Who pays when going out for dinner as couples/families?

[yoopermom]

This came up because DH called up his DF(friend, not father, sorry!) and wife, and said to them, "We're going out for supper, do you want to come?" The waitress never asked how we wanted our checks, just brought out one. Neither of them offered to pay their portion, or even just the tip. (We are similar ages and income levels, if that makes a difference.)

So does inviting someone out imply "our treat"? The few times in the past that we've treated and not gone dutch with another couple, we've told them when inviting them, "We'd like you to come out to dinner, our treat". (Usually celebrating a birthday, or whatever.)

Maybe we need to start saying "dutch treat" at time of inviting (would sure hate to ask for separate checks at the end of the meal and have them be startled, maybe not have brought money, even).

I don't mind paying sometimes, but not always, and I'd prefer to know in advance, so I can adjust the weekly budget, maybe even what *I* order....

Terri

 

[Allison]

When we go out it is always assumed we each take care of our own bill.

 

[dolewhipdreams]

That seems unusual... Even when invited by other people to go out as a group, we assume that we will pay our share unless, as you said, they specifically say 'our treat'. In that case we'll still try to get the tip for the table.

 

[CarolAnn856]

We pretty much always split the check when we go out with other couples or families. It's just assumed...I don't think we've ever discussed it ahead of time.

 

[ronandannette]

This came up because DH called up his DF and wife, and said to them, "We're going out for supper, do you want to come?" The waitress never asked how we wanted our checks, just brought out one. Neither of them offered to pay their portion, or even just the tip. (We are similar ages and income levels, if that makes a difference.)

So does inviting someone out imply "our treat"? The few times in the past that we've treated and not gone dutch with another couple, we've told them when inviting them, "We'd like you to come out to dinner, our treat". (Usually celebrating a birthday, or whatever.)

Maybe we need to start saying "dutch treat" at time of inviting (would sure hate to ask for separate checks at the end of the meal and have them be startled, maybe not have brought money, even).

I don't mind paying sometimes, but not always, and I'd prefer to know in advance, so I can adjust the weekly budget, maybe even what *I* order....

Terri

What does DF stand for? Depending on the relationship, it might influence who pays in our circles. When we were with any of our parents (when they were still alive) we would always expect to be paying and rarely, very rarely did any of them ever refuse to let us. Same goes for when we're out with any of our kids (now all adults) and it doesn't matter who invited whom.

If we ask friends along to a restaurant we are also always prepared to pay - if they offer to pay for themselves we accept unless we have specifically invited them for a special occasion or celebration and then it's clearly defined as "our treat". Similarly, if we're casually invited along with friends we are always ready to pay for ourselves unless the friend insists. Under the circumstance of someone else having invited us along, we would not expect to pay for the entire group but would be fine with going dutch.

 

[BigAlsGal]

That’s so weird. I would never assume such a thing. There are certain family members I assume that with because they ALWAYS insist (and make lots more money than us) but unless you have set that precedent that’s odd they dumped the bill solely on you.

 

[Cloudy]

If I am doing the inviting, I always assume I will be paying the entire bill unless discussed otherwise. Maybe I am in the minority.

 

[MamaBelle4]

Even when MIL & FIL invite us out, I always make sure we have the funds to cover what we get on hand. They always pay, but I never want them to feel like they have to. We just enjoy spending time together.

 

[Squirlz]

What does DF stand for?

Good question. I wish people would just write words.


We had a couple ask us to join them for dinner at a nice place. My Wife and I went all out with appetizers, drinks and pricey entrees. We just thought we would treat ourselves. When the check came our friends took it and said that had been the plan since they asked us. We really had no idea!

 

[sonnyjane]

With immediate family, I'd assume that an invite to dinner would mean that you're covering dinner. For friends, for me at least, it's usually understood that everyone will pay their own.

 

[low-key]

The man that makes the most money

 

[Hikergirl]

If it is just another couple, we usually offer to pay for dinner, and they take care of drinks. Or vice versa. I can't imagine not even offering to pay my own share, or the tip or to contribute in some way.

 

[ols386]

If someone (or a couple) invite us out to dinner, I would always plan for us to pay our own way. Would not expect them to pay for us even if they invited us out to dinner.

 

[dish rag]

I would think each couple would get their own bill. That's how we do anyway. We go out a lot with our siblings and that's how we do it. If my dad is there he always pays, we just let him. Sometimes my mother in law likes to pay we just let her. They need to spend money.

 

[TLSnell1981]

If I invite someone to dinner...I pay.

 

[Vicki926]

When going out with another couple, we each pay. No seperate checks though, we just split it and each pay half.

 

[dish rag]

When going out with another couple, we each pay. No seperate checks though, we just split it and each pay half.

What if someone drinks a lot? I don't drink. My wife drinks just a wine or two. I'm far from cheap but I don't like paying for people to drink. Not unusual for some of our people to spend $50 on alcohol while eating out. I wouldn't want to pay for half of that.

 

[lovin'fl]

That is odd. We go out to eat with others a lot. They always offer to pay their part or might say 'let's just split the tab' and we are fine with either. There are times we say 'our treat' or they may treat us. And we always offer to pay too...even when its our parents.

I wonder if it was one of their birthdays or it was their anniversary. Or maybe close to one of those and they thought thats why you invited them out. That is the only thing I can think of as why they would not offer to pay.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I don't think asking friends if they want to go for supper is "inviting them out for supper". You're setting up a grown up playdate. Everyone pays for their own meals.

 

[Kellydelly]

I agree with you that they should not have expected you to pay the whole bill.