Who should I have in the delivery room with me? Who did you have?

[Mishetta]

I would say also, whoever you are most comfortable with, because it is a very private & intense experience.

My mom & DH were there for my 1st child. It hurt me too much to watch my mom suffer while I was suffering. She felt every contraction with me & I'd see tears in her eyes & it would make me crazy. Finally, the doctor asked my Mom to wait out in the hallway (& it was a good thing.)

The 2nd time around, it was just my DH & I since I needed someone to stay home with my first born & it was a wonderful experience. (Painful yes, but also wonderful). Of course, I had a much better pregnancy & delivery & my new OB/GYN was the best in the whole world. He made it extra special & as comforting as possible.

The day I delivered, there were other women who delivered their new babies with their older kids in the room (like 7 & 5y/o!) That would be one thing I would NEVER consider!

I hope you have a very easy delivery & as pain free as possible.

 

[dizneenut]

For my first 2, I had my mom with me because DH was overseas in the Gulf (DS#1, Gulf War..DS#2 back for another tour in the Gulf). For the last 2, only DH was with me.

 

[wdwnutze]

My 1st was a c-section so it was only dh. My 2nd was a vbac. We never discussed anyone else being in the room but my mom was there so we let her stay. I was glad to have her stay and she stayed off to the side so she wasn't in the way of dh and I. This worked out when the baby was having some trouble and my dh left with the baby and mom stayed with me. For my 3rd, mom wanted to stay again but my dh and I had talked about it and he wasn't comfortable with her in the room. We asked her to leave, which she did with no problem. Definately a personal decision. If you have your mom in the room just set the rules beforehand.

 

[Mom-to-3]

I agree that you should go with whatever your heart tells you. That being said, here are my thoughts.

I think16 is too young if something suddenly goes wrong. Your cute baby will undo whatever "birth control" labor and delivery was.

I didn't feel the delivery was anything like a private moment between DH and I. There were doctors, nurses, plus 2 anesth guys for #2. After the delivery there is placenta and other icky stuff. I wanted somone to watch baby for every minute after delivery plus I wanted someone with me every minute -- impossible because only DH was there. I had mine before the new traditions came in.

OK, here is my BIGGEST advice. It's controversial, but oh I so so so wish someone had suggested it to me. Time fades our memories. I wish I had videotaped the births. I was too "modest" at the time. I would never show the videos to ANYONE else, but would LOVE to sit down and watch their tiny faces come out, watch their first breaths, watch their little first cries. Neither DH nor I can remember how quickly each of them started crying. #1 was a "code pink" and the peds team rushed in. Did she cry prior to that? What did it sound like? #2 looks brick red on the warming table photograph, but I think he was very pale when he was born... but I'm not really sure and DH isn't either. #3 was just a few pushes. I bet that would be impressive to watch.

I thought I would never forget... and my modesty kept me from videotaping. Now, I would run naked through the mall if it meant I could sit alone and watch those videos. I know I would cry... it would be so sweet to see those tiny wet bawling babies! Please give it some serious thought.

 

[RUDisney]

If you ask your mom to stay, you can do what my best friend did. She told her mother she could stay, but she had to sit in a corner and keep her mouth shut. Now, keep in mind, my friend is a dr, but her mother knows more about medicine than she or any of her MD siblings and she's very vocal in her opinions. She said her mother wanted to be there so badly that she sat in the corner and didn't say a word for about 2 hours. She knew that she'd be kicked out if she spoke.

Maybe this would work for you, if you so choose.

 

[sm4987]

My mom, his parents were in there during the just laying around stage for my son (my first child). I didn't mind. When the doctors came in, the inlaws had to go but my mom stayed most of the time. DH stayed the whole tme. He wasn't above kicking everyone out as he was so into the whole thing. I loved it that way. However in the end it was just DH, I had to have a C-section. Even so, once heavy labor would have started no one would have been in the room but DH. Go with your instinct. Many men would love to share in the moment with just their wives. I'm sure he'd love it.

Congratulations on the new baby, God bless.

 

[Kermit]

I just had my DH and wouldn't change a thing. I didn't even let anyone in during labor. DH and I know each other very well, and he was able to comfort me as well as possible. Everyone else would have bothered me. Besides, my mom and I have different ideas about the best way to be comforted. I didn't want her getting upset at DH because he wasn't doing what *she* thought was right, even though it was fine with me.

I did make DH stay with the baby after the birth, and that meant actually leaving me because he was early and had to go to the newborn nursery. I was fine with that. But if you want someone by your side, you may want to call your mom in at that point. I definitely wouldn't want anyone else to go with the baby if the baby had to leave. Moms and dads should be the first person to bond with the baby. DH and Jacob have a very special bond, and I'm convinced it's because he spent his first few hours with DH.

 

[trayletha]

I vote for Mom - I am really close to my Mom but didn't plan on having her there. Everyone in the family was there - but labor went really quick (wb @ 11:30 - DD b @ 1:29) so they just sorta popped in to say hi and them were sent to wait. When Mom came in she came over to squeeze my hand and I didn't let go. It was great to have her there, my DH got pretty freaked cause I was really yelling (drug free birth) and would have gone along with ANYTHING the Dr suggested. As a matter of fact my Mom could tell me stop that and push and I listened - all I wanted to do was get my hands around DH neck (I've forgiven him ). DH say having MIL in was good for him too - he was scared and felt like there was someone there for him too, kind of a back up.

So you don't have to actually plan this ahead of time - do what feels right to you.

 

[SuiteDisney]

Just the people who made the baby and the people who delivered the baby.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I voted for DH only. My parents and brother/sil were at the hospital while I was in labor. They popped in to say hi a couple of times, but I wasn't really happy to see them until I got my epidural. Then DH invited them all in to see me - he told them I'd gotten "much nicer" and they should see me!

