"who Bit My Little Girl!?!?!"

[princessmom29]

Oh- I wanted to add something. While I understand why the schools don't tell the other party who the biter was, I think it is wrong. If my child was bit I want to know if the other child has a communicable disease for starters. I need to know this information especially if the skin was broken. That I feel is my right. I have to protect my child. Also, wouldn't the biter have to apologize? Or do they just get a free pass? I also would want to know so I could tell my child to stay away from the kid!

How would you feel if your child was the biter and the shool gave out that info to another parent who then came after you b/c of it? You are probably thinking that you raised you child not to bite. So did I but after she was bitten twice she retaliated and the child that she bit was the same child that bit her. This happened to be the child of a coworker who was friends with the daycare director. It was a church daycare and she went to the church. While the would not tell me who bit my child they told her, and she confronted me at work. Let's just say she got really ugly and accused me of telling my child to bite back (which I did not.) She totally ignored the fact that this was the 3rd time her child had bitten mine!

 

[Camno's Mama]

OP here - gotta disagree with you here. It IS a big deal. Not the bite itself - I agree, that is not a big deal. The big deal is that my DD woke up this morning and cheered when I told her that there was no school this morning. My DD who was thrilled to go to school every morning is now not wanting to go to school becaue the "poor kid" that bit her is mean to her and bothering her so much. There is a history with this little girl being less-than-nice to my DD (they were in pre-K together) but she has apparently become so bad that DD doesn't even want to be in class with her anymore. The BIG DEAL is that my child who was over-the-moon excited about being in Kindy is now feeling anxiety about it. Yes - that IS a big deal. This is a very important year for these children, and I certainly hope that no-one develops negative feelings about school because of one little girl who can't control her anger.

I know that we will get past this and that DD will be fine. I'm hoping that this will drive home the importance of being friends with everyone and using your words to solve problems. I'm sure that we are not scarred for life by this, and I assure you that mom is keeping her cool and talking DD through how she is going to handle 'the biter' in the future (my scenario of marching down to the school was a fictional/hypothetical post on a message board, folks. Ya know, "I'd LIKE to go down there and..." IRL I handled this calmly and appropriately. Geesh). I just can't believe that we are 3 weeks into the year and I'm talking DD into all of the reasons why school is great and all of the reasons why she should be excited to go. All because of one child who thinks it is OK to make other kids feel bad through her words and her actions. I think it's more than a big deal. Quite frankly, I think it stinks.

I think that your thread has been hijacked a bit. Most of the comments are general viewpoints about biting and how it should be handled by parents and schools. Sorry if I, personally, have made you feel otherwise...of course I totally feel for you as I said in my other post. And you made it pretty clear that what you were feeling inside and how you were going to handle it were two different things. I would feel bad in your position, too. As would most of the people here, I'm sure.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

How would you feel if your child was the biter and the shool gave out that info to another parent who then came after you b/c of it? You are probably thinking that you raised you child not to bite. So did I but after she was bitten twice she retaliated and the child that she bit was the same child that bit her. This happened to be the child of a coworker who was friends with the daycare director. It was a church daycare and she went to the church. While the would not tell me who bit my child they told her, and she confronted me at work. Let's just say she got really ugly and accused me of telling my child to bite back (which I did not.) She totally ignored the fact that this was the 3rd time her child had bitten mine!

I get what you are saying but I guess I am a little naive and perhaps a bit old school. If my kid bit you can bet they will be marching themselves over to apologize in person as well as a letter of apology. Stupidly I guess I assume (yeah I know- never assume ) that other parents would react the same way. Oh- and I suppose I will be flamed for this but yes, I would tell my kid to do something if they were continually hurt by another kid. Not bite but yeah, I would tell them to push the kid etc. to get them away so they didn't get bit.

 

[LaraK]

Both of my kids have been bitten a ton of times. They're both big kids and stubborn as mules. The other kids get frustrated and bite them.

Kindergarten does seem a little old to be biting, but on the other hand, as long as the skin isn't broken I never saw it as that big of a deal...I usually asked my kid what they did to bring it on themselves.

Don't get me wrong, I don't like seeing my kid hurt any more than the next parent, but I do see that coping with stuff like this is part of growing up.

 

[princessmom29]

I get what you are saying but I guess I am a little naive and perhaps a bit old school. If my kid bit you can bet they will be marching themselves over to apologize in person as well as a letter of apology. Stupidly I guess I assume (yeah I know- never assume ) that other parents would react the same way. Oh- and I suppose I will be flamed for this but yes, I would tell my kid to do something if they were continually hurt by another kid. Not bite but yeah, I would tell them to push the kid etc. to get them away so they didn't get bit.

Mine was 3 at the time this hapened and i would have made her apologize if I had been told which child she bit. The daycare refused to tell me. I only knew that she had been bitten twice before and the third time she retaliated. I had told her to try to get away form whoever was biting her A(not play with them ect) I only found out which child it was when his mothoer accosted me.

 

[mommytoone]

I don't have a biting story but mine is pretty bad.

