Would This Bother You (marriage related--mine this time)

[luvsJack]

Ok, let's say your 25th anniversary will be coming up in 3 years. You hubbie will have his business paid for in 3 years and the degree you are working on should be complete in 3 years (maybe less).

So, you decide to plan a big anniversary trip somewhere. You didn't have a honeymoon and have only been away for a weekend twice in your marriage without at least one kid.

You bring up the subject of a cruise and he says, "yeah that sound like fun". A few days later you and he start talking about it again and a bit about other choices (had some friends just get back from a cruise and they stayed sea sick the whole time so a bit leary of taking one now). NYC is mentioned, Las Vegas, and NOLA. He doesn't want to go to NYC and says "why don't we just go to Yellowstone like you were talking about before". Yellowstone was a planned "family" vacation--not for a couple's anniversary trip and you tell him that. He doesn't want to leave dd behind!!

Now, I am with her every day. He drives a truck and is only home about two weekends out of the month so doesn't spend as much time with her as he would like to. So, maybe I am just not seeing it from him point of view. But, we are talking about a trip in 3 years and she will be 14 by then; so not a small child. And its not like we get a lot of couple's time.

I was going to get us settled on a destination and start saving and planning, but his response sort of burst my bubble. I know I need to talk to him about it but before I do and/or really get upset about it, I just wondered what others thought and that maybe I am not being fair to him about it.

 

[luvmy3]

That is exactly something my dh would say too. I wouldn't be upset but I would tell him that I didn't plan on having any children with us on our anniversary trip and I'd tell him to pick a destination so I could start planning and saving

 

[Minniemama350]

Sounds like my dh. I have to plan a trip as a surprise and take him. Then he's happy and loves it. I'm planning one now!

He probably does want time with your dd, but it has been my experience with my dh that he is throwing out your previous idea trying to be agreeable and do the trip you want to do. He may have no real idea what you really want. I have heard(but no experience) that the Dis cruise ships are smoother riding than others, but don't know for sure. If it turns out he really doesn't want a cruise, tell him what your 2nd choice would be.

 

[mjkacmom]

DH and I have been going away without the kids since dd13 was a baby, and try to do it at least every 2 years or so. I think the problem is that you waited WAY too long. Soon your dd will be off to college (to me, it seems like dd13 was born last year - I am so glad I still have 7 year olds, but it actually makes me sad that I don't have a toddler around anymore). You need to have couple time, you need to practice being just the 2 of you.

 

[golfgal]

If he wants to bring DD a cruise is a perfect solution. There are plenty of opportunities for couples while DD is in the teen club. Bring a friend along and get a second cabin for them. As far as being sea sick, with all the driving he does, I bet he won't have a problem, if he does, take some meds .

If you can talk him into a couples only trip, consider going to Banff, Alberta, Canada since he likes the idea of Yellowstone.

 

[luvsJack]

Well, I am glad to know its not just my dh! Makes me feel a bit better. He has really been this way since she was born. And now that she is a "tween" and wanting to be with her friends more than us sometimes, it really bothers him.

 

[mumom95]

I'm going to have to side with your dh on this one. I'm all for spending quality time together as a couple away from the children. But I can't imagine if I only got to see my kids two weekends a month I would want take some of that precious time away.

Like a previous poster said, I think a cruise is a great compromise. Have your daughter bring along a friend and then your dh and dd can still spend time together and you and your dh can spend some alone time together. This is one of the reasons I love cruising for a family vacation.

I wouldn't worry too much about your friends experience. Maybe their cruise had extra rough seas. Maybe they are just complainers. You can always take something if you think you may get seasick.

Congrats on the big accomplishments that will be happening in the future. Sounds like 2013 is going to be an exciting year for your family.

 

[palmtreegirl]

Wouldn't bother me at all, we're taking our kids with us in August on our trip to celebrate our 15th anniversary.

 

[Micca]

Maybe he doesn't realize how obnoxious 14 year olds can be. Give him some time, he'll be happy to be alone with you

 

[DeluxePrincess]

Just keep saving for a trip. Three years is a long ways away. You might have a totally different idea of what to do by then. I wouldn't let it bother me.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Um, no, sorry it is perfectly fine to be without the kids for a week here and there over the course of their lives. Couples need couple time. Plan a special trip for just the two of you, after 25 years you certainly deserve it. I'd look at places in Canada as well, or the Caribbean or Europe. Do something special, you have 3 years to save!

