Wwyd

[C.Ann]

Is there really no place else she can live? With friends? Family? Extended family? Or is it that she doesn't "want" to live anywhere else?

If she yells at the cat constantly, I would not be surprised if she is also abusive to the cat when you're not around..

I'm all for giving a person a helping hand, but she has obviously taken advantage of your kindness.. She has been living with you far too long - without looking for a job or contributing money to the household.. She also does not respect you - or the "members" of your household (and yes, I am referring to your cat as a "member" of your household)..

I think you need to shorten up the time frame of your request that she find a job and move out.. A month to six weeks should be more than enough time for her to make other arrangements.. I have a gut feeling that there are other places she "could" live, but "won't" - simply because she doesn't like the household rules..

Good luck - and keep a close eye on your cat until she leaves..

 

[tinkerbellandeyor]

Is there really no place else she can live? With friends? Family? Extended family? Or is it that she doesn't "want" to live anywhere else?

If she yells at the cat constantly, I would not be surprised if she is also abusive to the cat when you're not around..

I'm all for giving a person a helping hand, but she has obviously taken advantage of your kindness.. She has been living with you far too long - without looking for a job or contributing money to the household.. She also does not respect you - or the "members" of your household (and yes, I am referring to your cat as a "member" of your household)..

I think you need to shorten up the time frame of your request that she find a job and move out.. A month to six weeks should be more than enough time for her to make other arrangements.. I have a gut feeling that there are other places she "could" live, but "won't" - simply because she doesn't like the household rules..

Good luck - and keep a close eye on your cat until she leaves..

Txs C.Ann I knew I could count on you to get to the bottom of it

BTW we have talked about flat out throwing her out becuse at this point Mike and I have had it. This was just the icing on the cake

 

[heatherwillmom]

My SIL & BIL lived in Florida for many years. The rest of DH's family lives in TN. One of their uncles showed up on SIL's door step once several years ago. He had a black eye & said he had been robbed. We later found out he had been in a bar fight. He said he was moving to the area & now didn't have any money for a hotel until he could find a job. This man was a RN & had been married 6 times. He ended up staying up them for quite a while & kept saying he couldn't find a job. I know RN jobs are easy to find. One day, she finally had it with him. All he was doing was lying around watching TV. The only looking that he did for a job was occassionally reading the want adds. She told him that he needed to leave soon. When they got up one day, he had disappeared along with all the liquor from their liquor cabinet. He never called them or wrote them or anything.

 

[RayaniFoxmur]

With the yelling at the cat on top of some of the other things mentioned the next time she left the house she would come back to find all her stuff outside and the locks changed.

 

[Nancyg56]

Yes, I would tell her to stop yelling at my pet or she is welcome to stay elsewhere. Is this a long time friend of yours?

This

Op called her a "roommate." She is not a roommate, but a freeloader. it is one thing to help someone out, but she has already been there 5 months & doesn't have a job? Fast food places hire all the time. She is taking advantage of you.

MTE

it is time to have a chat with her. i would give her a timeline for finding her own home witha directive, if she raises her voice that timeline is pushed up....and out she goes.

 

[tinkerbellandeyor]

Just letting everyone know that the friends son sleeps in my DFI office and he was not allowed in the office becuse her son was sleeping fair or not. I think not considering it is 10:30 and he dose need his computer to do HW

 

[OceanAnnie]

It sounds like someone is too comfortable in your home. I would change the deadline to leave. Staying till Christmas is just too long.

 

[horseshowmom]

Just letting everyone know that the friends son sleeps in my DFI office and he was not allowed in the office becuse her son was sleeping fair or not. I think not considering it is 10:30 and he dose need his computer to do HW

If I understand this correctly, you are saying that your DFI was not allowed in his own office? I assume you mean not allowed by the homeless friend?

Girlfriend, this has gone way too far and is way over the top. This woman needs to go ASAP.

 

[MichelleVW]

I took in a friend that is homeles and she is yelling at my cat becuse he wonte stop meowing typicaly Mike and I ignore the meowing knowing he is going to stop. However the roomate is yelling at him, as I am listening to her words I flench becuse I hate verbal abuse. Should I aporch the roomate?

No guest in my house would be yelling at my animals....

 

[C.Ann]

Upon reading your update, she has until Halloween to be out - job or no job.. She have to stand firm on this.. You are being taken for a major ride here..

