WWYD? quitting a team sport

[iwrbnd]

We went through something similiar when my son was 11 yrs. old. A coach begged us to put our son on his competitive (expensive) traveling team. We were reluctant because he was so happy on our local park and rec team. My son LOVES baseball and is good but not great. Anyway, he ended up playing just a handful of innings on this traveling team! I kept my mouth shut so I wouldn't be one of "those" parents but it almost made him never play the sport he loves again! I'll never forget one out-of-town tournament where we sat in the heat all day (3 games) and my son never left the bench! (We lost every one by a landslide to it wasn't even a tight game!) When we were leaving my son asked my DH to play catch with him. My DH explained that we were all tired and wanted to go home. My son got tears in his eyes and said "Dad, I just want to play baseball." We stayed another hour so my DH could play ball with my son. I was so mad at that coach!The following year we put my DS back on the local team and the traveling coach was upset with us. He couldn't understand why we did that and tried to convince me that my son learned just as much on the bench as on the field. That's a bunch of %#*#!!! The following season, on the park and rec team, he got to pitch, play first base and hit a homerun in the championship game! He loved it because he got to play and felt part of the team!!!

I'm very careful now about what team I put my kids on! You don't want them to end up hating it. I figure none of my kids are going to play professional ball so I want them to play and have good experience now while they're young because it's all they going to get!

But, to answer your question, I would have her finish the season. It was hard but we fulfilled our commitment to the team we signed on for. My DS learned a lot of lessons that year, none of them were baseball skills, but he learned to cheer on his teammates, keep a positive attitude in a bad situation and he now has extra compassion for those kids that get less playing time. Those are lessons I'm glad he learned even though I wish he hadn't had to endure a summer like that! (To let you know how bad it was, I had a parents come to me with tears in their eyes saying they've never seen a child work so hard to play ball just to be ignored! Other were just as upset!)

 

[dawson5]

I know there are rules about the minimum time a player can play and that is 2full innings, which dd usually plays each game, except when the coach doesn't want to forfeit. In the last 17 games, her dd has sat on the bench 2 innings
I don't know about any rules regarding amount of time in one position, but I don't think at this point it would matter much for dd, she isn't planning on returning.

How many innings do they play?

Going by ours, mine play seven innings. Wow. Yeah, that wouldn't happen. Totally unfair and I would definitely call the coach on that. You paid for your daughter to play, just the same as they did. I can see showing preferential treatment (not right, but it is what it is) but not sitting them for the majority of the game.

Something similar happened once to my youngest, he ended up sitting three innings, coach's son played the whole game. It was basically a mix-up and not intentional. The next game he played the whole game to make up for it. My son stood up and said something to him about it though. Hubby didn't know and got on the coach's case about it--he wouldn't have said anything if he had known my son had said something.

If it's something she enjoys, beside the sitting part, can you put on the sign-up form next year that you do NOT want that coach? Our league takes these seriously. You do have to give an explanation if asked, but they usually do honor them. Possibly a different league? Or like I mentioned before, volunteer. If you do like one of the PP mentioned, find two other like-minded coaches, you could make sure that this doesn't happen to your daughter or other kids.

This kind of stuff just peeves me. How can a child get better if they don't get a chance to play? How can they know their true potential if they aren't given an opportunity? We had a coach who was grooming his six year old child to get a scholarship, thankfully we only had that guy twice. If we had been stuck with him beyond that, no one would have known how good of a catcher my son is. (He put his nephew in that position primarily and his son's friends.) Thankfully my son stuck it out and has been blessed with great coaches since, all who gave him an opportunity to prove himself. If it's something she enjoys, I hope she chooses to stick with it and hopefully will get a coach who will give her that opportunity she deserves.

 

[Magpie]

I know this isn't exactly the same, but my son was keen to start concert band this year. Then he discovered that he hated his band leader with a fiery passion. He begged to quit. Said he hated music.

But, darn it! He can't quit! Playing the saxophone is the ONLY school-related thing that this kid does well (besides schmoozing with his peeps, I mean). He's hopeless in gym, and has to work his butt off to get passing grades in academic classes due to his LD.

So I told him no, no quitting. Then I signed him up for extra curricular sax lessons in the hopes that that would bring some of the fun back for my son. And I encouraged him to try out for the jazz band. Slowly he's been coming around, and now he says he'll stay in the concert band, so at least he can go on the band trip next year.

So I'm wondering - is there something ELSE baseball-related your daughter can do? I know she says she won't join a team next year, even if it's a different team, but have you considered organizing some pick-up games with family and friends? She might change her mind if she gets to play regularly and just love the sport for what it is.

In fact, if you spend the next year really building her skills and playing for fun, she might be willing to join a team the year following. Especially if it's a different coach.

In the meantime, if there's only 3 games left, I'd have her stick it out. And I'd also have a quiet word with the coach about how my daughter felt about what she did, and mention that it's putting her off ever playing again. The coach may be just clueless here.

