Who Pays? A Going Out To Dinner Question….

[leebee]

Thanks for the update, @slo; I was checking this thread to see how it all worked out (and would have asked, too, if you hadn't posted)! I'm really glad that you guys liked the BF's dad. It's always nicer/easier if you like your kid's SO's family, even if they are just dating. I'm glad it all worked out, and you had a good time.

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Hug, Slo. I'm so glad. Blessing all around

 

[ronandannette]

Thanks for updating us, @slo . One of my life's guiding principles is "All's well that ends well"!!

 

[lovin'fl]

Is it you 3 and them 2? Whenever we are in a group that we are less numbers, like 2 of us with 4 of them, we offer to just split the check right down middle. That way we pick up one extra. If it's people we don't know well (my girls also played travel ball and in college, they are 25 now) we just do exact separate checks. If it's close people, we offer to pay all of it. We eat out with a few same couples pretty often and tend to take turns getting the check. Same with our parents. Actually, we try to always pay for our parents but sometimes they don't let us.

In this instance, which we have never been in actually (kids are 27, 25 and 25 and have never met parents of their partners but we have eaten out with them and their partners often and we always pay)...but if we were to meet my DD's long time partner's parents at a dinner out then we'd see what they did and if they mention paying then we'd do separate checks. If they didn't say anything, we'd pay. I know the partner's parents aren't as financially secure as we are so we'd be inclined to pay. However, DD and her partner (who live together) make good money and likely the partner would pay for their parents and we'd pay for our family. I guess I am no help as I haven't been in the situation yet. I can say if we were invited out to eat to meet the other parents, I would not at all be offended if those parents suggested separate checks, I'd be completely fine with it in almost any situation (not at something like a bridal shower or something like that).

ETA: I just read the update and glad it went smoothly.

 

[sk!mom]

The dad is visiting his college kid and planning to pick up checks as we college parents do. I hate people picking up checks because then next time you feel like you need to. To me, it’s uncomfortable.

Don’t overthink or make it a deal with your DD. She will no doubt mention it to BF and then it’s weird and overthought.

When the server asks, just say “three and two.” Done.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Thank you do much for asking

It went great.
I asked my DD20 ahead of time if it would be awkward for us to do separate checks and she said no - not at all.
So after we met him, I just said - you want to do separate checks? You pay for your kid and I'll pay for mine?
He said yes, that would great.
So we had good conversation and we hung out for about 2 hours.

I'm glad it went well, because my DD's BF is proving himself to be a really great guy and BF, so it's nice to know now that his Dad is very nice too, and not someone we'll dread seeing again. The BF's parents are recently divorced, so one day we'll need to meet the Mom, and hopefully she'll be just as nice as the Dad.

Thank you again for asking, and I'm very grateful for everyone's suggestions and comments

Sounds great, Sandy! Very nice.