WWYD - Playground Altercation

[brymolmom]

It would depend on the relationship. If it is a good friend of my son's I MIGHT try to smooth things over with the parents - even if it means paying more. But honestly - offering to pay $30 is plenty enough to cover 1/2 of a new jacket or to fix the zipper.

Kids get frustrated when playing physical games - it happens. If it happened frequently with the same child (which it does not sound like since OP's son felt so bad and offered his own money) - that's the only time I would even speak to the parents.

If it was my kid - I might want an apology (depending how angry the pusher got) but that's it - would NOT expect any money. If her child isn't allowed to hurt expensive clothing - He should sit and read a book at recess.

 

[jensen]

Hi everyone... I called her and asked her to look into fixing the jacket because I wasn't willing to pay for a new one. And I found out that even though she thought I was going to buy her kid a new jacket, I was still wrong for not automatically offering. So, she started bad mouthing me and my son to other parents.

During the conversation, I asked, "Is this a situation where you cannot afford to replace the jacket?" Totally the wrong words, I know. But, I don't know their financial situation... maybe someone lost a job and they couldn't afford a new one now. Or maybe they'd saved a long time for it. If there were extenuating circumstances like that, I might be more willing to be generous. She totally flew off the handle and started insulting me. Saying that I'm not willing to own up to the fact that this is my responsibility and I'm teaching my kid that it's alright to destroy someone else's property.

So, it's gotten much, much worse.

The boys are already past it... they even went trick or treating together last night. So, it's not that.

 

[Allison]

I think that the other parent paying to repair the zipper is fair. Repairing the zipper fixes the damage that the child did. Anything more than that is an excessive request, in my opinion.

I agree.

 

[Leajess99]

What would you do in this scenario? Your child is playing tag with a group of boys during school recess. He tags one of the kids and the other kid gets angry. Your son is grabbed and shoved to the ground. In the altercation, his quite new, very expensive jacket has the zipper torn.

You contact the other parent and they offer to pay for repairs to the zipper. You've already decided that out of simple vanity that you'd rather purchase a new jacket than have it repaired. There's a chance the new zipper won't match exactly and this was a REALLY expensieve jacket.

So, they offer to pay for half of the new jacket.

But, you think they should pay for the whole thing. Their kid basically attacked yours. Shouldn't they pay for a new jacket?

I think being thankful that they offered to pay half of the new jacket is the best thing. If you took this to court than you would only get the cost to repair the zipper NOT a whole new jacket.

Also, if one is so worried about the "very expensive" jacket than maybe wearing it to the school playground is not the best idea. It could very easily get caught on playground equipment and ripped that way.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Wow OP, I cannot believe how selfish the other mom is being! Offering to pay for the damage is more than enough. She was being VERY selfish and trying to milk it by asking you to pay for a brand new one. She was afraid the zipper wouldnt match? Are you kidding me? Ridiculous!! Even if i were to entertain the idea of paying for the whole thing (new jacket), i'd always ask to see a receipt first. I wouldnt take their word for it. But even then, there's no way i'd be paying for a new one. Thats proposterous and incredibly rude for her to even suggest such a thing. Im glad the boys are past it thou. Thats always nice to hear.

 

[robinb]

Hi everyone... I called her and asked her to look into fixing the jacket because I wasn't willing to pay for a new one. And I found out that even though she thought I was going to buy her kid a new jacket, I was still wrong for not automatically offering. So, she started bad mouthing me and my son to other parents.

During the conversation, I asked, "Is this a situation where you cannot afford to replace the jacket?" Totally the wrong words, I know. But, I don't know their financial situation... maybe someone lost a job and they couldn't afford a new one now. Or maybe they'd saved a long time for it. If there were extenuating circumstances like that, I might be more willing to be generous. She totally flew off the handle and started insulting me. Saying that I'm not willing to own up to the fact that this is my responsibility and I'm teaching my kid that it's alright to destroy someone else's property.

So, it's gotten much, much worse.

The boys are already past it... they even went trick or treating together last night. So, it's not that.

What a loon! The other parents will see through her bad mouthing and it will backfire on her like nsmith's Mommy Mafia comment. It's no wonder that many school districts have banned playing tag with parents like her! She's like a turd in the punchbowl of recess fun.

 

[Leajess99]

You caught me. It was my son who did the knocking down. He feels absolutely terrible about what happened.

Their mutual friend said the other boy was mouthing off about how the jacket cost $50 and my son was going to have to pay for it. So, my son came to me with $50 of his own money and told me to offer it to the mom (I didn't even know my son had that much saved up). It broke my heart, but also made me really proud.

