Would you consider this rude ?

[pandora174]

Here's a situation. No biggie really but I'm not sure if I handled it correctly. What do you guys think ? Yesterday DH was cutting our grass & DS 6 was playing. Our next door neighbors are very friendly. Older couple, DH has helped them do some stuff when they needed help, she would bring over a plate whenever she made something. Nice people. Anyway, their daughter recently moved in with her 3 year old little girl. My DS plays with all kids & is very good with little ones. They have played before in the front yard. Well DH was cutting the grass. The grandma brought the little girl over & she started playing with DS. All good, no roughhousing, showing her his trucks & Barbie was riding them Anyway, Grandma decides to go walk her little dogs & takes the little girl inside & my DS follows. My DH had his back turned & did not notice. As he turned around grandma comes out with the little dogs & inside is DS with her granddaughter but her daughter is there. All is ok as DS has gone inside to play with the little dogs before the daughter moved in. Anyway grandma realized she did not ask if it was ok & went inside & asked DS to go back outside & ask his daddy for permission to play inside & she apologized b/c she forgot to ask. My DH says sure, no problem. Grandma walked away with the little dogs & then DS goes to the door & it's locked. He politely knocks & knocks & no one opens the door. He sees the little girl in the window but the mom isn't opening the door . DS's feeling got hurt & DH was a little miffed. I told him to ignore it, maybe Grandma was ok with the playing inside but her daughter wasn't in the mood. Maybe she didn't want the responsibility of a play date etc etc but in the future to just let them play outside. I also explained to DS that maybe her mommy was tired & he was fine with it. But DH found it rude not to at least open the door & tell DH who was outside a few feet away at least an excuse, "sorry bath time or I have a headache" not leave a little boy knocking on your door when 5 minutes ago he was playing in your house. I personally would of felt terrible not opening the door & at least saying something but that's just me. I told him to forget it but like I said before just let them play outside & no inside playdates to prevent this situation in the future unless Grandma is there. DH is still miffed.

 

[java]

Maybe she was in the bathroom?

 

[npmommie]

maybe the mom didn't realize your ds was coming back to play? maybe she went in the bathroom and didn't hear the knocks?

if she heard your ds knocking and didn't answer, yes that is rude, she could have at least said the dd couldn't play anymore.

i agree, keep the playdates outside to avoid this. or at your house.

 

[powellrj]

Maybe she didn't hear him, maybe she was in the bathroom or on the phone. There are so many maybes that could be the reason.

 

[VAN]

I wouldn't read too much into it.

Sounds as if you don't really know the daughter. If that is the case, it might be best to wait until you do before you allow your child to be supervised by her anyway. Not saying she's evil or anything - it's just that you don't know her or really anything about her. Just wouldn't trust my child to anyone's care that I didn't really know and/or have a level of confidence with anyway.

 

[pandora174]

No I think she heard. DH said he knocked for a while & the little girl was in the window running back & forth. He also rang the doorbell & then DH told him enough & come back. I'm keeping the peace but I do agree with DH & just leaving the playdates outside for now. I was thinking that maybe since she just moved in & Grandma had said there was a divorce involved that maybe she's not feeling all that great. So I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

[ajk912]

Unless it was a case of he was knocking so softly that she couldn't hear, it was incredibly rude. That's a real pet peeve of mine, actually. There was a thread on here a few months back about people just choosing to ignore people knocking on their door. Eventually, you tick off your neighbors doing crap like that, and they won't tell you stuff you NEED to know. It's not neighborly.

And I don't buy the "she was in the bathroom" excuse. Every 3 year old I know would be all, "X is at the door!!!" so there is no hiding that. She could have said, when she was done, "We are about to eat lunch, we'll catch you later, ok!" No need to be rude about it.

 

[java]

So I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

I think that's the best idea. Really I think there are a bunch of issues that could have been occuring inside- particularly if she was running back and forth to the window- Mom was obviously busy elsewhere. (perhaps on the phone with her attorney-) or whatever.

