Would you have sent her home?

[olena]

I had a friends birthday party for my daughter on friday afternoon. We invited all of the girls from the class plus a few others. When I went to pick up my dd at school, she told me that there were 6 girls in her class were coming to the party because 2 were sick. One of the girls had missed both Thurs and Friday.

When the kids start showing up, I see a car pull in my driveway its the girl who missed school the past 2 days plus her 2 sisters. They all get out and the first words out of the mother's mouth are "I hope it is ok we came.. DD was home from school the last 2 days with a fever and a cough but she really wanted to come.. plus she says she is feeling better (she is 6!). I was in such a shock that she had the nerve to come that I couldn't say anything! plus I had almost 16 girls running around. Thankfully another mom said something like... I would never send my kid to someone else's party if they were sick. They stayed about a half hour, the poor girl coughing her head off they entire time before they left.. Of course it was the talk of the party after she left...

Wouldnt you know that Sat morning ( the day of the family party/cookout) my dd wakes up cranky. By Sat night she had to fever and was up all night coughing. Fever finally went away yesterday but she is still coughing ( post nasal I think) plus she has a stomach ache. So I am keeping her home.

What would you have done?

Snarky answer:
Sent a thank you note to sick girl's Mom for the unwelcome 'gift'.


It's done now and can't be undone, but in future, you have past experience to stand on. If this happens again, you can send sick kid home and not lose sleep over it.

 

[N&B'smom]

I would have absolutely told the mom that the children couldn't stay. (I am one of those people that has no problem speaking my mind when it comes to stuff like this) I agree, if the kid couldn't go to school for two days and she still had a fever that morning, she had no business showing up at that party.

Parents that expose everyone else to their sick children just because they don't want them to miss something drive me NUTS. I also know adults that will drag their sick kids somewhere just because they (the grownups) don't want to miss out.

I know someone that took their kids to a NYE party, very late at night even after the kid had been feeling sick/feverish all day. The kid ended up throwing up at the party and they still didn't go right home. What is with people??

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

OOOOOhh, that would have steamed my asparagus!!!!

Best quote in the entire thread.

OP: I would have liked to send her and her sick little girl packing, but I'm a pushover and probably would have done what you did.

 

[dismom2]

I would have been upset, too. I probably would have questioned the mom more, but depending on the person, most likely she would convince me that everything would be fine, and there's a good chance I would have let them stay, too. However, I have sent a child home before when the mom didn't bother to tell me her child was so sick---with pinkeye. We all caught it! She ended up getting mad at ME (how dare I care that her child got all of us sick, and I inconvenienced her. She truly acted as if I was overreacting). Another mother tried to let her child stay over with lice. When I found out we had to disinvite her. That mom also got really mad at me because I hurt her childs feelings by disinvitingher. I guess there was nothing wrong with her trying to pass her childs lice on to my whole family if she had stayed over. Some parents have a lot of nerve. I just hate looking like the 'bad buy' when it's them who are doing something wrong--I'm just trying to protect my own family.

 

[disykat]

I agree with everyone - sick children shouldn't be attending birthday parties. It's a no brainer.

I also can't ignore the coughing post. Yes, it was clear that the child in the OP was sick. That doesn't mean we aren't allowed to respond to any other comments about coughing. WOAS - your comments about coughing were bound to upset anyone with a coughing issue because you inferred anyone with a cough shouldn't be out in public. I would venture it's less isolating to be "the DIS punching bag" than to be a person with a chronic cough if that's the case.

 

[Imzadi]

What would I have done, or what would I have liked to do? I would have done what you did...been taken aback and not said anything.

I agree. What I'd like to do, if I could get over the shock, or not feel incredibly rude at addressing her nerve & ballsiness is different than what I'd probably do, just stand there with my mouth open.

At least next time, and there WILL be a next time, you will be better prepared. You can honestly say, "I'm sorry, I did this once before because I felt bad for the little girl and let her stay, but my DD and a few other girls got sick the next day. I'm really not willing to take the chance again."

 

[C.Ann]

Tough situation to be in.. One of those moments when your jaw hits the floor..

I'm really not sure what I would have done - although some of the suggestions here sound perfectly reasonable..

Hope your DD feels better soon!

 

[MushyMushy]

I probably would have done the same thing you did, which is why people like that get away with obnoxious things like bringing sick kids to parties! Nobody ever says what they are really thinking!

