Why does one family's "honesty" have to try to ruin it for us?

[sameyeyam]

As the mother of a 14yo DD I can tell you that the neighborhood/school kids inform them about all sorts of things, unless you tell your kids first. Best time (usually a year or two before you think they will find out the truth!).

When my daughter was 7 I informed her of the facts of life. I told her that it was private information and that it wasn't really appropriate to talk with others about it. A lot of good that did! About 2 months later my next door neighbor came over very upset because her 10 & 7 year old girls were told the facts of life by my daughter. She was very distraught because she had taught them that God places babies in a cabbage patch where parents pick them out.

I fully respect her decision to tell her children whatever she wants and I'm certainly not going to argue with her. But we live in a real world and unless she shelters them from the entire world, they will find out where babies come from, that Santa is not real, the tooth fairy doesn't exist, and that Disney characters are costumed employees.

It's really a question of whether you want to tell your children the truth or let them learn from other kids. Either way works and you just can't stop them from growing up, no matter how hard you wish otherwise.

 

[rigs32]

As another poster said, I don't think it's fair to expect all others to not spoil the "magic" you create for your child. It's as easy as having a chat with your own child as OP did if it's brought up by an outsider. There's no need to ask others who tell their children the non-magical truth to keep it to themselves. I think the assumption that others should by expected to lie, or lie by omission, to protect a view held by your family is unfair.

 

[lclark0621]

I think the assumption that others should by expected to lie, or lie by omission, to protect a view held by your family is unfair.

Really? So I can tell people of other religions that they are completely wrong? I can pick apart their religous beliefs because the view is not held by my family?

Someone who is Jewish can tell me that Jesus was a made up character & never "walked on water" & pick that apart because they dont believe it?

 

[adisneymama]

Didn't read thru all the posts so if this is a repeat I apologize.
Instead of you calling and making the invite, why not just have your older DD call and invite "her friend". No execuses to be made, it is an invite from one child to the other and not both children and or the mother. G/L!

 

[Fly me with Balloons]

Doesn't that burn you up!?!? I just had to have that talk w/ my 10 yo daughter on friday (about what is real & not...we ran thw WHOLE gammut). I try to keep them as innocent as possible, as long as possible. Some people just can't wait to spoil others' magic. Kids just grow up too fast.....

ps...my sis-in law's kids would do this. I finally told them to stop & informed their mother that I would like it to stop, too. It has.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

Well, none of my kids EVER believed that a SIX FOOT MOUSE was real! I mean, they have seen real mice and stuff many times. I also think they always knew that animated characters were just drawings, and the face characters at the parks are just actors. As far as Santa goes, other kids are always gonna tell them he is not real. That is just life. I always just say "Well, if you don't believe you won't get any presents (wink, wink)"

It never occurred to me that any child over the age of 5 would think the WDW characters are real.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

Really? So I can tell people of other religions that they are completely wrong? I can pick apart their religous beliefs because the view is not held by my family?

Someone who is Jewish can tell me that Jesus was a made up character & never "walked on water" & pick that apart because they dont believe it?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First of all, Jews do not believe that Jesus is a made-up character. To my understanding, they believe he was a prophet and a holy man, just not the Son of God. I am not Jewish, but this has never been a secret to me.
Secondly, why on earth would you argue with a child over a religious matter? If that is what they were taught, then yes, you could reasonably expect that they might mention it in your presence at some time. You, as the adult, should say something like, "Isn't it amazing how we all believe different things and are so wonderfully diverse? In your religion Jesus did not XYZ, but in ours, he did." That is really all there is to it. You shouldn't try to refute the child's beliefs nor feel offended as if yours were attacked.
I honestly don't see why people are getting ANGRY over these issues (be it Jesus, Santa, or Mickey). It's going to happen, folks. You can't control everything your child hears. Having a good explanation ready can work wonders. I think the OP handled it pretty well, considering.

