Your son has fathered a child/doesn't care???

[BRAVEMERIDA]

Would you as a grandparent-to-be WANT TO KNOW?

Future baby to be born to a single mother who will be raising the child completely on her own. It's very clear "daddy" was there for conception only.

AS the future grandparent of this innocent child, would YOU want to know that another human being carrying your genes is coming into this world?

Currently, baby-mommy says NOPE, too bad so sad!

??????????????

 

[LiveYourLife]

Would you as a grandparent-to-be WANT TO KNOW?

Future baby to be born to a single mother who will be raising the child completely on her own. It's very clear "daddy" was there for conception only.

AS the future grandparent of this innocent child, would YOU want to know that another human being carrying your genes is coming into this world?

Currently, baby-mommy says NOPE, too bad so sad!

??????????????

It depends. How does your Son feel about this?

 

[MIGrandma]

I would want to know.

Our son did father a child when he was just 16 (17 when the baby was born) and that baby turned 21 a few days ago and I can't imagine life without her in it. Our son cared, and married his girlfriend. But had it not turned out that way I still would have wanted to know about the baby. And I think there are "grandparent laws" for grandparents who want to be a part of their grandchild's life but the mother won't allow it. I think there can be a DNA test to prove their son is the father, and they would have rights to be able to see the baby if they chose to do so.

 

[ronandannette]

I would want to know.

Our son did father a child when he was just 16 (17 when the baby was born) and that baby turned 21 a few days ago and I can't imagine life without her in it. Our son cared, and married his girlfriend. But had it not turned out that way I still would have wanted to know about the baby. And I think there are "grandparent laws" for grandparents who want to be a part of their grandchild's life but the mother won't allow it. I think there can be a DNA test to prove their son is the father, and they would have rights to be able to see the baby if they chose to do so.

...however I imagine this option would also result in the sperm donor being held responsible for child support and rightly so. If the "parents" have decided that the guy walks away and the woman goes on to start a new life completely independent, I'd be careful of interfering. And before I went about "asserting my rights" as a grandparent I'd be having a very serious talk with my son about stepping up.

 

[Pigeon]

The only reason I would want to know would be if I had any suspicion that my son wasn't going to fulfill his duties in terms of child support.

Otherwise, I would want to respect the wishes of the woman having the child. I would certainly want her to know that I supported her and was willing to have a relationship with the children, but I would not interfere or second-guess her decision.

I got to raise my kids, I don't get to raise anyone else's kids.

 

[Pigeon]

I would want to know.

Our son did father a child when he was just 16 (17 when the baby was born) and that baby turned 21 a few days ago and I can't imagine life without her in it. Our son cared, and married his girlfriend. But had it not turned out that way I still would have wanted to know about the baby. And I think there are "grandparent laws" for grandparents who want to be a part of their grandchild's life but the mother won't allow it. I think there can be a DNA test to prove their son is the father, and they would have rights to be able to see the baby if they chose to do so.

The laws about what "rights" grandparents have vary from state to state. I think it's far better to take a low key approach and offer support, rather than demanding visitation, etc., which is going to set up a long future of an adversarial with the mother. That's not going to be in the best interests of the child.

 

[EMode]

Yes i would want to know. If my ds was a minor I would be forcing him to do the right thing, financially and being physically there for his child. If he was an adult I would hope I raised him to want to step up, but if he doesn't there isn't much I could do. I guess a mom who says too bad would complicate things, if she didn't want him in the babys life. I would always encourage going through the right legal channels to either pay child support so that the mom can't come back for past support one day, or if both parties were in agreement, then have ds legally give up his rights to the child

It would be hard knowing I had a grandchild out there, but if the parents are adults I would not step in in any way..

 

[sunshinehighway]

If the father isn't planning on stepping up and being a father then his parents need to take up their issues with him. In such a situation a single mother has enough to deal with without having to fight grandparents.

She can only cut him out if that is what he chooses. If the grandparents want their grandchild in their lives, it's up to their son to do what's right.

