Why doesn't my DH trust me? Vent

[Aurora63]

I just got bck from the mall. searching for an interview outfit. I spent awhile there, first at one mall, then at another. Didn't find anything in my price range, but I did find a great toy for the cat.

Anyway, I was gone for about 3 hours give or take. DH called at about 3pm to ask me to bring him something to eat. I said sure, but I might be a little while cause I was still looking. By 3:15, I figured, let me get his food and get home, cause I was finding nothing, and I was sure he was hungry.

When I got home, he is lying on the couch, doing absolutely nothin, and will barely talk to me. I give him his food, which HE DOESN"T EAT. He then says, "You spent four hours at the mall? It took you that long? Are you sure?" Implying, of course, that I was doing something else, something elicit, cheating on him perhaps. This is not the first time he as accused me of this, and I am so sick of it. He does not trust me at all. I don't see how spending three hours browsing at the mall constitutes me being untrustworthy. Really, that is a typical, leisurely shopping day for many women, if not even longer.

i would probably just forget it except that this is not the first time something like this has happened. I am so tired of being accused of this crap. Right now I hate him and I want him to hurt as he is hurtung me.

I'm just avoiding him now,I don't want anything to do with him, he hurts me like this all the time and I am tired of it!

Thanks for listening to me vent.

 

[SonjaB]

Been there, done that......burned the t-shirt.

I wish I had some advice for you, all I have is a big HUG and the sisterhood of knowing EXACTLY how you feel.

 

[ohanafamily]

I am a male, and My DW goes shopping (a lot) I understand that it may just take five minutes to buy a pair of shoes, but could take all day to find the right pair. I think the book Men Are From Mars, Women are from Venus addresses this issue. When I was dating, I had a girlfriend that had a similar issue; it was not trust, she just wanted to spend every minute possible with me. I might suggest instead of saying "I might be a while", tell him that you are on a quest for the perfect outfit, ask him if he wants to join you and let you try on clothes for him...(He might even get turned on by this). I might also suggest in the future let him know that it might be 3-4 hours rather than "A While", and if he needs to talk to you (and perhaps tell you how much he misses you) that you will have your cell phone on.

I am guilty of calling my DW whenever I have a free minute just to tell her I love her. I think she gets annoyed when I want to talk for a while and one of her scrap booking shows are on. She usually shows me some patience. I think that is one of the great things about Tivo.

If this is a symptom of worse problems, you might seek some professional help; The key to working these things out is communication. If you find out what is bothering him, it may be something easy to fix. I would give up on being mad, and talk to him. JMHO

 

[luvindisneyworld]

My Ex use to do me the same way and guess what,He was the one Cheating,he was the guilty one.

 

[floridaminnie]

My Ex use to do me the same way and guess what,He was the one Cheating,he was the guilty one.

ditto here.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Men! Women don't shop in an hour when they're looking for something special. An interview suit sound pretty special. Has to be the right one. Like I was telling my age old friend yesterday, after 10 years of being single "again", I don't think I could remarry and deal with all the compromising that has to take place! Reading that just sounds like a trite thing. Good luck!

 

[jipsy]

The Saturday after I got back from my honeymoon to #2 (I was 25 and had been living on my own since I was 17), I went shopping. Considering we had been gone for 10 days, we didn't have anything in the house so I had to buy EVERYTHING - you know - groceries, toilet paper, deodorant, etc.

I went to Wal-Mart first - went in there for the toilet paper and walked out with $150 worth LOL. (About an hour). Then the grocery store - another $100. (About another hour).

I was gone a little over two hours. When I drove up, he came storming out of the house yelling WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN! I WAS ABOUT TO CALL THE COPS! YOU'VE BEEN GONE OVER TWO HOURS!

I opened the trunk so he could see all the bags and said "I've been shopping, just like I said."

Our whole marriage was like that. At the end, it had become so bad that he was checking the mileage on my car before I left and when I got home to see if it matched where I said I was going. One time he even went looking for me when it took me longer than HE thought it should.

