Would you tell your spouse?

[boomhauer]

My wife doesn't like the fact that I still occasionally go out with this friend of mine who's a girl. I've been friends with her for 10 years, never anything more. In fact, she came to our wedding, with her live-in boyfriend. My wife is just very insecure.

If I tell her I'm going out for dinner or to a movie with her, my wife will be all upset. No reason for her to be.

So, I'm left in the posistion of either not being friends with this person anymore, going out with her, telling my wife and have her be upset, or, go out with her and not tell my wife, in which case I would feel incredibly guilty.

 

[smilie]

I dont think I would ever lie about something like that. If your wife ever found out you saw her and didn't tell her, she would DEFINITELY think something was going on-even if there wasn't. I think if I was left with the decision-I would stop seeing her altogether. My marriage always comes first and if it means making sacrifices, so be it. How does your friend feel about the situation?

ETA: Would your wife want to go along with you 2 when you go out? That might put her mind at ease and you don't have to end your friendship.

 

[KathyTX]

Your wife won't let you date other women?

How closeminded of her.

Sorry, but dinner and a movie is a date. Take your wife instead.

 

[rnd4life]

If my DH lied to me about something like this, there would be serious trouble. Is your wife ever invited to go out with the 2 of you? I'm not saying you're out doing anything wrong, but I don't think lying to your wife is going to solve the problem.

ETA: I don't think there's anything wrong with a man and woman being friends. But....if you're considering lying to your wife about being with her, then there's a problem.

 

[lucky978]

I agree. I wouldn't suggest going out with your friend.

If your wife finds out you lied she will never trust you again. Trust is something that has to be earned. If you blow it now, you'll have to start all over again (if she give you the chance).

I say don't go.

 

[Buckalew11]

Your wife won't let you date other women?

How closeminded of her.

Sorry, but dinner and a movie is a date. Take your wife instead.

Sorry but I wouldn't like it either. I know many here disagree. If DH is going to the movies and out to eat with another woman, I'd better be invite to chaperone.

 

[Chicago526]

While I understand why you don't want to worry her, think of it this way.

What will her reaction be if she finds out you've been sneaking out behind her back with this woman?

It will look 1,000 times WORSE if she thinks that not only are you seeing her, but that you lied to her about it. She wonder what else you're lieing about!

Is there a way you could see this woman in a group of people, kind of like being chaperoned? That way you're not "alone" with her so you're wife feels better about it, but you can still see your friend.

 

[boomhauer]

You're all right - It would be alot worse for me to lie to her.

I only see this person once every couple of months. For years, we've always just hung out and gone to the movies.

 

[kasar]

Only you can decide if the friendship is worth more than your marriage. Your wife, the person you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with, has made it clear that she does not want you going out with this woman. To me, that's makes this decision a no-brainer.

 

[Missy1961]

Here's the view of a single woman--if I'm your friend, and now you're married, I'm not going out to dinner & a movie ALONE with you. I'll see you with a group of friends or I'll join you & your wife, but I'm not putting myself in that position. I'm not comfortable with you lying to your wife to see me. And even if you didn't tell me you lied, I'm still not doing it.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

If you value your wife and want to stay married then either tell your DW or don't go out with the female friend. Period.

 

[boomhauer]

Yup - You're all correct. No brainer. I'll ask her if she has a problem with it still, and if she does, I just won't go.

I get confused about things like this. I hate disappointing my friends, but my relationship with my wife is obviously far more important.

 

[smilie]

but my relationship with my wife is obviously far more important.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

If you value your wife and want to stay married then either tell your DW or don't go out with the female friend. Period.

Agreed!

Is it weird that as a guy, I have no true female friends, only those who I know through my wife or my guy friends' wives and girlfriends?

 

[VSL]

Your wife won't let you date other women?

How closeminded of her.

Sorry, but dinner and a movie is a date. Take your wife instead.

^^^Yeah, that.

Would you seriously be OK if your wife was having dinner and going to movies with a male friend, alone?

 

[boomhauer]

Would you seriously be OK if your wife was having dinner and going to movies with a male friend, alone?

Sadly, no. It's such a double standard. Not because I don't trust her, but because I don't trust guys.

 

[SGB13]

Agreed!

Is it weird that as a guy, I have no true female friends, only those who I know through my wife or my guy friends' wives and girlfriends?

No, it's not weird. You are a smart man.

 

[VSL]

Maybe she doesn't trust this other woman?

 

[Wishing on a star]

I agree with the other posters here.

You are a married couple now... so, unless you are doing 'guy things' like going to a a sporting event, or fishing, with your guy friends. You know, guy things that your wife would not really be interested in doing anyhow.

There is absolutely no excuse for a married man to have an 'exclusive' relationship with a woman. The kinds of things that you are mentioning are not 'doing favors for a friend'. They are indeed dates.

Just the idea of leaving your wife behind to sit over dinner with another woman, alone, and to sit next to her enjoying a movie, alone. With her, instead of with your wife.

You should double date, or do things as a group of friends.

I found it interesting that you mention that you wouldn't want to disappoint your friend. Believe me, women do have a few brain cells. There is a 'code of honor' among women. We respect each other's territory. We all know that most any women who would want an exclusive relationship with a married man have questionable intentions.

If this friend is not accepting, and including, your wife, and her role as your spouse, then I would be wondering if this really a true friend?

 

[imsorry]

Your wife won't let you date other women?

How closeminded of her.

Sorry, but dinner and a movie is a date. Take your wife instead.

I can't believe you even asked this question.