You're a big, fat pig.

[Mskanga]

Unfortunately--the parent's attitudes let me know where the kids got theirs-----they don't care if their kids hurt others--in fact one parent encouraged it and another's comment was "Oh, well, that's just the way she is!" Even office referrals haven't helped because the girls parents aren't supportive.

Boy I have seen this happen so many times....children do what they see at home.

I know one thing, if it were my kid who slung that kind of insult, he'd be paying for it dearly. The one thing I will NOT tolerate from my kids is deliberate cruelty to other kids. I wonder if this boy who said this mean thing to the girl learned that kind of talk at home.

Same here Snoopy, if I ever found out my kids do anything like this they would have to deal with me and I don't think they would like it.

My dd's are not allowed to call each other names and they no darn well they better not call other kid's names for any reason. But then again, my girls think "stupid" is a bad word. I guess I'm doing something wrong by alot of other people's standard's!

Pooh93, are you related to me or something?? My kids don't even tell each other shut up because they think it's a bad word. I always hear them saying, shush! That's ok with me.

 

[CathyCanada]

Kids can be so mean. I just dealt with something like this yesterday with Patrick. It didn't seem to bother him, but Meg and I were very upset, but didn't let him see that we were. In high school you can't deal with it the same way you can in elementary school, or it just will come back 10 times worse.

Good for you Kallison for trying to show these kids that there are repercussions for cruelty. Keep up the good work!
CC

 

[snoopy]

Miss Jasmine, your post was so eloquent and thoughtful it made me cry.

It makes me wish that the kids who slung those insults at you would have the emotional maturity to read your post and realize just what an impact it had on your life.

But you are SO right - its up to us as parents to do all that we can to instill confidence in our children. When we build self esteem in our children, they don't feel the need to put others down.

 

[ByTheSea]

It's difficult sometimes as a parent to figure out how to deal with teasing and bullies... part of me wants to just smack the bully.. of course not acceptable. We try to talk to our DS, we let him know how special he thinks he is, love him, etc. but that "fat" label hurts him a lot. So I will ask him to look in the mirror or "feel his bones" he can feel where his ribcage is and know that he really is not fat... and that always seems to make him feel better, but that feels funny to me because even if he WAS fat he shouldn't have be to subjected to the hurt....

One time I told him (after a "friend" had hurt him by teasing that he was "fat and slow") to respond to his "friend" (who isn't the sharpest kid) "I'd rather be slow than stupid" - which wasn't very nice of me and I shouldn't have suggested it, obviously I am not the perfect parent... I have to say I was proud and put in my place when my DS said no, he wouldn't ever say that because that was his "friend" and he could never say anything mean to a friend... so sometimes I guess I need to learn from my kid.

As parents we try to protect our kids from all kinds of hurts, and it's so frustrating to know that we can't protect them from everything unless we never let them out of the house.... Wish I had the right answers...

 

[Disney Ella]

I'm glad to hear you want to do something about these insensitive kids, Kallison. The nice kids often need someone to stand up for them. I think there should be a class on getting along with other people and appreciating differences in people from kindergarten through 12th grade. Learning how to treat other people and getting along with others should be something that most people can figure out, but that doesn't seem to be the case. If I were a teacher, I would have zero tolerance for nasty comments. They do stay with people years after the fact. I just wonder how some of these people do when they get jobs and realize they can be fired for being rude and demeaning to people.

 

[Jeafl]

It doesn't matter if you are fat or thin, middle school kids are just plain MEAN. My daughter is tall, thin and pretty (at least I think so!), and has tons of friends. However, just last week she came home upset because some girls at school made fun of her for wearing a shirt by MUDD. MUDD is actually a brand name, so I didn't see the problem with it, but these girls said "It's too bad you have to wear such CHEAP clothes". I guess if you don't wear A&F EVERY DAY, your clothes are cheap. These are probably the same girls that made fun of her because her jeans were ironed.

