Tom and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day
Or
Why I hate Disney Transportation: an essay
Or
Why I hate Disney Transportation: an essay
The day started out fine. My wife was taking our 9 year old son (and my pickup truck) to the Animal Kingdom for extra morning hours because he wanted to get some more stamps in his Wilderness Explorers book. The plan was for me and my 2 year old son to head to Epcot to enjoy the fountains, Nemo and Figment and of course the play area in the Imagination Pavilion. My wife and older son would be driving to Epcot closer to Noon to meet us for our first Fast Pass Plus times at Test Track.
I had his diaper changed, had him clothed and even managed to get half of a granola bar in his tummy and we were still right on schedule. At precisely 8:00 am we wheeled his stroller out of our room. I was very optimistic and was really looking forward to spending the morning one on one with the little guy. But little did I know what the next two plus hours were going to be like.
We were staying at Shades of Green which is close to the Polynesian. My sister and her family were going to Epcot as well and I was hoping to meet them at the bus stop to take the 1st Shades bus to the Ticket and Transportation Center (TTC) where we would catch the monorail going to Epcot. As I got close to the bus stop I received a text from my sister that they were trying which I took to mean that they were going to be running late.
At this point I took stock of my situation. There was just me and the little guy, but I also had my DSLR camera, my backpack, a diaper bag and a stroller that would have to be folded up and carried onto the bus. I realized that there was no way I was physically going to be able to carry all of these items plus the 2 year old onto that bus, it just wasnt going to happen. So it was at this point that I figured that I would walk to the Polynesian and ride the resort monorail loop to get to the TTC.
In retrospect, I made several HUGE mistakes during the next 2 hours, but things look so much different in hindsight.
As I started walking down the sidewalk away from the Shades of Green resort it started to lightly rain, which was one of the themes on this trip. Here is where I made my first HUGE mistake. As I am walking a taxi cab is driving up to the resort. I thought about it for a couple seconds before I continued my walk to the Poly. I now regret not getting the cab and taking in to the TTC, it wouldnt have cost that much money or better yet, taking the cab to the entrance of Epcot. But, again that is a decision I will now have to live with for the rest of my life.
I knew at one time there was a walkway between the TTC and the Poly, but there was a lot of construction going on in that area. So, as I approached the Poly I stopped at the valet parking desk where three cast members were happily involved in a conversation with each other. Finally one of them noticed me and asked if they could help me. I asked them if there was a walkway from here to the TTC. They looked at each other and then one of them asked me where I was trying to get to. I replied that I was hoping to walk to the TTC. They again looked extremely confused and I thought of Roz from Monsters Inc. when she said: Your stunned silence is VERY reassuring. So, I then said; The Ticket and Transportation Center. This they understood. They informed me that there was no way to get from here to there and that I would need to take the monorail. This was the second HUGE mistake, I actually took their advice. I found out later in the trip that the walkway was still there (I just had to find out for myself). I really should have known better than to listen to them as I heard them making fun of the way I called the Ticket and Transportation Center the TTC. I really should have known better.
I entered the Poly and got on the elevator. As I caught my first glimpse of the 2nd floor doors, I could see that a monorail was sitting at the platform and didnt think there would be any way I could catch that one. But, being pleasantly surprised, I boarded the monorail, locked the back wheels on the stroller and sat down for the next 3-4 minutes. I thought it was strange that the monorail sat in the station for such a long time, but didnt give it all that much thought.
Eventually we made our way to the station at the Grand Floridian. Again, we seemed to be at the station for noticeably longer than I would consider normal. Then the first announcement came through the overhead speakers. It was something about the monorail ahead of us going through routine maintenance or something. I thought that it would be odd if they scheduled routine maintenance to occur 20 minutes before the opening of both the Magic Kingdom and Epcot, especially on a monorail that is on the actual resort loop.
So we sat. And then we sat. And then we heard the message again. And then we sat. Finally we started moving and made it to the Magic Kingdom. Here is where I made the third HUGE mistake. I thought about jumping off the resort monorail and getting on the express monorail to avoid one extra stop at the contemporary. But, as you can probably guess, I was lazy and sat in the cool comfort of the monorail I was currently on.
Eventually we made it to the Contemporary. And again, we seemed to be at the station for noticeably longer than I would consider normal. As I was thinking this that same message came through loud and clear on the overhead speakers.
