When in laws cause problems

[Grmnshplvr]

Make sure your fridge and freezer are 100% empty before you leave, even if that means throwing everything in the garbage before you leave.

yep this is on my check list. I've actually been running off our stockpile to try and get the fridge empty anyhow for the most part so there wont be much left anyways

 

[PlutoPony]

You could always take the batteries out of all the remotes if you want to be passive aggressive.
He will know you did it to irritate him AND he'll have to spend some $ to buy batteries if he wants to watch TV.

 

[Rhombus]

OP, perhaps you mentioned it during the first go-round of this thread, but how old are your kids and how to they feel about Uncle Freeloader?

Also, your BIL will wind up in that house no matter what your DH says. I've got the feeling that if you merely threaten to cancel the vacation, your DH will say whatever it takes to get you to go, and let his brother stay anyway and think he's being reasonable.

.

Well, it's a moot point now since OP caved, but you're right. Paying for a hotel for BIL wouldn't have solved anything. Husband would have just gotten the hotel room to placate OP, then told his brother, "I got you a hotel room to get the blankety blank off my back. After we leave for Disney, make yourself at home, and feel free to have....relations....in our bed."

I'm sorry the OP felt the need to cave. I was hoping she would become THE biggest Blankety Blank Whoever Blanked and tell hubby and BIL where to go.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

I think the cat stays in that room mostly, though. And if the OP's cat is anything like ours, if you try to keep it out of it's normal hang-out spot for too long, you get a scratched door and shredded carpet.

the cat sleeps in my bed with me and is in there if we have company, if she were locked out, on top of us being gone and now these strangers being there...she will urinate outside the door. Yeah I know, the cat has issues, she is 12 1/2 years old though.

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

Make sure your fridge and freezer are 100% empty before you leave, even if that means throwing everything in the garbage before you leave.

I definitely like the idea of leaving the fridge as empty as possible lol. Try not to do a big grocery trip before you leave and anything you don't want BIL to touch, pack it over to your sister's. I'm sure she will understand. Since BIL got his foot in the door, that doesn't mean you have to let him live like a king.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

OP, perhaps you mentioned it during the first go-round of this thread, but how old are your kids and how to they feel about Uncle Freeloader?



Well, it's a moot point now since OP caved, but you're right. Paying for a hotel for BIL wouldn't have solved anything. Husband would have just gotten the hotel room to placate OP, then told his brother, "I got you a hotel room to get the blankety blank off my back. After we leave for Disney, make yourself at home, and feel free to have....relations....in our bed."

I'm sorry the OP felt the need to cave. I was hoping she would become THE biggest Blankety Blank Whoever Blanked told told hubby and BIL where to go.

My kids are 14 and 11, they dont even know him. They've met him a handful of times, refer to him as his first name, not uncle freedloadingpieceofcrap.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

I wonder if it occurred to my husband in his drastic effort to help his brother get ....relations...he pretty much ruined his chances of getting some himself for quite some time.

Yes I know its childish, but I am dealing with children.

 

[antmaril]

I understand you are doing what is best for you and your family. I think you should call your cable company and ask them if you can take a break for a week -- no cable TV and no "high speed" internet.

Good luck. Again, sorry this is happening to you.

 

[Rhombus]

My kids are 14 and 11, they dont even know him. They've met him a handful of times, refer to him as his first name, not uncle freedloadingpieceofcrap.

Thanks. Sorry you went thru this. Hopefully you can have a great time on vacation.

 

[okeydokey]

I think once he realizes the mark this is going to leave on our relationship I really am hoping he'll say I'm not going to push her and stand firm....part of me is kind of hoping the playstation 4 ends up broke while BIL inevitably plays it while we're gone and maybe THAT will convince my husband this isn't a good idea.

Sad that he would care more about the playstation than his wife's feelings or well being. Honestly, I hope you do invest in some counseling. I think it would help.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

OP, I can't say I agree with your decision (but I do understand it for wanting to keep your vacation). I do agree that it's easier for us online to say "I would never..." without being in the situation ourselves.

