when parents die, do siblings fight over "stuff"

[Sleeping~Beauty]

My FIL had passed away when my husband was in college. My MIL has planned out everything, and my DH and his sister already know that everything is being split down the middle between the two of them. For material things, my MIL had both her children take what they wanted, such as Christmas ornaments, etc. She is currently getting old family photos duplicated for both her children's families to have.

I really respect the thought and fairness she has put into everything. And my husband and SIL haven't had any problems with anything.

As for my parents, I think my siblings and I are inheriting debt and junk. Really. We've all been telling my parents to please make a will, and to please clean up the house a bit. My mother is a pack rat and has kept styrofoam from 1983.

My parents did ask me as the oldest child if I wanted to be executor of the will they have yet to make. I said that I'd be more comfortable if the job went to my brother (the next oldest). He has a much better head for those type things.

Also, I don't like clutter. I'm not one to save things. I have very specific taste, and only like to keep what is prettiest or most valuable to me. So I'm not looking to inherit "stuff".

I think for family pics, that it's wonderful that photos can be duplicated so everyone can have the valued ones. I know that there may be issues with originals, but sometimes there is someone who is just naturally a good "family history keeper".

 

[Sparx]

If they have a will, no fighting over any of it.

 

[Sleepy]

I think for family pics, that it's wonderful that photos can be duplicated so everyone can have the valued ones. I know that there may be issues with originals, but sometimes there is someone who is just naturally a good "family history keeper".

Oh yeah, we had some real family history keepers alright. They kept them and never shared! In my case, not only did the greedy take the original photos (some on tin), but they refused to make copies for others. The one who was given the family geneology book that dates centuries of generations said he would make sure everyone got a copy...yeah right Still waiting 9 years later. The picture situation was so bad that a photo album my father had gotten my grandmother overseas while he was in the military, only contained photos of me, my brother, mother and father. Can you believe one of the greedy family members was trying to keep the entire album...pictures too?!!!!!! Their behavior was both embarrassing and pathetic.

 

[Lyn5]

....I think, like everyone else, I have seen the good and bad when someone dies. So, I decided that since DH and I techinically own his parents home, if it comes to this at that time, I will immediately change all the locks on the doors so that only we have the key. Then, when my DH and his sister and brother are ready and here (DBIL lives in another state), they can go through the house together and I will watch all the kids at my home. That way, no other relative or "friend" can sneak in. It already happened to my DH where he was promised something with very little monetary value, that someone else took and didn't appreciate. I don't want that to happen again.

 

[Sthronds]

My grandmother had labeled a lot of her things but I know that some of the labels were removed or switched. She specifically told me about some of the things that she wanted me to have and I never saw them. I know that there were some problems between my aunts. My mom stayed out of most of it and quietly asked me (I was 18 at the time) what I would like the most. I mentioned that there were 2 dolls that I really would like to have plus my Grandma's class ring (I was the third generation to graduate from the same high school). She was able to get those things for me and I am really thankful. I would suggest that your in-laws start labeling as much as they can and keep a list somewhere else. Decide what you would like the most and ask your in laws if they would put those aside for you. Good luck!

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

I would suggest that your in-laws start labeling as much as they can and keep a list somewhere else.

Somehow, I don't see this happening in my in laws family. I just dread the day -- I know my DH will be so terribly hurt. There is one sibling who will be (is) so greedy that will ruin it for everyone. I know the pictures will never be copied and shared. I know the house will be "picked over" at a time when all the siblings aren't there. It's just going to be a sad day. These aren't huge items worth lots on money...just sentimental items. I don't know what else to say.

 

[Kae]

We just went thru this. My mom & aunt just split up my grandma's jewerly & my mother gave myself & sisters each something My little sister & I each recieved a ring & my older sister & her DIL recevied a necklace. My cousins do not think it is fair, so they have been mad at us. My Aunt told my mother that she should not have done that-she said she should have left it for us in her will. My mother said she wanted us to have something to remind us of Grandma. And see us enjoy it.

For my fathers mother my sisters, my mom & aunt & cousin went thru everything together. We did it on a Saturday afternoon & we laughed & had so much fun-it was such a positive experence. I was hoping it could be the same with my other grandma-but it was awful.

Kae

 

[ASFCurly]

My grandmother is 94 and not doing well, and when a couple of years ago she redid her will, I know my aunts were really mad, and didn't talk to my uncle for a while. You see, my grandmother has 5 living children. The three daughters live elsewhere with their families, and my Dad and Uncle live on the property where they grew up. It is an 100 acre farm. My uncle lives in the house that they grew up in, with an in-law suit that was put in when he got married and moved it. Without him and his family living there, my grandmother would have had to sell and move to a home, many, many years ago. My Dad lives in a house that he built, on the property, and he takes care of the land, he is a farmer, that it where I grew up. If he didn't live there, the land would have gone to pot a long time ago. So my grandmother gave my Dad, and Uncle the houses, and propery immediately surrounding it, and then divided the rest of the property up between the 5 kids. Meaning, my Dad and Uncle get more, but the property wouldn't be around anymore without them. My aunts were very unhappy, and one of my aunts wouldn't talk to my uncle for a couple of years because of it. Things are ok now, but I hope they stay that way after she goes.

 

[Mandabella]

Just ask to be removed from their Will and don't get involved.

That's what I did. Money/ things mean very little to me though.

I finally told my aunt that. I got sooo sick and tired of her holding various items over my head that she planned to give me after she died (provided I did what she wanted of course...love those attached strings...not!). I simply told her and my mom and my MIL....all I want is time. Time with them is the ONLY thing I cannot buy. I can buy my own jewelry, shop for antiques, etc. I cannot replace time and memories.

My FIL went over his items and asked the 3 kids what they wanted. So, it was agreed before he passed which kid was getting what. However, my DH's siblings are both greedy and feel because they are older they deserve everything. I have a feeling my DH will be totally left out.