Where have all the manners gone? - Rant

[Mumbling Jumba]

This is inspired by a thread posted by Evil Genius on the good and the bad of gift giving.

What has happened to manners in our society. Phones ring in restaurants, drivers cut you off, people refuse to keep an eye on their children in stores. Now don't feel that I am singeling anybody out here.

When I was raised dissention was met with a belt, outright rebellion was met with an order to go cut your own switch. (and god forbid you cut a small one) If you spank a child today you can be sued and have your kids taken away.

I was taught to open doors for ladies and still do. But if you hold open a door today, watch as the perfectly able young man in the suit tries to run through while you are holding it.

I still occasionally pull the chair out in the restaurant. This seems to elicit giggles from the other tables.

I always Reach out a hand to help the DW off of buses or out of rides at WDW. This is always greeted with astounded looks from the ladies and nasty looks from the guys.

I defer to my elders in certain social situations. IE give them a seat. We actually had someone make a comment on this along the lines of "idiot" for getting up on a bus at Disney to let an older woman sit down. I have diabetes and sometimes my legs will ache from it but I still try to display manners. The same woman that made this comment proceeded to loudly proclaim how men who wore earrimgs were just full of **** before noticing as she was getting off the bus that I was wearing my earring that day. She pulled the typical reaction most when caught or called on their actions, she disappeared into crowd as fast as possible.

Now, I make it a point to tell my DW that I love her everyday. To me this seems like the right thing to do. It was part of my upbringing. But somewhere down the line did we literally spare the rod and spoil the child. It would seem that we are fully into the decadence of Rome stage. I see a lot of posts telling of mean people (I posted a couple myself) and I see the posts of people who help others. It seems to me that bad is gaining way to much ground over the good.

In ancient Rome they bulit walls and forts to keep the barbarians out, we it seems do not have that choice as it appears we are becoming the barbarians.

I'm not perfect by any means and I don't claim to be. I make my share of barbaric lunges in public, but it seems that it's more and more prevailent to see a lack of manners.

I'd love to hear your opinion!

Allright, I'm stepping down from the soapbox and going out to finish digging my moat.

 

[noodleknitter]

I think that the majority of people are polite, pleasant, honest, care for their children, pay their taxes, respect others, etc. It is just those with issues that cause us strife that leave a mark. If you look for the best in people, you usually find it, IMO. Of course my opinion is worth very little on this board, recently!

Hope your day starts looking up!

 

[mickeyboat]

I think that the majority of people are polite, pleasant, honest, care for their children, pay their taxes, respect others, etc. It is just those with issues that cause us strife that leave a mark. If you look for the best in people, you usually find it, IMO.

ITA!

Denae

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I think there are those who live their life as a gift.....do the right thing all the time and do the very best they can for their families, friends and those in need. Then there are the others, who live for themselves, believe rules are not for them and would walk over anyone in need....

You make your choices which group you fall in and try to keep a positive attitude...the others I leave to their own devices as I cannot help them or change their minds...

 

[chris1gill]

I'm afraid I agree with you 100% we must be dating ourselves I'd say.... I don't like what I see when I look around for all the reasons you state

 

[mrsltg]

I think that the majority of people are polite, pleasant, honest, care for their children, pay their taxes, respect others, etc. It is just those with issues that cause us strife that leave a mark. If you look for the best in people, you usually find it, IMO. Of course my opinion is worth very little on this board, recently!

Hope your day starts looking up!

I agree.

However, some basic manners are gone. Cell phones in restaurants and on rides, screaming kids in public places without so much as a blink by their parents, driving while reading????? It's more of a "me first" situation than anything else. Many people seem to have forgotten that others are present as well.

 

[Fitswimmer]

I agree.

However, some basic manners are gone. Cell phones in restaurants and on rides, screaming kids in public places without so much as a blink by their parents, driving while reading????? It's more of a "me first" situation than anything else. Many people seem to have forgotten that others are present as well.

It's the entitlement mentality on parade. So many people go around acting like everyone and everything in the world should cater to their needs and heaven help anyone that gets in their way. It's rampant at Disney, because "I paid a fortune to get here and I'm going to do what I want".

To the OP, you sound like a real gentleman and I think your wife is a lucky lady.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Eh, most people are idiots.

Wait, that was probably rude, wasn't it?

 

[mamacatnv]

I agree with you. I do not think the majority of people with kids are well mannered and polite, I think they are looking out for themselves and their kids, they could care less how their actions affect others. Being of the 40 set, I think our standards of behavior were much stricter. I insisit upon good manners from my kids and any kids around me.

My DS is 17 and I can honestly brag he is a pleasant, well mannered, kind and thoughtful young man. My DH was raised well and has passed these traits to his son. My DH is a softy but the one area of parenting he refuses to bend on is how the kids treat me and others around them.

My Mother-In-Law has numerous grandkids and she will take my kids anywhere due to their manners. The rest of the brats, she won't and she will freely admit this.

We live in a ME society and I find it very sad. Many people think they have well mannered kids but I don't agree, I guess my standard is pretty high.

To the OP, good for you!

