When should you stop giving gifts?

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

What?? I think most people understood what I was saying with my first post. I only expanded on it because of your comments. Of course I did it out of genuine love and kindness.

I'm not saying you were unkind I'm saying when someone views it as what they get out of it, it's not being done purely out of genuine affection, you're considering other things (however practical) into it.

My mother-in-law loves to give gifts, she wouldn't care if any of us didn't get her anything and pretty sure she plans on giving gifts for ever and ever because she truly enjoys the act and it brings her joy. Like another poster said "I will stop giving gifts when or if I’m broke or dead. I don’t feel obligated but enjoy giving."

I think most people fall into a category of mixture of practicality and enjoyment up to a certain point. We also know people in our lives who for them giving gifts (or cards or whatever) is what they live for and they don't try and figure out what method of reciprocity should be given because it's not about that to them.

I'm a practical person, it's not meant to say you're an awful person anymore than I would be an awful person but I can practically say that if I'm trying to figure out what I get out of a gift giving (or card giving) situation then my act of giving of those things isn't being done only because I truly want to give the other person a gift or card but that there's something else being done. To give without expectation of anything in return is an ultimate show of genuineness in that act of giving otherwise there's other variables going on, tis all I'm saying. I apologize if that sounds abrupt or harsh, it's just me attempting to explain in a practical manner.

Some years my husband and I don't do anything for each other for valentine's day (insert whatever holiday/event you want point still the same) some years we do. If every year we got each other something just because we felt like we had to or because we expected something would that act of giving each other something come from us genuinely wanting to give something to the other person? That's kinda what I was getting at.

Probably best to agree to disagree and move on, not sure this morning we're going to see eye to eye

 

[fla4fun]

I think it becomes obvious in each family, regardless of the individual traditions of that family, when it’s time to phase it out. Maybe it drops down to a card instead of a gift for a year or so, or maybe it just stops abruptly - each family is different. If the OP is questioning it, it’s probably reached that point naturally.

My grandmother was the eldest of 14, and she had seven children, and her children for the most part also had many children. It would have cost everyone a fortune to keep up. We never received gifts from Aunts, Uncles, or cousins. Grandparent gifts stopped when we became teenagers, at which point we got a card, and those stopped when we reached adulthood. It wasn’t that the family didn’t get along or anything. There were just too many to make gift giving feasible.

 

[prairie_girl]

Stop when you want to stop. Feeling some sort of obligation (not saying this to you in particular) leads to people buying 800 presents at holiday time because they feel they have to buy for every single person in their life. No one is impressed that you buy a present for your mail carrier..

 

[IAmBumblebee]

Perhaps move to gift cards? It's still a gift, but as the kids grow older and develop interests and hobbies, they would appreciate being able to choose gifts for themselves. You could just post this inside the card, so no need to arrange visits if this is difficult.

 

[LuvOrlando]

If things continue through the winter holidays and you don't get thank you notes or calls then it makes sense but if it's not a hardship this might be premature, why ruin extended relationships over 1 person, no reason to think her extended family agrees with her.

 

[HopperFan]

When is it time to stop gift giving to great nieces/nephews? They live within 1/2 hour of us but up until last year we would only see them on holidays at my brothers house. Since we had a fall out with my sister in law we are no longer doing holidays together. This past Christmas we did give them gifts but we had to call them and make arrangements to see them. Now with birthdays coming up I feel it is time to stop the gift giving. We don't hear from them at all unless we make contact. I just feel it is time to stop. Thoughts?

Hard to put into words but we found the gift giving became obligatory and lost any real meaning to the giver or the givee. We had stopped gathering (as happens as families grow), there was no gratitude and some of us joked we were just passing around gift cards. At that point it is time to stop. Gifts should never be expected so you don't owe anyone any explanation. And sounds like you won't hear from them anyway. Time to stop based on what you shared.

Something an aunt did MANY years ago was each year give a donation to a children's hospital. If anyone inquired where their gift was she replied that she "decided to start giving a donation each year to a children's hospital for those who really needed it." Ends the conversation.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Never started gift giving for great nieces and nephews. We have couple.
Nieces and nephews we stopped at age 18.

 

[LovesTimone]

Do what makes your heart happy. Also remember that gifts can often be just a small gesture or token to say that person was remembered on that occasion. It may or may not matter at that moment but still be important later in life.

One of my most cherished and memorable gifts was a box of homemade fudge. It wasn’t necessarily the fudge but my great grandmother’s beaming face when she presented it to me. Another was from my cousin’s grandmother who faithfully sent us a card with a silver dollar for birthdays and at Christma.

I agree with the small tokens can be the best when they come from the heart...

When I was getting married a long long time ago.. My grandmother gave me some of her special recipe's..Then later on when she had stopped cooking for a crowd, she gave me her recipe box all these hand written recipes...just touching them fills my heart with joy... seeing her handwriting, and reading the changes that she made to them, makes them truly special. She and I had a very special bond... I miss her everyday...