WWYD (Job Hunt)

[disneychrista]

I took a “better than nothing” job while I looked for something else and took a 40% pay cut. But there is no way I’d do a 90 minute one way commute for it.

Is it even financially worth it to maintain two households? In the end it would be cheaper to commute.

 

[leebee]

While I was deciding whether or not to accept a job that was a 90 minute drive each way, HR called and said a raise over what I'd been offered had been approved, to offset the costs of commuting. That helped me decide to take the job, but the commute got old, fast, even though I WAS driving to Bar Harbor, ME- drop dead beautiful drive, but LONG drive. I was not unhappy when the grant funding wasn't renewed, so my position evaporated.

One thing to consider is your age. I don't know how old you are but your mention that your wife is getting ready to retire made me think that maybe you are, too. I have recently been looking to change my job and what I am finding is that, even though fully qualified, I don't get the interviews. Someone finally mentioned that employers don't necessarily want to hire someone who is going to retire in 5 years... so there's that to consider, too (if it's a consideration for you).

 

[sam_gordon]

While I was deciding whether or not to accept a job that was a 90 minute drive each way, HR called and said a raise over what I'd been offered had been approved, to offset the costs of commuting. That helped me decide to take the job, but the commute got old, fast, even though I WAS driving to Bar Harbor, ME- drop dead beautiful drive, but LONG drive. I was not unhappy when the grant funding wasn't renewed, so my position evaporated.

One thing to consider is your age. I don't know how old you are but your mention that your wife is getting ready to retire made me think that maybe you are, too. I have recently been looking to change my job and what I am finding is that, even though fully qualified, I don't get the interviews. Someone finally mentioned that employers don't necessarily want to hire someone who is going to retire in 5 years... so there's that to consider, too (if it's a consideration for you).

I was planning on retiring in 13 years. Whether potential employers are a) doing the math and b) think that's far enough off, I don't know.

 

[DLgal]

I'd keep moving forward, personally. If you get to the point of salary negotiations, I would try to negotiate higher pay to offset the distance issue. Or negotiate better hours, flex scheduling...SOMETHING. I would not take that much of a pay cut for a job that far away.

 

[kymom99]

My husband lost his job and his brother in law told him to apply for a job where he worked. He got an interview and they took him on a tour of the place. BIL said there were only a couple who got the tour. However, he didn’t get the job unfortunately. So I would go into it with an open mind.

 

[fly girl]

Good luck tomorrow, @sam_gordon. Hopefully you will get the answers you need to make the decision.

 

[Cheburashka]

Yes, DW works. We don't have family in the school boundaries so the plan would be I relocate until DD graduates HS, then worry about DW moving. However, if we do that, DW would then be 10 months away from qualifying for retirement from her employer. So it's POSSIBLE we keep two "homes" for 2 1/2 years. Now, that's thinking WAY down the road. Step 1 is for me to find a new job.

This set-up does not prioritize keeping the family close, and for that reason I would never consider it. This is a huge amount of separation from your wife and child for an extended period. You would miss a lot of your daughter's last years at home, and that kind of regular separation can be hard on a marriage, too.

As a person who has never had the good fortune to have a loving spouse or a healthy child, I can't imagine walking away from a loving family for an extended period just for a job.

I'm a single mother with a chronically sick child, and local jobs are all I ever consider. I just think you need to prioritize your family more. Reflect on what is really important in your life.

 

[sam_gordon]

This set-up does not prioritize keeping the family close, and for that reason I would never consider it. This is a huge amount of separation from your wife and child for an extended period. You would miss a lot of your daughter's last years at home, and that kind of regular separation can be hard on a marriage, too.

As a person who has never had the good fortune to have a loving spouse or a healthy child, I can't imagine walking away from a loving family for an extended period just for a job.

I'm a single mother with a chronically sick child, and local jobs are all I ever consider. I just think you need to prioritize your family more. Reflect on what is really important in your life.

I totally respect what you're saying. But trust me when I say there are no current openings in my industry that allow me to stay home. I am also looking at jobs that can leave me "based" at home, but travel for work. If we didn't have a HS Junior, moving the family would be more of an option.

 

[design_mom]

I would say, continue with the interview process till you truly see what you're working with. Then you can make a better decision. But, if the job doesn't excite you PLUS the 90 minute commute PLUS you don't *need* a job immediately, makes me think that maybe you should keep looking. (Another point re: a job that has a 90 minute commute, vs a job that is based at home but requires travel. If you're based at home but the job requires travel, I assume the company would be footing the bill for the travel. However, if you've got a job that has a 90 minute commute and you plan to just stay there for the work week, I would assume the employer would say "that's a choice you're making" and would not pay (unless, I guess, you negotiate for it before taking the job.) So, even if the pay rate is the same, you'd have a lot more expenses with the commutable job.)

