You don't give appreciation for Christmas and birthday gifts? You're getting coal!

FrankDIS72

Mouseketeer
Joined
Oct 3, 2015
For the past 3 years, I have been sending my brother and his family Christmas and birthday gifts, but I have not gotten a thank you, appreciation of the gift, or even acknowledgment that they were received. On one Christmas and one birthday, I bought them tickets to a Broadway show that was coming to their town. I thought it would be nice to give them a night to do something together. They never gave me one word saying they got the tickets or anything about them. I did e-mail my brother about the tickets, but he never replied. Year after year went by and I sent out present after present, but no word from my brother or his family. Occasionally, I may see pictures of them enjoying the presents on Facebook, but I would get nothing else.

It's odd because they used to send me thank you notes all the time. I understand we all get busy, but I don't expect a dog and pony show. Just send me a quick e-mail or Facebook message and that will do, but I got nothing.

So this year, I am shopping for the biggest lump of coal that I can find. I should include a message saying "This is what you get for not saying thank you for your gifts." I live in a non-coal mining state, so I can busy shopping on line for a big piece of coal.

I always send thank you notes for the gifts I receive, even if you wrap up a piece of driftwood and send it to me. You took the time and money to send it to me, so I will express appreciation for thinking of me.
 

kimblebee

now my thoughts will be worth 5 cents
Joined
May 28, 2009
For the past 3 years, I have been sending my brother and his family Christmas and birthday gifts, but I have not gotten a thank you, appreciation of the gift, or even acknowledgment that they were received. On one Christmas and one birthday, I bought them tickets to a Broadway show that was coming to their town. I thought it would be nice to give them a night to do something together. They never gave me one word saying they got the tickets or anything about them. I did e-mail my brother about the tickets, but he never replied. Year after year went by and I sent out present after present, but no word from my brother or his family. Occasionally, I may see pictures of them enjoying the presents on Facebook, but I would get nothing else.

It's odd because they used to send me thank you notes all the time. I understand we all get busy, but I don't expect a dog and pony show. Just send me a quick e-mail or Facebook message and that will do, but I got nothing.

So this year, I am shopping for the biggest lump of coal that I can find. I should include a message saying "This is what you get for not saying thank you for your gifts." I live in a non-coal mining state, so I can busy shopping on line for a big piece of coal.

I always send thank you notes for the gifts I receive, even if you wrap up a piece of driftwood and send it to me. You took the time and money to send it to me, so I will express appreciation for thinking of me.
Just following the rule. I have a feeling it’ll be needed.
 
  • sksjasams

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    May 29, 2008
    I would send a gift to charity, like Second Harvest or St Jude, and then send notice of the gift to them. They prob won’t acknowledge it, but at least you will know the gift will be appreciated. I think that would make you feel better...certainly better than how you would feel after sending them a lump of coal.
     

    Christine

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Aug 31, 1999
    I think the lump of coal is probably overly aggressive. I prefer a more passive aggressive approach. Just don't send a THING and don't say a word. It will probably drive them crazy and they'll say something to you. If you send the coal, it just gives them justification to be jerks back to you.
     
    Joined
    Oct 23, 2015
    I suspect there's quite a lot more to the story.

    Why would someone continue to send multiple gifts throughout the year when they don't get responses back. Odd isn't the way I would describe it if someone used to send thank yous and then suddenly stopped. I'd be wondering if there was something on my end for the sudden stop or if something happened on their end in their lives to suddenly stop. I'd be more concerned about that then some petty act such as sending coal to someone (especially when you've voluntarily sending multiple gifts with nary a word back from them).
     
  • Kitty 34

    Hums in her sleep
    Joined
    Feb 16, 2000
    Op I feel you "pain". I love thank you notes but if you don't have time just a quick text acknowledging the gift is all I ask for.

    When my sister's daughter was the first of giving the family the grand nieces and later many nephews I quickly started sending a small check in birthday cards for her first daughter and two years later the other daughter. Never did I get a thank you or acknowledgement at all so I just stopped.

    I also started orchestrating an annual Easter Egg hunt with her daughters years ago. Even my sister never said thank you to me and DH for putting together the Easter Egg hunts with all the goodies and gifts for her family. So about three years ago I just stopped. I now just plan and buy for my own grandkids who right now are too young to say much but my sons and DILs are always grateful. :love:

    The only difference is I never made a scene (in your case the coal). Just not my style. I really think just don't buy them ANYthing......maybe they'll get the message and if they don't.......:hug:
     

    brockash

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jul 16, 2008
    Just stop sending gifts. If questioned, you can say "well, I thought you never got the gifts I sent previously, so I stopped sending them."

    Or, simply say "I never got an acknowledgment that you got the gifts, so I thought you didn't need any.".
    Seems pretty simple... if OP is serious about going out of their way to "find alarge lump of coal" and actually mails it etc... that says way more about the character/relationships they have so the rest makes more sense.
     
  • mousefan73

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    May 9, 2012
    For the past 3 years, I have been sending my brother and his family Christmas and birthday gifts, but I have not gotten a thank you, appreciation of the gift, or even acknowledgment that they were received. On one Christmas and one birthday, I bought them tickets to a Broadway show that was coming to their town. I thought it would be nice to give them a night to do something together. They never gave me one word saying they got the tickets or anything about them. I did e-mail my brother about the tickets, but he never replied. Year after year went by and I sent out present after present, but no word from my brother or his family. Occasionally, I may see pictures of them enjoying the presents on Facebook, but I would get nothing else.

