Why is it always me that gets pulled

[hereyago]

OP: you need to set some boundaries now. You don't have to call MIL, turn the phones off or off the hook, then when you do talk to her, tell her to just shut her pie hole about it, same goes for your mother. Sometimes people need to be shocked and awed by other people, other wise known as a come to Jesus moment.


If this were anyone else say a friend would you not set boundaries? why should it be any different with the in laws or your parents.

No one can treat you any sort of way unless you allow them to.

 

[FredinFL]

Wow. I'm sorry she treats you like that, it must be painful. Sometimes, people just are so centered on what THEY want, they don't think.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would tell both women to mind their own business, since it really isn't their business.

Then I'd never discuss it again and if they tried to discuss I'd change the subject or leave.

 

[LilyWDW]

How about I come over and tell her off for ya? That way, you don't have to be involved and be the bad guy and I get some really fun entertainment tonight!

 

[hereyago]

How about I come over and tell her off for ya? That way, you don't have to be involved and be the bad guy and I get some really fun entertainment tonight!

You know someone could capitilize on having a company that does "dirty work" for people who can't or won't. A local radio station has a dirty work wednesdays and they will call and tell people what other people think about them or whatever.

 

[MnMomtoboys]

I must be feeling particuliar evil tonight cause I would be wearing one of those pregnancy pillows around Grandma.

 

[C.Ann]

There are only two words you need to use: "No.." - and "Goodbye" (as you are hanging up the phone or walking out the door)..

Anything more and you are allowing yourself to be sucked into business where you clearly don't belong..

 

[disykat]

Put on your best teacher or parent voice and "teach" her that this is not appropriate for her to be talking about.

Then, no matter what she says, repeat "nevertheless, it is not appropriate for you to be discussing this." Repeat the same thing consistantly. (Don't deviate - this is important!)

 

[hereyago]

i


As I am listening to the message, a call comes in from DH. He just got off the phone with his mom. Said he just had an interesting conversation with her and she needs me to call her as soon as possible. When I asked him did I really wanted to know what was going on, he just started to laugh and said it was right up my alley for conversations.

and this is another thing. It seems both you and your DH have been "conditioned" by mothers who know no boundaries. you need to explain to him, that you aren't going to get sucked into the drama of your DM or his DM anymore. so hope he follows suit, because if not, you don't want him to tell "share" the drama that he gets to hear about.

 

[jen0610]

It was a pretty interesting night.

When I got home from work DH and I talked more about his part of the conversation that he had with his mom. I guess she had gotten herself worked up real good. To the point that she was shaking so badly, that he had a hard time hearing her at first, as the phone mouth piece kept moving all around. Once he got her calm, he talked to her some. He told her that we knew that they weren't planning on kids in the near future. And that it was their decision to make. She told him that he was a man and he didn't understand.

DH went to school and got home a lot earlier than normal. The final didn't take him very long. By the time he got home, our neice had shown up. She brought these really yummy blueberry and raspberry vodka's. She luvs her auntie!!! After talking with her, we think we figured out what exactly has MIL/Gma all upset.

When the neice was talking to MIL, she said that they weren't interested in having kids right now, but that after she got done with schooling, they were commited to trying to start a family. Our best guess is that all MIL heard was not interested in having kids....and everything else was just wha-wha-wha-wha. The same thing with when she talked to DH. She heard they weren't planning on kids...wha-wha-wha-wha went the rest of the sentence.

All of us understand, she's pushing 90. Neither she nor my FIL are in the best of health. We understand that she's very old, old school on many of her views and idea's. She's had her issues over the years, but on this one, we think that she just misunderstood. And in her mind - devout catholic - hearing her granddaughter say they weren't interested in kids, just conflicted with her beliefs.

DH called his mom and we - all three of us - talked to her. We think she now understands that it isn't that they don't ever want kids, it's just that right now they don't have plans on having kids any time soon. We also reminded her that she did have a great grandchild from her other grand daughter. That got us "Fat good it does her, with them living out in CA and us in IN. We'll never get to see that baby." Couldn't tell her that the CA family is coming home in July for a suprise trip. Oh well, it's only a month away.

For right now, it seems the issue is put to rest.

 

[Pigeon]

When the neice was talking to MIL, she said that they weren't interested in having kids right now, but that after she got done with schooling, they were commited to trying to start a family. Our best guess is that all MIL heard was not interested in having kids....and everything else was just wha-wha-wha-wha. The same thing with when she talked to DH. She heard they weren't planning on kids...wha-wha-wha-wha went the rest of the sentence.

All of us understand, she's pushing 90. Neither she nor my FIL are in the best of health. We understand that she's very old, old school on many of her views and idea's. She's had her issues over the years, but on this one, we think that she just misunderstood. And in her mind - devout catholic - hearing her granddaughter say they weren't interested in kids, just conflicted with her beliefs.

DH called his mom and we - all three of us - talked to her. We think she now understands that it isn't that they don't ever want kids, it's just that right now they don't have plans on having kids any time soon. We also reminded her that she did have a great grandchild from her other grand daughter. That got us "Fat good it does her, with them living out in CA and us in IN. We'll never get to see that baby." Couldn't tell her that the CA family is coming home in July for a suprise trip. Oh well, it's only a month away.

For right now, it seems the issue is put to rest.

To me, her reasoning is irrelevant. Her age is irrelevant. Her religious beliefs are irrelevant. I would still be telling her to mind her own business. And if I was the granddaughter, I'd be telling her a little more forcefully, as in , "If you decide to bring that up one more time, it will be our last conversation." But then again, I'm all about boundaries.