 

[luvmy3]

How many innings do they play?

Going by ours, mine play seven innings. Wow. Yeah, that wouldn't happen. Totally unfair and I would definitely call the coach on that. You paid for your daughter to play, just the same as they did. I can see showing preferential treatment (not right, but it is what it is) but not sitting them for the majority of the game.

Something similar happened once to my youngest, he ended up sitting three innings, coach's son played the whole game. It was basically a mix-up and not intentional. The next game he played the whole game to make up for it. My son stood up and said something to him about it though. Hubby didn't know and got on the coach's case about it--he wouldn't have said anything if he had known my son had said something.

If it's something she enjoys, beside the sitting part, can you put on the sign-up form next year that you do NOT want that coach? Our league takes these seriously. You do have to give an explanation if asked, but they usually do honor them. Possibly a different league? Or like I mentioned before, volunteer. If you do like one of the PP mentioned, find two other like-minded coaches, you could make sure that this doesn't happen to your daughter or other kids.

This kind of stuff just peeves me. How can a child get better if they don't get a chance to play? How can they know their true potential if they aren't given an opportunity? We had a coach who was grooming his six year old child to get a scholarship, thankfully we only had that guy twice. If we had been stuck with him beyond that, no one would have known how good of a catcher my son is. (He put his nephew in that position primarily and his son's friends.) Thankfully my son stuck it out and has been blessed with great coaches since, all who gave him an opportunity to prove himself. If it's something she enjoys, I hope she chooses to stick with it and hopefully will get a coach who will give her that opportunity she deserves.

The play 7 innings and its the same 4 girls that get rotated. The only time my dd gets to play 3 or more innings is when one of those girls isnt at a game. In all the 17 games so far my dd and 2 of the other girls got to play 2nd base for 1 inning each, other than that they have been in the outfield or on the bench. The coach has done alot of promising and no delivering, which is why I haven't brought it up because it seems every other game she says she's going to try these girls in other positions, but then it never happens. Her dd has played at least 3 different positions (including the outfield) but like I said has been benched for only 2 innings this whole season. There has already been complaints made by other parents and so far I haven't seen things change. However when the time comes for her to ask the girls about next year I will tell her exactly why dd will not be returing to her team and why she no longer wants to play the game, and I so want to do it in front of all the other parents, and players (but I now that wouldn't be the right thing to do )

 

[Magpie]

The play 7 innings and its the same 4 girls that get rotated. The only time my dd gets to play 3 or more innings is when one of those girls isnt at a game. In all the 17 games so far my dd and 2 of the other girls got to play 2nd base for 1 inning each, other than that they have been in the outfield or on the bench. The coach has done alot of promising and no delivering, which is why I haven't brought it up because it seems every other game she says she's going to try these girls in other positions, but then it never happens. Her dd has played at least 3 different positions (including the outfield) but like I said has been benched for only 2 innings this whole season. There has already been complaints made be other parents and so far I haven't seen things change. However when the time comes for her to ask the girls about next year I will tell her exactly why dd will not be returing to her team and why she no longer wants to play the game, and I so want to do it in front of all the other parents, and players (but I now that wouldn't be the right thing to do )

Gee... I'd tell her a lot sooner than that. As in, "Thanks to your mismanagement, my daughter wants to stop playing baseball - forever! If you ever want my daughter to play again, you're going to have to convince her not to quit. And you've got three games to do it in. Good luck!"

 

[golfgal]

She doesn't even want to now (not using that as justification). I'm so sad too because softball is a game that I love and was so excited that she wanted to do it, and now wants nothing to do with it even though she likes the game

Have her take up golf . Seriously. There are a lot more opportunities for girls in golf--especially college scholarships. It's a great game, team and individual sport and something she can play for the rest of her life. It sounds like softball just isn't her thing--I can't play softball to save my life but I enjoyed it when I played.

 

[dawson5]

The play 7 innings and its the same 4 girls that get rotated. The only time my dd gets to play 3 or more innings is when one of those girls isnt at a game. In all the 17 games so far my dd and 2 of the other girls got to play 2nd base for 1 inning each, other than that they have been in the outfield or on the bench. The coach has done alot of promising and no delivering, which is why I haven't brought it up because it seems every other game she says she's going to try these girls in other positions, but then it never happens. Her dd has played at least 3 different positions (including the outfield) but like I said has been benched for only 2 innings this whole season. There has already been complaints made by other parents and so far I haven't seen things change. However when the time comes for her to ask the girls about next year I will tell her exactly why dd will not be returing to her team and why she no longer wants to play the game, and I so want to do it in front of all the other parents, and players (but I now that wouldn't be the right thing to do )

Our kids get redrafted each year. Only the coaches that stick together keep their kids together.

Go to the board meetings. Try to make a change so that this doesn't happen to any child again. With seven innings and probably twelve kids max per team, there is no reason that any child should have to sit more than two innings. That is totally unfair, especially as this is developmental at this age level.