So we sat. And then we sat. And then we heard the message again. And then we sat. And the message played a third time. So we sat. And then we sat. And then we heard a different message that was obviously not a recording this time. Great, maybe that is promising. WRONG!! No, this message was completely laced with uncertainty regarding the monorail moving at all. But, most people on board sat tight (me included).
So we sat. And then we sat. And then we heard another message that sounded even more pessimistic. This message included all the different options on taking buses, walking to the Magic Kingdom, taxis and of course ferries. This message seemed to get most peoples attention and the mass migration from the monorail to all exit points available from that level started taking place in a very hurried fashion.
Maybe it was just my mood at this point or maybe just my imagination, but it sure seemed like every family had at least one stroller and two elderly people in wheel chairs all trying (not very politely) to get to the elevator. At one point I actually considered trying to balance the back wheels of the stroller on the escalator step in front of me safety be damned.
I finally found myself getting to ride that elevator only to have to endure another fight for elevators on the fourth floor. This area was complete chaos. I cant even begin to guess how many young people I saw that would jockey for an elevator ahead of people that had been waiting long before the young people arrived. There were many healthy teens who could have easily taken the steps or escalators. At one point I used the stroller to cut off the path of a group of teens that were going to try to get to an elevator ahead of an elderly handicapped man. Nope, wasnt going to happen, even though I was there before this older gentleman, I was going to make sure he got that elevator he gave me a big ole grin.
Eventually we made our way to the lobby. As we were about to exit the building I spotted a Cast Member and explained to him that I was trying to get to Epcot so what was the best way to get to the TTC. This guy knew what the TTC was; I knew things had to be looking up. But, what he said to me was; it would be easier to grab a bus heading to Epcot. I wanted to hurt him but I refrained and told him that I couldnt manage all our stuff and the little boy on a bus. So, instead he directed me to walk to the Magic Kingdom (where I could have been 40 minutes earlier) and catch a ferry or monorail back to the TTC. Here is where I made my fourth HUGE mistake; I didnt even consider taking a taxi to Epcot.
I walked behind every type of slowpoke imaginable. I got in line for the ferry to watch the 1000s of smiling people that got off the ferry at the Magic Kingdome (I hated every one of them). And, I finally boarded the ferry boat. As we got about half way across the Seven Seas Lagoon I noticed I was shaking. My wife called me then to see what was going on (in response to the amount of text message that I was sending to her ones that I cant share on this website where children might be reading). She told me that she would come get me, but I informed her that my truck was not going to be able to get to where I was right now. After I hung up, I realized we were in a holding position waiting for the ferry to leave the TTC dock. This is about where I started to cry until I spotted the monorail that I had been sitting on at the Contemporary entering the TTC. I believed I did cry at this point.
We eventually docked and jumped on a monorail heading to Epcot. After sitting on the monorail for a couple minutes the load speakers announced the same exact message that was played on the monorail I was on at the Grand Floridian. I kid you not, I couldnt believe it. Thankfully after about another minute or so our monorail started to move.
Id like to say that everything went smoothly after that, but I cant lie. Going through the baggage checkpoint was extremely frustrating. Ive been through baggage hundreds of times over the last decade of Disney vacations and never before have I seen a security guy take so much time taking things out of my bag, having me explain what things were. Those are extra cell phone batteries. That is a camera. Those are cell phone charging cable. That is a SD memory card. Etc. Dont get me wrong, I appreciate Disney security and respect the job that they do to help keep everyone safe, but this guy was over the top. Thinking back on it now I realized that maybe he could tell that something was up with me because by this time I think internally I was having a mild nervous breakdown.
Finally through security and after only 4 or 5 attempts to get my magic band to turn the stupid Mickey face green, we were in Epcot exactly 2 hours and 15 minutes after leaving our hotel room. The one very good thing I have to report is that my 2 year old was a complete trooper through all of this; he handled it better than I did.
I was not very approachable for the next couple hours but it is amazing what a wine flight and Via Napoli pizza can do to help ease the nerves.
This was only one of many things that went wrong on our most current trip, but overall we did have a good time and both of my boys had a great time at the parks and on the 5 night Disney Cruise we took.
But, my story only confirms what I already knew from our trip in 2010 where I unsuccessfully attempted a quick trip from Chef Mickeys to our room in the French Quarter and then back to meet my family at the Magic Kingdom: Disney Transportation Stinks!! So I will continue to drive or take the Auto Train to Florida so that I have my own vehicle when touring the Disney Parks.
I think it's hard to understand, until it happens to you, how absurdly inconvenient WDW transport can be when you get caught in a weird black hole of transportation. I hope the rest of your trip is better!
