with all these mil vents, I've started taking notes!

[powellrj]

Around the holidays there always seem to be a rash of MIL vents and this year is no different.

The difference for me is that next year I will be the MIL and I sure don't want to be surfing the internet and find my DIL venting about me!!!!

You better believe that I am taking lots of notes on the dos and don'ts of being an in-law!!!

 

[EthansMom]

That's too funny!

I have two MILs (a MIL and a StepMIL). I could tell stories that would curl your toes... but I don't have the time to go into every detail.

I'm sure you'll be a great MIL. My advice: be honest, be friendly without getting in the way and try not to embarass anyone.

 

[Wishing on a star]

If I could give any advice to in-laws, based on my own inlaws, and based on what I read on these chatboards.... It is this.

IT IS NOT YOUR LIFE.
YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER IS NOT A CHILD ANY LONGER.
THEIR SPOUSE IS NOW THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THEIR LIFE.
THEY, AS ANY ADULT MARRIED COUPLE, WILL LIVE THEIR OWN LIFE.
YOUR OPINION NO LONGER MATTERS, SO KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.
YOU NO LONGER HAVE ANY CONTROL. SO DEAL WITH IT.

 

[minniecarousel]

I will become a MIL in May and again later on. My MIL died before we were married, but my own mother has been a terrific example of how to act. In fact, it was my DH's idea for my Mother to come live with us.

I realize that I miss my little boys, but Lord! I wouldn't want these grown men living in my house!!

 

[RitaZ.]

powellrj~ I'm sure that in about 10 years or so, there will a DIL somewhere griping about all of us.

 

[SDFgirl]

I LOVE my MIL! She is funny, sweet, and kind.

She loves her son dearly but knows that I'm his #1 right now. She is involved in our lives without being intrusive. She calls before coming over, she makes it a point to have "girl talk" with me, and she's always telling me how much she loves me for her son. We both teach 3rd grade so we talk shop often!

I'm very, very lucky!!

It sounds like you will be a very good MIL. The fact that you're thinking about says a lot!

 

[wickness]

should be 2 rules, if you are a MIL.

If you are watching the sons house while they are on vacation, please dont drink all the alcohol and leave the empty bottles in cabinet. Throw them out at least.

And dont play with the fridge buttons, So when they come home they have to throw all out all the food and frozen meat out. Cause you emptyed the ice tray for those drinks. And didnt know that the fridge will make its own ice.

grrrrr

 

[powellrj]

thanks for all the advise and encouragement!

I already see a huge problem ahead and not sure what to do.

DS bought her a ring, and its just like my ring.

Her diamond is bigger (thank goodness) but the setting is the same.

I told him I thought he should take it back, but he said it was his favorite. My solution right now is I have taken mine off and put it in my drawer. I explained to DH why I did it and he thought it was best thing to do.

Its really hard to be on the other end of this!!! Thanks for the encouragment!!

 

[Skatermom23]

thanks for all the advise and encouragement!

I already see a huge problem ahead and not sure what to do.

DS bought her a ring, and its just like my ring.

Her diamond is bigger (thank goodness) but the setting is the same.

I told him I thought he should take it back, but he said it was his favorite. My solution right now is I have taken mine off and put it in my drawer. I explained to DH why I did it and he thought it was best thing to do.

Its really hard to be on the other end of this!!! Thanks for the encouragment!!

Why is this a problem?

 

[r3ngels]

I love my MIL... she is the greatest. I am very lucky.

One thing I can say is that she isn't bossy, nosey and she only gives opinions when I ask and beg her for her opinions.

In turn, I love her son and encourage my girls to call, email, webcam, write, and visit as often as possible they are very important to us.

I think the fact that you care about being a good MIL shows that you will be a good MIL... some MIL's don't.

 

[r3ngels]

Why is this a problem?

I am a jewelry nut and I wouldn't want the same ring... I like something different... I want people to say WOW it's beautiful not WOW it looks like your MIL.

JMHO

 

[Sleepy]

Why is this a problem?

My guess is that after reading so many vents for such petty reasons, this future MIL probably feels that by her son purchasing a ring that looks exactly like Mama's ring, it will make the future DIL think MIL has total control of her son and wants things done her way. I can see where she is coming from, but personally, I don't think she should remove her ring.

 

[Sleepy]

I am a jewelry nut and I wouldn't want the same ring... I like something different...

Maybe I am wrong, but I don't think it is about what you like, but rather the ring is picked out by the man who loves you because it is what HE likes and what HE wants to give you.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

If I could give any advice to in-laws, based on my own inlaws, and based on what I read on these chatboards.... It is this.

IT IS NOT YOUR LIFE.
YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER IS NOT A CHILD ANY LONGER.
THEIR SPOUSE IS NOW THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THEIR LIFE.
THEY, AS ANY ADULT MARRIED COUPLE, WILL LIVE THEIR OWN LIFE.
YOUR OPINION NO LONGER MATTERS, SO KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.
YOU NO LONGER HAVE ANY CONTROL. SO DEAL WITH IT.

Framed, this would make a nice Christmas present.

 

[powellrj]

My guess is that after reading so many vents for such petty reasons, this future MIL probably feels that by her son purchasing a ring that looks exactly like Mama's ring, it will make the future DIL think MIL has total control of her son and wants things done her way. I can see where she is coming from, but personally, I don't think she should remove her ring.

EXACTLY! I will bring it back out after the newness of her ring wears off. I don't want to make her feel like I had anything to do with the ring.

 

[r3ngels]

Maybe I am wrong, but I don't think it is about what you like, but rather the ring is picked out by the man who loves you because it is what HE likes and what HE wants to give you.

I disagree... I am the one wearing the ring, it should be about what WE like... I would never buy something for him that I like even though it is not what he likes and he would never do the same for me. I could be wrong but if you are spending that much money I think you should BOTH be happy about what you are buying.

When he picked out the ring, I was not there, didn't know he was even looking or buying... but he knew what I liked because he had bought me other things over the years. O' where does the time go????? That was forever ago.

 

[Disney Doll]

Framed, this would make a nice Christmas present.

 

[Nancyg56]

It is hard to be the MIL, and I never really understood how my wonderful MIL must have felt for many years. We never really were friends until her son passed away. Now I cannot imagine my life without her.

My little rules for me:

I am not my DIL or my SIL mother. They do not need to call me Mom. I just want them to call me.

It is different to have a DIL though
I am not the priority anymore. My son's first priority is his wife.
I don't want to know their business.
I don't repeat any confidence she shares with me.
I don't judge her home, her cooking or her style.
I will listen to any issue about my son, I will not intrude or interfere.
I love her because she loves my son.
I like her because of who she is.

 

[powellrj]

It is hard to be the MIL, and I never really understood how my wonderful MIL must have felt for many years. We never really were friends until her son passed away. Now I cannot imagine my life without her.

My little rules for me:

I am not my DIL or my SIL mother. They do not need to call me Mom. I just want them to call me.

It is different to have a DIL though
I am not the priority anymore. My son's first priority is his wife.
I don't want to know their business.
I don't repeat any confidence she shares with me.
I don't judge her home, her cooking or her style.
I will listen to any issue about my son, I will not intrude or interfere.
I love her because she loves my son.
I like her because of who she is.

What a lucky lady your DIL is!!!

 

[MsLeFever]

EXACTLY! I will bring it back out after the newness of her ring wears off. I don't want to make her feel like I had anything to do with the ring.

Ya know, my MIL went with DH to choose a ring - and it is quite like hers. I always felt like it was a really sweet thing for her to do and the ring is beautiful.