the way. DH lost his job 2 months after we bought our first home. It was scary. I was so afraid of losing our home and we had a 2 year old. We never asked anyone to help us. DH cleaned toilets at night to take care of us. I never expected anyone to give us anything. I am certain my Dad would have helped. I just did not want to ask. Call me selfish, I am making sure that it never happens to us again. We have been living on a high income and we live the life style that reflects it. So, do i pull the kids out of their private school to help my SIL? Do I sell DD's horse? Do I tell DS20 he can't go to college because I am giving money to my SIL? We worked hard to build up a savings account that will take care of us if we need it. Owning a business is extremely riskey right now and I will not risk losing anything whether it be our horse or my house.

 

[maxiesmom]

OP, for what it is worth, I think you are making the right decision. You first responsiblity is to your immediate family. And if your income is not stable right now, then unfortunately, you cannot help you SIL. Plus, if she was truly in such dire straights, I don't think the threat of a lecture would keep her from asking one of the wealthy relatives for money.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

I never said I did not love them or thought them unworthy. I am taking care of my family first. I have been there by the way. DH lost his job 2 months after we bought our first home. It was scary. I was so afraid of losing our home and we had a 2 year old. We never asked anyone to help us. DH cleaned toilets at night to take care of us. I never expected anyone to give us anything. I am certain my Dad would have helped. I just did not want to ask. Call me selfish, I am making sure that it never happens to us again. We have been living on a high income and we live the life style that reflects it. So, do i pull the kids out of their private school to help my SIL? Do I sell DD's horse? Do I tell DS20 he can't go to college because I am giving money to my SIL? We worked hard to build up a savings account that will take care of us if we need it. Owning a business is extremely riskey right now and I will not risk losing anything whether it be our horse or my house.

You said you have the $2000. Loaning or giving somebody $2000 out of your savings account would not mean you have to take your kids out of private school, sell DD's horse, or tell DS20 he can't go to college. If you've been "living on a high income and living the life style that reflects it," $2000 really isn't very much money. You know, I think it's between your DH and you whether or not you loan the money, but you sound like you can well afford it without any sacrifice to your "life style." You're talking about $2000, not $20,000, right?

 

[hinodis]

You said you have the $2000. Loaning or giving somebody $2000 out of your savings account would not mean you have to take your kids out of private school, sell DD's horse, or tell DS20 he can't go to college. If you've been "living on a high income and living the life style that reflects it," $2000 really isn't very much money. You know, I think it's between your DH and you whether or not you loan the money, but you sound like you can well afford it without any sacrifice to your "life style." You're talking about $2000, not $20,000, right?

If our business does not survive the econmy that $2,000 will be much needed. I am scared and I am not taking any chance. We have already decided that IF something happens the horse will have to go . My DS said he talked to his cousin and can not understand why she is still going to a special music camp if they need money from us. I am hanging on to everything I've got in the bank. I live in Michigan and most people around here work in the auto indusrty. Our business WILL be effected.

 

[eeyorethegreat]

It sounds like the OP and Dh put a lot of thought into what was a tough decision. They made that decision and they feel that they did the right thing. There is no need for anyone to pass judgement on her for that.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

It sounds like the OP and Dh put a lot of thought into what was a tough decision. They made that decision and they feel that they did the right thing. There is no need for anyone to pass judgement on her for that.

She specifically asked if she was being selfish. If she has the money sitting in her savings account, has a high income (which she said she does) and is living the life style to reflect that high income (which she said she is), then yes, I think she's being selfish. She did ask the question!