Why are books acceptable, but video games aren't?

[Magpie]

My 14yo daughter loves to read. She adores it. In fact, she meets just about every criteria out there for "video game addiction", except she's not addicted to games, she's addicted to books and short stories. Many of which she finds on-line, since she's discovered it's an endless source of free reading material. Currently she's splitting her time between "Drawing Down the Moon" and Sherlock Holmes Fan Fiction.

Symptoms of video game addiction from:
http://www.video-game-addiction.org/symptoms-computer-addiction-teens.html

* Preoccupation
Someone who is addicted to computer, video, or Internet gaming often exhibits an unusual preoccupation with the game or computer when he is away from it. The teen could seem distracted, irritable, or disinterested and may talk about the game almost constantly.

* Downplaying Computer Use
It's common for someone with addictive, computer-related behaviors to downplay the amount of time she spends in front of the TV or computer. The person may make excuses, saying she "needs" to be online, or may outright lie.

* Lack of Control
A person who is addicted, or at risk of becoming addicted to gaming, is unable to control the amount of time she spends on the computer. She may go online with the intent to spend 15 or 20 minutes, but will keep extending the time until several hours have passed.

* Loss of Time
Along the same lines, a person may sit down at his computer, again with the intent to spend only a few minutes, but completely lose track of time and suddenly find that several hours have passed. It is not unusual for someone with a gaming addiction to play through the night and only realize how much time has passed when the sun begins to rise.

* Negative Impact on Other Areas of Life
Because the person spends so much time on the computer or video game console, other areas of life are neglected. He may grow distant from friends and family who had previously been close. Homework may go unfinished, causing grades to slip. In more extreme cases, the teen may even neglect personal hygiene, choosing to play video games rather than taking a shower.

* Hiding From Negative or Uncomfortable Feelings or Situations
Some people become addicted to gaming because they use it to self-medicate. When confronted with situations or feelings that are uncomfortable (feeling sad, arguing with a friend, or getting a bad grade), the person may "hide" in the game as a method of avoidance.

* Defensiveness
When confronted or asked about his time spent gaming, a person may become defensive. Denial is often an indication that something is wrong, especially if the person seems unconcerned that friends and family feel neglected or left out of his life.

* Misuse of Money
Someone who is addicted to video, computer, or Internet gaming will spend a disproportionate amount of money on computer-related items. The person will seem to be continually upgrading hardware, software packages, and accessories. This becomes an even greater problem if the person spends money that should be used for bills, groceries, and other necessities.

* Mixed Feelings
As with any addiction, use of the "substance" – in this case, the video game – initially causes euphoric feelings, but that euphoria is quickly followed by guilt. Guilt may be felt either over what the person is doing while online or simply the amount of time he is spending at the computer.

My daughter talks about what she's been reading constantly. She blows off homework, because she'd rather read. She's been caught reading under her desk at school. She loses track of time. I can send her downstairs to do a quick task and find her half an hour later with her nose in a book, oblivious to the world. She would rather stay home and read than go out with friends. She stays up all night reading with a flashlight. Once I went out in the morning without giving her explicit instructions to make breakfast for herself. I came back after lunch and she was still reading - and hadn't eaten anything all day! She has said herself that she sometimes uses reading to escape from the world when she's unhappy. So, she's an addict, right?

Now, in the interests of full disclosure - I was exactly the same way when I was her age. I have no intention of taking the child's books away. After all, as a young adult, I sometimes spent all my grocery money at the second hand book store, because there was an out-of-print book I just HAD to have, and I knew my friends would feed me.

But I'm curious... why is being addicted to reading good, while being addicted to gaming is bad?

What's the difference?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

There is no difference. Addiction is bad no matter what it is. Anyone who tells you that addiction is good is silly.

In general the underlying cause for most addictions is anxiety.

The addiction takes away the anxiety feeling either chemically or psychologically so the anxiety does not have to be dealt with.

INstead of socializing with people, doing homework, chores, following directions, you read to escape (in the case of your dd).

