Who do you invite to shower/wedding events?

[singleinthe city]

I received a wedding invitation for the son of one of my bridesmaids (ok, my wedding was 18 years ago, and said child was 4 at the time). We have kept in contact via Christmas card once a year, but that is all since 1995. The invitation included a printed card telling me where they were registered.

I thought this was tacky, but what do I know? I live in Boston, the wedding is in Oregon. I think it's pretty obvious I wasn't going -- plus, I couldn't attend the ceremony anyway since they are Mormon and I'm not.

I was surprised to get the invitation, I thought it felt like a gift grab, but maybe not? She has 3 other kids, so if I buy something for this one, I will feel obligated to do the same for the others when they marry. I've been debating sending a gift card to the store where they are registered -- what would you do?

Maria

Yes it does sound like a gift grab. I would just buy a $20 gift card and tuck it inside a wedding card.

 

[sharonmickey]

I think it is very nice that you want to have a shower for your son and his soon-to-be-bride. It's great that you are including both of them in the shower.

My daughter's mother-in-law hosted a bridal shower for my daughter. The mother-in-law invited all her relatives and close friends. DD was uncomfortable since the only one she knew at the shower was me. (She had met her fiancee's family but STILL does not feel relaxed around them.) It's great that you are having a couple's shower so that your son can attend also, very thoughtful.

That said, in answer to your original question, invite the people your gut tells you to. If the wedding is a few hours away this might be the only opportunity that your friends have to meet your future daughter-in-law. Do what you are comfortable with and don't worry about what others say here. Good luck!

 

[Belle5]

I think it is very nice that you want to have a shower for your son and his soon-to-be-bride. It's great that you are including both of them in the shower.

My daughter's mother-in-law hosted a bridal shower for my daughter. The mother-in-law invited all her relatives and close friends. DD was uncomfortable since the only one she knew at the shower was me. (She had met her fiancee's family but STILL does not feel relaxed around them.) It's great that you are having a couple's shower so that your son can attend also, very thoughtful.

That said, in answer to your original question, invite the people your gut tells you to. If the wedding is a few hours away this might be the only opportunity that your friends have to meet your future daughter-in-law. Do what you are comfortable with and don't worry about what others say here. Good luck!

Thank you for your kind words and advice about the guest list. I think my "gut" is telling me to not leave people out...let them decide whether or not the invitation was appropriate...they can choose to ignore it. I would rather err on that side than to hurt someone by overlooking them.

 

[Pixieflip]

Thank you for your kind words and advice about the guest list. I think my "gut" is telling me to not leave people out...let them decide whether or not the invitation was appropriate...they can choose to ignore it. I would rather err on that side than to hurt someone by overlooking them.

My thoughts exactly. You never know who might feel compelled to make the trip for a shower, but that really is their decision. And, you never know who might feel compelled to send a gift even if they cannot attend. I have a LOT of out of town family and they ALL sent gifts. It was their way of participating in the celebration, even if they couldn't be there. It was lovely.

I ended up with 5 showers. My school where I was student teaching threw me one, okay it was mostly gifts from the kids, but I loved it. College friends in one of their apartments. High school friends back home. Mom's friends back home. And MIL, horror of horrors, threw me a shower for his side of the family, too. It was my first introduction to many of her friends and some distant family and no one made me feel uncomfortable for not remembering names immediately. It was a gracious and lovely occaision. To this day, I still appreciate being honored with a shower by her.

So nice of you to offer to celebrate the wedding. Best wishes on all your festivities.