 

[Jangles]

It’s always easier to get a job when you have a job, and it’s wise not to have any gaps in your cv.

 

[DLgal]

As a person who has never had the good fortune to have a loving spouse or a healthy child, I can't imagine walking away from a loving family for an extended period just for a job.

Your first sentence is why you can't imagine it. But this is a reality for a LOT of people. As a wife of an active duty servicemember, separation is the name of the game. We have been dealing with it for 23 years. It's all we have known. We have 2 kids. My husband has cumulatively missed about 5-6 years of each of their lives. But our marriage is strong and our family is very close. We are at the tail end of 3 years where he has been working 80 miles away and living at home only part time. He is retiring from the military next year and will only consider jobs in our county going forward. But it hasn't been a choice all this time. We chose to do our last 3 years this way because of our kids and their special education needs that are being met very well here. That was more important than us being together every day.

 

[Cheburashka]

Your first sentence is why you can't imagine it.

You don't understand my post.

 

[DLgal]

You don't understand my post.

I assure you, I do. You don't seem to understand how oftentimes what is best for a family IS being separated for a time.

 

[Cheburashka]

I assure you, I do. You don't seem to understand how oftentimes what is best for a family IS being separated for a time.

No, you don't. That was also a mean and vicious comment. But I guess that's what the ignore button is for.

 

[fly girl]

@sam_gordon, how did it go on Wednesday? Decision made?

 

[sam_gordon]

@sam_gordon, how did it go on Wednesday? Decision made?

It went very well. Hiring manager said he'd love to have me start the next day. Facilities and everyone I met were great. Job description/responsibilities were great. Money however, not so much, especially when coupled with the commute/move. Hiring manager said he totally understands and is leaving the ball in my court. I think at this point I'm still waiting to see what other jobs might open up.

 

[MillauFr]

It went very well. Hiring manager said he'd love to have me start the next day. Facilities and everyone I met were great. Job description/responsibilities were great. Money however, not so much, especially when coupled with the commute/move. Hiring manager said he totally understands and is leaving the ball in my court. I think at this point I'm still waiting to see what other jobs might open up.

Good decision. Never let them offer you less than you are worth.

 

[fly girl]

It went very well. Hiring manager said he'd love to have me start the next day. Facilities and everyone I met were great. Job description/responsibilities were great. Money however, not so much, especially when coupled with the commute/move. Hiring manager said he totally understands and is leaving the ball in my court. I think at this point I'm still waiting to see what other jobs might open up.

If your gut says move on, move on. Not always easy to pass up, but it sounds like this is nice just not the right fit.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I assure you, I do. You don't seem to understand how oftentimes what is best for a family IS being separated for a time.

You're also coming from a military perspective which is far different than other occupations. If your spouse has been in other occupations separated away from you prior to being in the military I apologize for my next comment but I'll flip this around and say you don't understand how it can be for other families.

For my husband's prior job it was much more common if there was a long-term assignment for families to relocate all together. My husband was lucky that his field assignments were considered short in that it was 5 1/2 months, then home for a little over 2 weeks then away for 8 1/2 months. Then the second time several years later was 9 months. His coworker whom we are friends with was sent on an 18-24 months assignment and the wife ended up moving with him selling their home here. He ended up being gone 22 months. It's even more common when you have kids because as much as you have to weigh the odds of relocating with school years if you're gone long enough that back and forth becomes more of a burden.

Your marriage being strong has little to do with what the PP was talking about. They were providing their own opinion on the matter of constant back and forth for a job without an end date. At least when my husband was away I knew there was an end date. I am honest enough that I'm not sure how I would feel if I only saw my husband for 1 1/2 days every 2 weeks for the entirety of our relationship (which at this point is almost 15 years).

I also think saying "oftentimes being separated" is such a broad generalized comment you couldn't possibly reasonably make. Families make the best decision for them but oftentimes being separated couldn't possibly be the generalized comment. For military families that is usually the reality but is not the same in other occupations.

 

[theMoreDisneytheBetter]

My commute is about 3 hours round trip, including 90+ min of walking year round, and in the dark for the first part about half the year. It ain’t fun. It’s physically and mentally exhausting, which also cuts into family time even when I am home. Train delays last week (thank you NJTransit) pushed my commute home to 2.5 hours, and I ended up shaking on the couch after I finally got home.

After 32 years in one company I’m sure the prospect of job hunting is a bit daunting. I went through something similar the last time I moved. Best advice I was given was to believe in myself and not jump on the first offer if it isn’t what I wanted. I was scared at first but ended up in a much better seat.