WWYD? Pregnant teen at my DD's high school pestering my DD..........

[Disney Doll]

OP it's time to teach your self-described geeky late blooming DD how to stand up for herself a bit.

If Susie's chattering is bugging her, then tell her to say "Look we've had the converstation, I'm not thinking it's great to be a pregbabt teen and all your yakking is really distracting".

She's going to meet a lot of people who are going to say and do wildly inapproriate things. Best to learn early how to handle them so they aren't as big of a deal as your DD seems to be making of them.

My best friend in high school got pregnany at 16. Believe me when I tell you that no one in school thought it was the best thing to do.

 

[allison443]

Another school was in the news for having a pack of teenagers making a pact to get pregnant. Teen pregnancy may not be a disease but it sure does seem that is catching to some teens...

I believe the "pregnancy pact" is an urban legend. It did get a huge amount of media attention, though, and of course there wasn't as much coverage when it was debunked. And it was made into a Lifetime movie!

This doesn't affect the seriousness of the teen pregnancy issue, of course.

 

[cornflake]

I believe the "pregnancy pact" is an urban legend. It did get a huge amount of media attention, though, and of course there wasn't as much coverage when it was debunked. And it was made into a Lifetime movie!

This doesn't affect the seriousness of the teen pregnancy issue, of course.

The pact thing may have been untrue but pregnancy is absolutely catching among teens. Hence I think Susie needs to find another schooling option.

 

[Tiger926]

I feel like I'm in some bizarre time warp with these last few responses...I can't believe that adults actually still believe that teen pregnancy is catching.

Last time I checked, it was 2011, almost 2012. Segregation and isolation are hardly the answer to a problem that has a myriad of contributing factors.

Susie has every right to be in school. So what if she sits next to the OP's precious child, or any other child, for that matter?

I totally respect that people are able to express their opinions, but to suggest that the only answer to this situation for the OP's daughter(which is hardly a problem), is to segregate or isolate Susie is rather stunning to me...Who is next?

I am a teacher of all kinds of students, and cringe at the thought of segregating or isolating students who may be struggling in some way. Inclusion equals education, and that is what is going to do the most amount of good in these types of situations. Sure some kids will glamorize, but it's up to the adults to make sure that proper information and knowledge about the difficult topic of teen pregnancy is shared. And if the OP's daughter or any other child in that classroom chose to get pregnant after listening to Susie's musings, then there are far greater, underlying issues in that child to begin with...

It's rather unsettling to me, that adults who may have some influence over children (not sure who here is a parent or works with children), would encourage segregation and isolation of Susie so that she doesn't have to sit near their little precious. Now as many of us mentioned, this also goes for OP's daughter, and if she feels uncomfortable, then she herself can request a seat change, and there is nothing wrong with that, since as a teacher, I would want a class that is welcoming and comfortable for all students.

Life is about dealing with messes and learning from others. How can you do that when "those" people are removed from the group? You can't, and that is why intolerance and segregation continue to exist.

I pray that Susie is surrounded by helpful and positive adults around her, as her life is about to change in ways unimaginable to her...she is the one in need of help. Then again, if OP's daughter (not saying she is being raised this way at all) or anyone else's child is taught that it's ok to be intolerant of others because of differences or challenges that they are facing, they actually may need more help than Susie...

Tiger

 

[EnchantedTales]

I feel like I'm in some bizarre time warp with these last few responses...I can't believe that adults actually still believe that teen pregnancy is catching.

Last time I checked, it was 2011, almost 2012. Segregation and isolation are hardly the answer to a problem that has a myriad of contributing factors.

Susie has every right to be in school. So what if she sits next to the OP's precious child, or any other child, for that matter?

I totally respect that people are able to express their opinions, but to suggest that the only answer to this situation for the OP's daughter(which is hardly a problem), is to segregate or isolate Susie is rather stunning to me...Who is next?

I am a teacher of all kinds of students, and cringe at the thought of segregating or isolating students who may be struggling in some way. Inclusion equals education, and that is what is going to do the most amount of good in these types of situations. Sure some kids will glamorize, but it's up to the adults to make sure that proper information and knowledge about the difficult topic of teen pregnancy is shared. And if the OP's daughter or any other child in that classroom chose to get pregnant after listening to Susie's musings, then there are far greater, underlying issues in that child to begin with...