 

[Lizzy2]

My Dear OP, I think you are a man among men and I hope your DW loves on you everyday and realizes what a wonderful treasure you are!!

 

[tw1nsmom]

I agree with most of what you say, however I don't think hitting children is ever the answer. Actually, if you look at the ages of the rudest people out there the vast majority of them were probably raised during the time that corporal punishment was common place for parenting.

The rudest, nastiest neighbor I have is my mother's age. My grandmother and mother-in-law are both elderly and have no problem saying rude and inappropriate things to people. Both have said at one point that they're old ladies and they'll say and do what they please and everyone else can go to Heck.

My children have never been hit and they always get praised by strangers and their teachers for their beautiful manners. It had nothing to do with punishment and everything to do with loving consistency. When they could barely talk we began to teach them to say please and thank you when they wanted something. Hitting them would have been easier. We chose not to take the easy route.

We live in an impersonal, convenience oriented, selfish, entitlement mentality society. You'll find examples of this behavior throughout the age levels. All we can do is behave in a manner we wish others would behave and raise our children to do the same. Change your little part of the world as best you can (as the OP seems to be doing in his everyday life), and it may just rub off in a positive way on someone else.

 

[noodleknitter]

Eh, most people are idiots.

Wait, that was probably rude, wasn't it?

not touching this one...

 

[Bob Slydell]

Actually, if you look at the ages of the rudest people out there the vast majority of them were probably raised during the time that corporal punishment was common place for parenting.

Not touching this one either

 

[dmslush]

I think you just have to keep in mind that you can lead by example, and your politeness is an example for those around you.

My brother is 36 and I am 34. I, as far back as I can remember, have never opened a door for myself when he was with me. I can remember being very, very little and hearing mama tell him, "Open the door for your sister, hold it until she has passed through. Now, you go in." She was teaching him this from the time that I was able to walk. I now expect it from gentlemen! Luckily, I have a very polite SO and he has always opened the door for me, helped me out of rides, petted and pampered me.. and tells me he loves me every time one of us leaves to go somewhere. Life is good around here, and I try not to let the rude people ruin for me!!

 

[Hedy]

I do my best to lead my example. I'll also go out of my way to praise good manners in young children (eg, the angels standing behind me in line at Epcot, the little boy who'll say please).

 

[AMaloy314]

I'm not sure that there has been an incredible decline in society as a whole. I think that most people are probably pretty nice. The problem is that although we do smile and thank the people who hold open doors for us or offer us a seat on the bus, it is considered normal. We, therefore, don't really remember how often it happens. The times that stand out for us are the ones that seem incredibly rude.

For example, I often read about people having bad experiences in line or with others at WDW. They can usually bring up one or so a day (I'm sure there would be more if we all really thought about it). To have a bad experience with someone EVERY DAY you are at WDW sounds really horrible until you think about how many people you came into contact with during that day that weren't rude. How many lines did you wait in and for how long without something happening?

I'm as guilty as anyone of griping about rudeness in others, but I try to put myself in their place. Maybe that Mom ignoring the tantrum in the grocery didn't have the option of doing her shopping another time even if if meant she had to interrupt or postpone naptime. Perhaps that person with the cell phone in the restaurant is waiting for a call regarding the health of a family member.

Actually, I can remember a time when I was 15 and my Dad driving like a maniac through traffic, cutting people off, honking his horn when people sat oblivious when a light changed, etc. Now my dad is the most patient, gentlemanly man I have ever met, but that day he was trying to get me to the hospital with a ruptured appendix. Was he a bad person because he was less concerned with being polite to people he didn't know and more concerned that he didn't lose his daughter? In my opinion, no. I also try to give others the benefit of the doubt. It could be an extreme circumstance for them.

Now having said all that...are there rude people out there? You bet! I'm just going to try to concentrate on the nice ones. After all, they are the ones that deserve the attention anyway.

 

[Becky2005]

Hmmm...I'm trying to think how to respond to this one. I guess maybe I shouldn't as I'm too independent for my own good.

A lot of the things listed are not what I would consider good manners per se. I wouldn't think someone is totally rude if say, they didn't open my door, pull out a chair, etc... Now, if I was standing there and they let the door smack me in the face or something THAT would be rude.

I, for example, have never once sat in a car waiting for a guy to come open the door for me. It wouldn't even cross my mind...the car is stopped, parked & I open the door & get out. Usually before the person is done taking their keys out of the ignition.

I hold doors open for both men & women rather than let it hit them in the face..If someone is coming out & I'm going in, I will open the door even if it is a guy. Has made for some interesting we both just stand there and look at each other occassions until one of us says something.

My chairs are usually not pulled out for me...the one time it happened at a fancier place than we are used to (Have we have 4 kids...we do fast food!), I was befuddled and it took me a minute to realize what the host was doing. Actually, that makes me more nervous that I will end up hitting the floor or something.

Of course, if I'm driving I also had been known to unlock and open doors for the passanger even if it was a guy.

Maybe I'm not independant, maybe it's just I'm too impatient to wait for such things and just do it myself.

I would never be rude to anyone doing such things but I just don't expect it either so I guess I don't consider it rude if they don't.