Would you ever yell at your screaming 5 year old to "Shut Up"?

[jacksonsmom]

No, I don't think it was right. I have never used the word "shut up" to DS. (age 5) We don't use that word in the house. Same with I don't tell DH to "shut up" & he doesn't tell me.

BUT there have been times I have "yelled" at DS when I probably should have been more calmer.
Kids WILL push your buttons & all parents say or do things they regret.
When I know I did something wrong I do say to DS that I am sorry & I explain why I lost my temper (him whining all day, not listening, etc) I hope in doing that, that he learns to own up to his mistakes later in life & realize EVERYONE makes mistakes at one time or another!

I just hope the child on the train doesn't hear that everyday!

 

[nkjzmom]

Alison...we did the exact same thing with our 7 yo DD when she was little. Distraction did nothing for her, getting angry just made her more upset. Sometimes we would have to grit our teeth just to get through it.

I have also learned that at the point when I feel least like hugging a child, that's when I should do it. Zachary, who is 3, is just growing out of his tantrums. When I'm at my wit's end if I just reach out to him instead of walking away he will come and hug me. There might still be crying and he might still be upset but it calms us both tremendously. I know that doesn't work for every child or every tantrum but it's made a world of difference for Zachary and I.

Having children changes your views drastically.

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

There are many times I would just like to scream SHUT UP!!! to all three kids.



But since they are not allowed to use the word neither are dh and I. The woman was probably over the edge. I completely understand.

 

[Mom2Ashli]

Growing up I was never allowed to say Shut-Up. We had to say hush or be quite. We were not allowed to Hate anything. We could dislike but not hate, and never say Stupid.

And those are the same rules I apply to my DD 5. I think it is a reflection of the parent when you hear little kids talk with disrespect.

 

[pkasbohm]

growing up we would tell our brothers and sisters that, but now that i am a mom i will not have my kids say that!! It is pretty much a naughty word in our house.

Last summer my dh sis, neice, and nephew went to WDW with us. The nephew was 13 and my oldest ds was 8 and he kept telling my ds to "shut up" Well about the 3rd time he said it i lost it and i told him to please not say that to him because in our house it is not used and i don't want my child to think that just because his older cousin uses it then it is alright! Thank god he stopped!!!

 

[crazyforgoofy]

Before she came to us Isabella was regularly verbally abused by her bio father. She cringes when anyone raises their voice in the least. When she goes off the deep end we try to lower our voices and stay calm to help her focus. Sometimes I have to grit my teeth and I've even had to leave the room for a minute but I know I MUST NOT raise my voice. I can say "hush please" in a very loud whisper though.

My grown kids said "shut uppppppppppp" to one another but it was never yelled and was more a plea than a epithet. We have to choose our words and tone much more carefully with little Belle as she's more fragile because of her history. But EVERY child is fragile.

I'm sorry that mom on the train was so out of control. I hope it was a temporary behavior but I doubt it. If she's willing to yell at her child in public she probably does more in private.

 

[Beth76]

Sometimes, there comes a certain point when you really don't know what else to say. Not saying it's right, but I can understand.

 

[Hillbeans]

I think Shut Up is a swear word. What bothers me is how many times it's said in "Toy Story:

Anyway, i'd try not to ever say that around my son. With that being said, I said "J*s*s" word in traffic yesterday and my son said it about 4 times after....oops.

 

[CamColt]

Originally posted by MOMTOMOOTOO
The woman was probably over the edge. I completely understand.

Ditto!
Im sure Ive said things to my kids that strangers may feel are inapporpriate. However, they only see 1 minute of the conversation. Who knows what had gone on before the woman in question got on the train.
Parents are only human and kids can really push their limits. That mother could have done a lot worse than say shut up. Thankfully she didnt.
Im not saying its right, but I do understand how it could happen.

 

[JessetheCowgirl]

Nope, that word is banned from our home.

I (as mom of a 5 year old) also don't think yelling at the child in public is going to help anything, either.

I hope the mom and child had a decent day after such a rough start!

 

[JVL1018]

Weeellll..when I first had my children, I swore never to say Shut Up to them..and even still now, Shut Up is a naughty word in our home..however there are times where as a mom you are pushed beyond your very limits, more than you can imagine before you have chiildren, pushed by hours- nay, days- of whining whining whining, bickering bickering bickering, yelling and fighting and when the words:
FOR PETE'S SAKE SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!! JUST. SHUT. UP. come out of your mouth, you are just relieved that "shut up" was the naughtiest word you said when you realllllly want to say much much worse.

I love my babies more than life itself, but oh my, can they test my patience and I have said plenty of things that I feel badly about later on. They'll live. If I say anything inappropriate, we have a nice chat about it later on when we're all calm and I apologize and we talk about why I got frustrated and what I should have done and what they should have done etc.

 

[hydster]

Originally posted by JVL1018
Weeellll..when I first had my children, I swore never to say Shut Up to them..and even still now, Shut Up is a naughty word in our home..however there are times where as a mom you are pushed beyond your very limits, more than you can imagine before you have chiildren, pushed by hours- nay, days- of whining whining whining, bickering bickering bickering, yelling and fighting and when the words:
FOR PETE'S SAKE SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!! JUST. SHUT. UP. come out of your mouth, you are just relieved that "shut up" was the naughtiest word you said when you realllllly want to say much much worse.

