Would you contact an old boyfriend?

[slk537]

I have no idea if I would or not, but you inspired me to google my boyfriend from high school and another from college. And I learned something interesting...

I apparently only dated guys with super basic common names. Jeff, John, Mike...last names equivalent to Smith, Anderson...that sort of commonality. Impossible to Google.

I guess DH was the first guy I dated with a weird last name...

 

[vetrik]

I would email him. This happened to me last year - I came across an ex-boyfriend's email address and debated whether or not to contact him. I ended up just sending a nice email saying hi (mostly I decided to do it because I'm nosy and wanted to know what had ended up happening to him - if he had had a website with information on it I probably wouldn't have emailed him!). He emailed me back, and now we email/talk on the phone from time to time, maybe every 6-9 months or so. There's definitely nothing else going on, at least on my end, and DH knows that we talk occasionally and I tell him when I hear from the ex. Plus, DH has no room to talk since he still talks to the girl he was obssessed with in high school from time to time, and even got together with her.

I don't know if his wife knows that we talk, and I don't know how she would feel about it. It was a weird situation where he dated her first, they broke up but stayed best friends, and he started dating me. We dated for over 3 years when he suddenly decided he'd been in love with her all along and dumped me for her. Ah, youth!

 

[sue1013]

I would send an email to say hi and catch up. Thank goodness neither DH or myself are jealous people. I couldn't live with someone that would be jealous of me keeping in touch or catching up with a male friend whether ex boyfriend or not.

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

Yes! I posted this on the "have you ever googled" post a while back.

I was concerned post 9/11 about a friend in the NYC area who I believed was a cop. I just emailed and said I was wondering how he was and I completely understood if he didn't want to communicate. It turned out really well: I always said we were better off as friends, plenty of time/water under the bridge had gone by, we were both in good places...we now email every couple months. Both our spouses know ( my DH knew him in college) and are fine with it. Turns out he did very well too - he had gone from being a cop to a lawyer! (nothing wrong with being a cop - he was just "Mr wants to be successful, but doesn't want to work for it" in college. - so lawyer was a pleasant surprise!)

I think as long as you do it low key...it will be fine. Can't hurt to try!!! Good luck!!!

 

[FergieTCat]

No.

I also tracked down an old boyfriend, out of curiosity. He is married and out of respect to his wife, I will not e-mail him.

 

[Mom2Ashli]

I said Nope. Not sure what good can come of it.

He might have a family that it would upset or it might upset your own family.

If he were just a friend from the past instead of an ex-boyfriend it might be a little different. But when feeling were involved it could be a problem.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I have emailed an ex-boyfriend because I really wanted to know how his family was doing. I really cared about them. We shared a few emails then he never answered my last one. I think his girlfriend caught wind and that was that. Sheesh I am an old married woman and I don't want her loser boyfriend. There is a reason why we broke up.

 

[Jynohn]

I once contacted an old boyfriend after not seeing him for over 5 years.

He's now my husband

 

[mickeyfan2]

No. Why would you contact him? What would be gained by it?

 

[Disney Doll]

I am amazed at the importance so many people place on a HS romance form 20 years ago!!!!! Wow!!!

If my DH's HS GF contacted him, I wouldn't think a thing of it. I must be a kook. I would tend to think that if my HS BF contacted me, my DH wouldn't think a thing of it either.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I will also add that my DH is still very good friends with an ex-girlfriend of his. They talk on the phone and IM often. I don't care. Heck I talk with her, too. I have even met her. Of course she is now married to one of DH's best friends, but really even if she wasn't I wouldn't care.

 

[Maleficent13]

No. Why would you contact him? What would be gained by it?

Nothing...which is why I'm not doing it.

Seriously, this guy had some fairly major issues in his young adult years (parents and illness), and I was just so pleased to see that not only was he doing well, but he was doing what he always wanted and made a great success at it. I was happy for him, and considered telling him so. But then thought of all the "what ifs" depending on his personal situation (of which I have no clue) and decided not to. I have no desire to cause him any problems and wish him continued success and happiness.

 

[swanmom]

Wow. While I respect other peoples' opinions, I have to say I'm surprised at how many 'no's there were here. IMHO, I can't see how a short note to say 'hi' would be a problem. In my case, I found an old boyfriend through google that I had lost touch with more than twenty years ago when he moved out of town. First, I sent a "Are you who I think you are?" email. Then, we exchanged emails about our families and caught up a little. The big surprise came when he let me know that he still had a 'friendship' ring that I had given him during college. He knew that it had once belonged to my grandmother and that, if we ever had a way to contact each other again, I would want it. He fedexed it to me the next day. So I have back a family memento that I never would have gotten if I hadn't contacted him. We still email about every 6-9 months just to see how the families are doing.

 

[azgal81]

I think it depends on the whole situation. I don't think a quick note to say hi is really that big of a deal. It's just like contacting friends from high school years later.

 

[lovmy2girls]

No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't be too understanding if my DH was contacting old girlfriends and I would not expect him to be understanding if I was contacting old boyfriends. But, that is just me.

Ditto.

 

[BrinxFam]

No, I would not. I have been the wife on the other end of the phone when DH ex girlfriend called. We had been married about a year and lived over 1500 miles away when she "just called to touch base" with him. He told her he was not in the area, was very happily married and had a new baby. She said she knew all of that since his mom told her when she gave her our phone number! Darling MIL! Now that is another story!

 

[SideshowBob]

No, I would not. I have been the wife on the other end of the phone when DH ex girlfriend called. We had been married about a year and lived over 1500 miles away when she "just called to touch base" with him. He told her he was not in the area, was very happily married and had a new baby. She said she knew all of that since his mom told her when she gave her our phone number! Darling MIL! Now that is another story!

Eeeks!!! Too funny on the "Darling MIL" part.

SSB does not see it really all that differently than if you had passed him on the street... would have said "hi" then... so don't see any harm at all.

 

[MickeysMommy]

Sure - just to say "Hi" why not?

 

[Minniespal]

Never ~ What happened in the past, stays in the past.

 

[MzDiz]

I stay in contact with a few exes. It was very theraputic to talk about a few things that we were too immature to talk about back in the day. I feel like I have closure on a couple relationships and that all the feelings are in the right places now.
I wouldn't mind if my husband were contacted by an ex either. There's a reason they're exes.