It's rather unsettling to me, that adults who may have some influence over children (not sure who here is a parent or works with children), would encourage segregation and isolation of Susie so that she doesn't have to sit near their little precious. Now as many of us mentioned, this also goes for OP's daughter, and if she feels uncomfortable, then she herself can request a seat change, and there is nothing wrong with that, since as a teacher, I would want a class that is welcoming and comfortable for all students.

Life is about dealing with messes and learning from others. How can you do that when "those" people are removed from the group? You can't, and that is why intolerance and segregation continue to exist.

I pray that Susie is surrounded by helpful and positive adults around her, as her life is about to change in ways unimaginable to her...she is the one in need of help. Then again, if OP's daughter (not saying she is being raised this way at all) or anyone else's child is taught that it's ok to be intolerant of others because of differences or challenges that they are facing, they actually may need more help than Susie...

Tiger

We are feeling the same way then. Since I can't believe that so many people think Suzie's behavior is ok. Condoning, helping, and making it easier for teens that are this irresponsible and careless is not going to help them. Furthermore she encourages others to do the same and there is no consequence to her actions, on the contrary everyone think it's the OP's child who needs a 'teachable moment' rather than Suzie. It seems that Suzie hasn't learn from her mistakes and now encourages others to do the same. Adolescents are easily impressionable beings that are easily swayed and that is documented and known. Maybe if we would be a little harsher and stop making it easier and condoning this kind of behavior teens wouldn't be messing up and think twice before they act. I believe in giving people a break, but not when they show no signs of trying to improve their situation. That's just making their behavior worst.

 

[Wishing on a star]

People... People!!!!!

There IS a middle ground here.

The fact of the matter is that, in High School, yes even at 14 (and I agree that many 14 year olds still lack some maturity and ability to be assertive....) our teens ARE going to experience these things...

Whether it is "here, have a cig."
"Hey, we've got beer/alcohol Friday Night at so-and-so's."
Pressure to become sexually active, whether by a ( so-called ) boyfriend, OR another girl.
Whatever else...

Sorry, but no matter which of the above applies... it is not even reasonable to believe that one can, OR SHOULD, censor conversation and become over-involved.

OP: You just need to realize that your child is growing up.... Yes, she IS in high school. You cannot keep her in a bubble. ( well, you could try, we know that many parents do...) And, really, if you go up to the school, I think you would find out very, VERY, quickly just how you will be viewed.

As long as it is just conversation, your daughter needs to learn how to handle this. For her own good. It really is that simple.
Yes, Susie's conversations and actions are NOT appropriate.
But, one can not assume that every other kid/person that your teen deals with will be appropriate.
Unless this is moving into some kind of harassment... then it would also be inappropriate to become overly involved.

You need to work on giving your daughter the TOOLS and phrases and ability to handle this in an assertive (but not negative) way.

And, again, I posted this exact same thing early in this thread, and will remind you that this is coming from a parent of a 13 year old who does have some disability and who struggles with being assertive and handling these things... I KNOW how you feel, encountering this with your little precious daughter for the very first time. So, I do understand!!! But, you need to take a good reality check keep your reaction under control.

 

[cornflake]

I feel like I'm in some bizarre time warp with these last few responses...I can't believe that adults actually still believe that teen pregnancy is catching.

Last time I checked, it was 2011, almost 2012. Segregation and isolation are hardly the answer to a problem that has a myriad of contributing factors.

Susie has every right to be in school. So what if she sits next to the OP's precious child, or any other child, for that matter?

I totally respect that people are able to express their opinions, but to suggest that the only answer to this situation for the OP's daughter(which is hardly a problem), is to segregate or isolate Susie is rather stunning to me...Who is next?

I am a teacher of all kinds of students, and cringe at the thought of segregating or isolating students who may be struggling in some way. Inclusion equals education, and that is what is going to do the most amount of good in these types of situations. Sure some kids will glamorize, but it's up to the adults to make sure that proper information and knowledge about the difficult topic of teen pregnancy is shared. And if the OP's daughter or any other child in that classroom chose to get pregnant after listening to Susie's musings, then there are far greater, underlying issues in that child to begin with...

It's rather unsettling to me, that adults who may have some influence over children (not sure who here is a parent or works with children), would encourage segregation and isolation of Susie so that she doesn't have to sit near their little precious. Now as many of us mentioned, this also goes for OP's daughter, and if she feels uncomfortable, then she herself can request a seat change, and there is nothing wrong with that, since as a teacher, I would want a class that is welcoming and comfortable for all students.