I love my babies more than life itself, but oh my, can they test my patience and I have said plenty of things that I feel badly about later on. They'll live.

JVL I couldn't have said it any better! It's pretty harsh to judge someone when you've never been in their situation and know nothing about them.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Easier said than done. I swore that I would never say that to my son. However, I have said it on rare instances after being completely frustrated. First he's told nicely to be quiet, then comes the "shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh", then "shush!", then shut up flew out of my mouth. It was a killer for me! I apologized to him the "first time." But I have never said that to him when we're in public. He knows to quit before I'm at that point. If he "forgets," I just tell him he loses TV before I reach that point. Works every time. However, I really believe he's testing the limits as opposed to forgetting.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by hydster
JVL I couldn't have said it any better! It's pretty harsh to judge someone when you've never been in their situation and know nothing about them.

I was trying not to judge her BUT she was also yanking the kids arm, in a way that struck me as a little too rough, and she was dressed in a way that IMO, was....how can I say this without offending people....not what mother's with young children usually wear in public (midriff baring shirt, thong exposed pants etc. ) and her whole manner towards the child just really gave me a bad, bad feeling.

No. I don't know what her morning was like. But I just got a very bad vibe.

 

[KristiKelly]

JVL1018,

ditto , I have learned with kids to never say never,
"I'll never do this, that, say this or that" or "my child would never..." you may find yourself eating those words.

I don't like my kids using the words shut up, stupid or hate, but let's face it, when they get into schools it's used pretty regularly with the kids. I have used all three of these words (& a few more accidentally ) in front of my kids (usually not directed at them but more to that idiot driver in front of me or something like that), I tell them that I was wrong & shouldn't have - but. When they push, push & push my button, there are times that I honestly don't know what has just come out of my mouth because my brain is so fried from all the whining, fighting, whining, yelling, whining, screaming, yelling, whining, jumping, whining, running, whining (hmm, have I already said whining once?). I have locked myself in the closet before to get away from it before I said something I would regret. I try not to use those words in front of my kids & try not to yell, but kids will push you - Point is never say never.


Let's just think , she may be a single mom, up all night trying to figure out how to make the house payment, still put food on the table, pay for the school lunch, etc. & is just overwhelmed @ this point & all will be better tonight.

 

[bumcat]

No neve have and can say I never will. Doesn't seem to work anyways from the frustrated parents I have seen trying it. They are 21, 18 and 10. Now the two dogs that's another story.

 

[shortbun]

Never would yell shut up or anything like that at any children-
and I'm a school bus driver. I yell "sit in your seat,please" once in
a while or "too loud" or even "quiet, please!"
Hey, you get what you give. Kids deserve respect; they are
people too!

 

[disykat]

I also understand the frustration of the parent, HOWEVER I would probably have judged it the same way EsmereldaX did. Although I don't say "shut up" in public or at home, I tend to be less in control of my irritation when I am home. In public I'm more likely to be on my best behavior.

When I see people losing it in public with their kids, I wonder what the poor kids go through at home.

 

[disneylizzy]

Nope, never said shut up to my 4 kids, especially not to a crying 5 year old. They were never allowed to say shut up to each other, either. I was under quite a lot of stress when they were little and I had to consider every single quarter I spent. Believe me I've had my moments, but for a mother to keep saying shut up, shut up, shut up in public makes me worry about what goes on when no one is looking.

 

[Microcell]

Originally posted by Kimberle
I have a 5 yo. They can really "press your buttons". I must confess that I too have yelled at her on occasion. I try not to, but sometimes when she just doesn't listen, or starts to throw a tantrum...... I appologise later and talk with her. (Like this morning, I'm telling her for over 10 minutes to put her shoes on.)

I wouldn't judge a parent by this incident. I'm sure the little guy is fine and his Mama will probably give him extra big hugs tonight. We all do the best we can. Parenting is hard work and we are humans too.

Have her go barefoot to school once, that should cure her!

Any parent who says they have not lost it on their child is not telling the truth. I have never used the words shut up, but I have said something to offend somebody. My favorite now seems to be "do you want me to sell you on Ebay?" It is a joke that lightens up my DD's mood ( she responds "you shouldn't have told me that it is illegal to sell humans on EBAY, mom, or I would be really scared!"), but people around me and probably some on the board here would not find it funny! I also say "You are bouncing on my last nerve" I have gotten bad looks for that. You would think I was beating her. I also tell her during fits at the mall how lucky she is that she lives on such a PC society, because my mom would have gotten the ruler out to swat me by now. I get really dirty looks for that.

I have to use humor to get past the feeling of pulling out my last hairs, but people nowadays seem sensitive. On the other hand, I bet you are spot on with the idea that the poor kid you saw gets that alot more than they should. I always think the kids having an all out fit are probably iliciting the response for attention. With the exception of the mall- (this has always been a problem for DD since she was two and Dh got accused by a couple of women for kidnapping when i stayed behind to pay and he took her outside. "Is this your daddy?" thank goodness she said yes- he is half filipino and she is white as a sheet) she is good wherever I tell her to be good. I think it has alot to do with being strict, but to reprimand with humor as well. She gets no attention during the big fits, which are few, like I said, and we try to avoid the mall.