I was always one of those parents who told the kids if they were sick enough to miss school, they were too sick to go out that day. My only exceptions were with DD's migraines. She'd get a migraine with a fever and nausea for about 12 hours. When she came out of it, she felt better like nothing ever happened. So I couldn't see keeping her home when she came out of a migraine. There was no faking the migraines (even though she tried a few times ). She had a high fever, glassy eyes, couldn't stand noise or light at all -- just no faking those glassy eyes.

 

[figment52]

If you are too sick for school you are to sick for parties, especially at that age.

I'm sorry that your family got sick.

 

[bumbershoot]

I don't know what I would have done. We don't stress about specific germs in our household, preferring to focus on strengthening our immune systems to handle things...but we wouldn't go to a party while sick (I did once, in my 20s, b/c my friend refused to let me stay at her house and I had nowhere else to go, I was MISERABLE) and can't imagine someone else wanting to go while sick, either.

My MIL has asthma, I am sure that there have been many children around, in my son's classes, etc... who have asthma... and they do not go around with what I call 'the croup'. My son has many seasonal allergies. (recently started shots) And, nope, he didn't go around with 'the croup' either.

NO one is saying that ALL people with asthma, or people who are dealing with their body's reaction to wet weather, etc, reacts with a croupy cough. Just that some people do.

So maybe in the future, you can ask the person if they are sick, or if it's their reaction to non-contagious stuff. If it's the latter, they will really love you for KNOWING that not all croupy (airway being reactive in a certain way) coughs mean "the croup". Major bonus points from them.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

What would I have done, or what would I have liked to do?

This sums it up for me. I would have wanted to tell her to take her sick kid and her other two kids and go home. But I probably would have stood there with my mouth hanging open.

 

[mjkacmom]

Some people are idiots - I would've sent her packing. Last week a little girl was throwing up outside of school, and told her grandmother she wanted to go to school anyway (she had been out the day before), so she went in! As did I, and told the teacher, who immediately got the nurse - she wasn't in the classroom for more than a few seconds.

Ds went to a party this week, and I found out later the birthday boy was very ill, had been out of school for 2 days with a bad cough and fever. His mom didn't want to reschedule, because the weather wasn't looking good this week (pool party). He didn't even enjoy his party - just sat on a chair.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

As a mom to DD8 who is on Day 4 of her quarantine for H1N1, I can certainly sympathize with the mom who didn't want to disappoint her DD by keeping her home from the party. HOWEVER, there is NO excuse for what she did (as tempting as it might be to avoid a child's hissy fit).

I'd probably fall into the "taken aback but wouldn't say anything" category. And, like you, I'd end up regretting it later!!!

I'm sorry your DD ended up sick...I hope she's feeling better soon.

 

[RitaZ.]

My mom's rule when I was a kid was "If you're too sick to go to school, you're too sick to go out."

That's my rule, too.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Thanks everyone for understanding my comments about the cough.

As mentioned... The OP had already stated that the child was sick.

Also, when these nasty bugs are going around, and I hear the croup, the last thing I am gonna do is assume that the child has asthma.

Even if it WAS asthma, I would NOT be leaving my child at a party, running and playing, etc... during that kind of flare-up.

My MIL has asthma, I am sure that there have been many children around, in my son's classes, etc... who have asthma... and they do not go around with what I call 'the croup'. My son has many seasonal allergies. (recently started shots) And, nope, he didn't go around with 'the croup' either.I appreciate the heads up, but hey, I seem to be the DIS punching bag. I'm used to it.
Flame away.

Again, if I had heard coughing before the parents pulled out, I would have explained that the children simply could not stay.

Just because your son etc. did not have that reaction does not mean that other children or adults do not. Some kids even *gasp* throw up from their allergies because of the amount of post nasal drip it causes.

I think you percieve yourself as the Dis punching bag mainly because you come across as if everything is black and white. (at least in this thread) Instead of saying "Wow, I never knew people actually had reactions like that." you get snippy. If you have never experienced it and simply didn't know or realize I could understand thinking the worst of the coughing offender, but you have been informed by many that there are reasons for a cough that aren't contagious. Yet you dismiss it with a post that is snarky and the only thing missing from it is an eyerolling smiley.
I am sure you will find this offensive and that is your choice. I am merely trying to explain to you why maybe you feel like a bit of a punching bag here.

OP- I hope your DD feels better.

 

[Aristomommy]

Even if it WAS asthma, I would NOT be leaving my child at a party, running and playing, etc... during that kind of flare-up.