 

[queenarmadillo]

I'm 22, and I still believe in Santa Claus, the Toothfairy, and Mickey Mouse. My parents never told me they are not real, and it makes life more fun to see Robin Hood or Donald Duck and run upto them to get their autograph, and for that moment have the ability to suspend the idea that its a man (or woman) in a suit. I still leave a glass of sherry out for Santa Claus, and a carrot for Rudolph on Christmas eve. I would feel very stupid for continuing with this, which has become a part of the ritual of Christmas for me if my parents said "I don't really feel like a raw carrot at this time in the evening dear". But they don't, because they understand that as long as they don't explicitly do anything to ruin it for me, I will continue to believe, at that moment, that its all real. I am grateful to them for lying to me about it when I asked if what my friends said was true for so many years that by the time I realised that the reason I never got the pony I asked for was not "because it wouldnt fit down the chimney" I was old enough to chose for myself to continue in the belief that Santa and Mickey mouse are real despite all evidence to the contrary. I never thought that my parents were liars for doing this and chosen to disbelieve serious things they told me about drugs or violence, any more than I would disbelieve them becuase they used to make up stories for me at bedtime.
The ability to distinguish fantasy and reality, and the ability to suspend disbelief are two completely different things, and if your child choses to believe in Mickey Mouse then why ruin it for them. As long as they are hitting all their other "developmental milestones" chances are it is a choice they make for themselves and they will never need you to come out and confess that its not real.

From time to time, your child is inevitably going to be exposed to the idea that its all people in suits; childeren like to shock each other with these revelation. As far back as I can remember, I was taught that whilst we didn't believe in god, other people did and that was their choice, but I know that on many occasions to wind up my Catholic best friend I would tell her that god wasn't real. It wasn't relevant to the conversation, just said to make her feel silly for believing in that "fantasy". She said things about Santa in the same way (How else does that conversation come up in the middle of summer) and parents teaching us tolerance and not to ruin it for other people did little to stop this "exchange of ideas". When it comes down to it, children are always going to be exposed to different beliefs, about God, Santa or where babies come from. The only way you can counter that is to set up a framework of belief at home that you think is reasonable until they are old enough to make up their own minds (or in the case of sex, to have it explained to them in a open and comfortable family setting rather than as a jumble of myths in the playground).

 

[noodleknitter]

If an older child or an adult is "choosing to believe" in Mickey Mouse as a real mouse or Santa as a real being, I would argue that there are serious problems.

As the old saying goes...A neurotic builds castles in the sky...a psychotic moves in... and the psychiatrist collects the rent.

 

[fan_of_small_world]

I never thought that my parents were liars for doing this and chosen to disbelieve serious things they told me about drugs or violence, any more than I would disbelieve them becuase they used to make up stories for me at bedtime.
The ability to distinguish fantasy and reality, and the ability to suspend disbelief are two completely different things, and if your child choses to believe in Mickey Mouse then why ruin it for them. As long as they are hitting all their other "developmental milestones" chances are it is a choice they make for themselves and they will never need you to come out and confess that its not real.

Excellent points!

And noodleknitter, I don't think queenarmadillo is building, much less moving into, a castle in the sky. But at least she has the imagination to see them in the clouds!!! How many folks here on the DIS would run up to a random cast member and hug them? Not many, I'm sure. BUT, how many would go up to the same cast member dressed as Mickey (or whatever your favorite character is) and give them a big hug? Gosh, isn't this why so many of us love Disney as adults...because it gives us an opportunity to suspend disbelief and be kids again, if only for a little while? Why would we want to take that away from our kids when we ourselves enjoy it?

 

[noodleknitter]

Enjoying using your imagination, and living in a fantasy are two seperate behaviors.

I can enjoy Disney without believing that a mouse the size of a port-a-john is real.

 

[crisi]

Really? So I can tell people of other religions that they are completely wrong? I can pick apart their religous beliefs because the view is not held by my family?

Someone who is Jewish can tell me that Jesus was a made up character & never "walked on water" & pick that apart because they dont believe it?

My suggestion, as someone of a minority faith to start with, is that you prepare your kids by letting them know that not everyone shares your belief, that religion isn't generally a good topic for polite conversation (its a great college topic, but isn't good at young ages), and that if someone criticizes their faith they should say "everyone has their own beliefs and that is fine" and drop it. If the person they are talking about continues to pursue it, your child should walk away - like they do with any inappropriate conversation. Your kids will, eventually, come across someone who doesn't believe Jesus is the son of God, and, in my opinion, its best if it doesn't come as a shock to them.