 

[Nancy for Disney]

I agree with PP saying that I wouldn't let it bother you too much. My DH could care less if he ever spent a moment alone with me. It always has to be me that suggests it and work out the plans. You are really going to have to communicate that you would like a trip with just the two of you. I am sure that he will agree when he understands how important it is to you.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Maybe he doesn't realize how obnoxious 14 year olds can be. Give him some time, he'll be happy to be alone with you

Yes that!

As has been said, talk with him and tell him you rather thought it would be more romantic (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) if you two were alone.

Otherwise, having a family holiday to celebrate longevity in marriage isn't such a bad idea! You can still have private time (keeping that winking and nudging ) and still enjoy yourselves together!

Much really depends upon what you want from the whole thing.

Good luck and congratulations on all the milestones headed your way!

 

[Buckalew11]

Well, I am glad to know its not just my dh! Makes me feel a bit better. He has really been this way since she was born. And now that she is a "tween" and wanting to be with her friends more than us sometimes, it really bothers him.

My DH is the same way and DD is 16. You'd think he'd want to get away from a 16yo! We went out to dinner with friends Friday night and she stayed home and he felt badly about it. She was thrilled to be home alone!

We have gone away just the 2 of us and it is good for us and our marriage to do so but he does see that our time with her is short--she'll be off to college very soon.
It is a balancing act--parenting and marriage. If he doesn't come around then just make sure that you all do a weekend getaway or something and wait a few years to do your big trip. While we never know if we'll get that opportunity or not (because we do not know what the future holds), I would just hold on to the hope of an anniversary trip when he feels ready for a big getaway. JMHO. It is not something to fight over, for sure.

 

[wdwfan16]

I would do the cruise and take the DD. Your DH spends so much time away from the family. He wants all of his family togther for the trip. I can see his side completely.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Would This Bother You

No - to be honest, I'd love him for it.

I just think that he's thinking of it like a guy (who doesn't get to spend too much time with his DD and realizes time is slipping away) and you're thinking of it as a woman (who's probably worrying about keeping your relationship strong for when the nest is empty). Both are understandable. I'd cut him some slack. I don't see it as a slight to you at all. He just loves his family. Isn't that what we all want in a man?

I was 8 months pregnant w/ twins for our 10th anniversary, so we didn't go anywhere. The following year we went away for one night, but it was a fun night. We took a train to NYC (where we used to go a lot before we had kids) and spent the night (somewhat) on the town (we were tired, lol).

The next morning, on our way home, we were in Penn Station waiting for a train when I saw a lady with a baby around the same age as ours. I surprised myself when I started crying, missing my babies so, so much. I said to DH then that I think that will be the last time we go away without them for a while. He agreed, and we haven't been on a trip without them since. It wouldn't be the same. Later, having cancer drove the concept home even more. Now that doesn't mean that we don't get plenty of alone time, because we do (we have pretty good work schedules and the kids are older now and off with their friends a lot). It just means that, while we have them, we all want to be together.

We did a Disney cruise for our 20th anniversary and we put out an open invitation for family and friends to join us. We wound up with a group of 30 and it was great. We were both happy celebrating that way. [One couple we know considered coming with us, but said when they did do a cruise, they wanted to do one without without the kids. Well that day will never come as he died of a heart attack 8 months later at 42. ] I like the cruise idea for you guys. If your DD14 brings a friend you'll probably hardly ever see them. I also like the Yellowstone idea (but I can't imagine going there without my kids, lol. I'd want them to see it, too. Maybe that's how your DH is thinking). Friends of ours just celebrated their 18th and they went into Boston for the night for a show and stayed overnight. Maybe you could do a smaller, more local weekend for just the two of you, but a bigger trip afterward? Just a thought.

I realize not everyone feels the way I do and that's ok. This is JMO. YMMV

 

[luvsJack]

Thanks everyone, I needed to know if maybe I just wasn't seeing it clearly from his side. I am with her all the time, plus have at least one of her friends with us most of the time; so I know how irritating they are getting NOW much less in 3 years! But he doesn't get a lot of that special time with her.

So, I think I will go back to considering a cruise and plan for the three of us plus a friend of hers for the big trip. Maybe planning a weekend in NOLA near our actual anniversary that year, for just the two of us.

One thing I didn't consider when he gets that truck paid for in 3 years he will just start having more time at home and here I am planning to take him away somewhere. So, it may be a good time for some daughter/daddy re-bonding too.

Ok, my bubble is back intact and I will start planning again!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I wouldn't worry. He's probably thinking practical and killing 2 birds with one stone.

Keep chatting, keep planning--you'll come to a mutual agreement eventually. It's 3 years too early to get upset about a trip that isn't what you planned on.