I think it's wise to give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

[lecach]

I think it was very rude. She had to have known he was out there. She should at least have spoken to him to say "sorry, you can't play right now".

 

[DisneyBlonde]

it's a little rude of daughter to lock your son out when it was obviously OK with gramma that he be in her house. the gramma sounds nice, it wouldn't surprise me if she apologizes on behalf of the daughter for the incident.

 

[RadioNate]

Here's a situation. No biggie really but I'm not sure if I handled it correctly. What do you guys think ? Yesterday DH was cutting our grass & DS 6 was playing. Our next door neighbors are very friendly. Older couple, DH has helped them do some stuff when they needed help, she would bring over a plate whenever she made something. Nice people. Anyway, their daughter recently moved in with her 3 year old little girl. My DS plays with all kids & is very good with little ones. They have played before in the front yard. Well DH was cutting the grass. The grandma brought the little girl over & she started playing with DS. All good, no roughhousing, showing her his trucks & Barbie was riding them Anyway, Grandma decides to go walk her little dogs & takes the little girl inside & my DS follows. My DH had his back turned & did not notice. As he turned around grandma comes out with the little dogs & inside is DS with her granddaughter but her daughter is there. All is ok as DS has gone inside to play with the little dogs before the daughter moved in. Anyway grandma realized she did not ask if it was ok & went inside & asked DS to go back outside & ask his daddy for permission to play inside & she apologized b/c she forgot to ask. My DH says sure, no problem. Grandma walked away with the little dogs & then DS goes to the door & it's locked. He politely knocks & knocks & no one opens the door. He sees the little girl in the window but the mom isn't opening the door . DS's feeling got hurt & DH was a little miffed. I told him to ignore it, maybe Grandma was ok with the playing inside but her daughter wasn't in the mood. Maybe she didn't want the responsibility of a play date etc etc but in the future to just let them play outside. I also explained to DS that maybe her mommy was tired & he was fine with it. But DH found it rude not to at least open the door & tell DH who was outside a few feet away at least an excuse, "sorry bath time or I have a headache" not leave a little boy knocking on your door when 5 minutes ago he was playing in your house. I personally would of felt terrible not opening the door & at least saying something but that's just me. I told him to forget it but like I said before just let them play outside & no inside playdates to prevent this situation in the future unless Grandma is there. DH is still miffed.

I think the daughter was rude not to answer the door but I can also say that many times I don't hear neighborhood kids knocking. They are just so soft and if I'm not right there, most of the time I don't notice.

But the bolded part stood out to me. Was your DS invited in or did he just follow along? You seem in indicate that the grandma went in with the granddaughter and your DS just tagged along.

Could it have been that the grandmother was trying to end the playtime by going inside?

I use that technique all the time when my kids are outside and I want to end their playtime with the neighborhood kids that have come over unsupervised. I hate being the neighborhood police so I take mine in for a break. No kid has tried to follow us in.

Do you think the grandmother bringing your DS out to DH to 'ask' was a botched attempt to get him to say no and end the playdate. Not the best technique but I can see it happening.

I also don't allow kids who's parents I don't know into my house.