When I called other mother back, I asked her what she wanted to do. She said she didn't want to fix the zipper because she wasn't sure it would be an exact match. So, I said we'd pay for half of a new jacket.

THEN she said it was $110. So, I said that her son told someone else it was $50 and that my son had $50 to give him. Then she just kept insisting that it was all my son's fault and her son was just playing the game and it wasn't their fault the jacket was wrecked.

Thank you for helping me know I wasn't in the wrong here and this really is just a shake down. I'm going to call her back and tell her I'll send a check for $30 to cover a new zipper, anything else is up to her.

I would contact the school first and see what the playground aide/teacher said. Did your son admit he ripped the zipper?? I would hold off on sending her anything. Tell her to provide you with an estimate on the costs of repairs kind of like if you had dinged a car.

Sounds more like she is looking for "free" money on this one.

ETA: I just read the other update and if I were you I would not offer a penny now. She wants to bad mouth than so be it but she is just making herself look like a fool.

 

[KristiKat]

Were you there to witness exactly what happened? Are you sure there wasn't more to the altercation than your son is telling you?

I'm not trying to make excuses for the kid who grabbed and shoved your son, of course that's not OK. Maybe he did just go off on your son, it's possible. But isn't it also possible that your son wasn't as completely innocent as he'd like you to believe? Just sayin'

Doesn't really matter though, because either way... NO, I don't think the other parents should pay for a new jacket. I don't think they should pay for 1/2 of a new jacket. I think their offer to pay to have the zipper replaced was all that was necessary.

As far as the WWYD part of your question, I probably wouldn't even have asked them to pay for the repairs, but that's just me.

Remember, you asked for opinions. I have a feeling you're going to get them on this one.

My thoughts exactly. There are always three sides to every story as said in a previous post. Our kids tend to tell us the story that makes them look better in our eyes, that's just the way it is. I also think paying to repair the zipper is enough. I wouldn't have asked for anyone to pay for repairs either. Kids play and fight, clothes get messed up, that's just the way kids are. Sounds like this other mother is being superficial wanting a new jacket because a zipper might not match. That's ridiculous. Kudos to your son for taking responsibility and offering his own money.

 

[RitaE]

mail or send her the money you offered and be done with it. If she wants to withhold friendship after this, then so be it. I hate Mommy drama.

I assume this is your 12 year old boy from your signature? Boys that age get rough. Heck my 19 and 22 year olds still roll around on the floor wrestling each other when the mood strikes them. Unless your son is making a habit of pushing people around I would assume it is just normal boy behavior and these things happen. The other parents are going to pretty well understand that.

 

[Disneychix]

Just wanted to add, If I heard a parent badmouthing another parent and kid about a situation like this I would probably never want my kid to play with the badmouther's kid because I'd be worried he'd break something or have an accident and I'd be stuck with the bill.
OP, sorry you have to go through this but know that most people will probably empathize with your side of the story.

 

[Nettester]

I'd write her a check for $110.00, but that would put an end to any friendship with her. If the kids want to be "school friends" fine, whatever. I would be inviting other boys, and encouraging other friendships. Kids play, things get ripped. I think it's a rotten thing for her to have asked you for any money at all.

 

[pixiewings71]

You caught me. It was my son who did the knocking down. He feels absolutely terrible about what happened.

Their mutual friend said the other boy was mouthing off about how the jacket cost $50 and my son was going to have to pay for it. So, my son came to me with $50 of his own money and told me to offer it to the mom (I didn't even know my son had that much saved up). It broke my heart, but also made me really proud.

When I called other mother back, I asked her what she wanted to do. She said she didn't want to fix the zipper because she wasn't sure it would be an exact match. So, I said we'd pay for half of a new jacket.

THEN she said it was $110. So, I said that her son told someone else it was $50 and that my son had $50 to give him. Then she just kept insisting that it was all my son's fault and her son was just playing the game and it wasn't their fault the jacket was wrecked.

Thank you for helping me know I wasn't in the wrong here and this really is just a shake down. I'm going to call her back and tell her I'll send a check for $30 to cover a new zipper, anything else is up to her.

Your son seems like a very nice young man, Kudos to you for raising him to know right from and wrong and to take responsibility for his actions.

Hi everyone... I called her and asked her to look into fixing the jacket because I wasn't willing to pay for a new one. And I found out that even though she thought I was going to buy her kid a new jacket, I was still wrong for not automatically offering. So, she started bad mouthing me and my son to other parents.

During the conversation, I asked, "Is this a situation where you cannot afford to replace the jacket?" Totally the wrong words, I know. But, I don't know their financial situation... maybe someone lost a job and they couldn't afford a new one now. Or maybe they'd saved a long time for it. If there were extenuating circumstances like that, I might be more willing to be generous. She totally flew off the handle and started insulting me. Saying that I'm not willing to own up to the fact that this is my responsibility and I'm teaching my kid that it's alright to destroy someone else's property.