Life is about dealing with messes and learning from others. How can you do that when "those" people are removed from the group? You can't, and that is why intolerance and segregation continue to exist.

I pray that Susie is surrounded by helpful and positive adults around her, as her life is about to change in ways unimaginable to her...she is the one in need of help. Then again, if OP's daughter (not saying she is being raised this way at all) or anyone else's child is taught that it's ok to be intolerant of others because of differences or challenges that they are facing, they actually may need more help than Susie...

Tiger

The first thing I recommended was that the OP's daughter be armed with the facts that she can use to smack Susie back with - how liikely it is Susie will never land a good job, graduate h.s., etc., how much people without a h.s. diploma make, etc.

The second thing is that, yes, I think Susie should be booted out of the classroom. Yes, pregnancy IS catching. That's not some figment.

I'm for inclusion in some circumstances and I don't think you're for it in a total way. I mean there are special needs classrooms for a reason. How effective can a teacher be if the majority of his day is spent tending to a single student who requires a significant level of care? No, Susie doesn't require extra care, but I don't think she should be allowed in the regular school with the regular students. I'm not suggesting she not receive an education, but there are alternative schools, classes, class times, homeschooling, etc., that she can avail herself of.

 

[jujube]

OP, your daughter is standing her ground by stating that she has no desire to become a teenaged mom. My advice would be to listen to your daughter and let that be the extent of your involvement.

 

[southern_redhead]

Am I the only one on the board that thinks it IS her business? It's HER daughter that Little Miss TeenMomToBe is giving get pregnant hints to.

Yeah, she might be lonely and sad, that doesn't give her license to try and talk another kid into getting pregnant with her, does it? Her sad circumstance makes it okay preach about how great it is to "hook up" and get pregnant?

As a mother, that would bother me. I wouldn't go to a counselor, but I WOULD talk to my daughter to explain what she's done isn't "okay" or "right" and I would talk to her about how to shut the girl down when she talked about it by changing the subject and making it clear that's not how she wants to live her life.
To say it's none of the mother's business is just dead wrong to me. The girl has come to the mom with a problem, mom should help her learn how to deal with it.

Bolded 1: No, you aren't the only one.

Bolded 2: Good idea. The only other advice I could offer is....do the students have assigned seats? When *I* was in high school we only had a class or two where we had an assigned seat. Everything else was sit where you want. Most of us were so USED to assigned seats from Elem/Middle school that we tended to sit in the same spot, or we all sat with friends and ended up in the same spots. Maybe the girl could just try to pick a seat away from Teen Mom?

 

[MichelleVW]

The second thing is that, yes, I think Susie should be booted out of the classroom. Yes, pregnancy IS catching. That's not some figment.

.

I can't believe people still think that garbage in 2011.

 

[herdtoDisney]

How is pregnancy 'catching'? After 5 kids, I'm pretty sure that's not how it happens...

I was in HS with pregnant girls (and teen dads too). I was not interested in being a teen mom. My oldest ds was with teen moms in his hs too (graduated last year) and he isn't a teen dad.

The OP's daughter should just nod noncomitally at Susie when she rambles about how great being a pregnant teen is. Act disinterested. She'll get bored and go find someone else to pester.

My school (which is where my own teens attend) didn't 'boot out' pregnant girls. The idea is that they will graduate and be able to take care of themselves and their kids. Oldest ds went to a tech school and the teen moms graduate with a trade they can use.

 

[usd2bmd]

I feel like I'm in some bizarre time warp with these last few responses...I can't believe that adults actually still believe that teen pregnancy is catching.

Last time I checked, it was 2011, almost 2012. Segregation and isolation are hardly the answer to a problem that has a myriad of contributing factors.

Susie has every right to be in school. So what if she sits next to the OP's precious child, or any other child, for that matter?(

I agree...every child has a right to an education. Is it a good idea for her to be talking about how Susie can get pregnant...probably not, but she may still be trying to convince herself that it's a good idea.

Segregating your child from bad situations and influences is likely to backfire. If you keep your daughter from everything you percieve to be bad she is likely to run headlong into it the first chance she gets. Rather use this as a teaching tool to show her what can happen. You have to accept that your children grow up and you can't control all aspects of what they are exposed to, but if you talk to them and give them the tools they need to make wise choices then you can feel better about them being out in the world.

 

[luvmy3]

I don't think the OP think she and her daughter are 'better' than Susie, but her daughter is sure as heck smarter than Susie, because Susie is a pregnant teenager who thinks it's all going to turn out *awesome*.