I just think there are too many what if's to know if the mother was purposely being rude. She should have answered the door but who knows why she didn't...phone, bathroom, shower etc. I've had that happen. A neighbor kid has come to the door while I'm showering and DS will tell me that they are there and I'll instruct him not to open the door while I'm in the shower. I'm sure the kid sees my DS and we usually call to explain later but I'm sure it is considered rude.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Here's a situation. No biggie really but I'm not sure if I handled it correctly. What do you guys think ? Yesterday DH was cutting our grass & DS 6 was playing. Our next door neighbors are very friendly. Older couple, DH has helped them do some stuff when they needed help, she would bring over a plate whenever she made something. Nice people. Anyway, their daughter recently moved in with her 3 year old little girl. My DS plays with all kids & is very good with little ones. They have played before in the front yard. Well DH was cutting the grass. The grandma brought the little girl over & she started playing with DS. All good, no roughhousing, showing her his trucks & Barbie was riding them Anyway, Grandma decides to go walk her little dogs & takes the little girl inside & my DS follows. My DH had his back turned & did not notice. As he turned around grandma comes out with the little dogs & inside is DS with her granddaughter but her daughter is there. All is ok as DS has gone inside to play with the little dogs before the daughter moved in. Anyway grandma realized she did not ask if it was ok & went inside & asked DS to go back outside & ask his daddy for permission to play inside & she apologized b/c she forgot to ask. My DH says sure, no problem. Grandma walked away with the little dogs & then DS goes to the door & it's locked. He politely knocks & knocks & no one opens the door. He sees the little girl in the window but the mom isn't opening the door . DS's feeling got hurt & DH was a little miffed. I told him to ignore it, maybe Grandma was ok with the playing inside but her daughter wasn't in the mood. Maybe she didn't want the responsibility of a play date etc etc but in the future to just let them play outside. I also explained to DS that maybe her mommy was tired & he was fine with it. But DH found it rude not to at least open the door & tell DH who was outside a few feet away at least an excuse, "sorry bath time or I have a headache" not leave a little boy knocking on your door when 5 minutes ago he was playing in your house. I personally would of felt terrible not opening the door & at least saying something but that's just me. I told him to forget it but like I said before just let them play outside & no inside playdates to prevent this situation in the future unless Grandma is there. DH is still miffed.

Actually I am going to turn the tables on you and say that all of you were "rude".

Your DS followed the girl into the house, that is rude.

If your DS was going to play inside with mom and the girl your DH needed to talk to the mom and not grandma.

Grandma did not have the right to speak for the girl and the mom, which was rude to her dd.

Then mom did not answer and that was rude.

So in the future talk with mom so you don't have any miscommunication.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

No biggie really but I'm not sure if I handled it correctly.

How else would you have handled it??

 

[pandora174]

OK, let me answer some of the questions. DH did not feel he had to ask permission for the little girl to play outside with DS as Grandma brought her over to play with DS & has done so before & Grandma was right there with them as well. It seems we always see Grandma with the little girl since they moved in. As to Grandma deciding to take her little dogs for a walk & then taking the little girl in I can see where DS might of assumed he was invited in as he has played inside before. But if it was a mistake & DS was not invited Grandma could of just brought him back & not asked for DH's permission for them to play inside ? Just probably a miscommunication, it just occured to me that while my son is learning some spanish the little girl & her family only speak spanish so that might have contributed to the issue. Oh well. They are good neighbors & I just want to keep the peace & wanted to make sure that we hadn't offended the little girl's mom in anyway. I already told DS to play outside only with the little girl & not to go inside unless he gets an ok from DH or myself regardless of the circumstances & DS understands.

 

[pandora174]

PLEASE, use paragraphs....
and, i cant believe this is something you would even worry about.

Sorry but I don't see what using paragraphs has anything to do with my post. I'm typing informally & I tend to ramble. Sorry if that offends you. Yes, I do worry because 1- I am a worrier & 2 - I wanted some ideas/suggestions/input from my fellow disers. What's wrong with that ?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OK, let me answer some of the questions. DH did not feel he had to ask permission for the little girl to play outside with DS as Grandma brought her over to play with DS & has done so before & Grandma was right there with them as well. It seems we always see Grandma with the little girl since they moved in. As to Grandma deciding to take her little dogs for a walk & then taking the little girl in I can see where DS might of assumed he was invited in as he has played inside before. But if it was a mistake & DS was not invited Grandma could of just brought him back & not asked for DH's permission for them to play inside ? Just probably a miscommunication, it just occured to me that while my son is learning some spanish the little girl & her family only speak spanish so that might have contributed to the issue. Oh well. They are good neighbors & I just want to keep the peace & wanted to make sure that we hadn't offended the little girl's mom in anyway. I already told DS to play outside only with the little girl & not to go inside unless he gets an ok from DH or myself regardless of the circumstances & DS understands.

OK, so your DH is knocking and ringing the doorbell of someone who doesn't speak english, who you barely know to demand to come in and play without the grandma there to communicate for you.

