WWYD? Invited to a wedding on our anniversary.

[sk!mom]

If I was planning a weekend at the beach, I wouldn’t think twice about declining.

If it was just a nice dinner out anniversary and it was going to be a nice wedding, then we would probably go. I actually love weddings, and my DH is a people person who can talk with anyone.

If it was a nice venue with dinner, dancing, drinks then it would sound fun to us.

You don’t sound like you want to go though, so don’t. No reason to feel bad especially if these are coworkers who you do not socialize with.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

Op, just tell your co-worker that it is your anniversary and dh surprised you with a weekend away, plane tickets bought and hotel booked non -refundable. Send a small gift (if you so wish to do) and you are done. She cannot fault you for that. Now, if you really do want to go to this wedding but don't want to hurt your dh's feelings then that is something you both have to work out together and find some sort of compromise.

Edited: Forgot to mention that dh and I went to a wedding on our first anniversary with me 7 months pregnant. We just celebrated there with everyone else who knew us.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

This is my thought as well.

I think the question is really a matter of whether the OP wants to attend the wedding or not. In my opinion, it being their anniversary is really irrelevant to the decision.

It would make absolutely no difference to me whether an event was on my anniversary or any other random day. If we wanted to go we would; if we didn’t want to attend (or had preexisting plans) we wouldn’t.

To me, it’s relevant because if it were some other date, I would go alone and spare dh the awkwardness of having to spend the evening with total strangers.

 

[sk!mom]

My DD recently got married. We paid for the whole wedding and it was in my book expensive. I would venture the invites landed 50% for couple, 25% each for parents. But the parents invites tended to include family/friends that would have been on Bride/Groom lists anyway. DH invited one co-worker but he knows our daughter (didn't come). MIL invited all the doctors she works for but they knew Groom and watched him grow up. NO ONE was invited who didn't have a personal relationship with the Bride or Groom or both. DD didn't want some of the relatives invited - she said she had no close relationship with them growing up and she'd rather her friends be there to help her celebrate THEIR special day. We were okay with that - we weren't holding them hostage because we were paying for the wedding. It was our gift to them. Did we have general budget? Yes. Did we have to make some big decisions together within that budget? Yes. But the guests were there to witness their union - there would be some plus ones obviously but the invites all went to people they knew.


This is what my son says too. He's been a best man in two weddings, likely will be a groomsman in one more for sure and and attended a wide variety as a guest. He sees nothing the least bit enjoyable about going through all that comes with a wedding.

FUNNY: I offered DD a big check for a down payment on a house in lieu of a wedding. Bride's Dad and Groom said no they wanted a wedding. So once DD got planning she had fun with most of it, there were some moments of conflict she wish she hadn't, but in the end it was a beautiful event that went well and was a hit with guests. She was happy with her big day and has wonderful memories. But who knew it would be the two guys that wanted the wedding.

DD married in 2019. She had long envisioned a destination wedding with just close family and friends. Her groom and his parents wanted the big wedding. Now DD loved the planning, wedding, and memories so it was all good.

As far as whether parents should or shouldn’t invite or who should or shouldn’t be invited, to me it’s their event. Invite whomever you want. If you think it’s weird, don’t go.

 

[_19disnA]

There is nothing wrong in declining a wedding invite for the child of a co-worker who have probably never even met. You don't need to give a reason why you are declining.

 

[tzolkin]

To me, it’s relevant because if it were some other date, I would go alone and spare dh the awkwardness of having to spend the evening with total strangers.

I understand that many people feel the need to celebrate special dates like birthdays or anniversaries together so I can see why it being a specific date would be relevant for them. I was just saying that to me it’s not a big deal and so the fact that the event happened to fall on my anniversary would not factor into my decision to go or not. We have had many anniversaries where I didn’t even realize what day it was and would not have noticed if my DH didn’t tease me about it.

 

[AppleDumpling]

OP, it is clear that you and your DH would rather not attend the wedding, and therefore, you should graciously decline. You can mention your anniversary, although you don’t owe them any explanation. RSVP as soon as possible so, like you say, they might invite someone else in your place, and then book the anniversary getaway.

Now if I were in your shoes, I would attend and celebrate my anniversary at another time. Weddings here are a big deal, they are big fun parties, and DH and I both love them. Full disclosure, we actually have attended a few weddings of children of DH’s co-workers. I don’t think it’s all that unusual, nor a bad thing. When you spend so much time together at work as well as occasional social events after work and traveling together (which both of us have done) over several years, you can become very close with colleagues and want to share family milestones. YMMV

 

[focusondisney]

What does your husband think?

He would rather go away. Anywhere.

I think you have your answer. Your husband of 27 years would rather go away with you on your anniversary than attend a strangers wedding. On your anniversary.

Why is it even a question?

 

[wenrob]

You don’t need a reason and don’t have to give a reason. “Thank you for the invitation but I can’t make it.” That’s it.

 

[KayMichigan]

You don’t need a reason and don’t have to give a reason. “Thank you for the invitation but I can’t make it.” That’s it.

I agree. I understand that you don't want them to be upset, but I honestly think they won't care as much as you think they will. They have so much other stuff to deal with, and there will be so many other guests there who the bride and groom actually know, that they'll probably just say "Oh, you can't make it? OK, thanks for letting us know" and that'll be it.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Personally, my DH and I would go. I think attending a wedding on our anniversary would be hopelessly romantic - bringing back memories of our own special day. (If someone clued in the band or DJ, it would probably result in a cute dance with the new couple as well, or a fun toast or neat photo or something.)

But in your case, it seems neither of you really want to go. So I'd say plan your weekend away, send a nice gift, and don't give it another thought. The couple will never miss someone they don't even know.

 

[MamaMermaid]

I'd decline and do what I want for my anniversary. Don't think twice!