Would You Go...

[RUDisney]

...to a party for you uncle's 60th birthday if your aunt called your parents 3 weeks before the party and said that she didn't have your address, so would your parents extend the invitation for her?

This is what happened to not one, but 2 of my sisters for a party that is being held on November 4th. It's not like there wasn't time to send invitations, but I guess my aunt felt that she could save $.78 in postage? My sisters are 31 and 36 years old with children of their own. It's not like they are 10 and living with my parents.

On the other hand, my aunt sent an invitation to my brother and I for our whole families to attend, but the invitation my parents got was made out just to them. It never mentioned my 15 yo sister, but since all of our kids were invited, my Mom asked if she was invited and was told, "of course she is... all the kids are invited."

I just don't get the back-handed invitation that was extended to my sisters. I feel guilty that I can't make it due to a prior commitment, but my kids are going to the party with my parents, so at least we'll be represented. My brother is coming in from out of town to attend and my youngest sister is going. My 2 other sisters will not be attending since they don't feel that they are really wanted at the event anyway.

I just don't get it.

 

[ChrizJen]

I would lighten up on your aunt. Is it possible that she really didn't have your addresses?

It's difficult to plan those things, and the bottom line is that you WERE invited. So you didn't get a written invitation...at least you were included. It's not like she forgot to invite you...

I would go.

ETA: After reading other posts, I felt I should say that I come from a family that never does these things the "formal" way. We have a "phone chain" way of inviting people to events. So if your family usually does it the "proper" way and sends out formal invites, then I can see your issue with the situation.

 

[diznygirl]

Several things:

First, older family members never ever truly believe that you ever grow up.

Second, it's quite possible that she truly did not have their addresses.

Third, after extending the invites they crossed that off their list and moved on to something else.

I agree that your aunt should have asked for the addresses, and mailed out the invitations. But some people just don't have it all together, KWIM?

 

[ZanneMarie]

Well, technically it was incorrect to do it the way your aunt did but..... Do your sisters want to go? Then go! It sounds like your aunt wants everyone there but for whatever reason is not into the correct 'way' to issue invites. This is one of those things that you can think positive and say 'crazy old aunt-you just gotta love her as she doesn't have a clue' or 'crazy old bat-I always knew she did not like us'.

My DH's family is huge (he has over 100 first cousins-48 on his moms side and 53 on his dad's side) and we often get invitations to various events this way. The 1st generation is invited (his mom or dad) and they are 'responsible' for passing the invitaiton onto the 2nd generation-us. Sometimes we do actually get a direct invitation as we have been at the same address for 10+years, DH's sister moves every couple years so she never gets direct invites.

 

[kdibattista]

Of course... that would not bother me in the least and certainly wouldn't stop me from going to a party

 

[Bob Slydell]

If it didn't conflict with other plans and it was an uncle I was relatively close to, sure, why not? I don't get hung up on the ticky-tack stuff like how an invite was extended.

 

[NMAmy]

Yes, of course I'd go anyway. It wouldn't bother me in the least but this happens a lot in my family.

 

[Maleficent13]

I'm with Bob and Amy...big surprise.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

Several things:

First, older family members never ever truly believe that you ever grow up.

Second, it's quite possible that she truly did not have their addresses.

Third, after extending the invites they crossed that off their list and moved on to something else.

I agree that your aunt should have asked for the addresses, and mailed out the invitations. But some people just don't have it all together, KWIM?

I agree. If your sisters are close to their Uncle they should go and celebrate. The invite may not have been done correctly, but I believe your Aunt really wants them at the party.

 

[mickeyboat]

I'm with the majority.

Denae

 

[golfgal]

I guess I would look at it that since she is a close family member that all the social "niceties" can be overlooked because you are family. Also, some people are better at planning then others and when it really comes down to it, does it really matter if you got an invite in the mail or not? No.

 

[4nana]

I may be a tiny bit hurt about not receiving a hand written invite when my sisters did, however your aunt did explain. BD's are an important occassion and it would not stop me from attending to help my uncle celebrate his special day. I believe life is too short to worry about the small stuff!

 

[Crankyshank]

I would never go to any non wedding or shower events in my family if I made receiving an official invitation a criteria. Seriously

 

[Allison]

Honestly, I don't see an issue here at all. Why wouldn't someone go just because of how the invitation was delivered? I think that is making something out of nothing.

 

[noodleknitter]

In a heartbeat. I love parties and get-togethers with family. We don't get to see one another nearly enough. As far as the invite thing, well, I screw things up all of the time. I'm always happy when the people who know me and love me cut me some slack. I do the same back to them.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

It would bother me but I'd go anyway. Maybe she ran out of invites and didn't want to buy another package for 2 or 3.

 

[ericamanda01]

I wouldn't care if I got an invatation. If she said I was welcome then I would go. Besides the party isn't for your Aunt, it's for your Uncle.

 

[RUDisney]

I guess we're all a bit miffed by this because she made the invitations on her computer. What would it have really taken to print 2 more? She has a side business that is in graphical design and so she would have a supply of card stock and printer toner already on hand.

Her primary job is as a PR person for a personal care conglomerate, so she is used to sending invitations to functions and she is used to attending fancy functions, so it's not like she didn't know the proper protocol.

Our family is a formal one. Invitations are sent on paper. Thank you cards are always mailed after a gift has been received. It is the way we do things. For her to not send invitations to my sisters is insulting because there was enough time in advance for her to get these things done.

We're not terribly close to her or my uncle. I'm probably closer to them than any of my siblings by virtue of my birthdate, since I'm the oldest.

I guess we should all expect things like this from her, though. For my bridal shower, she gave me and DH a handpainted water-color of a snow scene. It was beautiful! I have it proudly displayed in my house. FF a few years after she gave it to me and she asked to borrow it as she was having her first gallery show. No problem. I gave it to her to use. When she gave it back, she went on and on, as did my uncle, about how much she could have made by selling it if she hadn't already given it to me. Honestly, she was really miffed by the whole thing. To the point where I finally asked her if she wanted to take it back from me. She didn't, but has brought it up so many times since then that I believe that she's trying to make me feel guilty by not formally returning it to her.

So, yes, there is a back-story to these relatives. I guess that's why we're all caught up and why my sisters are mad about the invitations. They aren't relatives that we see often, and they DID have my sister's addresses when their son got married, but I guess that was important and this isn't?

 

[agnes!]

If you write a check to her for $500 for the 'present' painting, will that at least shut her up? Sheesh, how ungracious can she be?

I'd think about you and your sisters going anyway, if only to tick her off. She's probably deliberately trying to keep you all from attending by being ungracious in advance of the party. Besides, I agree with the poster who said this party isn't for HER it's for your uncle.
She really shouldn't be using this happy occasion to grind her family axes.

agnes!

 

[Aidensmom]

I'd still go. Even if there is family history there, I would take the high road. If not sending a formal invitation is a big no-no in your family and meant to upset people, then wouldn't they just be behaving the same way by not attending?