My dd7, who was in first grade last year, was waiting outside to go in school. They had a field trip on this day, and she was really excited. When all of a sudden a boy, thats right a boy, from the other class hauled off and punched her in the mouth, square in the mouth. She was bleeding and her tooth was loose. I had to go to the doctors and when I came back I heard my mom on the phone with the nurse, about someone getting punched. I got on the phone and found out it was my DD, WHAT????

She was sitting in the nurses office with ice on her mouth, and then her lunch box flung open and all her stuff when rolling across the floor, and her thermos leaked all over. Well, she went on the field trip, and got hurt there, someone poked her in the eye, this was an accident. But, boy what a day she had.

You know the kid got suspended for the day, wow, at home all day, it was a Friday too. But the mother never apologized, or anything. I am appalled to think that. If my dd did that I would have found that mother, by sending in a note or something. Thank god he is not in her class this year.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I don't have a biting story but mine is pretty bad.

My dd7, who was in first grade last year, was waiting outside to go in school. They had a field trip on this day, and she was really excited. When all of a sudden a boy, thats right a boy, from the other class hauled off and punched her in the mouth, square in the mouth. She was bleeding and her tooth was loose. I had to go to the doctors and when I came back I heard my mom on the phone with the nurse, about someone getting punched. I got on the phone and found out it was my DD, WHAT????

She was sitting in the nurses office with ice on her mouth, and then her lunch box flung open and all her stuff when rolling across the floor, and her thermos leaked all over. Well, she went on the field trip, and got hurt there, someone poked her in the eye, this was an accident. But, boy what a day she had.

You know the kid got suspended for the day, wow, at home all day, it was a Friday too. But the mother never apologized, or anything. I am appalled to think that. If my dd did that I would have found that mother, by sending in a note or something. Thank god he is not in her class this year.

I always wonder...if kids "react" this way, unprovoked or otherwise (violence) what they SEE and EXPERIENCE at home, Sad indeed. I am glad your daughter is okay and you are MUCH more level headed about the incidents then I would be, Best of Luck to her!

 

[pyrxtc]

My Kinder DS has been hit on two occasions already. Ugh, it is very frustrating that I can't do anything about it. We had a wonderful talk about it both times and he is making huge strides in class and his speech and friends. I kow the teacher takes care of the problem. I still want to talk to the mom of the boys who hit him but have restrained myself so far. If one of them does it again, I will be talking to the mother.

 

[SLK1]

I get what you are saying but I guess I am a little naive and perhaps a bit old school. If my kid bit you can bet they will be marching themselves over to apologize in person as well as a letter of apology. Stupidly I guess I assume (yeah I know- never assume ) that other parents would react the same way. Oh- and I suppose I will be flamed for this but yes, I would tell my kid to do something if they were continually hurt by another kid. Not bite but yeah, I would tell them to push the kid etc. to get them away so they didn't get bit.

Finally!!!! Someone who is not afraid to discipline their child! I applaud you and agree with every word you said!!!

 

[Anthony's Mommy]

Call me old school as well....DS 2.5 Hit (not hard, just a tap was told) one of the daycare workers. Well, he was given a talking too at home AND had to apologize the next day when he went in..And yes, he remembered why he was apologizing. I had to apologize for things I did wrong as a kid(yup! even then kids did things they were not supposed too). I had to apologize face to face!! THAT was embarrasing let me tell you. Granted, there is kids being kids and really hurting another child, i understand that, but maybe everyone should remember their childhood and if they had some issues they regret....

 

[ERMama]

this thread reminds me why i feel so self conscious about my kids behavior. there are still alot of people out there convinced you can "cure" any bad behavior by simply being a good parent and any child who exhibits bad behavior must have horrible parents. i know there are bad parents out there but unless we truly know this other child, give her and her parents a little slack.
my son has adhd and can get physical when mad or embarrassed. hes 7. he went thru a biting phase in daycare years ago but i wouldnt be totally suprised to hear of him doing something silly like that now (hasnt even remotely happened). you cant tell he can have issues just by looking at him. most people dont realize it because hes normal now most of the time.
if he does act up and we are viewed as bad parents, its sad. weve had him in therapy of some sort since he was 2. hes been getting special ed thru the school district since he was 3 (and still gets pulled for sp. ed help now in second grade). for over a year now weve gone to monthly therapy sessions with someone who specializes in kids like him. hes made great strides.
but he will never be perfect enough for all the parents out there like you.
sorry, but threads like these automatically attacking people you dont even know really hit home for me.

who bit your little girl? another LITTLE girl.
be a little upset, of course, its mama bear time and i understand that. if shes sad, of course try to cheer her up with a pep talk and teach her about right and wrong. but try to have a bit of empathy for the other kid too.
she too is still quite young and her behavior may not be entirely her own fault.

 

[TammyAlphabet]

We had just moved to a new town and on the first day of fourth grade, my son was bitten, on the back, by another fourth grade student. Fourth grade!!!!! They did nothing about it. He is a junior now, and, I am proud to say, I am almost over it.

