Would you have sent her home?

[tiggger1]

I had a friends birthday party for my daughter on friday afternoon. We invited all of the girls from the class plus a few others. When I went to pick up my dd at school, she told me that there were 6 girls in her class were coming to the party because 2 were sick. One of the girls had missed both Thurs and Friday.

When the kids start showing up, I see a car pull in my driveway its the girl who missed school the past 2 days plus her 2 sisters. They all get out and the first words out of the mother's mouth are "I hope it is ok we came.. DD was home from school the last 2 days with a fever and a cough but she really wanted to come.. plus she says she is feeling better (she is 6!). I was in such a shock that she had the nerve to come that I couldn't say anything! plus I had almost 16 girls running around. Thankfully another mom said something like... I would never send my kid to someone else's party if they were sick. They stayed about a half hour, the poor girl coughing her head off they entire time before they left.. Of course it was the talk of the party after she left...

Wouldnt you know that Sat morning ( the day of the family party/cookout) my dd wakes up cranky. By Sat night she had to fever and was up all night coughing. Fever finally went away yesterday but she is still coughing ( post nasal I think) plus she has a stomach ache. So I am keeping her home.

What would you have done?

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

What would I have done, or what would I have liked to do? I would have done what you did...been taken aback and not said anything. I would have liked to have said something, like "We have a family party this weekend and I don't want to risk my DD getting sick." Or "What the heck are you thinking bringing a sick kid to the party, stupid????" Something!

I had a little girl show up late for DD's birthday party, and her mother explained to everyone that it was because she had discovered lice that morning and had to treat it. As far as I know, no one got lice, but like you, it was the talk of the party. (At least she had treated her, but geez, you kind of want a buffer zone to know that it worked, KWIM?!) Another time, I dropped DD off at someone's house and the father was sick as a dog, and I didn't take my DD home with me (thankfully, she didn't get sick). That's back in the day when I was much more timid. I'm not so much anymore.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I would have hated to have sent the girl home....

But, honestly, I just have a 'thing' about the croup.
When I hear somebody crouping away while out in pubic, I just cringe and run the other way! I KNOW how super contagious that king of thing is.

So, while tempted to go with the flow, If I had heard coughing before the mother had pulled out my driveway,
I would have had to let her know that the children really could not stay.

I know kids get runny noses, and this and that...
but the croup with a fever....

I would have to draw a line on that.

Especially when there were a dozen or so kids being exposed!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I would have hated to have sent the girl home....

But, honestly, I just have a 'thing' about the croup.
When I hear somebody crouping away while out in pubic, I just cringe and run the other way! I KNOW how super contagious that king of thing is.
So, while tempted to go with the flow, If I had heard coughing before the mother had pulled out my driveway,
I would have had to let her know that the children really could not stay.

I know kids get runny noses, and this and that...
but the croup with a fever....

I would have to draw a line on that.

Especially when there were a dozen or so kids being exposed!

I just wanted to address this. One of my children get the croup sounding cough instantly when the weather is very rainy and wet. It is how their body reacts to the mold in the air. They are not contagious. My sibling had the same issue growing up. It sounds terrible to others but it's not contagious. So while I understand you not wanting a sick child around your own (and I feel the same way) not every child who has a cough is sick and contagious.

 

[ChrizJen]

OOOOOhh, that would have steamed my asparagus!!!!

It drives me CRAZY when parents don't take responsibility for their kids!!
She had to know that others would get sick!! I would have been furious, but like you and the poster above, I probably wouldn't have been able to say anything at that moment. First, it's the mother's fault, not the little girl's. So I would have had trouble turning her away once she was already there. Second, I'm usually very non-confrontational and don't say things when I should. I'd like to think that at least I would have called her after the fact to let her know that your DD was sick. But I probably would have been passive-aggressive about it. Something like, "Oh, by the way...my DD has the same cough that your DD had. What did you give her to relieve the cough?" Something like that.

Hopefully your DD is feeling better by now.

 

[Aristomommy]

I just wanted to address this. One of my children get the croup sounding cough instantly when the weather is very rainy and wet. It is how their body reacts to the mold in the air. They are not contagious. My sibling had the same issue growing up. It sounds terrible to others but it's not contagious. So while I understand you not wanting a sick child around your own (and I feel the same way) not every child who has a cough is sick and contagious.

ITA. My 2 kids have asthma and even the smallest amount of wheezing will bring on this croup sounding cough. I often see people turn around and move away if my kids cough in public and I try to explain it is their asthma, not croup.

