Wwyd?

[JennyMominRI]

Am I handling this right..This is a religious question,and hopefully it won't become a debate..Hopefully,if you are Christian you can put that aside and see this as a general question
As many know i'm converting to judaism.This is a decision I made several years ago..My family all knows and is supportive,But........ They just don't get it..My sister called asking if we can have Easter at my house
My mother asks questions like "I know you must still believe in Jesus"
She asked me if I wanted her to bring me some palms from Palm Sunday.
Today I got an Easter card which states that Franciscan monks are praying for me and saying Novenas..Now I for one love prayers.I have no problem of people of different faiths praying for me,because I believe there is good in all faiths etc.
My problemis this..I know,I just know my mother will fear that my immortal soul is in danger because I don't believe in Jesus.I know that this would be compounded by her fears because I'm so sick.. She's old and sick herself,and doesn't need added stress.. I've just sort of let it go.I've let her believe what she needs to believe.I have sent her a couple basic books on judaism because she is curious. She just doesn't *get it* She just doesn't understand how different our beliefs are.. She asks me things like ,praying for her soul after she dies so that she doesn't go to HEll or Purgatory.I don't know how to tell her I don't believe in Hell..That Judaism doesn't beleive in HEll.
Am I right to just sort of let this go,so that I don't cause her further distress

 

[Tiggeroo]

They're your family and they love you. What you are doing seems strange to them. And it feels like you are rejecting a very basic part of your family. Be the bigger person and let it go. Don't discuss it if possible. As a Christian mom I would probably be bothered by one of my children converting to Judaism. I have friends who are Jewish and have no problems with their beliefs. But I've raised my children as Christians and the basic tenets are so different. I wouldn't care if they chose another way to express their Christian faith but to just say all those years of that belief are a lie would bother me. I'm curious about the conversion. Do you not believe Jesus existed? Do you just not believe he was the messiah? Or was there something in Christianity that offended you? Either way God bless.

 

[JennyMominRI]

I'm curious about the conversion. Do you not believe Jesus existed? Do you just not believe he was the messiah? Or was there something in Christianity that offended you? Either way God bless.

Good questions actually.. My personal opinion is that Jesus probably did exist..My studying proved to me conclusively that Jesus is not the Jewish messiah..I do however believe that he can very well be the Christian Messiah who was G-ds way of bringing non-jews to the worship of one G-d..I know people see it as a rejection of Christianity and wonder if I think there is something *wrong * with Christianity..For me it was not rejection of Christianity but the acceptance of what I have always been meant to be..A Jew. Christianity is a beautiful religion filled with many wonderful people.It's just not right for me..Judaism is

 

[cherylp3]

I assume you are converting with a Rabbi, have you discussed this with your Rabbi?

You may want to explain that if someone to pass away you would say Kaddish for them each year to mark their Yahrzeit.

http://judaism.about.com/cs/deathandmourning/f/yahrzeit.htm

- Cheryl

 

[snoopy]

In the case of your mother, if it were me, I'd tell her what she wanted to hear. I've done this for years with my grandmother....there is no way she would ever accept any religion but Catholicism for her children and grandchildren, so I don't tell her we're lapsed Catholics. Its easier that way, plus she doesn't have the added stress of worrying about it.

I'm sure others will disagree, but I'm a great believer in telling people only what they need to know.

 

[WDWHound]

I read Wwyd and my brain's first translation was "What Would Yoda do?". I am such a geek.

I am sorry your family is having such a hard time coping with this. As to whther or not you should "just sort of let this go", well, I think that depends on whether or not it is hurting you or causing you to compromise your faith. If you can let your Mom have her illusions about your faith without feeling like you are being untrue to your beleifs or disrespectful to her, I would let it go. If not, well, you must be true to what you believe. That would mean some causing some concern to your family, but you must be true to yourself.

 

[JennyMominRI]

I assume you are converting with a Rabbi, have you discussed this with your Rabbi?