I really believe that no matter who you are, and what you look like, kids will find something about you to pick on. I tried to tell her that you can't let these girls tear down your self-esteem because of their own insecurities, but I'm not sure I got through to her. I tried to explain that if the best they could come up with to make fun of was wearing a $15 t-shirt instead of a $24 t-shirt that's pretty pathetic.

 

[TinkHappy]

Kids are just so darn mean sometimes. My heart aches for those children who are being ridiculed.

 

[bobcat]

Middel School sucks as far as self esteem. I say the only reason I teach middle school is it is cheap therapy for all the crap I went through in Jr. High! LOL

When I hear my middle schoolers put each other down I make them stand in front of the class and say two nice things about the person they put down. The two things have to be about the persons personality and can not be about physical appearance or physical talent. This really makes them think about what they say. Yes it is singling kids out but they usually are putting down their friends jokingly and don't realize how those words can hurt. Of course this doesn't stop the put downs completely but at least kids know that in my class there is a safe haven where they won't be picked on. It's a start. And joy of joys I have 8th grade lunch duty this year and you should see how fast they change their words when they see me. LOL

Middle schoolers hear so many negative things about themselves, from peers, friends, family and even the media that it's important to let them hear something positive. I had one class that was so bad last year at putting each other down that I spent a class period making a point about put ups instead of put downs. I wrote each persons name on the board and passed out sticky notes. Each person was to anomously write something positive about three different students and post it under their names. There could only be three things under each name so that way it wasn't a popularity contest. I then read them out loud to the class. You should have seen some of these kids beam at what was said about them. Most of the students took this very seriously because they didn't want something silly under their name.

This is a huge issue in middle school and it is such a teachable time to deal with relationships.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

That is so sad.

 

[ASFCurly]

teasing and making fun of others is a real problem and really truely unless you lock them in the house and don't let them do anything, nothing helps, not even homeschooling, they still do activities and have contact with people and the media. My cousin was homeschooled until recently and is anorexic, we found out about it after she started going to school, but it started before.

 

[Libbysmom2000]

When I read these posts all I can think is that it's a wonder any of us survived our teenage years. I know the parents of some of these kids probably couldn't give a hoot that their kid was cruel to another child but I bet many would be horrified. Maybe schools need to get back in the habit of sending notes home that need a parent's signature when a student behaves inappropriately. Maybe they should also hold other students who hear cruel comments and don't do anything to put a stop to it accountable as well. My DD is 3 1/2 and before she could even talk we started teaching her about having nice manners and being kind to others. It's no guarantee she'll be a nice teenager but she'll have the wrath that only a mother can inflict if she isn't.

 

[Lachesis00]

Wow such powerful thoughts and statements... I can only agree with everything.

My son who is 11 has this friend who is small (both height and weight) and is he ever mean!! I think maybe he is mean to make up for the height and weight issues...
Just yesterday he caused havoc. Luckily my son doesn't hang out with him (LC hangs out w/my son). J refuses to answer the phone because LC was extremely disrespectful to my son, our family and a mutual friend of both LC and J.
J told LC he didn't think what he said was cool and that he would rather not hang out...
Amazingly enough both J and LC are part of the same "popular" crowd and so I was really proud of my son for taking a stand and not feeling like he had to fit in and be cruel.

I've told LC in the past I better not hear him say or do anything cruel or Id be phoning his parents. Sadly his mom doesn't care ;( at all. And his dad has 2 small children.

 

[Kallison]

I tell my students all the time -- the way you behave now will be a reflection of yourself as a grown-up. If you are the mean, bully kid, believe me, you will still be the "mean, bully" kid or "fast, easy" girl when you are 40 if you still live in the same town. I also tell them that you will be ashamed of the way you behaved in middle school when you are an adult.

Anyway our group of 7th graders had a party today, I was on the serving line when Mr. Big Mouth came through. I sweetly poured his soda and said "Hey, I hear you have been providing a service during lunch period of assessing the figures of some of our female students? - Wow that is so nice, I would love to hear what you have to say, you can eat lunch alone with me and fill me in for a few weeks if you would like". Wow you should have seen the look of terror in his eyes! One of my students said to him later - DUDE she is really nice until she gets mad then you better watch out.