Yes I would let the coach know that he/she is at fault for your child losing any and all interest in playing softball again.

 

[luvmy3]

Have her take up golf . Seriously. There are a lot more opportunities for girls in golf--especially college scholarships. It's a great game, team and individual sport and something she can play for the rest of her life. It sounds like softball just isn't her thing--I can't play softball to save my life but I enjoyed it when I played.

Funny about golf, my father who is an avid golfer wanted to get her a set of clubs and teach her how to play, and she seemed interested. Then drama club started and she had said she wanted to play softball so golf went out the window. Maybe she'd like to give it a try now that she isn't going to play softball in the future. She has also expressed interest in volleyball and snowboarding. I would love to see her play softball because thats what I did and loved, but the truth is I'm just happy she has other interests besidesthe computer

 

[dimimi]

We have a game tonight, dd of course doesn't want to go but if we do I will mention it. I know she won't get a chance tonight, we are playing the 1st place team. The truth is at this point it doesn't matter because she doesn't even want to play next year, even though she has come such a long way and could transfer teams

I would make her stick it out...but...I would call the coach before the game and let him know, nicely (which I'm sure you would) that you realize there was a change made the last game, but should your daughter plan on pitching tonight? Since there are only 3 more games, I would hang in there. I think all of us have been there in one way or another. Good luck.

 

[Pigeon]

I'd make her stick it out because I try to teach my kids to honor commitments. It's only three more games.

But this sort of stuff is why I'm thrilled that my kids have zero interest in team sports.

 

[luvmy3]

After reading the posts her I have decided, she'll be going tonight (unless it rains) and I will make her finish the season. She has made a few friends on the team so if anything it will just give her a chance to hang out with them on the bench since they don't go to the same school and she won't see them again after softball. She can say her good-byes and we can end the season knowing she wasn't a quitter.

 

[DawnCt1]

It is my opinion, that, in general, a parent who has a child on a team shouldn't be allowed to coach that team.

I have four DSs who were on Little League teams and All Stars from the time they were 7 years old, so I spent a lot of time sitting in the bleachers, eating at ball fields, etc. and in general, I agree with you 100%. In all of those years, I think we had perhaps 3 coaches who treated all the kids equally. On some years the All Star team was made up of 9 coaches kids and 2 other kids. My DS have been the "2 other kids" who rarely got to play. Of course the teams in that kind of circumstance rarely got to play very long because the team wasn't chosen by skill but by "birth". Three games and they were done. When the teams were chosen by talent, the kids could play most of the summer. One year it was just ridiculous. By then it was DS#4. He was the better player and yet he was benched because the coach's kids had every position. It was so blatant that other parents were commenting to me. Finally I had had it. I told the coach in no uncertain terms that I had been around the "ball field a few times and knew what was going on and that my son was going to be in the next game or he was going home for good. In at least 15 years I felt I had never had to do that. Of course they didn't want him to leave because they needed a certain number of players and bench warmers or they would forfeit the game. Some times you need to take a stand when you know that the team is losing, and will continue to loose as long as they make the team a showcase for the coach's kids.

 

[goofy4tink]

I'm glad you've made the choice to stick it out for the last 3 games. I'm also sad to see yet another youngster stop playing a sport because they got frustrated due to other's playing at a higher level, while they were igored. Happened to my dd when playing basketball. In my dd's case, she was an adequate player..would never be a star, but would have been a contributing member of a team. My dh coached for several years, with another dad. They actually had parents asking for their kids to be placed on dh's team.....it wasn't so much about winning as it was about learning skills with my dh and the other coach. They lost many more games than they won, but dang it, those girls learned. But, my dd saw what other girls were doing, skillwise and felt there was no way she could compete. Don't get me started on the travel teams.

At most levels of organized sports, there are rules as to how long one player can play, and how much a player can expect to be played. I have seen coaches ignore that completely until someone called them on it. And it's always the same coaches that try to get away with either playing their own kid or trying to play the same skilled players all the time.


I will say that there are some very good coaches out there. I remember the one year my dd played softball. She had a classmate that was, and is, an extrodinary athelete. There just isn't a sport that this girl doesn't excell at..she is a natural. So....she took my dd under her wing and gave her some addtl coaching and worked with here. It sure did make a difference. And, this young lady's dad, who coached another team, actually would encourage the girls on the opposing teams!! He would stop and give them pointers or comment on how wonderfully they had played. There ought to be more people like that guy in coaching....not the ones who want only to win and be at the top, to the detriment of the lesser players on the team.


I hope your dd finds something she enjoys doing. My dd never did. She refuses to participate in any group sport. She is a drama kid through and through. She keeps telling me that she isn't a 'sporty' girl. And that's sad. But, she found that she didn't have a natural gift for the sport so was pretty much ignored. Too bad since a lot of these kids, who quit early on, may have found that they got better at the sport as they matured and had more control over their limbs!!!