You may want to explain that if someone to pass away you would say Kaddish for them each year to mark their Yahrzeit.

http://judaism.about.com/cs/deathandmourning/f/yahrzeit.htm

- Cheryl

Yes I was studying with a Rabbi in San Diego.I completed a 9 month Pathways to Judaism course in La Jolla Ca.. Then I had a stroke and was pretty sick and my formal conversion process temporarily halted(I still study on my own)..Then I moved cross country.I'm going to be starting study with a new Rabbi again very soon.
I haden't thought about Kaddish.I guess I assumed it was not proper to say it for a Non-Jew..Still so much to learn

 

[Beastlover]

I agree with Tiggeroo...be the bigger person. It would be difficult to deal with if any of my children went to a opposite end of the faith than what we raised them with.

I too am Christian. I try not to persuade other faiths that mine is "better" or "right". I only get involved if I feel their faith is waivering, or they need guidance in either direction.

I would be offended if someone was trying to convert me to their way of believing, so I don't do it to others.

Good Luck...

 

[Beastlover]

Good questions actually.. My personal opinion is that Jesus probably did exist..My studying proved to me conclusively that Jesus is not the Jewish messiah..I do however believe that he can very well be the Christian Messiah who was G-ds way of bringing non-jews to the worship of one G-d..I know people see it as a rejection of Christianity and wonder if I think there is something *wrong * with Christianity..For me it was not rejection of Christianity but the acceptance of what I have always been meant to be..A Jew. Christianity is a beautiful religion filled with many wonderful people.It's just not right for me..Judaism is

I just read your reply and it is very clearly put, and respectively. Your mom should be proud of you either way.

 

[JennyMominRI]

I read Wwyd and my brain's first translation was "What Would Yoda do?".

I am sorry your family is having such a hard time coping with this. As to whther or not you should "just sort of let this go", well, I think that depends on whether or not it is hurting you or causing you to compromise your faith. If you can let your Mom have her illusions about your faith without feeling like you are being untrue to your beleifs or disrespectful to her, I would let it go. If not, well, you must be true to what you believe. That would mean some causing some concern to your family, but you must be true to yourself.

I think maybe I'm making it sound worse than it is.Generally they are very accepting..My sister buys be Jewish things that she sees in stores.She had bought me candles etc that are Jewish.
My Mother tries very hard to be supportive.She has come over for Shabbos, Hannukah and the High Holidays..I may have her come for a Seder next month..She just lacks a very basic understanding of Judaism..She just doesn't seem to get that Jews don't believe in Jesus ,and with me being so sick..That would distress her,so I've just sort of avoided the topic of Jesus, with her

 

[WDWHound]

She just doesn;t seem to get that Jews don't believ in Jesus ,and with me being so sick..That would distress her,so I've just sort of avoided the topic of Jesus, with her

Unless you feel dishonest in doing so, this sounds like a good approach to me.

 

[meandtheguys2]

In the case of your mother, if it were me, I'd tell her what she wanted to hear. I've done this for years with my grandmother....there is no way she would ever accept any religion but Catholicism for her children and grandchildren, so I don't tell her we're lapsed Catholics. Its easier that way, plus she doesn't have the added stress of worrying about it.

I'm sure others will disagree, but I'm a great believer in telling people only what they need to know.

I am with Snoopy on this one. In those circumstances, mother ill and older, there is no reason to cause her and yourself heartache. Chances are she will not ever get it, and it will invade the time you have together.

 

[lyeag]

Speaking as a catholic, whose sister has decided to be Buddhist, everyone has to find their own way and I would hope that family would respect that. However, in the case of your mom, I am guessing from what you said, she is never going to get it. Out of love for your mom and your concerns for her stress levels, I would let it go. I am not saying lie, but change the subject.


As for the Easter celebrated at your house you could look at it as just another family dinner. THEY can celebrate whatever they want. You can just enjoy the family being around. Just MHO though.

I don't get how my sister got to where she wanted to be a Buddhist, but I am glad she found something that brings her comfort. ( She lost a child last year) I would rather she believed in something than nothing.