I think first, you should sit down with your daughter and go over exactly why and in which ways Susie is a moron. Go over statistics for how few teenage mothers ever graduate high school (last I heard I think it was 40%), go over the lifetime salary differential for people who don't have a h.s. diploma vs. people who hold a college diploma. Discuss what jobs Susie could possibly get without a h.s. diploma. Discuss how much daycare would cost, in depth, etc., etc. Also, though I'm sure you have, be sure to go over how NOT to end up like Susie, in depth.

Encourage her to share these facts next time Susie goes on about how great it'll be. Knowledge is power.

Encourage her to ask for her seat to be changed.

I'd also, frankly, go encourage the school to kick Susie to the curb. Yes, education is important - there are plenty of ways for her to become educated, though it doesn't exactly seem a priority for her. However, pregnancy, like it or not, IS catching and Susie doesn't belong in school to begin with, imo, nevermind if she's going on to other kids about how awesome it is.

When I read posts like this I have to admit that I fantasize that one day the poster has to choke on their words

We are feeling the same way then. Since I can't believe that so many people think Suzie's behavior is ok. Condoning, helping, and making it easier for teens that are this irresponsible and careless is not going to help them. Furthermore she encourages others to do the same and there is no consequence to her actions, on the contrary everyone think it's the OP's child who needs a 'teachable moment' rather than Suzie. It seems that Suzie hasn't learn from her mistakes and now encourages others to do the same. Adolescents are easily impressionable beings that are easily swayed and that is documented and known. Maybe if we would be a little harsher and stop making it easier and condoning this kind of behavior teens wouldn't be messing up and think twice before they act. I believe in giving people a break, but not when they show no signs of trying to improve their situation. That's just making their behavior worst.

Yes we should shut up any and all teens who dare say anything we don't want our impressionable little innocent angels to ever hear. I'll go get the duct tape, who is with me!.

 

[DVCJones]

Am I the only one on the board that thinks it IS her business? It's HER daughter that Little Miss TeenMomToBe is giving get pregnant hints to.

Yeah, she might be lonely and sad, that doesn't give her license to try and talk another kid into getting pregnant with her, does it? Her sad circumstance makes it okay preach about how great it is to "hook up" and get pregnant?

As a mother, that would bother me. I wouldn't go to a counselor, but I WOULD talk to my daughter to explain what she's done isn't "okay" or "right" and I would talk to her about how to shut the girl down when she talked about it by changing the subject and making it clear that's not how she wants to live her life.

To say it's none of the mother's business is just dead wrong to me. The girl has come to the mom with a problem, mom should help her learn how to deal with it.

I also agree!!!!!

I would even consider speaking to the counselor not to rat the girl out for bothering my DD, but for the simple reason that this poor girl obviously NEEDS someone to talk to. I would call and put it on the counselor's radar in hopes that they could find the girl some help. She is obviously struggling.

 

[CurlyGirl]

Yes, pregnancy IS catching. That's not some figment.

I didn't realize pregnancy was a virus. I've been hanging out with lots of preggos and have yet to catch the 2nd pregnancy that I'm longing for. Maybe I need to expose myself to them more?

Please don't tell an infertile woman or someone having difficulty conceiving that pregnancy is catching. They might punch you.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes we should shut up any and all teens who dare say anything we don't want our impressionable little innocent angels to ever hear. I'll go get the duct tape, who is with me!.

You can count me in.

I also tend to agree with with your first comment.
But, without being so negative and personally flaming.

As the mother of a special needs child, I KNOW how a parent does have to sometimes look out for their kid, maybe more than other parents.

I know how it feels to see our kid(s) in uncomfortable situations.

I would usually never go as far as to say this, but I think in this instance it bears repeating... Sometimes we have to start preparing our child for the path, not preparing the path for our child.

I can guarantee everyone here that this is not the first time something questionable or inappropriate has come before the OP's daughter.
And, it sure isn't going to be the last.

As far as I can tell, this situation has been nothing more than conversations...
( The OP has gone awol, but seems to verify this in her later posts)
If this is the case, then there is definitely not reason to over-react by taking any direct action.

I can remember when parents used to say, "Hey, so Johnny and Billy are going to jump off a cliff, does that mean you are going to do it with them???"

 

[AlwaysMoving]

11th grade- I made a life long friend with the pregnant girl in my home ec class.