To expect my kids to let your child tell them Jesus walked on water and not say "no he didn't" is just as bad as my kids telling yours he didn't out of the blue. Respecting faith is a two way street.

 

[brandylouwho]

I honestly don't see why people are getting ANGRY over these issues (be it Jesus, Santa, or Mickey). It's going to happen, folks. You can't control everything your child hears. Having a good explanation ready can work wonders. I think the OP handled it pretty well, considering.[/QUOTE]

Ditto.

I think by the time I started school I knew "the truth" about Santa and the origin of babies. If I didn't, I sure found out fast in Kindergarten.


That being said, if we didn't "beleive" we didn't get presents...so it was easy for me to continue to believe to this day.


Of course it is a little sad when your little child comes to you with the question "Is santa/the tooth fairy/Mickey real?" Growing up is hard on parents, but you can also be proud of how your child is developing, growing, learning.

Now as far as this friends younger child goes...the problems sound like they go far beyond the one "ruining the magic" incident. I definitely think it is OK to only invite the oldest to come play. If for some reason the youngest has to come over too (if you can't get out of it)...maybe being around the kids/watching them more would help cut down the incidents. Maybe the moms could trysitting outside, enjoying the weather while the kids play outside. Even if you can't really correct the other child's behavior, you can still supervise and watch out for your own child.

Even having the other child be naughty can be a good lesson for your children. They can see how unlikable you are when you don't help pick up or you tell stories that ruin the fun for others. It may help them to realize that they never want to be that way themselves.

 

[4forWDW]

I think I would have handled it better when my DD-8yrs was told that the characters at WDW were people dressed in costumes if it would have come from another child and not her 2nd grade teacher!!! We bought AP last year and went twice during her 2nd grade year. After our October trip she told us at the dinner table what her teacher had said and asked me if it was true. I answered that I'm not saying your teacher is wrong or right--I'm just saying that I believe that they are real. What do you think? She answered, I think they are real also. She believes that at WDW they are the real princesses/princes etc but if she sees them at the mall - they are dressed as the princesses etc.
I agree with the other poster that some of us adults like believing in WDW magic also. I remember when we first saw the princesses I thought how beautiful they looked and how their dresses were so beautifully made. I even joined my DD and DS-5yrs in the picture with Sleeping Beauty because Sleeping Beauty was the first paper doll book I remember having.

 

[fakereadhed]

Enjoying using your imagination, and living in a fantasy are two seperate behaviors.

I can enjoy Disney without believing that a mouse the size of a port-a-john is real.

Come on now, using a potty comparison for Mickey is fighting words.
Technically he does live in a fantasy world though.

 

[noodleknitter]

Come on now, using a potty comparison for Mickey is fighting words.
Technically he does live in a fantasy world though.

Please forgive me! He is a great deal cuter and smells a whole lot better...poor analogy!

 

[danalee]

someone said earlier, that no matter how/why you say anything negitive about a child to a parent, it will end bad! (rightful so or not)

Case in point, we had a family (thank goodness have moved) that had 2 kids a girl same age as my DS of 5, and a big brother of 9-10ish. Now the mother herself would say how all the time how "bad" the son was, and she couldnt control him...yada yada yada! Anyway, he has been thrown out of 2, yes count'em 2 school's, in the area for numerous things, ruined a neighbors pool liner, broke a stained glass window in a local church, I could go on and on but plain and simple the kid is B A D

Anyway my son and the girl got along fine, but the mother always wanted to "come as a group" her, the little girl, and the "bad seed" as we call him!(Um cause nobody would play with the brat, I mean little boy )

Well LONG story short my son couldnt take this kid anymore(me either) after many episodes and us trying to make the best of it, I told her that her dd was welcome over anytime but the son wasnt, I was nice starting with "they dont click" to "he's alot older" among other nice ways of saying leave the demon kid at home!
Anyway she was very very offened and how dare I say anything about her darling (who I think has horns on the top of his head ) but if I couldnt accept both her children then none of them would come over! Oh well well try to make it!

So just be prepared that the other child might go to~ Unfortunaly for your other dd, but some kids parents just dont get it