Would you butt in?

[binny]

If you had a friend who was very angry at their parent and refusing to talk with them at all would you say something?

this is my best friend and I *know* the dad has no idea what he did to make my friend angry (Im very close to both of them) and it kills me to se them waste precious time when they could be enjoying each other.

I guess Im really sensitive about this as I believe you should make the most of every minute you have with the ones you love. I * know* life is too short to hold grudges on some imagined slight.

My friend would be very angry with me if I said something but I feel so bad for the dad because he honestly has NO IDEA what he's done. (he made a comment about not helping out my friend when in the breath before complained about helping out his other daughter) The dad is just kind of a crotchety old man if you know what I mean but I think his heart is in the right place.

I just dont want my friend to have any regrets when the dad is gone.


so would you butt in?

 

[GeorgeG]

Sounds like you'll be walking on eggshells with this one. You might choose your words and the moment wisely and be ready to back off at the first sign of not being taken well.

You're right about life being too short and there is a lot to be said for getting over petty grudges.

Good luck.

 

[Jen51]

Hi Binny. I think it would sort of depend on how long they have not been talking. If it hasn't been to long I think I might hold of and see if they get over it in thier own time. If it has been awhile and it doesn't look like they are going to work through it then I may say something if I could figure out a way to do it in passing.

 

[Serena]

I would regret it, but I'd butt in. I can't seem to keep quiet in these situations.

Luckily for my mom's family, because I brought them all back together before my grandma died. I didn't get a thank you, but they weren't angry with me either.

 

[JohnTBap]

I never made peace with my father before he died. Well, I said what I needed to but he was not conscious. I am not sure if I would have done any different even with someone saying something.

 

[Jeff in BigD]

I would tell your friend about reading about someone who held a grudge against an elderly parent & then before they had a chance to bury the hatchet, the parent was gone. Yeah, not really subtle, b that way you're not really butting in & it leaves your friend thinking "what if". If she can't grow up & let this pass, then I guess you have a better understanding of the type of person she is.

 

[bsnyder]

Are you saying you would talk to the dad or your friend?

I'm not clear on what your plan of action would be. If it were me, I'd have a heart to heart with my friend and tell them how you feel about the rift between them and the dad and that you're afraid your friend will one day regret it. I'd maybe preface it by saying you know you're giving unsolicited advice but it's because you care so much about them.....

If you contemplating talking to the dad, it sounds like that may be breaking your friend's confidences (although I don't know enough of the details, just reading between the lines here.) If that is the case, I wouldn't do that, if it were me.

 

[lainaf]

What if you tell her dad and then she stops speaking to you? I'd recommend that you work this out with her, not him.