Would you ever yell at your screaming 5 year old to "Shut Up"?

[EsmeraldaX]

So I get on the train this morning and onto my car walks a woman with two young children. The boy was probably about 5 and he was crying and screaming his little head off. And what does his mother do to calm him?

She tells him, quite loudly and in a very nasty tone : "Shut Up , just SHUT UP" over and over again.



I don't have kids, but if I ever did and they were screaming on a public train, I would either try to preoccupy them with something else, or get them off the train to calm them down or anything else is better IMHO, then telling a 5 year old to "shut up".

I just don't see how shouting at a 5 year old to shut up is going to achieve the desired result or do anything other than teach the 5 year old that when someone is doing/saying something you don't like, it is okay to tell them to shut up.

I was always taught that saying "shut up" was rude. Not a swear word, but very much not acceptable.

Was my mom just weird or is telling someone to shut up perfectly good manners these days?

I understand that some people reach the end of their ropes with kids being whiny and fussy, but I really just don't think teaching them that saying "shut up" is okay is a good idea...

But again, I don't have kids so what do I know...



I just hope that the little boy was okay.

 

[Robinrs]

It was highly inappropriate but a screaming 5yo can make you do just about anything if you're frustrated enough.'

BTW, I was 36 when I had my first child and I thought I wouldn't do a LOT of things if I had kids, too, until I had one!

My son calls "shuttup" the "S" word and sees it as a "curse" word also. I did not grow up that way but can appreciate his take on it, like your family did.

 

[Bob Slydell]

No, I wouldn't. Shut up (along with stupid and hate) are bad words in my DS' mind -- at least that's what we've taught him.

 

[fanofmickey]

You are right, yelling shut up to a 5 year old is inappropriate.

Having said that, I am sure that all of us who have kids have said things to our children that we have regretted afterwards. Who knows what kind of night / morning she had already had? Was she up all night with a sick child? Was she worrying about paying the rent? None of these are excuses to take anything out on the child, but if I am honest, I have to admit to having said things to my children out of frustration, sleeplessness, exhaustion, etc., that I never should have said.

 

[DisMN]

No, it wasn't appropriate and we were taught the same thing at home, that "shut up!" was a big no-no.

However, frustration, the child MAYBE having been crying for what seemed like hours, tiredness on the part of the mom.......maybe she had simply hit the end of her rope and "shut up" was the only alternative she could come up with.

I know personally I've said and done things publicly to my own child and grandchild that I swear I knew better NOT to do.

 

[jrydberg]

Having a 6 year old, I can say with a good deal of authority that, from a purely practical perspective, yelling at a kid that age to "shut up" is about the worst possible approach one can take to quiet the kid down.

Most kids are going to act out in public at some point. IMO, if parents show the kid that it upsets them, they are more likely to continue that behavior. Don't get me wrong -- the behavior should not be ignored, IMO.

I tend to talk to my daughter in a quiet voice, but let her know in no uncertain terms that crying and screaming is not appropriate and there will be consequences if it continues.

Sounds to me like you know a lot more than you think about kids.

 

[lacool]

Originally posted by Robinrs
My son calls "shuttup" the "S" word and sees it as a "curse" word also.

LOL. DD does the same thing. I don't allow my kids to say "shut up" in any circumstance, and I certainly don't say it to them.

 

[Kimberle]

I have a 5 yo. They can really "press your buttons". I must confess that I too have yelled at her on occasion. I try not to, but sometimes when she just doesn't listen, or starts to throw a tantrum...... I appologise later and talk with her. (Like this morning, I'm telling her for over 10 minutes to put her shoes on.)

I wouldn't judge a parent by this incident. I'm sure the little guy is fine and his Mama will probably give him extra big hugs tonight. We all do the best we can. Parenting is hard work and we are humans too.

 

[CEDmom]

No, I never would (well, at least not in public . However, I consider myself very fortunate that I having a loving supportive DH, an easygoing child, a good understanding of children and no financial worries. Unfortunately there all plently of parents that don't have these things. Many end up doing a good job raising their children but there are some that really aren't up to the task.

I can only hope it was an isolated incident and the child normally receives a lot of love.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by CEDmom
I can only hope it was an isolated incident and the child normally receives a lot of love.

Me too.