As with most anxiety the cause for alarm is when it interferes with the normal function of everyday life that you need to be concerned. If she is still eating, showering, some socializing with peers, and able to at least get decent grades then I would not be worried.

 

[KimR]

I have no idea and I've always wondered the same thing. For what it's worth, I would have been the same way as a child had my mother allowed it. While I believe she went overboard, at the same time I think it's important to find a balance. Reading is wonderful, but I think kids need to spend time at least some time socializing and exploring other interests as well.

 

[Bonnie151]

DS(8) is definitely addicted to reading. His current obsession is all of the Rick Riordan (Percy Jackson) books. He would also be addicted to video games if we let him.

The difference to me, is that playing video games changes his personality. He shows physical signs of addiction if allowed to play his beloved Mario for more than an hour or so per week - restlessness, aggressive behaviour, constant chattering about the game... At least when he's reading he's broadening his general knowledge in all sorts of fascinating ways - ask Connor any Greek god and he knows it just like that, even the God of blacksmithing. . He helped me make pasta with puttanesca sauce for Sunday dinner because he read a recipe for it in a Lemony Snicket book and wanted to know why we'd never had it. I could go on and on about how much he's learned through reading!

Having said that, we do try to control it. If left to his own devices, he'd be staying up reading well past midnight (don't ask me how I know this. ) and at school he's been known to race through his work (poorly) in order to pull out his latest book to read, so we do try to make sure he has some sort of balance between reading time and other activities!

 

[FireDancer]

I assume it is because the perception is that you can't do too much reading while you can play too many video games. Any intelligent person knows this is not true. Neither is a physical activity and too much time spent doing either without getting outside and running around is one of the factors that lead to childhood obesity.

You see parents bragging about how their kids have read 10 books a week without mention of how many hours they spent outside playing around with friends. Of course you rarely hear anyone brag about their kids 20 hour video game marathon so perhaps that is leading to the above mentioned misconception.

 

[U2_rocks!]

I guess because reading helps you to learn new info, it helps with spelling, grammar and vocabulary i.e. it complements what she's learning at school. It broadens the mind.

Video games help with hand-eye coordination, but can be very intense on the brain. I have read that even though a lot of focus is needed to play certain games, this focus is not the same as what is required in a quiet classroom i.e. there isn't enough "action" in a textbook to maintain the child's attention. I know I am wording this badly - hopefully you can get the gist of it.

Too much reading or games can be a problem if they take away from regular life, or if they are used as an escape. I know I used reading as an escape (still do at times) and although as a result I was brilliant at English, I may have suffered from not being forced out of my shell earlier.

 

[tasha99]

Reading expands a kid's vocabulary immensely because the types of words used in books are different from the types used in conversation. A kid who reads to excess will probably get much higher verbal SAT scores than a kid who plays too many video games.

 

[joviroxx]

My son plays both video games and is active physically. He also reads but not as much as Id like. Why do I push reading over the video games? Easy, it teaches vocabulary, language and people skills. It helps with memory, improves reasoning skills as well as learn about cultures, history, and the like. Its also cheaper. If you help your child develop a love of reading, there is a lot more to "learn" through books than games.

Video games freeze the brain, sorry, thats my opinion. Black ops, Modern Warfare is just violence and shooting people up. hand/eye, sure, but Id rather him learn that batting a ball, running or other physical activity which is beneficial to their health.

Do I see a place for video games, sure. My kid is 13, the days of "learning games" are pretty over. They are there for entertainment and there is a place for that. But I would NEVER compare them in any way to reading or physical activity.

As far as addiction, well, then the issue is not reading but being addicted and a completely different discussion.

 

[Planogirl]

I see no difference if either is done to excess. I'll throw surfing on the Internet in to that too. I think that people who do a variety of things are usually better off.

However, reading does teach and entertain. It's difficult to criticize a heavy reader.

 

[kacaju]

I had to ground my now dd17 year old many years ago from reading. She just would not put the book down, reading while walking. It was bad

 

[MrsPete]

Reading expands a kid's vocabulary immensely because the types of words used in books are different from the types used in conversation. A kid who reads to excess will probably get much higher verbal SAT scores than a kid who plays too many video games.