To the OP: I would have said politely that if the girl was sick enough to stay home from school, then she should not participate in other activities. I would have handed them a goody bag and explained that you wouldn't want to be responsible for making other children ill. Then I would make plans for a playdate in the future.

 

[mommytoe]

I would have hated to have sent the girl home....

But, honestly, I just have a 'thing' about the croup.
When I hear somebody crouping away while out in pubic, I just cringe and run the other way! I KNOW how super contagious that king of thing is.

So, while tempted to go with the flow, If I had heard coughing before the mother had pulled out my driveway,
I would have had to let her know that the children really could not stay.

I know kids get runny noses, and this and that...
but the croup with a fever....

I would have to draw a line on that.

Especially when there were a dozen or so kids being exposed!

Just wanted to say that my dc and dn are asthmatic. All 4 of them sounds like they have the croup, but it is their asthma acting up. So the cough (even bad cough) is not always a sign they are sick.

 

[tiggger1]

Just so everyone knows..

The dd was sick. the mom said she had a fever for 2 days, and had it that morning plus a nasty cough. I could have dealt with just a cough ( believe me when my dd gets that post nasal allergy cough, she hacks for weeks!)

 

[tzolkin]

My DD had a party one year and invited all the kids in her small class. I also allowed her to invite the siblings of a few kids that live on our street. The morning of the party one mom calls and says her son has strep throat, so she's just going to send the brother. I didn't know the woman and was busy getting ready for the party, so I just didn't know what to say. DH called her back a few minutes later and told her the son couldn't come. I was pregnant and had an 18mo old at the time, so he just told her that he was worried about us getting sick.


Recently the girl next door came over and played with my daughter. We then got a stomach bug that took 10 days to go through the entire family. I didn't think anything of it (assumed DD caught it at school) until I went out to get the mail and the neighbor started talking to me. When I mentioned the kids were sick, he said "oh yeah, my whole family had that last week. It was really awful". I just looked blankly at him, but I wanted to scream "Why the heck did you send your kid over to my house than?!"

 

[ols386]

I would have politely told the mother that I didn't want her child, who had been sick with a fever for the past two days, at the party, infecting my child and other children.

That was just completely rude and inconsiderate for the mother to bring the child. If the mother was mad that you told her to take her child home (due to the fact that she had been sick), then I guess that's too bad.

 

[JessicaR]

I would have asked her to leave. I would have given her child a goody bag and a cupcake as I explained why it was not a good idea to have her there.

6 years old the kid doesn't know any better but that Mom should! When my son was little we would end up in the hospital from a cold. My patience and comfort level dealing with this sort of thing is less than others.

Some moms care more than the kids if they miss something. A child can easily be made to understand why the party was a bad idea that day. Something fun at HOME could easily fix the fleeting moment of sadness from missing the party.

I have no tolerence for people that KNOWINGLY expose well children to an easily avoided sickness.

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[MineMail]

I don't think this was an asthma/allergy situation in the OP. The girl was home sick and came to the party while still ill. The mom was probably too tired to argue any more with the girl, the girl probably had cabin fever from being at home sick for two days. I'm sure there were several scenes prior to their decision to visit.

Bring the birthday girl over to say hello and thanks for coming by, bla bla bla. If the sickly girl brought a gift, find a quiet spot and open it in front of their entire family - you don't want to let the sisters get involved in the party. Have your daughter thank the girl profusely.

Thank both the parent and the child for "stopping by" and that you're glad the girl is feeling better. When she coughed, say "Boy, that's still a heavy cough, isn't it? Sounds like you need to take it easy for a little while longer."

Then ask the mother if you can set up a playdate for the following week "when everyone's feeling up to it." (A playground meetup will suffice) Sympathize with the mother about the kid probably asking to come to the party and say that you understand why they just stopped by for a little while.

If she doesn't get the message, say something about the other kids making her daughter have a relapse because her immune system is vulnerable.

If you have enough, give all three sisters a goodie bag. If not, give the mom a single goody bag, saying you weren't expecting the other two kids and that you're sure they can share the bag. (I'd toss a few extras into the bag to minimize the fighting.)


I remember waiting to pick up my kids from a toddler play class at the Y and seeing one of my neighbors. The neighbor had enrolled her daughter that day for the first class of the new session. She said "Yeah, she threw up last night, but seemed okay today, so I brought her." (Just to clarify: the mother didn't work outside of the home, so it wasn't an "I need child care" situation. She read magazines in the lobby during the class.)