 

[cherylp3]

It depends what movement you belong to:
http://www.torah.org/learning/phorum/read.php?f=37&i=4876&t=4876

Cheryl

 

[Disney_1derland]

The journey of changing the path you were raised with for a seemingly conflicting path is harder on your family than it is on you, at least, that statement was true for me. My parents wondered what they did wrong. Other parts of my family feel that my parents failed me. When they send me cards for their holidays i say thank you and in return send them a card for mine, explaining in short what it is I'm celebrating and why it made me think of them. They have learned over the past 10 years that our religions, while differing enormously on first look do not differ so greatly on the inside and we have both grown to respect each others beliefs.

It takes time, it is a shock to them and they do not know how to handle it. Many of my friends have never even told their families of their change in beliefs, they just grin and bear it, it is what works for them. You seem to be at peace with your decision that is right for you and really that's what the spiritual journey is about, being at peace with yourself and your beliefs to support you in this life and the next. Of course your mother is concerned for you, that is the motherly thing to do and be, it does not mean anything more than that she cannot grasp your beliefs because it is not her reality. If you can respect that and let it go, I think it will make your transition easier.

Hugs, been there, done that (although different religions involved!) and it is truly an amazing time, do not let others sway you or make your transition more difficult, you have your belief, that will guide you

 

[Tiggeroo]

I was simlar to Snoopy. DH and I are no longer practicing Catholics. We didn't make an issue of it with my elderly grandmother and don't with my mother. What is the point. My mother is very upset that I didn't have my children baptized which to her means they won't get into heaven.
I don't know how I would deal with it do to your health. This will definitely be a concern with your mother. I know I would avoid talking about it whenever possible.
And even though our faith is very important to my family (we are conservative Christians), we go to church on Easter but our dinner is not really faith focused. Other then a blessing before the meal it is just family getting together for dinner and having alot of chocolate.
When dh and I first became BA Christians we were probably a bit sensitive about things and came on strong on faith topics. But I would be perfectly comfortable having Passover with Jewish friends. In fact I'd be honored. So why not do the Easter dinner. If something happened to your mother you would wish you did. It actually sounds like your family is trying alot. But to a Christian rejecting Jesus, esp. if you once believed is a biggie. They may very well feel that would keep you out of heaven.

 

[JennyMominRI]

IWhen dh and I first became BA Christians we were probably a bit sensitive about things and came on strong on faith topics. But I would be perfectly comfortable having Passover with Jewish friends. In fact I'd be honored. So why not do the Easter dinner. If something happened to your mother you would wish you did. It actually sounds like your family is trying alot. But to a Christian rejecting Jesus, esp. if you once believed is a biggie. They may very well feel that would keep you out of heaven.

There was a controversial statemen made a couple years back by the Pope ,where he stated that Jews DO have an eternal covenant with G-d and do not need to be converted... I've spoken of this with my sister,but not my MOm

 

[JennyMominRI]

And even though our faith is very important to my family (we are conservative Christians), we go to church on Easter but our dinner is not really faith focused. Other then a blessing before the meal it is just family getting together for dinner and having alot of chocolate.
When dh and I first became BA Christians we were probably a bit sensitive about things and came on strong on faith topics. But I would be perfectly comfortable having Passover with Jewish friends. In fact I'd be honored. So why not do the Easter dinner. If something happened to your mother you would wish you did. It actually sounds like your family is trying alot. But to a Christian rejecting Jesus, esp. if you once believed is a biggie. They may very well feel that would keep you out of heaven.

I had everyone over for Christmas..BUt we live with someone who celebrates it. We just have not had Easter in the last 3 years

 

[marlasmom]

Jenny - I am feeling more and more as you do. I have started studying. However, I agree that it would be somewhat cruel to burden your mother. My best to you in all this.

 

[JennyMominRI]

Jenny - I am feeling more and more as you do. I have started studying. However, I agree that it would be somewhat cruel to burden your mother. My best to you in all this.

This is the way I lean