12th grade- Shared homeroom with my friend, the teen mother. Another girl, who had a baby in 8th grade, was pregnant again and sat next to me in a 2 hour merchandising class everyday. Another pregnant senior, whom I did not know, brushed arms in the hall with me. Another senior got his girlfriend pregnant, but she did not go to my school.

Age 19- My roommate got pregnant. I warned her to use protection. She did not believe it would happen to her. My best friend got pregnant because her boyfriend wanted her to. A male friend got his girlfriend pregnant.

If pregnancy is "catching", why didn't I get pregnant after associating closely with so many pregnant teens? It is because my mother educated me when I was younger, but I can't give her all the credit. In all seriousness, it could have been easily me added to that list of pregnant teens, but after seeing so many of my friends pregnant, my choices were abstinence and later lots of protection. They are the reason I was so careful. I did not want to have the life of a pregnant teen nor did I want to lose my youth and freedom being tied down to a baby like those I knew.

 

[Minnie_me]

Ugh - OP here, wishing this post would die. People have made me out to be some evil helicopter parent of a precious snowflake daughter. If you knew me, you would know that I'm far from it. I was seeking advice, but instead, every phrase I typed got twisted around, bolded and quoted and used against me.

I don't mind differing opinions, but the direct insults on this thread directed at me and my daughter are really sad.

My grandmother taught me that people who rudely attack others have a very low opinion of themselves.

And now I'm sure that half of you will turn around and say that *I* was attacking Susie for daring to speak to my precious snowflake............and no matter what I say, you won't be convinced otherwise.

Thanks to the very very few of you who actually did offer constructive advice and also those who sent me private messages. Now, my precious snowflake and I are going to watch a movie and I'm going to stay off the computer for a while...............

 

[luvmy3]

You can count me in.

I also tend to agree with with your first comment.
But, without being so negative and personally flaming.

Sometimes it is necessary and when I see comments like that its hard to not be so abrasive in my response. I really wouldn't wish any teen pregnancy on any girl but that poster could use a little dose of "you never know what could happen to you and yours".

As the mother of a special needs child, I KNOW how a parent does have to sometimes look out for their kid, maybe more than other parents.

I know how it feels to see our kid(s) in uncomfortable situations.

I think we all can relate to that feeling. As a parent my instinct is to always run to the aide of my child, but that isn't going to do them any favors in the long run. They need to know how to handle situations like the OP described on their own, it is our job to give them tools to do that, not shelter them from it.

I would usually never go as far as to say this, but I think in this instance it bears repeating... Sometimes we have to start preparing our child for the path, not preparing the path for our child.

I love that quote

I can guarantee everyone here that this is not the first time somdthing questionable or inappropriate has come before the OP's daughter.
And, it sure isn't going to be the last.

As far as I can tell, this situation has been nothing more than conversations...
( The OP has gone awol, but seems to verify this in her later posts)
If this is the case, then there is definitely not reason to over-react by taking any direct action.

I can remember when parents used to say, "Hey, so Johnny and Billy are going to jump off a cliff, does that mean you are going to do it with them???"

I remember hearing that alot

(my other responses in bold above)

Ugh - OP here, wishing this post would die. People have made me out to be some evil helicopter parent of a precious snowflake daughter. If you knew me, you would know that I'm far from it. I was seeking advice, but instead, every phrase I typed got twisted around, bolded and quoted and used against me.

I don't mind differing opinions, but the direct insults on this thread directed at me and my daughter are really sad.

My grandmother taught me that people who rudely attack others have a very low opinion of themselves.

And now I'm sure that half of you will turn around and say that *I* was attacking Susie for daring to speak to my precious snowflake............and no matter what I say, you won't be convinced otherwise.

Thanks to the very very few of you who actually did offer constructive advice and also those who sent me private messages. Now, my precious snowflake and I are going to watch a movie and I'm going to stay off the computer for a while...............

OP, did you even read the words you yourself posted? ou may have expected alot of posters to agree with you and I'm sure you have heard from those that do. However there are those of us who have given you what we feel is constructive advice and us saying things you don't want to hear does not an attack make.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I agree....

The way the OP posted does give a very clear picture of a parent who is wanting to separate and protect and over-involve themselves.

Even your latest overly-sensitive post seems to indicate such.

Yes, there may be a few who have attacked. This IS the dis after all !
That is just the nature of the game here.
Almost to be expected.

But, OP, perhaps you need to try not to be so sensitive and to take some of the opinions under consideration.