Would you be upset???**UPDATE POST#51**

[LoraJ]

I guess maybe since the bonus isn't part of the budget, he just feels it is his to spend as he pleases.

I can understand though why you would be upset when he didn't tell you about it when you asked him if he won the lotto.

 

[disykat]

I don't get why people get so upset about the word "allowance". Many people use this term to describe a set budget amount for spending money. Dh and I follow a budget too and try to stick to a set spending amount.

DH feels bonuses are his fun money. It drives me nuts because - where's my fun money? I've decided it's not worth losing sleep over since we make all other budget decisions together.

 

[va32h]

I also manage the money in our household; dh is extremely irresponsible with money and if I did not take charge, we'd be living in a box under the highway.

Although he is not always happy about this arrangement, he understands that it is necessary for our family.

I would be annoyed if dh received extra money and did not tell me; but I would probably not say anything about it unless it happened repeatedly.

 

[cra-z-4-dizney]

I don't get why people get so upset about the word "allowance". Many people use this term to describe a set budget amount for spending money. Dh and I follow a budget too and try to stick to a set spending amount.

DH feels bonuses are his fun money. It drives me nuts because - where's my fun money? I've decided it's not worth losing sleep over since we make all other budget decisions together.

Right, and I don't care that he spent it...it is the simple fact that he didn't tell me about it. He could have spent it all and then told me about it, but he still hasn't.

 

[Planogirl]

We had to go the allowance route too and I hate it. Using a credit card didn't work because DH would run up some huge bills and even he finally acknowledged that he needed to be kept on a strict budget. Like I said, I hate it though because I don't like being restricted myself and doing it to someone else makes me feel weird.

As far as the bonus goes, I wouldn't have gotten into a fuss about it. It's not enough to be that big of a deal IMO. Now if it would have been a LOT more, I might have asked where my cut was.

 

[Pop Daddy]

us boys will be boys

 

[MICKEY88]

. Well the past two days, he has been buying stuff left and right..like he bought a new steering wheel cover for his truck, bought stuff for an oil change, went out this morning bought coffees at wawa, went and got some cleaning stuff at the store, and then came home with flowers for me

wow buying stuff left and right...let's see steering wheel cover, that cost him about 8 bucks....

stuff for an oil change,,,,,?? oil change would be a neccessity, doing it himself rather than paying a garage, saved you 20-50 bucks depending on the garage....


some coffees..hmm less than 5 bucks.....

cleaning stuff....for the house or truck...if for the truck, keeping it clean increases the resale/trade-in value...good investment...


flowers for you 10-50 bucks........

seems like the only splurging was on steering wheel cover and flowers...

he may have forgotten to tell you about the bonus, but he remembered to buy flowers for the woman he loves...

I'm betting that if you make an issue of this, it will be a long time before he buys flowers again

 

[aprilgail2]

Its his money. Seems like he doesn't get too much to spend and he wanted to play around with it a little. I wouldn't be mad.

I agree....if I got a bonus at work I would consider it mine....I work full time and want to spend the money I earn how I want to, and if it was a bonus given to me then I would consider it mine!

 

[cra-z-4-dizney]

I agree....if I got a bonus at work I would consider it mine....I work full time and want to spend the money I earn how I want to, and if it was a bonus given to me then I would consider it mine!

I DO NOT CARE that he spent the money, I am UPSET about the fact that he didn't tell me about it.

 

[LoveWDW]

I know that a girlfriend of mine got an allowance from her husband, and she was not happy about it. If she had left a paper telling about her bonus in an item belonging to her, I think that she would not be happy that her husband found it and confronted her.

My vote is to let it go. Let him indulge himself, he was considerate enough to think of treating you to flowers. Since it is the not telling you about it that bothered you. Let him bring it up sometime down the road, and when he does, explain calmly that you like things to be more open between you.

 

[barkley]

i find this topic very interesting. about 25 years ago i worked in a store that processed it's own financing applications, and i saw that alot of women had little or no credit historyin their name or knew nothing about the household finances (esp. older women who if their husband's passed away were faced with balancing a checkbook and making out bills for the first time in their lives). fast forward to working within the past 10 years-the majority of women i worked with handled all of the family finances, and most said it was because their husband's had never been able to manage a budget or had run up huge credit card debt.

so what has happened? has there been a couple of generations of men who have not gotten any math or financial eduction? i can understand that as more women have entered the workforce and demanded equtable credit access they have had to ability to have more hands-on experience.

it just floors me.

 

[LoveWDW]

My husband insisted that I take over bill paying and banking early in our marriage. I didn't want to, but now I am glad that I do, since I know how. He still takes care of investments and CD's. I am more careful than he is anyway about checking that charges are correct.

 

[minmate]

I would guess that you're not wrong to feel hurt... I mean, that is your natural reaction. But honestly, it's hard to analyze this as many more questions pop into my head. Do you handle the $$$ b/c he is not as good or careful with it or b/c it's just how the chore has been delegated? Does he ever seem bothered by having an "allowance" so to speak... ie, does he resent that? WHY would he fail to tell you about the bonus... maybe he forgot to, maybe it's deeper than that.

Personally, I'd never be able to fathom "giving my dh an allowance" -- but he is responsible and I trust him on spending so it isn't an issue for us.

