wwyd? I have a problem

[binny]

I took DS11 to the church to take the van to camp. There is a boy in our church who is ADHD. He is a nice kid and I love his parents dearly BUT he can be a monster. He was in my class last year so I know. He was also in the same school as ds. Anyway, he tends to get really physical with people.

Today I was talking to his dad and we looked over by a corner and Cam is kicking him. I couldnt see Cam until I got there, I run out and find the kids hands around Cams NECK!!! He was choking him! Hard. Cam has finger marks around his neck! grrrrrrrrrrr. I took a peice out of the kid and then his dad took another thankfully. I was LIVID!

I told the childrens minister that I wanted Cam on the other side of the camp from this kid and that they needed to see that it happened. I am SO mad I an shaking!!

I let him go ahead to camp with instructions that he was to walk away whenever he sees this kid.
I hope that that is enough.


WWYD?

 

[paigevz]

Same thing you did. By the by, my son has ADHD and has never attacked anyone. He's been in trouble for fighting once with two other boys, and both he and the other boys say it started as play between my son and one boy, and then the other one joined in and got mad.

ADHD is not an excuse for bad behavior. It can, if not treated properly, lead to other disorders that do encompass such behaviors.

 

[JerseyJanice]

How upsetting! I'm sorry that was the way you had to start your day.

I let him go ahead to camp with instructions that he was to walk away whenever he sees this kid.

I don't know what else you could have done.

 

[binny]

Im sorry I didnt mean to infer that ADHD was the cause, I know it isnt, its is their excuse though.

You know the more Ithink about this the angrier I get. The mom is away right now so I cant call her and talk to her and I cant reach Cam at camp. I am begining to wonder if I should have sent him to camp after all. He was so looking forward to it! As soon as I saw this kid I knew something would happen.

I told Cam that he needed to try to stay with his other friends and away form this kid as much as possible. I know this kid needs friends too but it wont be at the expense of MY child KWIM?

 

[MI mom of 3]

I think you did the right thing. You addressed the problem immediately. You gave your son direction on how to handle it. You notified the people at the camp, I am assuming the childrens minister will be there. You don't want to deprive your son of something that is important to him because of someone else's behavior.

How long will your son be gone? And is there anyway to get in touch with the camp while they are there to check up on things?

I bet your son will be just fine. But I totally understand your anger and concern.

 

[MushyMushy]

Do you know what started it? Did the kid just attack your son out of the blue?

 

[Beth76]

I think I would have asked the kid be removed from the camp. What would have happened if this was at school? Wouldn't the kid have been suspended? OP. I'm glad your son wasn't seriously hurt.

 

[paigevz]

Absolutely! I've only had to request once that my son not be anywhere near another child. He was in K at the time, and the teacher was so upset.....he said, "Your son was the absolute last child that he could sit with. All the other parents have already requested the same thing." Well, then there's a problem!

I do think you should have sent him to camp. He will be fine. He will stay away from the kid and if the kid bothers him, he'll go tell others. Your son shouldn't be punished for the actions of the other kid.

I get tired of ADHD used as an excuse for bad behavior.........so that's where my comment came from, I knew your were likely echoing his parents excuses for why he acts the way he does.

 

[binny]

thanks for the support


My ds, this kid, and 2 other boys were all running around playing tag. This kid caught my kid and thats what happened. They both told the same story seperately so thats what Ive got to believe.


He is at camp until Friday there is only a phone for emergency purposes and believe me Ive been tempted to use it!

 

[Wishing on a star]

I think I would have asked the kid be removed from the camp. What would have happened if this was at school? Wouldn't the kid have been suspended? OP. I'm glad your son wasn't seriously hurt.

ITA

If he left finger marks around your childs neck, then that is definately a physical assault. I would have gone (privately) immediately to the highest person and let them know that I did not think that this kid should be allowed to continue with the camp. Camp officially started the minute you pulled up on Church property to get ready to board the bus. If this happened at school, the kid would definately been pulled out and the Principal would be expected to contact the parents, and possibly suspend the child.

I do feel sorry for this child!!! But, unfortunately, for this childs sake, as well as everyone elses, this kind of a camp is just not the place for a child who has these kinds of issues.

 

[Cool-Beans]

I'd have the older, bigger boys that played football go explain to him that it is not nice to choke people.

Saw a ******** kid getting pushed around in hallway in high school by punks and had half the football team after them that day. Never saw the punks do it again.

It is effective, even if it is wrong.

 

[binny]

Well I called the camp director. The more I sat here and thought about it the more I felt I needed to be proactive.
I called and spoke with the director who assured me they would not be in the same cabin and that he or my ds would be moved if they were already regestered. He seemed to understand but also kind of gave me the impression he thought I was being a tad overprotective.
I said " Look normally I would write something like this this off as boys being boys, Im not being irrational here. This child left marks on my sons neck and I saw it happen. I dont want them to be together. I have instructed my son to keep a berth form this child and I expect you to allow that"

Believe Im going to talk with his mom when she gets home.


Thanks again for the support!

 

[MI mom of 3]

I'm glad you called the director. I'm sure that gave you a little more piece of mind. I don't care if he does think you are overprotective. You are his mother, you saw what really was assault on your son. And if you don't stand up for your child, who will!

I know you said that the boys father laid into him when this happened, but what if anything did he say to you about it?

 

[binny]

The father apologized profusely to me, he is a nice guy and I do like him.

I think he handled the situation as best he could.

 

[minkydog]

ADHD is not an excuse for bad behavior. It can, if not treated properly, lead to other disorders that do encompass such behaviors.

Absolutely true. It burns my britches when I hear parents excuse bratty behavior with "oh, he has ADHD ya know."

OP, you did the right thing. I would expect the camp director to act on this major mis-behavior. They should realize that to do otherwise would be to invite a lawsuit (perhaps not from you, but from other parents whose kids this bully my go after.)

 

[ZachnElli]

OMGosh Binny! I'm so sorry this happened to Cam!! You did everything right, don't let anyone make you feel like you are being overprotective!

 

[Keli]

I'm really surprised this boy wasn't removed from the camp. I do think the director will take things much more seriously since you called and I hope Cam has a wonderful time. I know I loved church camp every year. It was truely the highlight of my summer.

 

[famofsix]

It's church camp....maybe God will intervene. You did all you could as a parent.I would stop worrying about it and trust that the camp folks will protect your son. Maybe this kid who hurt your son will realize at camp that this is no way to act and have friends. Maybe he lashes out because he has no friends? I am not making excuses for his behavior but unless he is a full fledged bully I wonder if he is just a mixed up kid who needs some help and love. Maybe this camp will be good for both boys. Hopefully, this camp will impact everybody's life for the better.

 

[aprilgail2]

I would ask that the other kid be removed from the camp! My daughter has had this boy with adhd in her class for 4 years now, starting in preschool, and the first day of school I write a note to the teacher stating that I do not want my daughter seated anywhere near him because he has hurt her numerous times in the past just to head it off. As the school year goes on more and more paretns start saying not to seat him by their child and he ends up next to the teacher. He has hurt my daughter numerous times and I don't want her near him. One time he picked her up (she is small for her age and he is big) threw her down and jumped on top of her, another time he choked a girl. I don't even think he should be in a classroom with other kids but I have no choice on that one.

 

[Laurajean1014]

Next year let the kid know that the camp starts a week after it actually ends......

Sorry, but this kid is a monster and may not be suitable to play with others. Keep a watchful eye.

Good luck.