Needless to say, we're not married anymore.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Honestly, Aurora, no advice from me, just a {hug} and an ear that I listened.

 

[jamsmom]

{{{HUGS}}}- My ex-husband always was trying to accuse me of something, an like some who posted before me, it was he who was not faithful.

I am NOT saying this applies to your husband, but I think that if this is a regular thing (lack of trust) that maybe you should talk to someone who might be able to offer advice to you both how to strengthen the relationship.

Marriage (so I have been told and seen) can be wonderful for two people who always work at the relationship. But, if only one works at it......... life is too short to be miserable.

 

[FreshTressa]

Oh, I'm sorry you got into with your DH. Sometimes it is so hard to make the other person get it.

All that, and you STILL don't have your interview suit.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am sorry that this is happening to you. I was the insecure one in our relationship. Counseling helped us, we worked it out while we were dating. I had a cheating boyfriend & got hurt big time. It was hard for me to trust again.
The counseler helped both of us see that we needed to work together to get over my insecurity. He had abandonment issues.
Jamsmom is right, you have to be able to talk this out and work together for a solution. Without that there will be no change.
Today I am fine. It does rear its ugly head sometimes but dh is supportive and 'knows' how to 'help' me.

Your dh might be unfaithful. That is also a common thing that goes on when a partner accuses you of cheating. Been there too, that really is awful.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

 

[ohanafamily]

Aurora63, If this is a problem that you can't work out, therapy may be a good solution (as I stated in my previous post). Communication is key, but one thing I forgot .....

{{{{{HUG}}}}}

I hope everything works itself out happily for you both!
and I sincerely hope that he is NOT cheating on you, as several have suggested he might be. It is a horrible thing when that becomes the case .

 

[nativetxn]

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie. I have no advice to offer but I'm sorry you got your feelings hurt. I hope you two can work through this.

Katholyn

 

[Pin Wizard]

Are you a newlywed, Aurora? I'm getting that idea from one of your tags. DH and were married just 4 1/2 years before he died. And we still had the power struggle going on!

 

[Mamu]

Aurora So sorry to hear this, I know you are hurting {{{HUGS}}}

I think you and your DH need to sit down and talk about this problem. Yes this is a problem that could distroy your marriage. If you have never given him a reason to distrust you, sounds like he is being selfish, domineering and very insecure.

I would demand answers as to why he acts this way. There is no reason why you cannot go shopping, out with your friends or do anything without him acting this way. This is not healthy for a marriage. It's wonderful to do things together, but you also need to do things separately too. If you marriage is going to grow and be strong this problem need to be addressed.

 

[kazzie]

I sincerlely hope this is not the beginning of even more controlling behaviour.Hopefully he is just insecure and needs reassuring.

Hugs to you,be strong it would be so easy to kowtow to him in this situation.If you become weaker and he is a controlling person,you might not be able to fight it.

I'm sure it is just settling down to all the years you'll be spending together!

 

[DizzieDizney]

i don't have anything clever to say but i just wanted to add that the book that was mentioned.. men are from mars woman are from venus is an excellent book that explains some of our strange behaviors

i'm the complete opposite of you....sometimes i think my husband trusts me too much....

hope things work out for you

 

[Aurora63]

Thanks for all your encouragement and words of advice. Things have cooled down, and things are back to normal right now.

Pin Wizard, we're not newleyweds, thought sometimes I feel like we are! We've been married for nearly five years now. We were planning on renewing our vows at the WL. I would change the tag to read that, but I would not want to encure the wrath of the tag fairy!

I agree, I do think we need some counseling on this. I'll keep y'all posted.

On a side note, it turned out to be a blessing that I didn't find anything on Sunday...I went to work on Monday, and was doing some markdowns...a suit that was already makred half off went down to 75% off. From $140 to $35. Tried it on on my break, and it fit perfectly! Interview is today, wish me luck!

 

[ohanafamily]

Good Luck,
Although you probably don't need it.

I'm glad things have improved.....