So, it's gotten much, much worse.

The boys are already past it... they even went trick or treating together last night. So, it's not that.

After this I would not give her anything, there is no reason for her to be bad mouthing you and your son, you are being beyond generous in this situation. I would have done the same as you, offered to pay for the zipper repair but there's no way you should be held responsible for the whole jacket. It's good to hear the boys have moved past it.

I'd write her a check for $110.00, but that would put an end to any friendship with her. If the kids want to be "school friends" fine, whatever. I would be inviting other boys, and encouraging other friendships. Kids play, things get ripped. I think it's a rotten thing for her to have asked you for any money at all.

I disagree, it doesn't sound like OP is really friends with this other Mom, just the boys, and it sounds like the boys have moved past it so why give in to the other Mom.

 

[Pesky]

Repair the zipper. It was the right thing to do for htem to offer to repair it and generous to offer to pay half of a new one. Your DS is likely to outgrow it anyway. Find a good tailor -- a good tailor will match as much as possible. And yes, sounds like a shake-down and the mom is being ridiculous.

 

[Priscilla]

I think the other parent was more than fair in offering to have the zipper repaired. Thing do happen on the playground- therefore play clothes should be worn to school. And just for the record, things on the playground are often not exactly as reported to parents!(I taught elementary school for 26 years!)

 

[MomToOne]

During the conversation, I asked, "Is this a situation where you cannot afford to replace the jacket?" Totally the wrong words, I know. But, I don't know their financial situation... maybe someone lost a job and they couldn't afford a new one now. Or maybe they'd saved a long time for it. If there were extenuating circumstances like that, I might be more willing to be generous. She totally flew off the handle and started insulting me. Saying that I'm not willing to own up to the fact that this is my responsibility and I'm teaching my kid that it's alright to destroy someone else's property.

Ok - I totally get how this comment set her off. If you feel the jacket should just be repaired, then you should have held the line there and not even discussed replacement. But your asking her if she could afford to replace the jacket or not reads to me like you thought maybe the situation did warrant replacing the jacket but that she should pay for half of it because she "can afford it". If you think replacing the jacket is appropriate for the situation, then you should offer to pay for all of it, regardless of their financial circumstances. If you think fixing the zipper is the appropriate solution, then you should not even discuss replacing it, regardless of who would pay.

 

[timmac]

The way the OP is written, I'm guessing the poster is being asked to pay for the whole jacket.

Pay for zipper repair and that's all. You pay to fix your mistakes but victims don't get to cash in as a result.

I was wondering the same thing... it's unclear if OP is actually directly involved in the situation, or not. But, with phrases like "because of vanity", I'm inclined to doubt that OP is describing his/herself as the one looking to have the jacket replaced.

Edit: having gone through the entire thread, yep, I see this is the case.

 

[whatname]

o.k. I have only skimmed this but...
Must not have been a very well made jacket if the zipper tore with a little pushing on the playground. Maybe you should suggest that to mom. My kids wear hand me down clothes (sometimes through 3 or 4 kids) and I can't recall ever having a zipper torn. Perhaps mom needs to look into better quality goods. Maybe the coat is from somewhere like llbean that will replace it anyway.

No way I would give the mom more that $25. That is half what the kid said it cost, although he probably doesn't know. I think even the $25 is a little high, but I'm cheap. I think replacing the zipper is fair. I wouldn't buy a new coat. No way.

 

[jensen]

Ok - I totally get how this comment set her off. If you feel the jacket should just be repaired, then you should have held the line there and not even discussed replacement. But your asking her if she could afford to replace the jacket or not reads to me like you thought maybe the situation did warrant replacing the jacket but that she should pay for half of it because she "can afford it". If you think replacing the jacket is appropriate for the situation, then you should offer to pay for all of it, regardless of their financial circumstances. If you think fixing the zipper is the appropriate solution, then you should not even discuss replacing it, regardless of who would pay.

No, it was never a situation where I thought the jacket needed to be replaced. I never saw the jacket. But, the principal assured me that only the zipper was damaged and replacing the zipper was sufficient. He agreed that this parent is asking for too much here.

 

[gillenkl]

Be the bigger person - send her a check or cash to replace the jacket and be done with it.

 

[Leajess99]

Be the bigger person - send her a check or cash to replace the jacket and be done with it.

Why reward her?? I don't get why anyone would reward this mother's vanity when the jacket can be fixed for much less and legally that is all that she would be required to do.