Why do some parents do this?

[Evil Genius]

My brother's ex has been promising her kids (my niece and her other daughter) that she was going to take them to DW this June. She has been telling them this for about a year. Well, my niece came by to stay with us this weekend and I asked her how the plans for Disney were going. My niece looks at me and says "SHE doesn't think we are going this year." (My niece is 13 and kinda dramatic) When I dropped her off I ask my ex-SIL what was going on. She tells me that she's decided that they can just go up to the local water parks and amusement parks this year and be done with it. I know that money isn't a problem.

This isn't the first time she's done this, make promises to the kids and then renege on them. I just don't understand why.

 

[ducklite]

Maybe that mother should hook up with DisneyLovingMama's friends husband. Sounds like they'd be good for each other...

Anne

 

[HaleyB]

Maybe that mother should hook up with DisneyLovingMama's friends husband. Sounds like they'd be good for each other...

Anne

Some people are just selfish. Sad.

 

[MrsKreamer]

This is one vow I made to my son the day he was born, if I make a promise I am going to keep it. My mom was just like that, she said we would do this or that and get my hopes up....to suddenly change her mind b/c she felt like it. It hurts the trust between parent and child.

 

[Robinrs]

I think it is so rude to promise a child something and pull it from under them. I try not to include my son in on the planning until it a SURE thing so he would not be disappointed.

BTW, aren't most 13yo girls "dramatic"? LOL! I spend most of my day trying to explain them to my totally confused 13yo son!!

 

[Dan Murphy]

.......BTW, aren't most 13yo girls "dramatic"?.....

Since when does age have anything to do with it, it is a female thing.


Michael, honest, it is true!!!!!!!!

 

[dopeys biggest fan]

Why? Because they are selfish and evil, that's why.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

Since when does age have anything to do with it, it is a female thing.


Michael, honest, it is true!!!!!!!!

Aaarggh!

I need a smiley that has me throwing my mouse at you (not my Mickey mouse)!

That really is sad. Is it possible the mom said, "We'll see," or "Maybe?" Because to promise kids something and not at least TRY to follow through is almost heartbreaking.

 

[Evil Genius]

That really is sad. Is it possible the mom said, "We'll see," or "Maybe?" Because to promise kids something and not at least TRY to follow through is almost heartbreaking.

I wish it was a maybe type situation. But she's asked me about resorts and borrowed my Disney books. I offered more than once to help her plan and figure it out. She's talked about this trip with other family members. She's just plain changed her mind.

 

[lbgraves]

That is just plain cruel. Those kids are going to grow up not able to trust her. She will have to deal with that in the long run.

 

[mainewmn]

I have a relative that always did that to her kids, they are 19 and 14 now. The girls grew up being promised to do something and counting on it only to be told as the time approached that plans have changed. Sadly now both of the girls are repeating that same behavior and not following through on their promises. The 19 year old just lost her 5’th job, because she hasn’t followed through.

I always made a point not to promise my boys something I can’t deliver. If a promise has been made there has to be exterminating circumstances to change them other then that a promise is a promise. That’s the way I like to be treated and I try to treat all these around me the same way.

 

[Stitchfans]

Since when does age have anything to do with it, it is a female thing.


Michael, honest, it is true!!!!!!!!

of all people I would of never expected anything like this from you Dan. Where is Marie when we need her?

Seriously, that is one vow I made before I had children that I would never promise them something and then back down on it. I will never make a promise unless I know I can and will keep it.

 

[tw1nsmom]

I can't say I've never broken a promise, but it's something I try very hard not to do. It would have to be a very good reason and I would make sure my kids understood what happened.

I also will tell them if there are things that could happen that would make me cancel a trip. For example, we're planning a trip to WDW in our new camper this Christmas. We've already told them that if we have really bad weather we might not be able to go.

People just don't get it. DD and Ds were in an after school enrichment program and participated in pep squad. I knew the person in charge and they wanted to be in her class. This person promised the kids that they would perform a cheer during the monthly morning assembly. The Thursday before the assembly (it was on a Monday a.m.) the person running the class called and canceled saying that some of the kids didn't want to do it (at least 10 still wanted to) and she cancelled the performance. I was out of town at a conference and I still haven't calmed down enough to talk to her. Her DD is friends with DD and Ds, and she knows that DS has a disability that makes it very upsetting to him when the expected schedule/plans change. I made it a point of telling her to not tell the kids until she was absolutely sure because DS will obsess over this for a long time if it doesn't happen. DS is still asking why he can't perform at assembly and when will he go to pep squad again, and this happened over two weeks ago. I know this sounds small and petty, but something like this can really throw a wrench in our day to day functioning. I wish people would think before they promised things to children.

 

[Southern4sure]

My mom is like this. I was always in tears over the last minute change. Finally as I got older and wiser I think I figured out why my mom would do this. Instead of saying no at first, it was easier to just say yes or make minor upfront plans. But when the time came, her mind was set against it and it seemed not to bother her that her kids were upset. If you ask my mom to do something and she says "we'll see or maybe" that means no.

 

[Hannathy]

I totally understand! I have 2 SIL's who do this one more than the other. It hurts to see your kids hurt when you have no control. If I'm not 100% sure I won't promise something to a child and I wish others wouldn't either. The kids eventually figure it out and learn who to trust and who keeps their word.

 

[sajetto]

I think that is just plain cruel. I know from personal experience, my mom used to promise trips to my sister and I all the time and back out the last minute. We never got wise to it and were crushed every time

 

[mrsg00fy]

Mymother raised 6 children. When I was growing up, I remember her telling me her most important "rules". They were to never make a promise to your child that you can not keep an to never make a threat that you were not prepared to follow through with. WHile I don't agree with my mother on many things, this piece of advice is the best she has ever given. I would never promise my children something that I was not fully prepared to do. I am also equally cautious with my threats!

 

[Stacerita]

Thats sad when parents break their promises to their kids. I know sometimes things come up, but its still hard. Breaking a promise to go somewhere on vacation is sad, but nothing breaks my heart more than when I know of kids who are waiting for their mom or dad to pick them up on "their" weekend. Having the kid tell of how their mom or dad was going to pick them up and take them somewhere for the weekend or just that they are coming to visit, but never do. It breaks my heart. Follow through or dont promise them.