Why is this happening now.....

[slp87]

My DD is an only child, so we finally allowed her to invite a friend to join us on our spring break trip this year. We invited the friend last May and all bought airline tickets at that time.

Here we are 5 1/2 weeks before the trip and the friend is thinking she may not go. She plays softball in high school and the coaches have strongly discouraged her from being gone. My DD was so excited to have a friend along and if she doesn't go, I'm not sure we can find someone else to go at this late date.

ARGGGGG! Thanks for letting me vent!

 

[backyardponder]

Unfortunately I think your DD's friend is caught in the middle of a situation which may not have a good resolution. High School sports have become a very important part of social development for a large number of kids. With the number of kids wanting to participate, often if you don't practice, you don't play. Although I'm sure there are those who won't agree with me, it isn't fair to those who make the commitment if it isn't this way.

Although I'm sure your DD will be disappointed if the friend can't make it, I hope you work with your DD to support the friend's decision and not let it get in the way of what appears to be a close friendship.

 

[Donna M]

I hope something works out for you.

 

[FreeTime]

Unfortunately I think your DD's friend is caught in the middle of a situation which may not have a good resolution. High School sports have become a very important part of social development for a large number of kids. With the number of kids wanting to participate, often if you don't practice, you don't play. Although I'm sure there are those who won't agree with me, it isn't fair to those who make the commitment if it isn't this way.

Although I'm sure your DD will be disappointed if the friend can't make it, I hope you work with your DD to support the friend's decision and not let it get in the way of what appears to be a close friendship.

I agree with you that a kid need sto make the commitment. Our DD's are 7 & 8 and are playing B-ball. Now they want to go to a special event at church on the day of their last game. I told them no because they are alreayd committed. Same thing with softball this summer. They want to play. I explained that if they do we will not be doing the stuff that we normally do because I will not allow them to skip practices / games.

However, on the other side if this is a once in a lifetime trip for this girl I think that the coach should be understanding and realize that there is more to life than sports.

 

[WoodysRoundup]

Gosh, I feel for you. This is a tough one. I have to say though, I am surprised by the parents in situations like these. As the parents of the friend, I would hope they would say, "you made a commitment to your friend's family, tickets are bought and you are going". At least that's the way I was brought up. I understand the sports stuff but this was planned long ago and (in my opinion) you just don't back out of it. I hope it works out. Have you spoken to the girls parents about it?

 

[FreeTime]

Gosh, I feel for you. This is a tough one. I have to say though, I am surprised by the parents in situations like these. As the parents of the friend, I would hope they would say, "you made a commitment to your friend's family, tickets are bought and you are going". At least that's the way I was brought up. I understand the sports stuff but this was planned long ago and (in my opinion) you just don't back out of it. I hope it works out. Have you spoken to the girls parents about it?

I have to say I thought about this after I posted my response about committment. Since the girl was committed to the trip first that is something that she needs to think about.

OP - I hope this works out for your daughter.

 

[Starr W.]

I agree with you that a kid need sto make the commitment. Our DD's are 7 & 8 and are playing B-ball. Now they want to go to a special event at church on the day of their last game. I told them no because they are alreayd committed. Same thing with softball this summer. They want to play. I explained that if they do we will not be doing the stuff that we normally do because I will not allow them to skip practices / games.

However, on the other side if this is a once in a lifetime trip for this girl I think that the coach should be understanding and realize that there is more to life than sports.

The OP said DD and friend are in High School, if the friend is playing on the HS team, I'll put money on the coach will give her a really hard time about going.

A friend of mine's daughter played varsity softball and they went to SC to play in a tourney over spring break a couple of years.

 

[fishermouse]

Hopefully you made your DD's friend pay for her own airline tickets, at least you won't be out any money. If you bought them either she or her parents should reimburse you if they have any class at all. If DD's friend wants to go she will if she wants to stay and play SB she'll do that. If it were my child her first commitment was to you, she would pay up or go. Long range plans with kids her age are hard to predict, relationships change daily, with sports boyfriends, etc....that's why we always made sure our childrens friends paid their share before booking. Not so much the money as long as they came but atleast they and their parents felt commited. Had no problem with buying them meals and stuff while on vacation but not the nonrefundable things bought months in advance. Not that we figured this all out before hand, like your doing now we learned from experience.

 

[dallastxcpa]

I am sorry but this is just wrong. I also understand about the pressures of school. I have two girls one in 7th and one in 9th. I think it is ridiculous the amount of commitment they expect from these kids. Most of the kids that participate in band, football, tennis, track, etc will never follow through with it in college and certainly won't make a living with it. My DD in the 9th grade was practicing 9 hours a day everyday in the summer for band.

People were talking Texas 100+ weather and only a small break in the middle of the afternoon for the kids to go home and recuperate then head right back out.

Okay enought of my rant. OP I hope this young lady realizes that her first commitment is to your family and that she makes the right decision. And if you still need someone to fill that spot I have a 14 year old 9th grader that would love to fill the spot. She's a little talky but aren't all girls that age.

Here's some pixie dust for you and your daughter.

 

[florep1]

I feel your pain. Both my dds play varsity soccer in HS and spring break is usually playoff time. Our coach warned the parents freshman year of the commitment involved including practice during Christmas vacation and playoffs during spring break so we knew 2 years ago not to plan anything at that time. We also have to check ahead of time and plan around big tournaments. My gut feeling says your dd's friend and her parents knew ahead of time of the time commitment involved. Should she decide to come with you, she'll end up paying for it by possibly sitting out the next game, and worse, listen to her teammates complain. In the end, her parents need to decide what's best. If I were you, I'd make arrangements for a back-up friend to go.

 

[Lady V]

Can you even change the name on the airline ticket?

 

[Sammie]

Have to agree with backyardponder and others that have experience with HS sports.