 

[va32h]

so what has happened? has there been a couple of generations of men who have not gotten any math or financial eduction?

Good question! In our case, my husband was 29 when we married, and had spent his entire adult life in the military; living in a barracks and having no regular bills like rent and utilities, groceries or health insurance. All the money he made was fun money, to be spent on a whim. He just developed some very bad habits that it is taking a long time to change.

 

[cra-z-4-dizney]

Personally, I'd never be able to fathom "giving my dh an allowance" -- but he is responsible and I trust him on spending so it isn't an issue for us.

It is not like he only gets a little bit of money, and I am free to buy whatever I want, becuase I cannot tell you the last time I have spent money on myself. And I do trust my husband that is not the issue here either, it was the fact that he didn't tell me about the bonus he recieved. Like I said before I do not care that he spent it, I was just upset that he felt he couldn't tell me about it. I know if I wsa the one who go the bonus I would have been excited and told him about it.

 

[hugsquared]

I DO NOT CARE that he spent the money, I am UPSET about the fact that he didn't tell me about it.

Not trying to start an argument, but several people have posted that perhaps the reason he didn't tell you was that maybe he felt you would take the money and run. You're doing a good thing with trying to save for a house and save for your vacation, but I feel so down when I bust my hump week after week after week and never feel like I have any money just to blow once in a while. He obviouly did something good at work to get a bonus and felt like he neede to be a little careless (which seeing what he bought doesn't seem like careless, just having fun buying a few things he wanted). And while he didn't come right out and SAY he got the money, he certainly didn't hide it from you. I would relax a lttle and give the poor guy a break. Give him a kiss and tell him you're proud of him for getting a bonus and you really loved the flowers and let it go. If he feels like he has a little control (even if this was an agreed upon set up with the allowane thing) perhaps he'll feel like he CAN tell you about it in the future without it all disappearing into the 'funds' jar and he can really enjoy a little of the money he works so hard for. JMHO.

 

[snoopy]

Not trying to start an argument, but several people have posted that perhaps the reason he didn't tell you was that maybe he felt you would take the money and run. You're doing a good thing with trying to save for a house and save for your vacation, but I feel so down when I bust my hump week after week after week and never feel like I have any money just to blow once in a while. He obviouly did something good at work to get a bonus and felt like he neede to be a little careless (which seeing what he bought doesn't seem like careless, just having fun buying a few things he wanted). And while he didn't come right out and SAY he got the money, he certainly didn't hide it from you. I would relax a lttle and give the poor guy a break. Give him a kiss and tell him you're proud of him for getting a bonus and you really loved the flowers and let it go. If he feels like he has a little control (even if this was an agreed upon set up with the allowane thing) perhaps he'll feel like he CAN tell you about it in the future without it all disappearing into the 'funds' jar and he can really enjoy a little of the money he works so hard for. JMHO.

My thoughts exactly.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Not trying to start an argument, but several people have posted that perhaps the reason he didn't tell you was that maybe he felt you would take the money and run. You're doing a good thing with trying to save for a house and save for your vacation, but I feel so down when I bust my hump week after week after week and never feel like I have any money just to blow once in a while. He obviouly did something good at work to get a bonus and felt like he neede to be a little careless (which seeing what he bought doesn't seem like careless, just having fun buying a few things he wanted). And while he didn't come right out and SAY he got the money, he certainly didn't hide it from you. I would relax a lttle and give the poor guy a break. Give him a kiss and tell him you're proud of him for getting a bonus and you really loved the flowers and let it go. If he feels like he has a little control (even if this was an agreed upon set up with the allowane thing) perhaps he'll feel like he CAN tell you about it in the future without it all disappearing into the 'funds' jar and he can really enjoy a little of the money he works so hard for. JMHO.

ITA... Remember, if you handle this negatively, then you are immediately the shrew. And, thinking ahead... How you handle it this time will definately be the deciding factor in how much he tells you next time.

 

[grlpwrd]

Not trying to start an argument, but several people have posted that perhaps the reason he didn't tell you was that maybe he felt you would take the money and run. You're doing a good thing with trying to save for a house and save for your vacation, but I feel so down when I bust my hump week after week after week and never feel like I have any money just to blow once in a while. He obviouly did something good at work to get a bonus and felt like he neede to be a little careless (which seeing what he bought doesn't seem like careless, just having fun buying a few things he wanted). And while he didn't come right out and SAY he got the money, he certainly didn't hide it from you. I would relax a lttle and give the poor guy a break. Give him a kiss and tell him you're proud of him for getting a bonus and you really loved the flowers and let it go. If he feels like he has a little control (even if this was an agreed upon set up with the allowane thing) perhaps he'll feel like he CAN tell you about it in the future without it all disappearing into the 'funds' jar and he can really enjoy a little of the money he works so hard for. JMHO.

Just curious.... OP, did you tell him you "bought" Disney tvs? (Even if the "deal" didn't work out, of course.)

 

[cra-z-4-dizney]

Just curious.... OP, did you tell him you "bought" Disney tvs? (Even if the "deal" didn't work out, of course.)

Yes I did, and I used my "allowence". And I only tried to buy one(not that that makes a difference.)