And you are wondering if they are rude?

Do you know how crazy you sound?

 

[RadioNate]

OK, let me answer some of the questions. DH did not feel he had to ask permission for the little girl to play outside with DS as Grandma brought her over to play with DS & has done so before & Grandma was right there with them as well. It seems we always see Grandma with the little girl since they moved in. As to Grandma deciding to take her little dogs for a walk & then taking the little girl in I can see where DS might of assumed he was invited in as he has played inside before. But if it was a mistake & DS was not invited Grandma could of just brought him back & not asked for DH's permission for them to play inside ? Just probably a miscommunication, it just occured to me that while my son is learning some spanish the little girl & her family only speak spanish so that might have contributed to the issue. Oh well. They are good neighbors & I just want to keep the peace & wanted to make sure that we hadn't offended the little girl's mom in anyway. I already told DS to play outside only with the little girl & not to go inside unless he gets an ok from DH or myself regardless of the circumstances & DS understands.

OK, so your DH is knocking and ringing the doorbell of someone who doesn't speak english, who you barely know to demand to come in and play without the grandma there to communicate for you.

And you are wondering if they are rude?

Do you know how crazy you sound?

Yeah - I'm gonna have to go with Mystery Machine on this one... the Grandmother brought the little girl over to play a bit while she supervised your DS and the girl. Your DH didn't even notice that your DS when into their house uninvited so he obviously wasn't watching him.

The grandmother then brings the child back to your DH and leaves.

The DS goes back to the house (knocking and ringing) with you and your DH knowing that the mother nor the little girl really speak english and you wonder why she didn't answer to talk to you?

I don't know. Yeah, I think there was some miscommunication. I don't think the DS was invited into the house and the mother wasn't comfortable supervision a child she couldn't communicate with. She couldn't communicate with your DH or DS so she chose not to open the door.

Rude? A bit...I guess but I thinking this was just a misunderstanding and people (the OP and her DH) got confused. No one were trying to be jerks and it isn't really a situation that needs to be "handled."

Sorry but I don't see what using paragraphs has anything to do with my post. I'm typing informally & I tend to ramble. Sorry if that offends you. Yes, I do worry because 1- I am a worrier & 2 - I wanted some ideas/suggestions/input from my fellow disers. What's wrong with that ?

Paragraph breaks make posts MUCH easier to read. It is difficult to read a jumbled mess of text. Again, no one was being rude. Just pointing out message board etiquette that might help in the future.

 

[pandora174]

OK, so your DH is knocking and ringing the doorbell of someone who doesn't speak english, who you barely know to demand to come in and play without the grandma there to communicate for you.

And you are wondering if they are rude?

Do you know how crazy you sound?

Huh ? Wow ok, these are our neighbors. We have known the grandparents for well over a year. We are on very friendly terms. DH & I are both fully bilingual. DH was not knocking on anyone's door, it was DS. DH was in the front yard where my DS & the little girl were originally playing with grandma. She is 3 & he is 6 & does know some spanish words, not having a conversation just playing with trucks & barbies. They have played before so they are not strangers.

Grandparents are great & I never said they were rude. The grandma invited DS over & I am assuming did not tell her daughter & that is why she didn't open the door. That was my question. Geez, first I get slammed on how I write my post & now I'm crazy too ?

See I can use paragraphs & no I am not crazy.

 

[pandora174]

Hi everyone. Looking back at this post yes I feel I over-worried. I suffer from anxiety so I guess that showed today ! So thanks for the etiquette info. never thought about it. Yes I worry about neighbors because I worry about everything. So wanted some feedback on a situation that bothered me. That's all...

 

[OceanAnnie]

Hi everyone. Looking back at this post yes I feel I over-worried. I suffer from anxiety so I guess that showed today ! So thanks for the etiquette info. never thought about it. Yes I worry about neighbors because I worry about everything. So wanted some feedback on a situation that bothered me. That's all...

I would have seen it as you did. I think you have a good perspective, giving them the benefit of the doubt.