I found these. Enjoy!
Subject: Then & Now
Then: long hair
Now: longing for hair
Then: KEG!
Now: EKG
Then: Acid Rock
Now: Acid Reflux
Then: Moving to California because it's cool.
Now: Moving to California because it's hot.
Then: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
Now: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your grand children.
Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor
Now: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor
Then: Seeds and stems
Now: Roughage
Then: Popping pills and smoking joints
Now: Taking pills and popping joints
Then: The President's struggle with Fidel
Now: The President's struggle with fidelity
Then: Paar
Now: AARP
Then: Killer weed
Now: Weed killer
Then: Hoping for a BMW
Now: Hoping for a BM
Then: The Grateful Dead
Now: Dr. Kevorkian
Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint
Now: Getting a new hip joint
1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the
human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its
full potential, that word would be "meetings".
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental
illness".
4. People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all
of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity,
He/she/it, WILL NOT use, as His/her/its messenger, a person
on TV with a bad hairstyle.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take
it too seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always
one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to
take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and
dance.
10. Never lick a steak knife.
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear
and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even
remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you
can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other
people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is
age 11.
16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless
of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic
background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that
we are above average drivers.
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized
protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is
not a nice person.
19. Your friends love you, anyway.
What tree did YOU fall from?
Find your birthday and then find your tree...
Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 - Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 - Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree
Sep 23 - Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree
Dec 22 - Beech Tree
Dec 23 to Jan 01 - Apple Tree
==========================
APPLE TREE (the Love) - of slight build, lots of charm, appeal, and
attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious,
adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved,
faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives
for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.
ASH TREE (the Ambition) - uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive,
demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent,
talented, likes to play with fate, can be egotistic, very reliable and
trustworthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over the
heart, but takes partnership very seriously.
BEECH TREE (the Creative) - has good taste, concerned about its looks
materialistic, good organization of life and career,
economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable,
splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets,
sports, etc.)
BIRCH TREE (the inspiration) - vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly,
unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the
vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of
imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.
CEDAR TREE (the Confidence) - of rare beauty, knows how to adapt, likes
luxury, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on
others, self-confident, determined, impatient, likes to impress others,
many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waiting for the one true
love, able to make quick decisions.
CHESTNUT TREE (the Honesty) - of unusual beauty, does not want to
impress, well developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born
diplomat, but irritates easily and sensitive in company, often due to a
lack of self confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood
loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner.
CYPRESS TREE (the Faithfulness) - strong, muscular, adaptable, takes
what life has to give, content, optimistic, craves money and
acknowledgment, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be
satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered, unruly, pedantic, and careless.
ELM TREE (the Noble-mindedness) - pleasant shape, tasteful clothes,
modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead
but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for
others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.
FIG TREE (the Sensibility) - very strong, a bit self-willed,
independent, does not allow contradiction or arguments, loves life, its
family, children and animals, a bit of a social butterfly, good sense of
humor, likes idleness and laziness, of practical talent and
intelligence.
FIR TREE (the Mysterious) - extraordinary taste, dignity, sophisticated,
loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for
those close to them, rather modest, very ambitious, talented,
industrious, uncontented lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.
HAZELNUT TREE (the Extraordinary) - charming, undemanding, very
understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for
social cause, popular, moody, and capricious lover, honest, and tolerant
partner, precise sense of judgment.
HORNBEAM TREE (the Good Taste) - of cool beauty, cares for its looks and
condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as
possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness
and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is
seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of
its decisions, very conscientious.
LIME TREE (the Doubt) - accepts what life dishes out in a composed way,
hates fighting, stress, and labor, dislikes laziness and idleness, soft
and relenting, makes sacrifices for friends, many talents but not
tenacious enough to make them blossom, often wailing and complaining,
very jealous but loyal.
MAPLE TREE (Independence of Mind) - no ordinary person, full of
imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud,
self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many
complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants
to impress.
OAK TREE (the Brave) - robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting,
independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the
ground, person of action.
OLIVE TREE (the Wisdom) - loves sun, warmth and kind feelings,
reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant,
cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic,
free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.
PINE TREE (the Particular) - loves agreeable company, very robust, knows
how to make life comfortable, very active, natural, good companion, but
seldom friendly, falls easily in love but its passion burns out quickly,
gives up easily, everything disappointments until it finds its ideal,
trustworthy, practical.
POPLAR TREE (the Uncertainty) - looks very decorative, not very
self-confident, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and
pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity,
artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy,
reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.
ROWAN TREE (the Sensitivity) - full of charm, cheerful, gifted without
egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even
complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic,
passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.
WALNUT TREE (the Passion) - unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts,
often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions,
spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon
partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very
jealous and passionate, no compromise.
WEEPING WILLOW (the Melancholy) - beautiful but full of melancholy,
attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful and tasteful,
loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be
influenced but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition,
suffers in love but finds sometimes an anchoring partner.