I was going to say something similar to this. Playing video games (or watching TV) is a passive activity; the game tells you what comes next, and you follow along. Reading, on the other hand, is an active activity (active as in brain function, not as in physical exercise) that builds the child's brain and broadens the child's world. Readers tend to be smarter, have better communication skills, and go farther in their educations than non-readers.

Having said that, any activity can be taken to an extreme so that it becomes unhealthy. Your goal, obviously, is to have a healthy, well-balanced child. Even a good, beneficial activity can knock that balance out of whack -- especially since you say she's using it as an escape from unhappy things.

I'm thinking about a student I taught a couple years ago who LOVED reading . . . but he ignored all other parts of school. Unlike you, his mother thought that that should be enough, and she wanted his teachers to give him extra credit for his reading. Essentially she thought that the quantity of his reading was so wonderful that it should "make up for" the fact that he wouldn't complete his classwork, his papers, etc. She wasn't looking for a well-balanced kid.

Back to your daughter . . . I would not take away reading, but I would encourage her to -- no, insist that she -- add other activities to her life. Does your library take teen volunteers? Ours does, and that could be a healthy social activity that's kind of a jump-off from what she already loves. How about volunteering at the hospital? Scouts, sports, band -- find something else to balance out her life. Don't take "no" for an answer.

And in the cases where you send her to do a chore and she reads instead, I'd punish her for not doing her housework. She has to live in the real world, and that means monitoring her own time. If you don't get ahold of this now, she will go away to college without the essential skill of self-discipline or self-moderation.

Also, I'd keep an eye on her for other obsessions. Sometimes people who lean towards obsession, when forced to moderate one area of their lives, can become obsessive in other ways. For example, if you force her to decrease her reading, she could seek out another escape -- it could be food, computer time, sleep, a boyfriend. Remember that the goal is a healthy, well-balanced child. Don't allow her to trade one escape for another.

 

[Colleen27]

Too much reading or games can be a problem if they take away from regular life, or if they are used as an escape. I know I used reading as an escape (still do at times) and although as a result I was brilliant at English, I may have suffered from not being forced out of my shell earlier.

I think the big difference from a social acceptance standpoint is that reading is something we consider valuable and important. A kid who never plays a video game isn't missing out; a kid who never reads is at a lifelong disadvantage. But because it is something that is perceived as beneficial we have a harder time with the idea that there might be a such thing as too much (and the same applies to overexercising, addiction to religious services, and any other addiction to something generally viewed as a positive activity). It is much easier to condemn an addiction to something we view as negative, unnecessary, or harmful as a whole.

I'm a book addict myself and I do think I'd have benefited from my mom nudging me a little to get out of my comfort zone and do a little more interacting socially. My DD is a reader too and we have set some general limits for her that I never had, like no reading at the table during meals. But it feels so counter-intuitive to limit an interest in reading that I understand why parents don't.

I don't think all video games are created equal as far as that goes, though. DS12 plays an online fantasy role playing game (as do DH and I) and it is really interesting to see what lessons and topics come up as he plays. There are a lot of literary and mythological references throughout the game world, and as MMORPG populated by real people it has its own economy, professions, etc. Which isn't to say it is educational - it is still just a video game - but it has brought up some interesting "teachable moments" and led to DS digging out and reading more than one of my books because of some in-game reference to the story or characters. That's not something he'd have gotten out of Call of Duty or Mario Kart.

 

[Acklander]

I don't see much difference, but it depends on WHAT they're reading. Too much of anything isn't good, so we try to find balance.

 

[U2_rocks!]

I just had to comment that video games aren't all equal either. Multi-player games can be a great social activity. Games that require logic or answering questions have some value as well. I'd limit those less than I would games that require you to simply destroy things.

Reading can also vary - you obviously learn more from certain kinds of books than from others.

Overall, I want my kids to be well-rounded. I want them to read, play video games, watch some TV/movies, ride their bikes, play creative games, climb trees, play some sport or activity that gives them exercise etc. For the most part all 3 of mine are like this - the reading is the only part we really have to push because my kids aren't really that interested They are NOT my kids!

