Would you let your child pick their own bedtime?

[reecejackox]

Yes or no

 

[Frozen Canuck]

I answered YES.

We let our son control his own bedtime. Since he was little, he has ALWAYS just laid awake in bed for an hour after we felt he should be set for bed. He is now 13. For the last couple of years or so, he has put himself to bed when he feels ready. We have a rule that he can't have screens after 9pm, but he can read or listen to music or whatever. This works for us because he gets himself up every day no later than 7am all on his own. We don't require this, as we homeschool, so he has some leeway there, but he likes a routine, and decided this is what he wants to do. We have also discussed it with his doctor, who asked him when he usually falls asleep (10 or 11) and when he wakes up (as mentioned, 7am) and that as long as he is getting 8 hours of sleep, she doesn't see any problem with it. He has never really been one of those kids that gets cranky when they are tired or whatever, so we have just rolled with it. I can see where that might not work as well for people who have kids that need to rise early to catch a school bus or kids who need more than 8 hours of sleep or whatever.

 

[prairie_girl]

Depends on their age. Five years old? No. 12 years old? Probably (within reason).

 

[mjkacmom]

When little, absolutely not. Five kids under six went to bed at 8, my SAHM was done for the day. Once they hit double digits they had more say.

 

[Meglen]

We set a bed time and move it if needed based on sleep need/age. If my son could pick he would stay up till 12 pm every night .

 

[greeneyedchick]

Yes, I have 3 kids. 2 of them are night owls. One is a morning person. They are now teenagers or a tween. One of my teens goes to bed early of her own free will. The others stay up pretty late, especially in the summer. No harm in that. It's the only time in their lives where they can stay up late and sleep in all day if they don't have any plans. There are so few times in life when you can do that once you're in school/ work.

We have let them control their bed times since they were babies, unless they had to be up extra early for a specific reason. Our babies went to bed late because we were night owls and didn't want to get up early and they were, too. When they were toddlers, I would ensure that they got 10-12 hours of sleep. I know people who forced their kids to go to bed early, but then their kids were up early. If my kids went to bed at 9pm, then I let them sleep until 9am. Now that they are older, then understand that they need to get 8-10 hours of sleep a night. If they want to stay up until 1am, that's fine as long as they don't have any early plans. My oldest is away at a college program now. She's the one who insists that she's in bed by 10. Understand that I'm not advising against routine, because that's key. But I do think that kids should have a say in their routine. It's their bodies. As someone who has always been a night owl, I resented and struggled with an early bedtime. If your kids do decide to stay up really late and then have to get up early in the morning, they will learn through natural consequences.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

No. Always had a set bedtime for my daughter. Was not set to it during vacations/family visiting. My daughter is now 17 and I like her to be in bed, lights and electronics off at 10;30 p.m. Sometimes 11 p.m. if she has a lot of homework. I mostly set a time because of the texts that will come out all hours of the night. Her friends stay up till 12 a.m. and even 1 a.m.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

When they were little absolutely not. I had 3 under 3 two different times. I needed them in bed by 7:30. As they got older yes- within reason on school nights

 

[CdnCarrie]

No. Always had a set bedtime for my daughter. Was not set to it during vacations/family visiting. My daughter is now 17 and I like her to be in bed, lights and electronics off at 10;30 p.m. Sometimes 11 p.m. if she has a lot of homework. I mostly set a time because of the texts that will come out all hours of the night. Her friends stay up till 12 a.m. and even 1 a.m.

Wow my kid at age 17 was sonetimes still at work at that time (on the weekends). That’s early for age 17.

 

[TCRAIG]

We always let our daughter set her own bedtime - since the day we brought her home from the hospital - she fell asleep at 11, woke at 7 and slept thru the night.

 

[martikus]

Depends on their age. My son is 15 and this summer is first time he can do it. With rules like can’t be extra grouchy, has to get himself up etc. it will continue from this point on. Until now no way - they are kids - they don’t make good decisions so I wanted to make sure he was rested.

I’m a firm believer kids need steady schedules to thrive. But high school is a whole new game as the real world gets closer.

 

[MrsPete]

Little kids? No, that's a parent's job and little kids thrive on schedules /routines.
Elementary aged kids? Yes, when school's out.
High school kids? Yes.

 

[disykat]

Like many others have said, definitely if they have to be somewhere in the morning! We were more flexible with our firstborn and kind of created the routines based on his preferences mixed with ours. Our second child had to kind of fall in line because of the schedule we'd created for his brother and then because older brother started having to be up and ready for preschool etc.

 

[luvsvacation]

I see bedtime as being on about the same schedule as helping themselves to whatever food they want. Up until about 10 I decided when they went to bed and what they could/could not eat. From 10-13/14 it was kind of a mix. They could stay up later (especially during the summer) and could grab their own snacks/meals but I still stepped in sometimes. By 14ish you can make your own choices.

I do remember being about 17 and having so much schoolwork to do in addition to having a job and it would be 11 or 12 and I’d still have quite a bit to do before I got to go to sleep and I missed the days when my mom would tell me it was time to go to bed!

 

[superme80]

Unless they are sick or having a bad day, my 13 year old and my 11 year old can pick their bedtime. My 11 year old goes to bed much earlier than my 13 year old. My 8 year old needs to be in bed by 9 most nights

 

[PollyannaMom]

Mine is college-age now, so of course sets his own, but when he was little, we absolutely set it. He was an early riser no matter what, so I needed the early bedtime as much as he did!

 

[Communicore1991]

Depends on their age. Five years old? No. 12 years old? Probably (within reason).

Basically this. And if a child who had a bed time set for them wanted to rebel, I probably would let them (once). Let them stay up super late. But then wake them up normal time the next day. Let them see how tired they are and how important it is to sleep well so you don't feel run down the next day. I think that's the best way for a child to learn some things, their actions have consequences.

 

[mjkacmom]

Wow my kid at age 17 was sonetimes still at work at that time (on the weekends). That’s early for age 17.

On weekends my kids were still out at that time.

 

[amylevan]

Depends on age, scheduling requirements, mom’s needs (for littles), etc.

For us right now, this is the first summer my 9 yr old is allowed to stay up as late as she wishes if there are no camps or anything the next day. During the school year, both my 12 and 9 yr old have bedtimes. Although the 12 yr old is free to read in bed if he’s not yet ready to sleep (no electronics). The 9 yr old still gets too grumpy to live with.

 

[JLTraveling]

No. Always had a set bedtime for my daughter. Was not set to it during vacations/family visiting. My daughter is now 17 and I like her to be in bed, lights and electronics off at 10;30 p.m. Sometimes 11 p.m. if she has a lot of homework. I mostly set a time because of the texts that will come out all hours of the night. Her friends stay up till 12 a.m. and even 1 a.m.

At 17??? Wow, I didn't even live at home at 17. Out of curiosity, how do you expect her to know how to set good habits for herself when she gets to college (assuming in the next year or so)?

I don't have kids, but when I was little my mom sent me to my room at 10pm most nights. Pre-internet/smartphone, but I had a computer, TV, phone, plenty of books. She didn't care if I was asleep or not, she just wanted a little time before she went to bed. Dad and I were both night owls, so after Mom went to sleep I'd often get up and watch the Late Show and Late Late Show with him. By the time I was 11 or so, Mom didn't really care if I was in my room or not, since I was past the "needing her to entertain me" phase. I'd like to think I turned out just fine