Subject: Then & Now
Then: long hair
Now: longing for hair
Then: KEG!
Now: EKG
Then: Acid Rock
Now: Acid Reflux
Then: Moving to California because it's cool.
Now: Moving to California because it's hot.
Then: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
Now: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your grand children.
Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor
Now: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor
Then: Seeds and stems
Now: Roughage
Then: Popping pills and smoking joints
Now: Taking pills and popping joints
Then: The President's struggle with Fidel
Now: The President's struggle with fidelity
Then: Paar
Now: AARP
Then: Killer weed
Now: Weed killer
Then: Hoping for a BMW
Now: Hoping for a BM
Then: The Grateful Dead
Now: Dr. Kevorkian
Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint
Now: Getting a new hip joint
1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the
human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its
full potential, that word would be "meetings".
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental
illness".
4. People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all
of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity,
He/she/it, WILL NOT use, as His/her/its messenger, a person
on TV with a bad hairstyle.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take
it too seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always
one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to
take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and
dance.
10. Never lick a steak knife.
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear
and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even
remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you
can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other
people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is
age 11.
16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless
of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic
background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that
we are above average drivers.
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized
protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is
not a nice person.
19. Your friends love you, anyway.
What tree did YOU fall from?
Find your birthday and then find your tree...
Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 - Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 - Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree
Sep 23 - Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree
Dec 22 - Beech Tree
Dec 23 to Jan 01 - Apple Tree
==========================
APPLE TREE (the Love) - of slight build, lots of charm, appeal, and
attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious,
adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved,
faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives
for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.
ASH TREE (the Ambition) - uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive,
demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent,
talented, likes to play with fate, can be egotistic, very reliable and
trustworthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over the
heart, but takes partnership very seriously.
BEECH TREE (the Creative) - has good taste, concerned about its looks
materialistic, good organization of life and career,
economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable,
splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets,
sports, etc.)
BIRCH TREE (the inspiration) - vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly,
unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the
vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of
imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.
CEDAR TREE (the Confidence) - of rare beauty, knows how to adapt, likes
luxury, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on
others, self-confident, determined, impatient, likes to impress others,
many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waiting for the one true
love, able to make quick decisions.
CHESTNUT TREE (the Honesty) - of unusual beauty, does not want to
impress, well developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born
diplomat, but irritates easily and sensitive in company, often due to a
lack of self confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood
loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner.
CYPRESS TREE (the Faithfulness) - strong, muscular, adaptable, takes
what life has to give, content, optimistic, craves money and
acknowledgment, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be
satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered, unruly, pedantic, and careless.
ELM TREE (the Noble-mindedness) - pleasant shape, tasteful clothes,
modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead
but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for
others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.
FIG TREE (the Sensibility) - very strong, a bit self-willed,
independent, does not allow contradiction or arguments, loves life, its
family, children and animals, a bit of a social butterfly, good sense of
humor, likes idleness and laziness, of practical talent and
intelligence.
FIR TREE (the Mysterious) - extraordinary taste, dignity, sophisticated,
loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for
those close to them, rather modest, very ambitious, talented,
industrious, uncontented lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.
HAZELNUT TREE (the Extraordinary) - charming, undemanding, very
understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for
social cause, popular, moody, and capricious lover, honest, and tolerant
partner, precise sense of judgment.
HORNBEAM TREE (the Good Taste) - of cool beauty, cares for its looks and
condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as
possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness
and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is
seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of
its decisions, very conscientious.
LIME TREE (the Doubt) - accepts what life dishes out in a composed way,
hates fighting, stress, and labor, dislikes laziness and idleness, soft
and relenting, makes sacrifices for friends, many talents but not
tenacious enough to make them blossom, often wailing and complaining,
very jealous but loyal.
MAPLE TREE (Independence of Mind) - no ordinary person, full of
imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud,
self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many
complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants
to impress.
OAK TREE (the Brave) - robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting,
independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the
ground, person of action.
OLIVE TREE (the Wisdom) - loves sun, warmth and kind feelings,
reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant,
cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic,
free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.
PINE TREE (the Particular) - loves agreeable company, very robust, knows
how to make life comfortable, very active, natural, good companion, but
seldom friendly, falls easily in love but its passion burns out quickly,
gives up easily, everything disappointments until it finds its ideal,
trustworthy, practical.
POPLAR TREE (the Uncertainty) - looks very decorative, not very
self-confident, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and
pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity,
artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy,
reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.
ROWAN TREE (the Sensitivity) - full of charm, cheerful, gifted without
egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even
complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic,
passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.
WALNUT TREE (the Passion) - unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts,
often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions,
spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon
partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very
jealous and passionate, no compromise.
WEEPING WILLOW (the Melancholy) - beautiful but full of melancholy,
attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful and tasteful,
loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be
influenced but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition,
suffers in love but finds sometimes an anchoring partner.
The sad thing is that they are true!!! 
