When your kids disappoint you

[The Mystery Machine]

I knew things weren't going as well as they should have but I was trying to give him space and probably should have inquired a bit more assertively. Now I want to strangle him and hug him at the same time. I wish I could make it better and I can't.

You know...perhaps look at it this way. I would rather my kids mess up in school and be able to teach them how to help themselves than out on their own, struggling through the 20's. (As DH & I did).
My 15yodd is one that likes to go the hard road and her 9yo sister, is the brainiac. The younger one is always getting accolades and winning academic competitions. So while I do not understand the twin thing, I understand how hard it is to keep it balanced.

From your description it sounds like things are going to be tough!!! 35 HOURS!!!! That is ALOT for anyone to handle.
I would certainly keep in touch with him with that kind of pressure.

 

[Tiggeroo]

alright I just did some re-calculating. It looks like he needs to get in 25 credits for the year. Much better but still tough. He could take three classes a semester and one over each break and make this goal. Athletic advisors always urge students to take 5 classes. Then as they attend the classes if one is going poorly they drop it with no consequence. However, this method costs him money. I'm not sure what I think of it. There are no restrictions on what classes he needs to be taking. I'd like to see him take some art, music and literature classes as these play to his strengths.
Also I asked his advisor about reports on his grades. She said, well we don't really do this. I asked if my son could sign a permission form allowing me access to this and she said, I don't think so but I'll check into it. I explained that he's getting help here over the summer and I need to know if what is being done is working for the problem. No success there. I'm going to talk to his coach as he gets updates and see if he can help there.
He has practice 2 hrs a day 6 days a week, plus he does an early morning run on his own and a run on the seventh day. Most weekends have races, most are away meets. Runners are three season competitors, xc, winter track, and spring track. They are expected to maintain their condition during the summer as well. So it is alot. He did this thru hs as well. He was top three on the team during the xc season, then he broke his hand in five places, red-shirted thru winter track and only began running two weeks before spring where he had a bad season. His coach made him feel badly about the spring season even though the kid got 5 screw, some wires and pins put into his hand and was in a full cast for 10 weeks and then it got cut down to a smaller cast.

 

[Cindy B]

Tiggeroo--

I used to work for a college and am now an adult student. I have hear laments from professors (the ones I worked for and my own personal professors) which they state that parents request progress reports. It was the professors positioin that these students (esp. with them being over 18) were adults and needed to do well independently.

At least he didn't lose his scholorship completely. Thats a huge deal.

In my county in NJ,there are tons of summer opportunities for 1st, 2nd year classes at the community colleges. the semesters are only 7 weeks long, so he feasibly could do one class before August. My DH is in one 6 week course and one 14 week course right now!

My local commuity college also has classes over the winter break, either a four week course or a TWO WEEK course, of course its all day long 5-6 days a week for two weeks, but it is credits. There are also online options as well

Can he take CLEP exams for some credits? Will that work with his major? Willl his school accept CLEP scores as a course being taken?

The high school didn't test him for LD? Was this not recognized then? I'm not sure if IEP are used in college settings..I've only seen them in the K-12 setting.

 

[bananiem]

His coach made him feel badly about the spring season even though the kid got 5 screw, some wires and pins put into his hand and was in a full cast for 10 weeks and then it got cut down to a smaller cast.

Maybe your son doesn't want to run for this jerk anymore but feels he has to for a scholarship. Maybe a transfer would help him.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

alright I just did some re-calculating. It looks like he needs to get in 25 credits for the year.

Also I asked his advisor about reports on his grades. She said, well we don't really do this.

OK, 25 credits sounds so much better! Very doable.
As far as grades have your son calculate them for you and tell you his grades weekly.
I know when I was in college, most of us kept a running log and we knew what percentage we had to get on said quiz or test.
At any point I could tell you my grade in a class.
He needs to learn this skill.

 

[Tiggeroo]

My son knows I'd support any choice he made. He also knows that he'd have a much easier time in a CC. But he wants to run and thinks this is the best for that. Due to his grades some D1 schools were out of his reach. For the same reason he needs to be in a smaller school with support services. They don't have IEP's in college but have something similar. They will follow whatever recommendations are given by the testing. He will be taking two classes this summer. We had tried to contact people at the school much earlier in the year. If they had gotten back to us sooner he could have taken the early CC summer semesters and gotten in another class or two.
I wonder if Clep would help. That would be a great suggestion if they'll take it. I'll check. My son went to a small private school for elementary. There was alot of communication between teachers which now looks like alot more hand-holding. In addition he had a twin brother who was in all the same classes who does much better in school. He probably coasted a bit. We knew he struggled but he charmed his way out of alot of things, I think. When he got to hs the guidance counselors felt he just didn't try. He was a good kid, never in trouble. They just said lots of hs boys just are lazy. The school psychologist felt there was a problem but got nowhere with guidance. I wish I had pushed harder but I just worked to help him get thru the tough classes. He excelled in english, arts, music and these pulled his gpa up enogh.

 

[ceiligh1]

You mentioned that the athletic advisors were recommending a specific number of credits to be taken by the athlete each term. I just wanted to add that at least at my school they took the graduation rate of the athletes very seriously. I still have the shirt they gave to all the athletes when we hit #1 in the nation. I think they made such a big deal out of it as the football team wasnt doing so well so they needed to be #1 in something. Anyway, the advisors would tell you to take more classes during the regular year (summer not included) than may be possible in the sport so that they feel that the percentage would not go down. Even though you might not fail at this class load level you might not excel either. They may not be looking out for your son as much as looking out for this rate. It effects how the school is looked at nationwide if they have a low number. I am not saying your son's school is doing this but that it is something to keep in mind when they give you advice.

My sport was all year long as well so I know how your son feels. Good luck to him.