Would you think this was weird?

[mantysk8coach]

I just want some opinions on a situation that I am starting to feel self consious about. My husband has a friend that he has literally grown up with...the friends mom babysat my DH since they were like 6 months old, so they have been best friends for like 26 years. I met the two of them in 8th grade, so I have been friends with both of them too since then. We've always done things together, the three of us...we have a great time together! We've been married three years, the friend is still single.

However, since DH and I had our daughter, I just feel ackward doing things with him. I feel like when we go places, like dinner or whatever, that people are staring at us trying to figure out the relationship, like who's with who or whatever. We live in a small, mostly closed minded town, with lots of old people, who feel they need to figure out everyone elses business.

We hang out with him usually once a week. My DH and I have a great relationship with each other and our daughter, so it's not like the friend is interfering with our own family time or anything. We really do love hanging out together, we just have fun! He's even coming to Disney with us next June, because he's never been there, and probably wouldn't ever get there if it wasn't for us.

So do you think that's odd at all? I think if he were married and we hung out with him and his family it would be a different story. I just sometimes feel like people find it odd that we spend so much time with him. I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but I do.

So is this a strange situation, or am I just paranoid?

 

[grinningghost]

Not weird. DH and I used to hang out with his single friend all the time.

Give 'em something to talk about.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Slip him my number.

 

[bballmom56]

I don't think it's weird at all. I think it's nice. They sound almost like brothers. With all the messed up relationships of all kinds these days, I think it's great when there is true friendship. Don't lose it!

 

[mick67]

It's weird by the conventional standard that says you have to look like a nuclear family all the time, but who gives a crap about conventional standards? This is real life, with real people. Why distance yourself from someone who's company your whole family obviously enjoys? That would be rude and superficial.

 

[lulugirl]

I don't find it odd at all. You all enjoy the relationship, why would you care what others think of it?

 

[mantysk8coach]

Why distance yourself from someone who's company your whole family obviously enjoys? That would be rude and superficial.

Oh, I wasn't even considering that! I guess I just wanted to get a feel for what outsiders to the situation thought!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Would you feel the same way if he actually was your husband's brother? FWIW, count your blessings to have such a good friend and try to let it go.

 

[RadioNate]

I think your paranoid. DH has single friends that we hang out with a lot. I also have a reciently divorced girl friend who DH, DS and I also hang out with. I'm not bothered by it at all and if your town is a busy body-ish as you think I'm sure everyone knows that your DH has been friends with his buddy forever so why would they care?

Do you feel weird about him with your daughter? Is that something your not really admiting since you don't want to think that way about a friend? That's the only reason I can think of that would make you uncomfortable.

On the surface I don't think it is odd at all. But it seems to me you are worried about something more than just what the old busy bodies will think.

 

[horseshowmom]

I don't think it's particularly weird. You're friends - why would you desert your friend just because you're married and have a child? What a blessing to have someone in your life who supports you and cares about you and that you can do the same with (sort of like a godfather for your DD). Hooray for friendship!

 

[mantysk8coach]

You all enjoy the relationship, why would you care what others think of it?

I really don't...it's just a small town where everyone knows everyone. If we lived in a larger city, this wouldn't be an issue.

Going out to dinner is like one of our hobbies, and we tend to go to all kinds of "off beat" places, not necessarly where the younger crowd (other people our age) go. I've just seen people give us odd looks and then whisper to the other people at there table, then they all turn and look, etc.

Okay, not gonna let it bother me! It's their problem, not ours!

 

[malibuconlee]

Let them wonder!! I agree with other posters that it's great to have friendships that last that long. You should all consider yourself lucky to have one another.

I also agree. Think of him as family. You wouldn't feel weird about going places with family would you? My best friends ARE family to me. Couldn't imagine life without them even if I don't see them as often as I'd like.

 

[mantysk8coach]

I think your paranoid. DH has single friends that we hang out with a lot. I also have a reciently divorced girl friend who DH, DS and I also hang out with. I'm not bothered by it at all and if your town is a busy body-ish as you think I'm sure everyone knows that your DH has been friends with his buddy forever so why would they care?

Do you feel weird about him with your daughter? Is that something your not really admiting since you don't want to think that way about a friend? That's the only reason I can think of that would make you uncomfortable.

On the surface I don't think it is odd at all. But it seems to me you are worried about something more than just what the old busy bodies will think.

No, it's nothing wierd with our daugher at all. He's great to her (he has many nieces and nephews) and she loves him!

And that's a good point that our "busy body" town should already know that they are friends.

I guess I'm just insecure about things. I've always been that way.

 

[disneymama73]

Not weird at all. I think it is wonderful that you all have each other. Friends for life!

 

[dixipixi]

I don't think it's weird either. DH's best friend actually introduced us. He and I had actually been friends for quite a while. He now works for DH, so we're all together everyday. I wouldn't give up a good friendship, just cause I was worried what some busybody had to say.

As for the small town bit, I totally understand that. If the friends truck and my car are at the house, but DH's truck is gone...well you can just imagine. The funny thing is...usually we're all gone in DH's truck!!

I just don't let people bother me. If their lives are so boring that they're checking out who's parked at my house...well that's their problem.

 

[mantysk8coach]

As for the small town bit, I totally understand that. If the friends truck and my car are at the house, but DH's truck is gone...well you can just imagine. The funny thing is...usually we're all gone in DH's truck!!

I just don't let people bother me. If their lives are so boring that they're checking out who's parked at my house...well that's their problem.

That is so my town too! I've encountered that exact same situation! Funny!

 

[2BigKIdz]

I don't think it is weird but we sort of have the same situation and I often wonder if other's think it's weird. I have had the same best friend for 25 years, since 2nd grade. I am married to my hs sweetheart, we have been together for 16 years (no children), so my bf has known him 16 years as well and she thinks of my husband as a brother. My friend is divorced and has a 13 year old son. We go on vacation together every summer with more of my family and friends, and we often take weekend trips together. Her son really loves my husband and they get along really well, they both love sports and video games and are great buddies. She often goes to dinner with us, or to the movies, etc. Not as often lately as she has been spending most of her weekends with a new gentleman friend (My husband just asked yesterday "have you talked to Shelly lately? Seems like we haven't seen her in forever"

I have just decided that if others find it weird, that's their problem and if they want to waste time speculating on who's with who and what's what then they need to get a life

 

[disykat]

I don't think it's weird. There's nothing wrong with meeting a friend for dinner. It sounds like you have plenty of alone time. It reminds me of the tv show "Ed".

 

[nwdisgal]

We have a single friend who we hang out with some times. I wouldn't worry what a bunch of old fogeys think. Enjoy spending time with your friend.

 

[pogo791]

Good friends are too precious to lose - especially just because of what you're concerned that others may think. Mantysk8coach, what if the shoe was on the other foot (like in 2BigKIdz's situation), the good friend would have been yours, and not your husband's? I'm sure you wouldn't want to put the friendship on ice now that you have a child!

As long as you, your husband and your kid enjoy the friend's company, and he in turn likes to take time out to be with your family, I think that's great.

In a follow-up message, you already said that you're not gonna let it bother you - and that's the way it should be. Enjoy!