 

[ziravan]

"Grandparent rights" are very limited in most states. It's presumed that the parents have the best interest of the child at heart and, if they are excluding grandparents, there must be a good reason.

That's very often a high legal presumption to overcome...

Your best bet is a whole lot of honey rather than a legal club. Show the mother that there are advantages (financial) to you being in your Grandchild's life.

Also, if you have any paternity doubts, use an at home kit rather than the legal system to satisfy your curiosity.

 

[carrie1626]

It depends. How does your Son feel about this?

nothing was stated about "my son"

topic at a block party/neighborhood picnic- subject is rather worthy of a Life-Time Movie: Girl 4 1/2 months along. Guy drops her like a hot-potato, already has a "new gf" and no one in his family knows anything.

I'm a believer that the truth comes out sooner or later.

So, would you ( anyone here) want to know sooner like NOW, or find out when said child is 4, 10, 15?

 

[Pigeon]

I would consider it not my business unless the parents of the child wanted me to know.

 

[Allison]

You seem to have 2 different items of conversation in your post.

1) Would you as a grandparent want to know if you have a grandchild?

2) Should the future mother/father tell the family?

So, I guess I am curious what the core of the discussion really is about.

 

[SarahWeasley]

Would you as a grandparent-to-be WANT TO KNOW?

Future baby to be born to a single mother who will be raising the child completely on her own. It's very clear "daddy" was there for conception only.

AS the future grandparent of this innocent child, would YOU want to know that another human being carrying your genes is coming into this world?

Currently, baby-mommy says NOPE, too bad so sad!

??????????????

I'm confused. Your post makes it sound like the baby's mother is the one deciding whether the baby's father's parents will find out that the baby exists. I would think that the baby's father would be the one to make that decision (and certainly the baby's father should be told about the baby).

As to whether I would WANT to know if I were the grandparent: yes, I would. But I wouldn't consider it the baby's mother's responsibility to tell me if my son didn't tell me.

edit: After reading your other post with more information... I don't know. I feel for the paternal grandparents, but they were the ones who raised a son who doesn't feel the need to tell them they're having a grandchild. I still wouldn't fault the baby's mother for not telling the grandparents, but I'm torn on whether it would be NICE of her to tell them, or if it would be a violation of the father's privacy.

 

[LiveYourLife]

nothing was stated about "my son"

topic at a block party/neighborhood picnic- subject is rather worthy of a Life-Time Movie: Girl 4 1/2 months along. Guy drops her like a hot-potato, already has a "new gf" and no one in his family knows anything.

I'm a believer that the truth comes out sooner or later.

So, would you ( anyone here) want to know sooner like NOW, or find out when said child is 4, 10, 15?

I'm confused. Are you the OP and posting under 2 screen names?

I need more coffee.

 

[Aliceacc]

What mommy says now may not be what she says in a few years, when finances get tough.

And whether or not daddy "cares" about his impending parenthood won't be an issue then.

But to answer your question: I don't think there's any limit to the amount of love that any child needs or deserves. Of course I would want to know!

 

[Disneylover99]

If I were to become a grandparent, I would want to know, regardless of the issues.

 

[LiveYourLife]

I feel like the CB is some sort of bizarre-o universe with some of these threads lately.

 

[LiveYourLife]

To answer the OP's (whichever screen-name that is) question: I would want to know.

 

[Allison]

I'm confused. Are you the OP and posting under 2 screen names?

Apparently so.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yep, bizarro world!!!!

But, I find this interesting, so I will post.

There are TWO sides to this.
1. The parents are the ones making these decisions. (Unless they are signing a way their parental rights, or are found to be unfit parents)

2. NOPE, genes do not equate with any 'rights'. I think many people (grandparents) are WAY to hung up on this. And, personally, I don't go with that at all.

So, whether one might want to know has no bearing on whether one WILL know, or whether they will be able to insist that they be involved with any child's life.

In other words, if you think you might want to know, be prepared to have information that you can really do absolutely nothing with.
Because if a young woman or man does NOT want their parents to know, I would suspect that there was some underlying reason.