The problem is that the friend has made two committments that conflict with each other.

If she is on HS softball team then yes being gone is a big deal. For one if she is a starting player and she misses a week of practice, she will probably have to sit out games due to this. It would not be fair for her to miss and then just come back and play when others sit on the bench and never miss.

If players are not going to commit to the team and what is required they need to make that decision up front, just as she should have done about the trip. Commitments and the responsiblity of them, is something that is very hard for teens to deal with as they want to do it all.

I hope you are able to work it out.

 

[Brenle]

My DD is an only child, so we finally allowed her to invite a friend to join us on our spring break trip this year. We invited the friend last May and all bought airline tickets at that time.

Here we are 5 1/2 weeks before the trip and the friend is thinking she may not go. She plays softball in high school and the coaches have strongly discouraged her from being gone. My DD was so excited to have a friend along and if she doesn't go, I'm not sure we can find someone else to go at this late date.

ARGGGGG! Thanks for letting me vent!

You've come to the right place to vent.

Having chidlren extremely active in sports, my experience has shown MOST, not all, coaches want kids there for EVERY practice - no exceptions. I think we've all met a coach who thinks what they're doing is the most important thing in the world. Maybe this friend knows her absence is not going to go over well with her coach. It's obvious she should have thought things through more clearly when she booked last May, but we all know teenagers . . . . . . . . .

Rightfully, your daughter should be upset. But is there another friend she's close with or a cousin she can explain the situation to and ask to go instead?

 

[PatsMom]

OP - I really feel your pain as well. DD has had friends go with her on our last few trips and has had a great time having another teenager to hang out with. But high school sports at the varsity level can be tough. DD's coaches have different philosphies - her volleyball coach set her down to JV until she had done a few "atonement Saturday practices" after she missed a week of practice to go to WDW the last week of August. So she went from being a varsity starter to being a JV fill in. She thought it was worth it, but others might not.

Her track coach, on the other hand, excuses those who miss practice/meets over April vacation on the theory that the time to take family vacations is when school is out. We have never gone to Disney at that time, we plan between volleyball and track seasons usually.

If you have bought tickets that can't be refunded, I would hope that the girls parents would reimburse you. I would if my DD backed out at the last minute.

 

[slp87]

Thanks for all your comments. While I think this might put an initial strain on the girls' relationship if she doesn't go, I've talked a lot to my DD about us being frustrated with the situation and not her friend. In her defense, she only found out about the practices/games a little over a week ago. We've learned that communication between coaches & players isn't that great.

I work with her mom and we've talked a lot about what to do. Hopefully we can get the name changed on the ticket if we find someone else to go. We love this girl and will respect her decision. My DD is very involved in dance, so we know how tough this will be.

I do think it's crazy how HS coaches expect these kids to devote all their spare time to their activities.

We hope to hear something by the end of the weekend.

 

[kikiq]

My DDs both played softball on hs and travel teams. And I have plenty of opinions on hs softball coaches. BUT that aside, is your DD's friend playing on varsity? I'm thinking that she isn't because she wouldn't have said LAST MAY that she would go to WDW with you. Most players know the year before especially in May whether they stand a chance making the varsity squad. High school coaches have NO right to say what a student does during spring break and that includes a varsity player IMHO. At most she will be missing some hs tournament and will probably not start a few games which is to be expected. Personally, I think your DDs friend should go to WDW, it may be her only trip for awhile. Do the hs coaches know that these plans were in place BEFORE the season and probably should have communicated this spring break "rules" BEFORE the tryouts?

I would have the friend's parent talk to the coaches. Do not let the coaches make them think that it's all that important, no college coach is watching and no one player is the team. It's a lesson that both coaches and players need to learn. Besides, even if she has to "ride the pine" as my DDs use to say, you still have a role on the team. (ANY athlete hoping to play collegiate sports needs to learn that lesson...How to ride the bench and be a team player)

Sorry for the long post, but after 10 years of hs/travel softball, I have become very opinionated.

 

[Starr W.]

I do think it's crazy how HS coaches expect these kids to devote all their spare time to their activities.

Yes we may, but unfortunately the coaches think it's pretty normal.

And according to my DH, who played varsity football at a Catholic HS, it was normal back 20+yrs ago.

 

[tjkraz]

Yes we may, but unfortunately the coaches think it's pretty normal.

And according to my DH, who played varsity football at a Catholic HS, it was normal back 20+yrs ago.

Very true. I was involved with varsity sports 20+ years ago and the commitment was not a small one. Daily practices...two-a-days during some vacation periods...obligations to travel to all scheduled games and functions. That's pretty much what the athletes agree to when they join the team. It's not fair to the coach or teammates if the kids decide to come-and-go at their own whim.

Hope this works out for the OP!

 

[Zane_Anthony]

I live in west Texas too and I would love to be your daughters friend just kidding ! The emphasis on sports these days is crazy my son was 6 when we went on our Disney cruise during his FLAG football season and you would have thought we committed a crime !! It's crazy. But here is some hoping it all works out for you!

 

[rutgers1]

Someone has to be willing to go. I don't think she will have trouble filling that spot. If there are any expenses incurred by you, though, this girl's family should have to pay them.

Sports definitely are nutty. I have a third grader who is playing his first year of basketball. Generally, only 7 kids show up. You would think that the coach would sub all kids equally since this is just a town recreation league and winning shouldn't matter (by the way, the team usually gets BLOWN out, regardless of who is playing). Anyway, my son sits every single game, often for a full half. It is always him and this other kid who, like him, isn't very good. The top kids don't sit. Once again, this is the first year that these kids are playing, and the league is designed to give them a taste of basketball - not to pile up wins. If it is this bad in third grade, I can't imagine what it is like in middle/high school.