 

[Guy Incognito]

I was going to say something similar to this. Playing video games (or watching TV) is a passive activity; the game tells you what comes next, and you follow along. Reading, on the other hand, is an active activity (active as in brain function, not as in physical exercise) that builds the child's brain and broadens the child's world. Readers tend to be smarter, have better communication skills, and go farther in their educations than non-readers.

depending on the game in question, I'd disagree with the bolded part. While some games are very linear in their layout (you have no choice but to follow along the pre-set path/quest), there are open-ended games that allow you to roam/explore and even make ethical/moral choices that will impact what happens.

can't argue with the point that readers have better communication skills though.


If you have a child that's really into video/pc games, I'd say try to encourage them to look at it from a different perspective (which might get them to read more if they don't). Someone had to come up with the idea for that game.... had to think of a story line, write the script, think of all the different outcomes from every choice available and include that... the best games (to me) tend to be like one of those 'choose your own adventure' books, where you'd make a choice and turn to the appropriate page to continue. The more they read, the broader their 'database' of information will become, and maybe rather than being just a player/consumer of video games, they can be the person who creates the games (and if they're good, make a good living at it)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Also, I'd keep an eye on her for other obsessions. Sometimes people who lean towards obsession, when forced to moderate one area of their lives, can become obsessive in other ways. For example, if you force her to decrease her reading, she could seek out another escape -- it could be food, computer time, sleep, a boyfriend. Remember that the goal is a healthy, well-balanced child. Don't allow her to trade one escape for another.

Now that is a pearl of wisdom.

OP, if you cut off her reading cold turkey how would she cope? That would certainly give you a eye opener as to how serious her issues are.

 

[Magpie]

I was going to say something similar to this. Playing video games (or watching TV) is a passive activity; the game tells you what comes next, and you follow along. Reading, on the other hand, is an active activity (active as in brain function, not as in physical exercise) that builds the child's brain and broadens the child's world. Readers tend to be smarter, have better communication skills, and go farther in their educations than non-readers.

I'm not sure about this... Yes, TV's a passive activity, but video games are player-driver. The player has to make quick decisions in real time, reacting to the moment while simultaneously plotting out long term strategies. As far as communication goes, most video games these days seem to be social. My son, for instance, can't wait to get on the Xbox with his friends and I can hear them all chattering non-stop, negotiating strategies while they're simultaneously talking about school, friends, etc...

Having said that, any activity can be taken to an extreme so that it becomes unhealthy. Your goal, obviously, is to have a healthy, well-balanced child. Even a good, beneficial activity can knock that balance out of whack -- especially since you say she's using it as an escape from unhappy things.

I'm thinking about a student I taught a couple years ago who LOVED reading . . . but he ignored all other parts of school. Unlike you, his mother thought that that should be enough, and she wanted his teachers to give him extra credit for his reading. Essentially she thought that the quantity of his reading was so wonderful that it should "make up for" the fact that he wouldn't complete his classwork, his papers, etc. She wasn't looking for a well-balanced kid.

Back to your daughter . . . I would not take away reading, but I would encourage her to -- no, insist that she -- add other activities to her life. Does your library take teen volunteers? Ours does, and that could be a healthy social activity that's kind of a jump-off from what she already loves. How about volunteering at the hospital? Scouts, sports, band -- find something else to balance out her life. Don't take "no" for an answer.

And in the cases where you send her to do a chore and she reads instead, I'd punish her for not doing her housework. She has to live in the real world, and that means monitoring her own time. If you don't get ahold of this now, she will go away to college without the essential skill of self-discipline or self-moderation.

Also, I'd keep an eye on her for other obsessions. Sometimes people who lean towards obsession, when forced to moderate one area of their lives, can become obsessive in other ways. For example, if you force her to decrease her reading, she could seek out another escape -- it could be food, computer time, sleep, a boyfriend. Remember that the goal is a healthy, well-balanced child. Don't allow her to trade one escape for another.

I agree a hundred percent about the importance of balance!