    It's odd because they used to send me thank you notes all the time. I understand we all get busy, but I don't expect a dog and pony show. Just send me a quick e-mail or Facebook message and that will do, but I got nothing.

    So this year, I am shopping for the biggest lump of coal that I can find. I should include a message saying "This is what you get for not saying thank you for your gifts." I live in a non-coal mining state, so I can busy shopping on line for a big piece of coal.

    I always send thank you notes for the gifts I receive, even if you wrap up a piece of driftwood and send it to me. You took the time and money to send it to me, so I will express appreciation for thinking of me.
    Too bad I am in Germany, where sending you a piece of coal would be expensive. But my DH just stocked our basement with coal blocks.. We use toss them to in our wood burning oven when we got to keep the fire going longer.
     

    mousefan73

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    May 9, 2012
    OP: do you have any day to day contact with them or just seeing what they post on FB? If so, I find the gifts somewhat over done for people who it seems you really have no relationship with. Waiting to see what they post of FB as a form of communication/relationship I have with my old high friends who I havent seen in over 20 years, not family.
     

    okeydokey

    Frosty the Snowman scared me as a child.
    Joined
    Aug 9, 2006
    Send nothing and see if that is what makes them reach out.
     

    ronandannette

    I gave myself this tag and I "Like" myself too!
    Joined
    May 4, 2006
    Just stop sending gifts. If questioned, you can say "well, I thought you never got the gifts I sent previously, so I stopped sending them."

    Or, simply say "I never got an acknowledgment that you got the gifts, so I thought you didn't need any.".
    This of course makes perfect sense but wouldn't it take a special kind of jerk to call asking for presents? I can't help but wonder if there aren't other factors at play. The OP mentioned specifically asking the brother about certain gifts and being completely ignored. Weird beyond just the brother and his family having no manners, IMO. :rolleyes1
     

    CaleCakes

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Aug 1, 2016
    I am an advocate for thank you cards and I send them any time me or my children get gifts. If it was a gift for my son (4) I will write the card and he will write his name so his friends know it came from him. That is how my mom taught me and I enjoy sending them. But I can tell you it sort of hurts when you give someone at work a thank you and 5 minutes later you see it in the trash.
    I rarely get them when giving a gift because people just don't seem to think about thank you note like they used to. Not saying that it's good, it's just times are changed. When I give a gift I don't expect a note in return and I'm shocked when I do get one.
    I'm sure there is more to the story of OP and brother, but maybe she doesn't want to share all that. Maybe she's just being funny. My brother sends my kids a check for birthdays and holidays. I mail a note and send a text thanking him, then I put the check in the shredder. He never asks why they don't get cashed. See... more to the story not willing to air.
    On a side note, OP if you live near a train yard you could easily find coal on the ground. We recently drove through Roanoke VA and stopped at the transportation museum where I grabbed some coal off the ground and joking told my 4 year old it was for his stocking. He thought it was very cool being a train buff.
     

    ronandannette

    I gave myself this tag and I "Like" myself too!
    Joined
    May 4, 2006
    I am an advocate for thank you cards and I send them any time me or my children get gifts. If it was a gift for my son (4) I will write the card and he will write his name so his friends know it came from him. That is how my mom taught me and I enjoy sending them. But I can tell you it sort of hurts when you give someone at work a thank you and 5 minutes later you see it in the trash.
    I rarely get them when giving a gift because people just don't seem to think about thank you note like they used to. Not saying that it's good, it's just times are changed. When I give a gift I don't expect a note in return and I'm shocked when I do get one.
    I'm sure there is more to the story of OP and brother, but maybe she doesn't want to share all that. Maybe she's just being funny. My brother sends my kids a check for birthdays and holidays. I mail a note and send a text thanking him, then I put the check in the shredder. He never asks why they don't get cashed. See... more to the story not willing to air.
    On a side note, OP if you live near a train yard you could easily find coal on the ground. We recently drove through Roanoke VA and stopped at the transportation museum where I grabbed some coal off the ground and joking told my 4 year old it was for his stocking. He thought it was very cool being a train buff.
    :flower3: No snark intended; I'm just wondering what you feel like the recipients should do with the Thank You notes instead? I'm not sure there's any specific etiquette in that regard.
     

    disneychrista

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Dec 26, 2002
    I am an advocate for thank you cards and I send them any time me or my children get gifts. If it was a gift for my son (4) I will write the card and he will write his name so his friends know it came from him. That is how my mom taught me and I enjoy sending them. But I can tell you it sort of hurts when you give someone at work a thank you and 5 minutes later you see it in the trash.
    Any card "you" give me is going to end up in the trash. Christmas, Birthday, Thank You, etc. All end up in the trash. Now of course if a co-worker gives it to me, I am taking it home before it going in the trash.



    My ex-in-laws thought it was very strange that first Christmas when I sent Thank You notes. I guess it is just not something they do. After that I stopped. Just say Thank You when you get the gift and done.
     

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