My MIL has asthma, I am sure that there have been many children around, in my son's classes, etc... who have asthma... and they do not go around with what I call 'the croup'. My son has many seasonal allergies. (recently started shots) And, nope, he didn't go around with 'the croup' either.

I appreciate the heads up, but hey, I seem to be the DIS punching bag. I'm used to it.
Flame away.

Again, if I had heard coughing before the parents pulled out, I would have explained that the children simply could not stay.

Many children (but not all) do develop a cough that sounds like a bark when they have a flare up of asthma. Asking children with asthma to refrain from playing or going to a party is not realistic nor is it something our Dr. recommends. My Pulmonologist has always encouraged that my kids participate in normal activities as long as they are not in distress. I will take his advice over anyone elses unless a host would be uncomfortable with having my child there.

The child in the OP was clearly sick, since she had a fever. If my child was home from school (even due to asthma) I would not take them to activities after school either.

 

[Beca]

That would've made me SOOOO crazy!! Honestly, I probably would've been too shocked to say anything right then, but if the mom had left them (which it sounds like she did not), I probably would've picked up the phone and called her to come get them. But, even if she was there, I would probably have commented to her that maybe the activity was making her dd's cough worse, because it was actually pretty bad, and I am SURE she would never have brought them to the party knowing how bad the cough really was.

But, what would've irritated me the most was that the mom was obviously NOT concerned, or she would've called to check prior to arrival. I really do hate it when people try to bulldoze like that!! It gives the impression that they really don't care about the feelings of others.

I do think kids go so many places these days when they are ill....school, after-school activities, etc. The mentality of keeping ill children isolated not only for their own safety, but for the health of others is something that I sadly do not see much of in this world.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Kids need to learn that they don't get to make the decision about what they can and can't do. The parent needs to decide if they're too sick for something and then stick to that decision no matter how much the kid protests.

In my preschool class last year, a mom called saying her child was sick. About 1/2 an hour later, here she comes to drop off the kid. She said he was lying on the floor crying and screaming for his bus to come and get him. She said, "As a parent, I can't allow my child to be that upset so I brought him to school." Huh? I didn't think our teacher should have allowed him to stay but she did. After about an hour, the child was coughing, obviously feverish and half asleep in the corner. We called the mom to pick him up. What the heck, lady? You let the 3-year old decide whether he gets to come to school when you already called him in sick?

Sometimes, kids have to miss school and parties and other fun things because they're sick. It's part of growing up. And parents need to listen to the complaining and tantrums that result without giving in. It's part of being a parent.

 

[krcit]

As a mom to DD8 who is on Day 4 of her quarantine for H1N1, I can certainly sympathize with the mom who didn't want to disappoint her DD by keeping her home from the party. HOWEVER, there is NO excuse for what she did (as tempting as it might be to avoid a child's hissy fit).

I'd probably fall into the "taken aback but wouldn't say anything" category. And, like you, I'd end up regretting it later!!!

I'm sorry your DD ended up sick...I hope she's feeling better soon.

I'm sorry that your dd is sick. How is she feeling today? My dd ends her quarantine tomorrow. She is all better, just still coughing once in a while which they said can last for weeks. She had to miss a big heritage celebration today that they have been working on for months but understood why she had to stay home. I hope your dd is feeling better soon.

OP, I probably would've done the same as you and been furious the next day. Hope dd is feeling better.

About the coughing thing...my oldest dd has terrible allergies which sometimes causes a horrible cough. She had one right at the whole swine flu out break and wanted a t-shirt that said 'It's allergies not the swine flu"

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

I'm sorry that your dd is sick. How is she feeling today? My dd ends her quarantine tomorrow. She is all better, just still coughing once in a while which they said can last for weeks. She had to miss a big heritage celebration today that they have been working on for months but understood why she had to stay home. I hope your dd is feeling better soon.

Thanks. She was put on tamiflu within about 4 hours of coming down with her fever, and it seems to have done the trick...she was feeling significantly better after two days, and now only has the lingering cough as well. We went for a walk to the park this afternoon...it was good to get out of the house for a while. Unfortunately, she's going to miss all of her last week of school, since Thursday would have been her last day. I'm glad to hear your DD is doing better as well.

Have any of the rest of your family caught it? So far, we're all okay. We're supposed to be flying to Canada on Friday, so we're all keeping our various appendages crossed in hopes that we manage to dodge this bullet.