And we actually have taken steps to ensure some balance in my daughter's life. She's not allowed to bring recreational reading to school anymore - any reading she does at school or in class has to related to the curriculum. She's discovered a number of lunchtime clubs that she enjoys, so she's involved in those. Her fanfiction has been limited to an hour a day (actual physical books are unlimited, since what we have is better quality), and she has to get her homework done first. For awhile I was insisted that before she could read, she had to write something first. As a result she's discovered she loves writing, and has filled many notebooks with poetry.

I'm actually a lot less worried about her reading now, than I was when she was younger. I'm just curious about what seems to be a double standard.

My son is almost as much into gaming as his sister is into reading (except we've never actually had to monitor the time he spends gaming, for some reason - he plays a lot, but he's not obsessive about it). His vocabulary is extremely high for his age group, if not as broad as her's (but she's a bit of a freak in that respect). He's smart, and MUCH more observant than his sister. He notices details, and he doesn't hesitate to step forward and try solving problems himself. He's very self-directed.

His sister, on the other hand, always waits passively to be told what to do. She wants lists. Instructions. She doesn't like figuring things out for herself. She wants everything written down and it scares her when she doesn't know exactly what to do.

My son throws himself into things and just keeps pushing buttons until he gets what he wants.

I don't know how much of this is gamer versus reader, but I do know that some of the qualities my son applies to his gaming, are actually serving him well in life. (So far.)

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Count me among those whose parents yelled at them because they read too much as a kid...and my mom was an English teacher. Okay, so the kid blows off homework - is she getting bad grades? Heck, I used to read under my desk all the time because I was bored out of my mind at school. And I blew off doing homework too, but I always got it done eventually (sometimes in the 15 minutes before class started, but...). Does she completely avoid friends or does she just often prefer to stay home where its quiet? If she had no friends but those between the pages of literature you may have a problem, otherwise, not so much.

The key is whether it seriously negatively impacts her life. If it does, it's an addiction and unacceptable. If not, its a hobby.

 

[Magpie]

Now that is a pearl of wisdom.

OP, if you cut off her reading cold turkey how would she cope? That would certainly give you a eye opener as to how serious her issues are.

Oh my gosh, the poor kid would curl up and wither away! She first started pointing out words to me in my newspaper when she was 2 1/2. She brought a Classics Illustrated copy of "Swiss Family Robinson" with her to Junior Kindergarten intake interview, fell in love with Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone that fall. I think it would be cruel to even consider cutting her off cold turkey.

Actually, I have a pretty good understanding of the obsessive-type personality, being one myself. I throw myself into projects/games/books/hobbies, work like mad on them for awhile (sometimes as long as a couple years), and then lose interest. Everyone in the family is used to this, and I do see similarities in my daughter. The trick is going with it when the obsession seizes you, but not over-committing and setting reasonable goals so you can actually finish at least some of what you start. It's taken me years, and I'm still working on it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Oh my gosh, the poor kid would curl up and wither away! She first started pointing out words to me in my newspaper when she was 2 1/2. She brought a Classics Illustrated copy of "Swiss Family Robinson" with her to Junior Kindergarten intake interview, fell in love with Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone that fall. I think it would be cruel to even consider cutting her off cold turkey.

Actually, I have a pretty good understanding of the obsessive-type personality, being one myself. I throw myself into projects/games/books/hobbies, work like mad on them for awhile (sometimes as long as a couple years), and then lose interest. Everyone in the family is used to this, and I do see similarities in my daughter. The trick is going with it when the obsession seizes you, but not over-committing and setting reasonable goals so you can actually finish at least some of what you start. It's taken me years, and I'm still working on it.

Anxiety runs in our families however it is more of a "anxiety-depression" type instead of compulsion. Although my sister has the OCD anxiety. Although taking that back....my youngest does have "touching OCD".

I guess after having my dd in counseling for her anxiety, I learned a lot about how to manage the anxiety.

Honestly if your dd is getting in trouble in school and other things, see someone who can teach her manage her anxiety better.

As you know it is for life and having some good strategies tailor made for you by a therapist can be a wondeful for kids.