Maybe you could call them to come to the hospital when it was close to time. And decide then how you feel about having them come in with you.

I wanted to be alone with DH for the actual birth. Thought my family would be distracting. Both my kids were c-sections anyway.

 

[disneychrista]

With my first DD I had everybody and their brother in the room with me. My mom, dad (who proceded to faint), DH, mother - in law, aunt - in law, a group of nursing students, at least one of DH's cousins. In fact I couldn't even tell you exactly how many were in the room and who they were.

With my second DD, only my mom was in the room. By then DH and I had split and he thought it more important to go "get a phone call" from his cousin that was heading to prision the next day He got back about 10 mins after she was born. And then left again within 5 - 10 mins with his GF (who of course he wasn't seeing while we were still together only a few months before )

I think this is a very personal decision. And no matter what others did, you have to do what is right for you.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I'm a DH and only DH kind of girl. I just don't have the type of relationship with my Mother that would make me enjoy having her there.

The thing is - once "the crowd" hits the hospital everybody wants to hold the baby which means Mom and Dad don't get to hold the baby. I really feel that those first couple of hours should be kept quiet and special for the Mom and Dad.

 

[Steve H.]

Just have your DH. And I agree with TF, the first few moments with the baby should be spent with just the three of you -- then invite in the family.

 

[cinmell]

My husband was the only one there. My mother desperately wanted to be there but we didn't want it that way. We told the nurse we didn't want anyone in the room prior to the birth. She went on and on how she agreed and would do what we wanted. About a half hour before the pushing phase, the nurse went and got my mother and inlaws to bring them into the birthing room . I was furious and their visit was very short, I mean really short. I didn't hide how annoyed I was that they were there!

 

[jamsmom]

DH, Mom, MIL, and SIL. I think that at such a special time, the fmaily should be together. It wouldn;t be fair to MIL if your Mom is in there because they both will be GrandMommies. The 16 year old- yes, GREAT birth control!!


My Mom and sister were with me. Long story why ex husband was not there (Thank the Good Lord) and my Daddy went for a walk almost everytime I was really hurting. I am his little girl no matter how old I am.

 

[Shannon G]

The thing is - once "the crowd" hits the hospital everybody wants to hold the baby which means Mom and Dad don't get to hold the baby. I really feel that those first couple of hours should be kept quiet and special for the Mom and Dad

I agree!!! I insisted that it only be DH with me, and that was my primary reason. Yes, all modesty flies out the window when you're in labor, but my concern wasn't so much about my body, but about not wanting to share a special emotional time with everyone under the sun. IMO, DH and I were starting our family, and he and I should have time alone with our baby to enjoy that, before having to share it with everyone else. I even went so far as to tell our families that they were not even allowed to come to the hospital while I was in labor, because I knew that everyone would want to come in and see the baby right away, and it was really important to me that it just be our family time for a while. We told everyone that we would call them when the baby was born, and that we would tell them when we were ready for them to come visit. We also warned them that I probably would not okay visitors for at least a couple of hours after delivery.

As it turned out, I delivered just after midnight, so we told everyone to just wait & come in the morning. I know a few people have posted that having others there made labor go quicker - I can't really comment on that, as I was lucky enough to have a very quick labor - we arrived at the hospital between 9:30 - 10:00 p.m., and DD was born at 12:05 a.m. However, I loved that we had time to ourselves with DD without having to share her right away. When she was born, DH cut the cord, then she was laid naked on my chest, where she stayed for almost an hour - that was a wonderful time for me, and I'm afraid we wouldn't have had that special time with her had there been other people either in the delivery room with us, or out in the waiting room eager to see her. As much as I know there are family members who would have liked to be there, I felt that this is one time in my life when I was entitled to be completely selfish and say no - I'm not willing to share those first moments with our child with anyone other than DH!

 

[mtemm]

I think it is a very personal decision. I voted for just DH because of something that happened to a friend of mine. She had both moms there, too, and w/o either of them meaning to, they essentially excluded her DH from participating much. If she needed anything, one of the moms jumped up. They each held a leg back during delivery. Her DH felt like he should just step back eventually.

That said, I planned on only having DH in the room because that is what he really wanted...me, too, but him more so. I ended up with a c-section that he was able to be present for. My next child I hope to VBAC, and this time I plan to have a doula as well as my dh. I think it will help me in the VBAC process to have someone with experience with me, as well as my DH.

Good luck to you! Remember, it will be special for you and your family no matter who is in the room with you.

 

[kidzmom3]

I just have to vote for DH only, and to be honest sometimes I wish he hadn't been there. Some horrible things happen during labor. Pooping the bed, vomit, blood, crying, hyperventilation. I even had urinary retention, so catheter inserted. These things happen, and how many people do you want to see it happen? For me the answer was basically NOONE!!! lol, but thats just me. I also hated the tub. Why would I be naked in front of strangers, when I hate to be naked in front of loved ones.

 

[mtemm]

althought fairly modest usually, I lost all sense of it when I was in labor...for the 5 whopping hours I was in labor before a c-section happened. Even afterwards when we were learning to nurse, my breast was constantly out regardless of who was there...from family to my MILs boyfriend to the guy who came to hook up the cable. LOL! For whatever reason modesty just flew out the window for me then. But you might want to consider that...you never know how you will feel.

The one time I didn't even want my dh or anybody I knew with me was when they were prepping me for surgery. I was hysterical...really did not want a c-sectin and the realization that it was going to happen was too much. They normally don't have husbands in the OR for prep, but I was so upset/hysterically crying that my dr. wanted to get him, but I really didn't want him to see me this way. Eventually I calmed down and by that time all was ready so they called him in.

 

[skuttle]

I only want DH in the delivery room with me.