 

[Serena]

I can't say that I ever would or ever did. And from the sound of it, I'd probably be a little upset with the mom. But who knows what she's had to deal with all morning. I think I would have probably tried to distract the kid myself to see if that would help, Obviously she had had more than enough.

 

[dizagain]

I agree. Shut up, stupid, and hate are also bad words in my opinion. DD's are 8 and 10 now and they pop up sometimes, but they know better than to use stupid and hate to describe PEOPLE in front of me.

DH says "shut up" - sometimes to the girls. I CAN"T STAND IT! He was raised by parents who used that term and it is no big thing to him at all no matter what I say. His family is wonderful and loving - they just throw "shut up" out on a regular basis. I, on the other hand, was never told to shut up by an adult and I cringe every time I hear it. Probably one of our bigger child rearing issues as the girls have taken their cue from me and they get sad when DH says it to them.

The joys of parenthood!

 

[nkjzmom]

Nope....I can honestly say that I have never used those words with any of my kids. And I've been that person with the screaming child too.

 

[monkeyboy]

I have seen pareents add the F word to SHUT UP when yelling at their kids

 

[Pete's Mom]

Originally posted by Robinrs
It was highly inappropriate but a screaming 5yo can make you do just about anything if you're frustrated enough.'

BTW, I was 36 when I had my first child and I thought I wouldn't do a LOT of things if I had kids, too, until I had one!

My son calls "shuttup" the "S" word and sees it as a "curse" word also. I did not grow up that way but can appreciate his take on it, like your family did.

Yup, there were days when I wanted to drive straight the doctor's office and have my tubes tied. You always want to do and say the right thing, but when you are pushed to the limit sometimes you just snap. I am guilty of this with Pete, but he calls me on it and I apologize and vice versa. We ALL have bad days. I never say "shut up", but I have been known to yell at him to "Zip It!".

 

[WilmaBud]

Is it right? No. But a whining, crying, child (esp. in a public place) can be very exasperating. Hey, parents aren't perfect - at least I'm not. While it's not a great thing to do, I can understand and relate to the mother's frustration. Any parent who says she/he has never said or done anything she/he regrets, I don't believe.

I also remember before having kids, thinking of all the things I "would never do." LOL! It's easy to say and think those things when you're not "in the trenches." Fortunately, we don't have to do everything perfectly in order to turn out nice well-adjusted kids. I just try to do my best and apologize when I've made a mistake.

BTW, I agree that "shut up" is rude. But I'm sure the little boy is fine. Mom was probably having a rough morning.

 

[NMAmy]

Well, I've never told DD to shut up (doesn't "please hush" have a nicer ring to it?) but I've certainly said things in a tense moment that I've regretted later. I agree with everyone else that your child knows how to push your buttons better than anyone and sometimes you say things in the heat of the moment that you know were not the best way to handle it but you're pushed to the end of your patience.

And the way I've always handled that is by saying, "I'm sorry. I was upset and I shouldn't have said that." Everyone makes mistakes and kids need to realize that even Mommy, the Great and Powerful, makes mistakes sometimes.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I think part of it was the way the woman sort of yanked at the kids arm pulling him along, and generally, she seemed rather rough with him. You know how sometimes you just get a bad gut feeling about something? That was sort of how I felt.

I know I can't tell anything about a person by the way they behave and dress and act one day, but she sure gave me a very bad vibe.

 

[RadioNate]

No it wasn't right or nice. And I agree it wasn't going to have the desired effect.

Before I had kids I had all the answers but I learned that parenting is a million times harder than I ever imagined. I think we have a lost our cool at one time or another.

Hopefully, like you said, this woman was at the end of her rope and this was a rare occurance of her totally loosing her cool.

It's a shame because I do think shut up is becoming more acceptable when it just isn't nice.

I will add that when my ds is in complete tantrum mode he takes a while to get through to him. He is completely in his own zone and things like distraction make it worse. What does work for us is saying "stop it" over and over very rhythmically to him. We certainly don't scream it at him. Generally we get near his ear and say it over and over until he calms. Not exactly the same but something people might consider mean.

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by WilmaBud
Any parent who says she/he has never said or done anything she/he regrets, I don't believe.

ITA. I've said and done plenty of things that I wish I hadn't. But, we don't use shut-up, hate or stupid in our house. These are considered really bad words.