I agree with all the suggestions to make the home as least welcoming as possible. At a minimum, I would change the wifi password (but...then I'm sure he will text your DH asking for it and your DH will get mad that you changed it) and either send the cable box with your sister or at a minimum make sure Pay Per View or Paid On Demand is shut off. I would clear out as much as possible out of the fridge, freezer and pantry--focusing on any "good" stuff he'd want to eat. I would turn down the temp a bit on the hot water heater. I would have the mail sent to the Post Office for pick up (I'm guessing your sister was going to get it prior to your new house guest staying over). I would get a zip-on mattress protector and put your rattiest bed sheets and blankets out with any good linen hidden.

I'm so sorry that you felt compelled to go along with this awful idea and that your DH is treating you this way. I would definitely give him the cold shoulder on vacation. I would not be rude or yell in front of family or kids, but he would honestly be the last person I'd want to spend time with. I do hope you can get a marriage counseling session scheduled before you leave for your trip.

 

[PlutoPony]

I agree with all the suggestions to make the home as least welcoming as possible. At a minimum, I would change the wifi password (but...then I'm sure he will text your DH asking for it and your DH will get mad that you changed it) and either send the cable box with your sister or at a minimum make sure Pay Per View or Paid On Demand is shut off. .

Hadn't really thought of PPV but it's a good point.
OP, might be worthwhile to ask your husband what his response will be if BIL runs up a bill on something like that, just to plant the seed if nothing else.
The obvious answer is to make him pay for it but you can't get blood out of a turnip. Maybe this will encourage your husband to set some ground rules with his brother or at least consider the fact that he's a deadbeat and how it could affect HIS pocketbook the week he "housesits"

 

[DizBelle]

I am so disgusted and angry on your behalf that I have to leave this thread for a bit.....

 

[Kalliope]

Even if you turn off the cable, I'd make sure the remotes for everything are packed in your bag. And when worthless POS BIL texts your husband and asks where the remotes are, I'd pull them out and say "oh, they're right here."

 

[SC Minnie]

OP I would really consider changing the wifi password and locking up all you computers/tablets. If BOL is into porn do you really want that tied to your account or on your devices?

 

[clutter]

I wonder if it occurred to my husband in his drastic effort to help his brother get ....relations...he pretty much ruined his chances of getting some himself for quite some time.

Yes I know its childish, but I am dealing with children.

Just let him know that this was the hill he chose to die on.

 

[mom2rtk]

Just let him know that this was the hill he chose to die on.

Bingo.

 

[bellanapoli]

FWIW, maybe it's worth not BIL-proofing to the extreme. If there are no issues while you're gone then your DH will just come back with "see, it was fine" when you return.

But if there's a hefty cable bill, dishes everywhere that he has to clean up etc, he might start to see things differently.

It sounds like this is the first time his stuff is on the line for his brother.

 

[weeniecat2442]

take that money you were going to use for your BIL's hotel and book a nice long spa day for the day you return from your vacation.
let your husband clean up the mess his brother leaves behind while you enjoy being pampered. i think you will need it after putting on a happy face for a week on vacation!
best of luck to you!!

 

[barkley]

if you have a landline-call the phone company and put a temporary block on long distance and fee for calling numbers (aka-porn/psychic type numbers). you can get the long distance block removed when you return. blocking pay per views-absolutely (also let cable or satellite provider know not to permit any changes from what you are setting in place/have in place w/o the requester submitting a password-one you set up NOW w/them), I would probably temp drop any of my premium channels as well (cuz even if I had planned to dvr stuff my 'guest' would probably delete it to spite me or just ignore the message on the tv and cancel it to watch something else).

one thing else-don't know if your bil/his girlfriend have any drug issues but I would remove from the home any of my prescription bottles b/c (1) I don't need someone using my meds for their enjoyment/(2) don't need someone calling the automated system of the pharmacy that's listed on my bottles for refills (unless it's a certain schedule drug our pharmacy will let someone w/o an i.d. pick up so long as they know the birthday of the scrip holder).