 

[tinkerbellandeyor]

What made me augh today was later she said I can come at 7

As in I may come home at 7 for dinner

 

[Cheshire Figment]

"The cat is a member of the family. You are welcome to keep the cat out of your bedroom, but you are not entitled to discipline the cat."

 

[OceanAnnie]

What made me augh today was later she said I can come at 7

As in I may come home at 7 for dinner

That's all kinds of wrong.

 

[arminnie]

Upon reading your update, she has until Halloween to be out - job or no job.. She have to stand firm on this.. You are being taken for a major ride here..

C.Ann you are so much more tolerant than I am. Her lazy butt would be dropped off at a shelter (if I was feeling nice enough to give a ride) about 9 tomorrow morning.

She doesn't have anywhere to go - not your problem.

 

[rodeo65]

Just letting everyone know that the friends son sleeps in my DFI office and he was not allowed in the office becuse her son was sleeping fair or not. I think not considering it is 10:30 and he dose need his computer to do HW

What made me augh today was later she said I can come at 7

As in I may come home at 7 for dinner

You're being waaay more tolerant than I would and if anyone tried to tell DH he couldn't use his own office I wouldn't have to do a thing to get her out, it'd be all him!!

Good luck dealing with this but seriously, I'd tell her to be out by the end of the weekend - it just isn't working out anymore.

Many years ago, I had a roommate that started using my stuff. We each bought our own supplies and food and had our own rooms and bathrooms on either side of the condo. She used my cleaning supplies, food, even started coming into my bathroom and taking my toiletries. Then she started "borrowing" my clothes. I'd be out somewhere and she'd show up in something out of my closet. Different issues than yours, but once a living situation has gone bad, I don't see it coming back. It was my condo, and she was paying month to month, so I gave her a month's notice.

Since your friend is not paying rent, I'd say goodbye.

 

[Imzadi]

Good point however she moved in the thrusday before easter and she was suposed to be there for a week but I told her that Oct 1st she has to have a job and 2 she must be out of my house by christmas

Yes she has helped with chores and cooking. So I am greatful for that however I want my house back more then anything. When she stayed at my moms to dogsit it was peacful. When she is at my house however it is anything but peacful

Apparently she knows she is more powerful in this situation than you. You hadn't set boundaries before, so she knows quite well she can run over you, DH and your cat.

She was respectful of your mom since she knew your mom would toss her out on her ear.

YOU shouldn't be the one grateful. SHE should be for letting you take her in.

Op called her a "roommate." She is not a roommate, but a freeloader.

Yes, this change in vocabulary and how you now the identify that person is is very telling. You THINK of her as a roommate now. This woman is not going anywhere no matter what you consciously say.

You need to change your thinking back to: she is a very temporary guest & freeloader, SOON to be leaving.

Do you really want her gone, or are you getting benefits you really do not want to acknowledge? It must be nice to say you took someone in. People think of you as being very charitable. Other benefits: you did say "She has helped with chores and cooking. So I am greatful."

When you've really had enough of her, you'll know it. People who hit bottom in a situation and have had enough, behave very differently. You can have her out in a week if/when you want. And more importantly, SHE will know you mean business, too.

 

[tinkerbellandeyor]

She questions why I do or don't do what I do. I told her that I am going to campus to pick up something. So know she will be my mom and ask if I went I will say no and then she wil ask why not becuse I decided it could wait untill tommrow I worked my but off yesterday so now I am going to take today off

 

[Heidict]

She questions why I do or don't do what I do. I told her that I am going to campus to pick up something. So know she will be my mom and ask if I went I will say no and then she wil ask why not becuse I decided it could wait untill tommrow I worked my but off yesterday so now I am going to take today off

So it has been a month since you first started this thread and she is obviously still living with you.

Have you had a talk with her? Have you given her a date that she needs to be moved out by? Are you going to continue to allow her to live there indefinitely?

 

[Scurvy]

She questions why I do or don't do what I do. I told her that I am going to campus to pick up something. So know she will be my mom and ask if I went I will say no and then she wil ask why not becuse I decided it could wait untill tommrow I worked my but off yesterday so now I am going to take today off

Why is she still living with you?

 

[MichelleVW]

Why is she still living with you?

Seriously???