That night, my two kids became ill. My older daughter caught it the next day, and my husband the day after. I had taken my kids swimming after the class and then gave them showers. When the first one got sick, I went on Rambo AntiVirus duty, with bleach, rubber gloves, etc.

The kids were so ill, it was heart-breaking. They just laid there crying because they were so weak and sick. DH was so ill that we had to call the doctor when he couldn't stop vomiting. Three expensive prescriptions and almost 10 lost workdays later, he was still incredibly weak. They ran heart tests to make sure his heart hadn't been damaged by the virus.

When I took the kids back to the YMCA the following week, I made a point of telling the teacher and the director that they needed to address stupid people with common sense rules, such as "If your child throws up, s/he cannot come to class for 24 hours." They responded immediately - all the classes had notes with these guidelines sent home.


I would thank the woman who spoke up. She did you a big favor taking on the role of the meanie.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Sorry OP- I wasn't trying to say that the kids weren't sick. From your description they clearly should not have been at the party. I was responding to the poster who said that any child with a croupy cough is contagious.

OP- I probably would have done the same as you. I would have wanted to tell her "Are you kidding me?!!!!!! GO HOME!!!!!!" but of course I would have been so shocked that I wouldn't have been able to.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Thanks everyone for understanding my comments about the cough.

As mentioned... The OP had already stated that the child was sick.

Also, when these nasty bugs are going around, and I hear the croup, the last thing I am gonna do is assume that the child has asthma.

Even if it WAS asthma, I would NOT be leaving my child at a party, running and playing, etc... during that kind of flare-up.

My MIL has asthma, I am sure that there have been many children around, in my son's classes, etc... who have asthma... and they do not go around with what I call 'the croup'. My son has many seasonal allergies. (recently started shots) And, nope, he didn't go around with 'the croup' either.

I appreciate the heads up, but hey, I seem to be the DIS punching bag. I'm used to it.
Flame away.

Again, if I had heard coughing before the parents pulled out, I would have explained that the children simply could not stay.

 

[tiggger1]

Sorry OP- I wasn't trying to say that the kids weren't sick. From your description they clearly should not have been at the party. I was responding to the poster who said that any child with a croupy cough is contagious.

OP- I probably would have done the same as you. I would have wanted to tell her "Are you kidding me?!!!!!! GO HOME!!!!!!" but of course I would have been so shocked that I wouldn't have been able to.

Dont worry about it. I know you didnt but I just wanted to clarify they she was sick...in case someone else missed it..

I feel horrible for my dd who had to miss school today because she only has a couple more left....

 

[Wishing on a star]

- hugs for your DD!

I'm sorry this happened!

 

[englishteacha]

Whoa. That's really a tough situation. I was sick all winter (I had my gallbladder out in December and my immunity was down). I teach and so many kids came to school sick. I washed my hands constantly, washed my classroom tables, tried not to get too close to those coughing/sneezing, etc., but I still got sick. I handed a box of tissues to a child (12 years old) who had gunk running out of their nose and he asked why I was giving him tissues!

OP, in future, I would do as a PP suggested. Bring your daughter to say hello to the child, and offer to make a playdate for when the guest feels better. You can make it special for them both, maybe make cupcakes together, or go to the park.

My mom's rule when I was a kid was "If you're too sick to go to school, you're too sick to go out." Our school had that rule, too, now I think of it. If you missed school on a Friday, you couldn't attend dances or sports events on Saturday, or go to club meetings, etc. if you missed school that day.

 

[Disney Doll]

My mother's rule was "If you are too sick to go to school, you are too sick to do anything else"...stopped those "I have a stomach ache" "mental health days" that kids try to take sometimes.

The "party parent" should have said "Little Suzy needs to go home. She's still sick and I don't want all the other children getting sick".

Another example of parents who don't parents...."My sick 6 year old really wanted to come to the party, so here we are" instead of saying to the 6 year old "No, you are sick and cannot go to the party" end of discussion.

 

[tmarquez]

I was going to say the same thing about my DD. She will cough like that for a month after just getting asimple cold. She's not contagious. People look at us like she has the plague or something. She has learned to cough into her arm, but it just sounds BAD.

A fever is another story though.

As for the sick kid at the party...I would probably have felt the same as you...but I doubt I would have said anything either not the kids fault, it's the moms.

I just wanted to address this. One of my children get the croup sounding cough instantly when the weather is very rainy and wet. It is how their body reacts to the mold in the air. They are not contagious. My sibling had the same issue growing up. It sounds terrible to others but it's not contagious. So while I understand you not wanting a sick child around your own (and I feel the same way) not every child who has a cough is sick and contagious.