 

[jeepgirl30]

My DD got bit a few times in daycare. Once I found the bite on her back at bath time and freaked! It was the nastiest looking full mouth mark that had turned bruised. She told me who it was, a child that punched her in the mouth a week before. I got an accident report that time. I went into daycare and demanded to know why I had not gotten an accident report for the massive wound on her back and also wanted to know if the child's mother had been informed. She had not. They only told the wounded child's parents.

Well policy now has changed. I went to pick up DD and DS one day and had a note waiting. DS had bit another child. I saw the child and was mortified. I made my son walk up to the other child's parent and appologize to both the child and the parent.

The crazy thing is my son had an accident as a child and knocked out 5 teeth. In order to bit he has to really work hard and turn his head at just the right angle.

I found out it was not the first time he did it. I was upset because how can I discipline him if I am not aware he is doing it. DD never bit anyone and I thought DS couldn't!

DS is now 5 and once and awhile when really pushed by his sis he will still go in for the bit. Yes we do immediately stop it but when he is at his end that is his reaction. We are still working on it.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

this thread reminds me why i feel so self conscious about my kids behavior. there are still alot of people out there convinced you can "cure" any bad behavior by simply being a good parent and any child who exhibits bad behavior must have horrible parents. i know there are bad parents out there but unless we truly know this other child, give her and her parents a little slack.
my son has adhd and can get physical when mad or embarrassed. hes 7. he went thru a biting phase in daycare years ago but i wouldnt be totally suprised to hear of him doing something silly like that now (hasnt even remotely happened). you cant tell he can have issues just by looking at him. most people dont realize it because hes normal now most of the time.
if he does act up and we are viewed as bad parents, its sad. weve had him in therapy of some sort since he was 2. hes been getting special ed thru the school district since he was 3 (and still gets pulled for sp. ed help now in second grade). for over a year now weve gone to monthly therapy sessions with someone who specializes in kids like him. hes made great strides.
but he will never be perfect enough for all the parents out there like you.
sorry, but threads like these automatically attacking people you dont even know really hit home for me.

who bit your little girl? another LITTLE girl.
be a little upset, of course, its mama bear time and i understand that. if shes sad, of course try to cheer her up with a pep talk and teach her about right and wrong. but try to have a bit of empathy for the other kid too.
she too is still quite young and her behavior may not be entirely her own fault.

Look- nobody is saying they are perfect parents, but you yourself said that you are aware of your child possibly having this issue. He is diagnosed and I would imagine that they school is also aware of his struggles. I could be wrong but since you mentione a diagnosis I figure the school is in on it. So if your 7 year old bit my child honestly, yeah, I would be mad. Not at the child really but at the school who knew that the child was struggling with this and did nothing to protect both children.

 

[I_Know_You2!]

I get what you are saying but I guess I am a little naive and perhaps a bit old school. If my kid bit you can bet they will be marching themselves over to apologize in person as well as a letter of apology. Stupidly I guess I assume (yeah I know- never assume ) that other parents would react the same way. Oh- and I suppose I will be flamed for this but yes, I would tell my kid to do something if they were continually hurt by another kid. Not bite but yeah, I would tell them to push the kid etc. to get them away so they didn't get bit.

ditto.

 

[jodifla]

Look- nobody is saying they are perfect parents, but you yourself said that you are aware of your child possibly having this issue. He is diagnosed and I would imagine that they school is also aware of his struggles. I could be wrong but since you mentione a diagnosis I figure the school is in on it. So if your 7 year old bit my child honestly, yeah, I would be mad. Not at the child really but at the school who knew that the child was struggling with this and did nothing to protect both children.

And how do you suggest they "protect" both children, exactly?

 

[julezdisney]

Aww... so sorry for your DD! My DD had a similar situation. The first Friday of the school year, I hear from my DD that a boy hit her/scratched her AND punched her in the mouth! I was in shock! I check the voicemail to hear them say that she was "scratched" and the child was dealt with according to school policy (which DD informed me was a trip to the principals office). I was upset but since I helped w/this class, I had a pretty good idea who the kid was. It also didn't happen in the reg. class but in 'art' class, with a different teacher. Turns out they were put into groups and this boy was in her group.

Next Friday comes along, art class, and again little boy hits DD. This time, no one sees, no punishment. I told DD to stick up for herself. Tell teacher that mom says she needs to be moved. If teach asks why- tell her because so-and-so hits me and my mom says so.

Sure enough, the 3rd Friday comes, and I ask DD if any problems with boy. She says, "NOPE! I told teacher to move me!" and I said, "You did?! Good! Did she ask you why?" and she says, "Yup, I told her my mom said so."

LOL.

Now we're on wk 5 and last Friday in art, teacher kept with the new groups, and no problems with the boy since. I help in class every Thursday so I know this little boy to be very boisterous and exhuberantly talks with his hands. Also likes to wrestle. But is really the sweetest little thing otherwise. DD and I both suspect he's sweet on her, actually.

But I'm glad teacher didn't require me to call her, and I'm proud of DD for sticking up for herself and speaking up. It was just what I'd hoped she'd learn from the situation. No need to fight back, but don't take it either.