I have a 9 (very close to 10) and 7 year old daughters. My older daughter is a very sensitive kid, whereas the 7 year old is a little tougher in that respect.
Both girls are on the same hockey team as we combine our novice and atom players due to not having enough of either age group. Therefore we have about half of them at 7 or 8 and the other half at 9 and 10. My oldest generally gets along with everyone, she isn't a popular kid, but she is a nice girl. The coach's daughter, who is a real leader and a somewhat bold child, has lately taken it upon herself to make some unkind comments or to just act snotty to my kids. She routinely leaves my 7 year old out and then as soon as anything is said by my 7 year old, she becomes all syrupy sweet and acts like the hero for suddenly including her, yet she was the ring leader to begin with. I am friends with the parents, but they don't seem to see that she can do anything wrong.
My oldest also plays basketball with the same girl. She makes no bones about it that their team will be SO much better next year when they move up and play with some of the girls from the team last year. A few of the girls are completely new to the game, so of course they don't have the same skill level, but you don't need to make them feel badly that they are there. Without them you wouldn't even have a team! She never passes the ball to my daughter, even when in the open, or to many of the new girls that aren't quite as skilled at the game. This has started to really hurt my daughter's feelings. She is sensitive, but never really says a lot about it, but the last couple of nights has really opened up about it, so I know it is bothering her a lot.
I don't get it. I have nice kids - my youngest can be a monkey and walks to the beat of her own drum, so sometimes I get the social conflict with her, but with my oldest I just don't understand it. Why do they have to get so catty with each other? Why do they pick a certain kid to always make feel bad when you've been nice to her before? I have tried helping her understand, but honestly I'm as confused as she is!! Like I said, the parents don't see it and I don't want to run and be a ******* She used to play with my daughter, along with her younger sister playing with my youngest, and they used to get along fine. I do know from talking with her mom, that she is always telling her mom about how other kids do things to her or say mean things, or that she doesn't want to play with so and so because of this or that, and I'm thinking that should maybe raise some clue that maybe every single other kid doesn't have the problem or the issue. I just dont' get it.
I feel helpless and it is hurting my heart as much as it is hurting hers!! Please give me some advice on what I say to her to make her feel better. I try awfully hard and am hoping I am saying the right things, but I feel somewhat lost myself!!
Both girls are on the same hockey team as we combine our novice and atom players due to not having enough of either age group. Therefore we have about half of them at 7 or 8 and the other half at 9 and 10. My oldest generally gets along with everyone, she isn't a popular kid, but she is a nice girl. The coach's daughter, who is a real leader and a somewhat bold child, has lately taken it upon herself to make some unkind comments or to just act snotty to my kids. She routinely leaves my 7 year old out and then as soon as anything is said by my 7 year old, she becomes all syrupy sweet and acts like the hero for suddenly including her, yet she was the ring leader to begin with. I am friends with the parents, but they don't seem to see that she can do anything wrong.
My oldest also plays basketball with the same girl. She makes no bones about it that their team will be SO much better next year when they move up and play with some of the girls from the team last year. A few of the girls are completely new to the game, so of course they don't have the same skill level, but you don't need to make them feel badly that they are there. Without them you wouldn't even have a team! She never passes the ball to my daughter, even when in the open, or to many of the new girls that aren't quite as skilled at the game. This has started to really hurt my daughter's feelings. She is sensitive, but never really says a lot about it, but the last couple of nights has really opened up about it, so I know it is bothering her a lot.
I don't get it. I have nice kids - my youngest can be a monkey and walks to the beat of her own drum, so sometimes I get the social conflict with her, but with my oldest I just don't understand it. Why do they have to get so catty with each other? Why do they pick a certain kid to always make feel bad when you've been nice to her before? I have tried helping her understand, but honestly I'm as confused as she is!! Like I said, the parents don't see it and I don't want to run and be a ******* She used to play with my daughter, along with her younger sister playing with my youngest, and they used to get along fine. I do know from talking with her mom, that she is always telling her mom about how other kids do things to her or say mean things, or that she doesn't want to play with so and so because of this or that, and I'm thinking that should maybe raise some clue that maybe every single other kid doesn't have the problem or the issue. I just dont' get it.
I feel helpless and it is hurting my heart as much as it is hurting hers!! Please give me some advice on what I say to her to make her feel better. I try awfully hard and am hoping I am saying the right things, but I feel somewhat lost myself!!
My heart aches for her ... as much as this girl is "mean" ... she is quite popular on the team.
Now that I'm a senior in high school and have been through all of this, the mean girls aren't as openly mean to each others faces and of course there's no more tattling to mommy. But it's very nice to know the difference between the girls to be friends with and the girls to just be cordial too.
My dd's don't play but honestly if I were you I would take off the rose colored glasses.
Luckily dd has found that the "mean" girls seem to change frequently. So the mean girl last year is friendly this year, but now its someone else.
I decided to ask a few other moms at work today what they thought of this behaviour and I felt much better openly talking about it as so many have experienced this with their children or nieces. 
Some/most girls just have a tendency to mature really late, like I am a junior and I still know a lot of girls who have yet to mature! The best advice I can give your daughter is to just be nice to everyone and to keep a few, close friends around you but do not have too many friends. I see a lot of problems for with big groups of friends! And if your daughter is the odd on out, that only probably means she is a nice, sweet girl who will go places in this world!
